Episode 10: Perimenopause

Why can a song you haven’t heard for years bring back a whole period of your life in seconds?In this episode, we’re talking about what music actually does for us beyond simply being something we listen to.We get into music and memory, grief, identity, belonging, focus, family, culture and why certain albums seem to become permanently attached to particular versions of ourselves.We talk about the music our parents gave us, the songs we found as teenagers, discovering artists who made us feel seen, Irish folk music and cultural identity, the strange intimacy of live music and what happens when a song becomes attached to someone who is no longer in your life.We also talk about songwriting, creativity and vulnerability, why music can sometimes express something we don’t yet have proper words for, and the extraordinary ability of just a few notes to transport us straight back into a memory.And, naturally, we eventually get onto funeral playlists, Gangnam Style, Mambo No. 5, Spandau Ballet and whether Bernie’s admission that she doesn’t really like the Indigo Girls means the podcast now has to end.A conversation about music, yes, but really about memories, people we’ve loved and all the versions of ourselves we’ve been.SHOW NOTESWe made a playlist...Check in some of our favourite songs here: In This Together: Same But Different Spotify playlisthttps://open.spotify.com/playlist/4UYN8eJHV4g9r9tdkY5elx?si=ded691e10e4f4721And The Writer Is…The songwriting podcast hosted by Ross Golan that Bernie mentions in the episode.https://www.andthewriteris.com/Brandi Carlile, Broken HorsesBrandi Carlile’s memoir, which includes stories about her life, music and songwriting.https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/646571/broken-horses-by-brandi-carlile/Brandi Carlile, The MotherThe song Liz talks about in relation to her own experience of becoming a mum.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npSDM26xlzsNoah Kahan: Out of BodyThe documentary about Noah Kahan and his music.https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/noah-kahan-documentary-release-date-newsMusic and autobiographical memoryIn the episode, we talk about the extraordinary way music can trigger incredibly vivid memories, sometimes within the first few notes of a song.Research: The cognitive characteristics of music-evoked autobiographical memories: a systematic reviewhttps://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36223919/Banquet RecordsThe independent Kingston record shop and live music promoter Bernie talks about.https://www.banquetrecords.com/Hosted byLiz Goodchild https://www.lizgoodchild.co.uk/Bernie Dancy https://stress-ed.co.uk/about/

Is the midlife crisis actually a thing, or have we just given a slightly ridiculous name to a much more interesting stage of life? In this episode, we talk about what happens when you reach a point where you’ve ticked a lot of the boxes you were supposed to tick, career, relationships, children, stability, and still find yourself wondering: is this really how I want to spend the next 10, 20 or 30 years? We get into ageing, perimenopause, changing bodies, parents getting older, children needing us less, mortality, career changes, emotional needs, values and that occasional urge to burn the whole bloody thing down and start again.We also talk about the very different stories we’re given about men and women in midlife, why women hear so much about what we’re supposedly losing as we age, and far less about what we might actually be gaining. And perhaps midlife isn’t really about avoiding the difficult stuff at all. Maybe it’s about knowing life will batter us sometimes, and building enough trust in ourselves to know we can handle it. A conversation about getting older, taking stock, making changes and deciding what you actually want from the next part of your life.Show notes:Margie Lachman, lifespan developmental psychologist, article in the Guardian:https://www.theguardian.com/global/2026/jun/18/midlife-crisis-researcherDr. Sharon Blackie is an award-winning and internationally bestselling author, speaker and teacher: https://sharonblackie.net/about/Elliott Jaques, Canadian Psychoanalyst: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK555706/Emotional Needs List (that Liz mentions in the episode):Emotional needs are feelings or conditions that we need in order to feel content, fulfilled and at peace. They include:Security: a safe environment that enables us to develop our potential and live without fearVolition: a sense of autonomy and control over our own livesAttention: receiving it from others and also giving it to othersEmotional connection to others: friendship, intimacyConnection to the wider community: being part of something larger than ourselvesA sense of status: knowing we have a valued place in each of the social groups we belong toA sense of competence and achievement: ensuring we don't suffer from low self-esteemA sense of meaning and purpose: a sense that we are part of something greater than ourselvesGrowth: comes from being spiritually, mentally and physically stretchedA need for certainty: predictability, consistencyA need for uncertainty: spontaneity, excitementThese needs help shape how we feel, relate and respond to life. When some of them aren’t being met, we can start to feel out of balance, disconnected or more vulnerable to stress, anxiety and low mood. (This is a reflective tool designed to help you think about what might be supporting your wellbeing, and what may need a little more attention. It isn’t intended to diagnose or treat any mental health condition).Follow us on Instagram: @in.this.together.pod @liz.good.child and @bernadettedancy_stresscoach or email us at [email protected] with usLiz’s offers 1:1 life coaching and coach supervision www.lizgoodchild.co.ukBernie offers 1-1 stress and burnout coaching and delivers CPD training for stress management for coaches, and wellness professionals: www.stress-ed.co.uk

