11. Why You Should Stop Trying to be Happy

"Desiring a positive experience is itself a negative experience. And the acceptance of a negative experience is itself a positive experience." I got this great quote from Mark Manson. I saw on this YouTube video the other day.And, I think that's totally true. If you keep trying to be happy, you keep desiring to be happier than you are, then that's a negative experience. Lani: Caregiving Philosophy Melissa: Wandering Missy - Start Living the Life You Want. How to find Joy + Purpose in your Life.

Learn about a tool called The Model that lets you see how your thoughts and feelings lead to your actions and the results you create in your life.Often it only takes a small change in perspective to make a large change in your life. Lani: Caregiving Philosophy Melissa: Wandering Missy - Start Living the Life You Want. How to find Joy + Purpose in your Life.

The reason it's difficult to be happy is because our brain is programmed to listen to the Motivational Triad:seek pleasureavoid painconserve energyLearn how our primitive brain affects our decisions in today's modern world.Here's the book we mention in this episode; The Pleasure Trap by Doug Lisle. Lani: Caregiving Philosophy Melissa: Wandering Missy - Start Living the Life You Want. How to find Joy + Purpose in your Life.

Do you ever think, "I really want to create more happiness in my life, but I feel stuck. I just can't get going. I want things to be different, but I have no idea where to begin. I want positive change, but I feel like I'm in a rut. What should I do?" Listen to hear Melissa's three steps to begin to change your life.  Lani: Caregiving Philosophy Melissa: Wandering Missy - Start Living the Life You Want. How to find Joy + Purpose in your Life.

Today, we're going to answer a listener question. She says, Every time I get involved inan activity, something in me takes over saying that I'm not good enough, or something is wrong in the way I'm doing it. Then I immediately stop and start wondering where I made the mistake. When I continue. All I can see are mistakes. There are so many projects. I've abandoned because of this. And it makes me feel like a failure. How do I get rid of my self doubts?We can all see ourselves in this person.Right. First, I want to say good job for even recognizing what's happening. That takes self awareness to be thinking what went through instead of just I'm a failure, if you actually thought through what is leading up to that feeling.You're right, she's actually paying attention toher thoughts and feelings. So that's, that's a big step number one.So I think a good way to counter the self doubt is by setting and achieving, like, small goals, very small peoples want to look at the big picture and say, I'm not good at it. But if you look at Oh, I made it through today. You know, I even I continued without what Yeah, I even went on with with my mistakes. That is the best way to build your confidence is saying I can even do it with mistakes. Because, you know, mistakes are how I learned. Celebrating the small things, the small wins.Listen to hear more about self doubt... Lani: Caregiving Philosophy Melissa: Wandering Missy - Start Living the Life You Want. How to find Joy + Purpose in your Life.

The 5th Component of Emotional Intelligence: Social Skillsdo not let other people's emotions rub off on yousomeone who has stronger emotional intelligence tends to be happieryou have to understand yourself first to be able to understand everybody elseremember you have no idea what someone else is going throughAnd it all circles back to self awareness! Lani: Caregiving Philosophy Melissa: Wandering Missy - Start Living the Life You Want. How to find Joy + Purpose in your Life.

The fourth part of emotional intelligence is Empathy. The definition that we have for empathy as it relates to emotional intelligence is having a high EQ, versus an IQ, meaning being able to understand what others may be feeling and are going through and responding kindly and thoughtfully. You have no idea what someone else is going through, what is going on their world. Approaching conversations and interactions with empathy, with a mutual respect, putting yourself in some one else's shoes shows a depth of understanding and maturity.   Lani: Caregiving Philosophy Melissa: Wandering Missy - Start Living the Life You Want. How to find Joy + Purpose in your Life.

Today we are talking about another core part of Emotional Intelligence: Motivation.The definition for motivation is: emotionally intelligent people are motivated by things beyond money, fame or success. They're also able to understand and desire the need to fulfill their own inner needs and goals. What do you think about this? What motivates you?What can you learn about yourself as you uncover the role motivation plays in your life?  Lani: Caregiving Philosophy Melissa: Wandering Missy - Start Living the Life You Want. How to find Joy + Purpose in your Life.

How Self Regulation can Change your LifeThere's 5 different components that make up the broader definition of Emotional Intelligence.  Today we are talking about #2, Self Regulation. Definition: being able to regulate and manage the emotions you are feeling while waiting for the appropriate time and avenue on how to express them. Self Regulation starts when you recognize after what you did before, so that you can change it the next time or try to get at least a little bit better the next time. Self Regulation can be trying to solve an emotional problem with an action. And that doesn't work because emotions are caused by our thoughts. So trying to solve the problem with an action never actually works.  Lani: Caregiving Philosophy Melissa: Wandering Missy - Start Living the Life You Want. How to find Joy + Purpose in your Life.

Why Self Awareness is Critical to your HappinessToday we are talking about Emotional Intelligence. A very big topic. What is emotional intelligence? It is the ability to perceive, interpret, demonstrate, control and use emotions to communicate with and to relate to others effectively and constructively.  But why are we talking about this?There's 5 different components that make up the broader definition. In this episode we will start with the first component: Self Awareness. What it is and why it is critical to your happiness.  Lani: Caregiving Philosophy Melissa: Wandering Missy - Start Living the Life You Want. How to find Joy + Purpose in your Life.