IVF This Podcast Episode 205: IVF and Performative Coping

When you're navigating IVF, it's tempting to look to other people's experiences, statistics, and reassurance for certainty about your own future. In this episode, we're exploring why borrowed certainty feels so comforting, why relief isn't the same as knowing, and how grounded neutrality, self-trust, and self-loyalty can help us navigate what we don't yet know.

What happens when the thing causing you pain is also the thing offering you hope? In this episode of IVF This, we explore the complicated relationship we can develop with IVF through the lens of trauma bonding and intermittent reinforcement. From the emotional whiplash of treatment to the difficulty of deciding whether to continue or stop, we examine how IVF can become synonymous with hope—and why the most important relationship to protect throughout infertility is the one you have with yourself.

Hope can feel like a double-edged sword during infertility and IVF: something we're told to hold onto, then something we blame when heartbreak comes. Join me as we talk about "hope hangovers," why we use bracing and pre-suffering to try to protect ourselves from grief, and how to allow hope without asking it to become certainty.

Join me today as we talk about Emotional Load Shedding during infertility and IVF—how mental and emotional overload builds, why carrying can feel like control, and how to decide what actually requires your attention right now. Learn a simple framework to help you carry, drop, delegate, or defer what's taking up your finite emotional capacity.

Join me today as I introduce the new IVF This Framework! A way to understand and navigate the four emotional terrains of infertility: grief, anticipation, hope, and identity. Because before we can figure out what we need, we first have to understand where we are.

Join me today as we explore absurdism through the lens of infertility and IVF. We talk about why humans desperately search for explanations when we're suffering, why closure may be more myth than reality, and how peace might begin when we stop demanding answers from a world that never promised to provide them. If you've ever found yourself asking, "Why is this happening?" this episode is for you.

 Join me today as we talk about performative coping during infertility and IVF—the exhausting pressure to look okay, stay strong, and keep moving forward. We explore self-gaslighting, emotional honesty, and why coping has more to do with telling yourself the truth than pretending you're unaffected

Join me today as we talk about symptom spotting during IVF through the lens of hypervigilance — why the nervous system becomes obsessed with searching for "signs," how body surveillance takes hold during infertility, and why healing may begin with learning to experience the body as a home instead of a project.

Join me today as we talk about "happiness boundaries" — the invisible emotional rules many people develop during infertility and IVF around joy, hope, and feeling okay. We explore why happiness can start to feel unsafe after repeated disappointment, and why withholding joy doesn't actually protect us from grief.

Resentment is one of the most common and least talked about emotions in infertility and IVF. In today's episode, we unpack why resentment develops during fertility treatment, how it impacts relationships and identity, and how to move toward emotional flexibility, softness, and healing without bypassing grief or pain.