What role do grandparents play in shaping who we become?In this episode, Liz and Bernie talk about grandparents, the relationships we have with them, what they can give us, and what gets passed down through generations, whether we realise it or not.They explore research around emotional closeness to grandparents, generational trauma and the importance of having steady adults in our lives, alongside their own very different family stories.Liz talks about the relationship she had with her Nan, who became an important source of stability after her mum died, and Bernie shares stories about her Irish grandparents, family history and the generations that came before her.They also talk about watching their own parents become grandparents, why grandparents sometimes seem to get away with everything, the grief of losing them, and how knowing our grandparents can give us a glimpse of who our parents were before they became our parents.Funny, personal and unexpectedly emotional, this is a conversation about family, belonging, inheritance, love and the people who help shape us.Show notes:Emotional closeness to grandparents and adolescent wellbeing: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26237053/Maternal grandmothers as a buffer against childhood adversity: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10957867/The “mouse study” on inherited fear responses: https://www.nature.com/articles/nn.3594Intergenerational effects of Holocaust trauma: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6720013/Contact us via email: [email protected] or Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/in.this.together.pod

The Battle of Social Media: Stay, Leave or Do It Differently?Is social media bringing us together — or quietly pulling us out of our own lives?This week, we’re having a very same but different conversation about our relationship with social media.Liz has barely used Instagram all summer. There was no grand digital detox and no dramatic announcement; she just stopped opening it, and noticed that she felt more present in her actual life.Bernie has gone in almost the opposite direction. She’s decided to show up more online, particularly for her work, but without bending herself into whatever shape the algorithm currently demands. From there, we get into the much messier question underneath it all: what is social media actually doing for us — and to us?We talk about curated lives and comparison; the strange feeling of knowing huge amounts about people we don’t actually know; whether watching someone’s Instagram Story can trick us into feeling as though we’ve genuinely checked in with them; online friendships and community; creativity; AI-generated content and the growing difficulty of knowing what’s real; social media as a tool for small businesses; algorithms, trolls and digital noise; and why sometimes stepping away is simply the right thing to do.We also talk about something both of us are trying to navigate as parents: raising children in a world where even if they don’t have social media accounts themselves, we can’t completely control what gets shown to them by friends, algorithms or other devices.There’s no “delete Instagram immediately” conclusion here. And there’s definitely no “social media is wonderful” conclusion either.Instead, we land somewhere much more personal:When I use it, how do I actually feel?Connected? Inspired? Amused? Supported?Or just… a bit crap?As ever, we’re figuring it out while we talk.In this episode we talk about:Taking a break from Instagram and noticing what changesSocial media as connection versus social media as noiseWhy algorithms, hooks and trends make us both want to rebelShowing up online authentically when you run a businessComparison, body image and mental healthOnline friendships, community and “checking in” without actually checking inAI-generated writing, images and videos — and the erosion of trust onlineUsing social media intentionally rather than automaticallyParenting, smartphones, YouTube, WhatsApp and unwanted online contentHelping children develop digital and media literacyWhy neither of us thinks social media is simply “good” or “bad”Bernie’s move towards Substack and a more old-school style of publishingAnd, naturally, sending pigeons and knitting jumpers as alternative podcast marketing strategiesContent warning:This episode includes discussion of burnout and suicide, graphic violent content encountered online, pornography and sexual content in the context of children and online safety.We’d genuinely love to know where you land on this one. What does social media give you? What does it take from you? Have you stepped away, leaned in, found a middle ground — or are you still figuring it out too?In This Together: Same But Different — two coaches, best pals, and two slightly different takes on being human.

