Desire Debacles Part II: Lower Desire Partners

We're heading into the season of romance and Valentine's Day is right around the corner. For some of us, the day is exciting and fun and holds the promise of a steamy time. But for others, there are unspoken expectations and pressure which can set us up for far less pleasure in our lives than we deserve. Alana and Judy get into why this might be the case and what could be a better way to approach this romantic holiday. **Alana would also like to acknowledge and apologize for confusing St. Valentine with St. Patrick. It was not consciously done. She also hopes you just found it amusing.

Alana and Judy are back and this time they're talking about.... the WHEEL of consent. Yes, there's a wheel. In this episode, we're deep-diving into the sexual archetypes we fall into and how we can expand in the ways we exchange with our partner(s). We're talking about serving, taking, allowing, and accepting - without falling off the wheel. Let's have #thetalk.

Happy New Year, y'all! Today Alana and Judy are coming at you with a talk about consent (but only if you consent to listen). In this episode we'll specifically be covering the acronym FRIES which stands for: freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic and specific. We hope this knowledge helps you live out a year of enthusiastic pleasure and fun!

Just in time for summer to be over (lol); Alana and Judy break down why this summer may have been difficult for some and the impact it may have had on people's ability to feel sexual. Why did this summer feel particularly hard for many? How can we challenge some of the messages we get about "summertime" and our own expectations about how we're supposed to feel when the sun is out? Particularly in the time of COVID... Well, let's talk about it! *Alana and Judy would like to share that this episode was recorded before state and federal agencies reinstated mask mandates and more stringent social distancing measures in response to the COVID-19 delta variant. They strongly recommend following current guidelines to keep you, your loved ones, and your community safe.

The second part of our Desire Debacles discussion focuses on the experience and pitfalls of being a lower desire partner. Navigating pressure, anxiety, expectations and "wanting to want" can be daunting. So how do folx who identify as being lower than their partner(s) in desire, address their differences constructively, cultivate more desire for themselves, and stop shooting themselves in the foot when it comes to connecting with their partner? Take a listen and we'll tell you all about it!

In the first part of this two part series, Judy and Alana address the (rather common) issue of mismatched sexual desire and what you can do to identify and address it as the higher desire partner. Dealing with the hurt and resentment that gets built up between partners, and learning how to be a team around the problem can help people with higher desire get out of their usual patterns and start getting more of what they want. But how do we do that exactly? Better tune in, because we're having the talk!

In this episode, Alana and Judy discuss 2021 sex goals, and why authenticity counts for so much. P.S - if goals are not your jam, that's OK! There's still a little something relevant in this episode for you.Citations for this episode:Clear is Kind. Unclear is Unkind. ~Brené Brownhttps://brenebrown.com/blog/2018/10/15/clear-is-kind-unclear-is-unkind/The Gottman Institutehttps//www.gottman.com/blog/want-to-improve-your-relationship-start-paying-more-attention-to-bids/

In this episode, Judy and Alana discuss the impacts of 2020 on the collective sexual psyche and on relationships to self and others.Citations for this episode:Who's Having More Sex During the Pandemic? It Depends on Your Politics. ~Dr. Justin Lehmillerhttps://www.lehmiller.com/blog/2020/7/20/whos-having-more-sex-during-the-pandemic-it-depends-on-your-politics#commentingWhy is Modern Love So Damn Hard? ~Esther Perelhttps://estherperel.com/blog/why-modern-love-is-so-damn-hard

Hint: It's make believe. In this episode Judy and Alana talk about the concept of virginity, where it comes from and why it can be toxic to healthy relationships.Citations for this Episode:"Sex Education" on NetflixThe Hymen: A Membrane Widely Misunderstood by Michael Castleman, M.A.Patriarchy, Pop Culture and The Taboo of Adult Male Virginity by Sarah SahagianAverett, P., Moore, A., & Price, L. (2014). Virginity Definitions and Meaning Among the LGBT Community [Abstract]. Journal of Gay & Lesbian Social Services, 26(3), 259-278. doi:10.1080/10538720.2014.924802

In this episode, Judy and Alana answer a question from a listener, addressing the various difficulties of building anticipation (in and out of a global pandemic).Citations for this episode:John and Julie Gottmanhttps://www.gottman.com/about/john-julie-gottman/