526 – Vengeful Mutants on Drugs

Illustration by David Wynne In which you should use drugs only with caution; a famous shirt makes its debut; Wolverine is the new Mary Worth; and you were never Quentin Quire’s age (unless you were). X-PLAINED: What Quentin Quire’s been up to since discorporating New X-Men #135-138 The Special Class Basilisk Ernst Dummy No Girl Whether the Xavier School should admit human students Quentin’s new look Kick (more) (again) The Omega Gang That one t-shirt How to punch up your Power Point presentation A somewhat fraught camping trip The Special Class vs. U-Men A secret Some kind of weird affair A riot, of sorts Wolverine’s unfortunate soul patch What actually happened to Jumbo Carnation Telepathic deconstruction The Cuckoos vs. Emma Frost A somewhat mysterious secondary mutation Denouement The subsequent evolution of Quentin Quire What’s happening to xplainthexmen.com when the show ends The telepathy-telekinesis overlap NEXT EPISODE: Murder! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

Illustration by David Wynne In which Warren Kenneth Worthington III is a terrible teacher; we are all Magneto’s children; Sooraya Qadir deserves a better origin story; teenagers have a lot of feelings; and we meet one of the modern age’s most controversial mutants. X-PLAINED: The destiny of Quentin Quire New X-Men #131-134 An underattended funeral How to fly? Kinda? I guess? A kiss A friendship Another bit of ruby quartz marginalia that will never be mentioned again A somewhat ill-founded psychic metaphor Emma Frost’s Dark Phoenix costume Some kind of weird affair Echoes of 9/11/2001 Genosha, a year later Ghosts Polaris’s paternity Shocker (the mutant one) The last words of Genosha Islamophobia post 9/11 Sooraya Qadir (Dust) An attempted hijacking and the aftermath thereof Some Shi’ar nonsense X-Corporation Mumbai Jumbo Carnation Telepathy class An artist’s interpretation of the fate of mankind if mutants are not driven out, as predicted by Bolivar Trask Accountability Professor X’s weird little paintings X-adjectives Best and worst X-Men with whom to share a psychic rapport NEXT EPISODE: Quentin Quire’s teen angst bullshit gets a body count! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

Illustration by David Wynne In which Xorn goes out on the town; silverware is morally neutral; Cyclops pursues dubious counsel; the X means ten; and Fantomex is eminently enjoyable. X-PLAINED: The parentage of Hope Summers New X-Men #127-130 Mutant Town A monster who is not a monster but is, perhaps, a metaphor X-Corporation Paris The whole Phoenix situation Fantomex Weapon XII A gene-hazard Corporal Animal E.V.A. The Weapon Plus program (somewhat) The World (somewhat) The Shi’ar Empire vs. Earth Xorn variations NEXT EPISODE: A Memorial of Magnetism Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

Illustration by David Wynne In which Wolverine learns to fly; pants are a basic human right; we decide to cherry-pick our Xorn retcons; Xavier’s eyebrows follow his mind; and the first year of New X-Men ends with a bang. X-PLAINED: The origin of the Shi’ar Imperial Guard New X-Men #124-126 The current state of Charles Xavier’s body G-Type Neosaurus Plutonia Schism Oracle Stuf Gladiator (more) (again) Angel disambiguation Several plans Mutant justice Several miracles of magnetism Mummudrai Horror movie shit Subtle visual foreshadowing A ruse Education Long-lost family members What may or may not come after this NEXT EPISODE: Fantomex! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

Illustration by David Wynne In which Marvel goes wordless; Cassandra Nova breaks space; none of the X-Men have media training; and Gus was the best dog ever. X-PLAINED: Erik the Red (more) (again) Kin Crimson A big messy bag of mutant glory New X-Men #121-123 ‘Nuff Said A journey into Charles Xavier’s mind What Emma is drinking A fetus fight The criminal culpability of a fetus Space problems A cosplay challenge Space Charles Xavier’s weird last wish A press conference Teen romance The Stepford Cuckoos Gus Charles Xavier’s age Nanosentinels Stuf Pre-ride safety announcements from the X-Men Whether Cassandra Nova should’ve been a component of Onslaught NEXT EPISODE: Cassandra Nova vs. the X-Men (Round 2)! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

Illustration by David Wynne In which John Sublime sucks; Angel Salvatore rules; trauma does not justify evil; and you should never, ever, ever mess with Jean Grey. X-PLAINED: A horrifying revelation The universe where Jay and Miles work for Cassandra Nova New X-Men #118-120 John Sublime (more) (again) The U-Men Psychic energy, gender-reveal party-style The Stepford Cuckoos One way to disperse a mob An uncivil conversation The death and/or discomfort of many U-Men An awakening of sorts Squaring the phoenix Hank McCoy’s “coming out” NEXT EPISODE: The Shi’ar invade! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

Illustration by David Wynne In which several individuals are not what they seem; John Sublime sucks; Cyclops talks Xorn down from a cosmic ledge; we meet the inimitable Beak; and Cassandra Nova makes herself (limitedly) known. X-PLAINED: John Sublime Marvelscope™ New X-Men 2001 Annual New X-Men #117 Xorn X-Corporation The U-Men Ao Jun (and his super gross mutant power) Synchronized heists Psychometry vs. telepathy A big eventual twist Beak (Barnell Bohusk) A kiss Some really fucked up use of telepathy Some Moira MacTaggert continuity nonsense NEXT EPISODE: U-Men vs. X-Men Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

Illustration by David Wynne In which we start the Morrison Run; Professor X gets his hands on Chekhov’s gun; Cassandra Nova raises X-villains to a new level of weird; and humanity is running on borrowed time. X-PLAINED: No-Girl New X-Men #114-116 Grant Morrison and their approach to the X-Men Superhero fashion Cerebra Beast’s new look Ugly John Interpersonal dynamics Cassandra Nova (somewhat) Donald Trask Master Molds Wild Sentinels Emma Frost (more) (again) Negasonic Teenage Warhead (the original) The fall of Genosha Secondary mutations The most strapless bra of all time The Black Bug Room Summers problems Official X-Men and the designation thereof Wonder Man and mutants NEXT EPISODE: Beast has a bad day Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

In which Dr. Jey McCreight joins us to discuss all things X-Genetics! X-PLAINED: The genetics and taxonomy of Marvel’s merry mutants NEXT EPISODE: The Morrison run begins! Follow Dr. Jey on Bluesky, and check out Beyond X and Y! Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!  

In which we totally forgot to record a cold open (sorry); a lot of characters die (but not in Earth-616); Vampires may already be in command of America’s atomic arsenal; and we revisit a favorite. X-PLAINED: What If vol. 2 #9 What If vol. 2 #24 What If: Magik #1 Rahne Sinclair (moppet stage) The deaths of the Silver Age and All-New-All-Different X-Men Fancy television Sliding-scale ransom Then Ani-Men, somewhat The Living LASER, somewhat An orgy of satiation Wolverine, Lord of the Vampires Several highlights of Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose Vampire nonsense The Darkhold The Montessi Formula Some alligators August 5 Frank Punisher, Vampire Hunter What If vol. 2 #37 (briefly) A kinder alternate history A singularly beautiful montage The Soul Staff Summers family connections How Wolverine climbs NEXT EPISODE: Unspooling the X-Gene, with Dr. Jey McCreight! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!