The wellness industry is worth around 5.6 trillion dollars, and the dodgy end has learned to talk exactly like the qualified end. In the last episode of season 2, Liz and Bernie get into grifters: the influencers and self-styled healers promising to fix your whole life with a weekend retreat and a well-placed crystal.They talk about what being trauma informed actually means, why declaring a space safe doesn't make it so, and why the most confident voice is so often not the most qualified one. There's the difference between evidence and a good soundbite, why nuance never goes viral, and the small but vital things to look for before you hand over your money or your trust: scope of practice, supervision, real training.It's not an anti-wellness episode. It's a be-discerning one. Because people deserve support, and that support should come with honesty, humility and proper ethical care, not grand promises and guru energy.Back in August for season 3!Shownotes:Gabor Maté: https://drgabormate.com/Brené Brown: https://brenebrown.com/China's restrictions on unqualified health and wellness content: https://www.chinadaily.com.cn/a/202508/04/WS688ff13aa310c0209d01abff.htmlAlso mentionedLiz's group coaching programme, It's Not Just Me. A 6-week foundational course for anyone worn out from overthinking, people pleasing and holding everything together. Starts September: https://www.lizgoodchild.co.uk/its-not-just-me/Bernie's CPD training on stress and burnout, open to all practitioners (coaches, therapists, wellness practitioners, doctors, nurses and more), with a community that meets quarterly. Currently running her fourth cohort: https://stress-ed.co.uk/training/Contact:To let us know about themes and topics you’d love us to discussion in Season 3, you can email us here:  [email protected] contact Liz directly: [email protected] or via DM https://www.instagram.com/liz.good.child/To contact Bernie directly: [email protected]

Anyone else feeling like the world has collectively lost the plot?Between politics, wars, rising costs, climate anxiety, social media and the endless stream of breaking news, it's no wonder so many of us are feeling overwhelmed, anxious and emotionally exhausted.In this episode, Liz and Bernie dive into what happens when our nervous systems are exposed to a constant flow of alarming information, and why so many people are walking around carrying stress, fear and uncertainty that doesn't seem to switch off.Drawing on their experiences as coaches, they explore how uncertainty affects our wellbeing, why doomscrolling keeps us stuck in survival mode, and what happens when we feel powerless in the face of events we can't control.The conversation also takes a thoughtful look at politics, community, difference, fear and belonging, while asking an important question: how do we stay informed and engaged without becoming completely consumed by what's happening in the world?Along the way, they chat about:• Why the world feels more overwhelming than ever• The impact of constant news consumption on our nervous systems• Vicarious trauma and emotional contagion• The psychology of fear, uncertainty and control• Why people seek certainty when life feels unstable• Social media algorithms and the doomscrolling trap• The importance of community, connection and curiosity• Looking for "glimmers" and practising a little more bloom scrolling• Simple ways to feel more grounded when everything feels chaoticThis isn't a conversation about ignoring what's happening around us. It's about finding ways to stay informed, stay connected and stay human without burning ourselves out in the process.Because maybe the answer isn't carrying the whole world on our shoulders.Maybe it's putting the phone down for a bit, looking for the helpers, finding some glimmers, watching cute Shetland ponies run around a field, and remembering that we're all just doing our best to make sense of a very noisy world.Mentioned in this episode• Julian Rotter's theory of Locus of Control• Pearl Drego's concept of the Cultural Parent• Vicarious Trauma• Doomscrolling and Bloom Scrolling• Mr Rogers' famous advice: "Look for the helpers"• Life Is Beautiful (1997) – the Oscar-winning film Bernie references when talking about finding hope, humanity and moments of joy even in the darkest circumstances.If this episode resonated with you, we'd love it if you'd follow, rate and review the podcast, and share it with someone who might need the reminder that they're not the only one feeling this way.Because we're all in this together. Same, but different.

In Episode 10, we’re talking perimenopause. Not as experts with all the answers, but as two women right in the middle of it.Liz shares her terrifying experience of neurological symptoms, scans, hospital tests and being told it might be MS or a brain tumour, before finally discovering it was perimenopause. Bernie talks about endometriosis, anxiety, UTIs, body changes, overwhelm and the messy overlap between burnout and hormones.We also talk about:The overlap between burnout, chronic stress and perimenopauseHealth anxiety and being dismissed by medical professionalsHRT and the difference it made within daysBody changes, weight gain and learning to live in a different bodyBrain fog, fatigue and forgetting basic words Why so many of us feel we have to fight to be heardThe emotional and psychological impact of hormonal changeNervous system overwhelm and learning to regulate differentlyWhy connection and hearing “me too” matters so muchThis one is honest, emotional, funny in places, and deeply validating for anyone who’s ever wondered: “Is it just me?”Episode shownotes:Dr Louise Newson: Menopause specialist and educatorDr Nicky Keay: Specialist in exercise, hormones and female healthRenee McGregor: Leading Sports and Eating disorder specialist dietitianStay in touchEmail: [email protected]: @liz.good.child and @bernadettedancy_stresscoachWork with usLiz: 1:1 coaching/therapy (availability + info):https://www.lizgoodchild.co.uk/Bernie: 1:1 stress & lifestyle coaching + CPD-accredited training in Stress Management for Health and Wellness Professionals:http://www.stress-ed.co.uk

Episode 9: The Quiet Losses No One Talks AboutWhat if grief isn’t just about losing people… but losing versions of your life?In this episode, we’re exploring the quieter, less visible side of loss — the kind that doesn’t always have a clear name.From those unexpected moments that catch you off guard (like feeling sad after something lovely), to the lives we didn’t live, the choices we didn’t make, and the parts of ourselves we’ve outgrown —t his is a conversation about all the ways grief shows up beyond death.We talk about:The bittersweet feeling of seeing something you didn’t have“Sliding doors” moments and the paths not takenAmbiguous loss and unmet needsUnderstanding yourself differently later in lifeWhy even the right decisions can come with a sense of lossThe pressure of timelines and expectationsAnd why you can love your life… and still grieve another oneThis one is honest, reflective, and very “same but different.”Because sometimes the hardest losses to process… are the ones no one else can see.Episode shownotes:Brandi Carlile: The song, “The Mother”. “Welcome to the end of being alone inside your mind.”Alan Wolfelt: “All change is loss, and all loss must be mourned.”Counterfactual thinking: Imagining alternative versions of the past (“what if…” thinking)Prediction error (neuroscience): The brain updating its expectations when reality doesn’t match its internal model.Pauline Boss: Ambiguous loss (loss without clear closure or definitionCarl Jung” “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”Bernice Neugarten: Social clock (cultural expectations about life timelines and milestones)David Blanchflower: U-shaped happiness curve (wellbeing dips in midlife and rises later)The Bell Jar: Sylvia Plath” Fig tree metaphor (the lives we don’t choose).Nora Ephron: Reflections on ageing, regret, and self-perception, “I Feel Bad About My Neck”.Sehnsucht: A German term describing a deep, bittersweet longing for something intangible or unattainable.Liz Moreton: https://stress-ed.co.uk/mbsr/Work with Liz Goodchild - www.lizgoodchild.co.uk Work with Bernie Dancy - www.bernadettedancy.co.uk

In this episode, we’re talking about friendship, and all the ways it can be both lovely and surprisingly complicated.Friendships are some of the most important relationships in our lives, but unlike romantic relationships, they rarely come with a script. There’s no clear beginning, no clear ending, and very little conversation about what happens when things shift, drift, deepen, or quietly fall apart.We explore what actually makes a friendship feel solid, how expectations shape our relationships, and why mismatched ideas about closeness, effort, honesty, and availability can create so much tension. We talk about the friendships that last, the ones that don’t, and the strange grey area between acquaintance, friend, close friend, and ride-or-die body-in-the-boot friend.Liz reflects on how moving countries changed some of her friendships in unexpected ways, why generosity and shared values matter so much to her now, and how she’s become less willing to ignore things that don’t feel right. Bernie talks about having lower expectations around the practical side of friendship, the importance of matched standards, and why different friends can play different roles in our lives.Together, we get into vulnerability, self-awareness, boundaries, drifting apart, ghosting, easy friendships, friendship admin, and the role of tech and voice notes in keeping connection alive when life is full and people live far away.This one is honest, warm, funny in places, and full of the kind of conversation people don’t often have directly, even with their closest mates.If friendship has ever felt comforting, confusing, painful, sustaining, or hard to define, this episode is for you.Stay in touch:Email: [email protected]: @liz.good.child and @bernadettedancy_stresscoachWork with us:Liz’s 1:1 coaching is currently full, with new spaces opening in June 2026. You can find out more about her coaching approach here: https://www.lizgoodchild.co.ukBernie has limited availability for stress assessments, and early bird registration is open for her next CPD cohort on stress and burnout: www.stress-ed.co.uk

Episode 7, Season 2: Death, Dying & the AfterlifeWe’re back for season two, and in true In This Together: Same but Different style, we’re starting with a nice easy one: death, dying, and the afterlife.In this episode, we talk about something most of us spend our lives trying not to think about, even though it touches every single one of us. We explore what happens in our minds when we think about death, how our own experiences of grief have shaped us, and why talking about mortality can be both terrifying and strangely comforting.Liz shares her lifelong fascination with death, how losing her mum young shaped her worldview, and why seeing her nan after she died gave her a kind of closure she’d never had before. Bernie reflects on growing up Catholic in Ireland, how faith has shaped her relationship with death and the afterlife, and the deep comfort she’s found in feeling connected to those she’s lost.Together, we talk about grief, faith, existential psychology, children’s fear of death, spiritual experiences, and the ways mortality strips life back to what really matters. We also explore the tension between religion and belonging, especially when faith traditions haven’t always felt safe or welcoming, and how each of us has made our own meaning around what comes after this life.This episode is full of the kinds of conversations people often only have quietly, privately, or not at all. It’s tender, thoughtful, a bit dark, a bit funny, and deeply human.Content note: This episode includes discussion of death, dying, grief, trauma, funerals, dead bodies, sudden loss, and parental bereavement.Stay in touch:Email: [email protected]: @liz.good.child and @[email protected] with us:Liz’s 1:1 coaching is currently full, with new spaces opening in May 2026. You can find out more about her coaching approach here: https://www.lizgoodchild.co.ukBernie has availability for stress and lifestyle coaching, and the early bird registration is open for her next CPD cohort on stress and burnout: www.stress-ed.co.ukReferences mentioned in this episodeThe Denial of Death — Ernest BeckerTerror Management Theory — Jeff Greenberg, Sheldon Solomon & Tom PyszczynskiBeing Mortal — Atul GawandeTuesdays with Morrie — Mitch AlbomPost-Traumatic Growth — Richard Tedeschi & Lawrence CalhounBronnie Ware — https://bronnieware.comIrvin Yalom — https://www.yalom.comDead Good Legacies — https://deadgoodlegacies.com