468: I Will Not Be Licking Any Doorknobs

How do trees decide where and when to grow their branches? How do I call out sick when I’m just exhausted by life?  How biased is our understanding of prehistoric life based on the conditions needed to form fossils? How do I avoid spoilers during John’s book tour? What does it sound like on Mars? …Hank and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [email protected] us for monthly livestreams at patreon.com/dearhankandjohnProduced for Hank and John Green by ComplexlySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How did John approach writing dual narrators? Is there more air or water on Earth? How do book tours choose their stops? How late is too late to send a thank you card? Why do people say “it” when talking about weather? Why don’t Americans look at how other countries deal with the same problems? What is the symbol in the Dear Hank and John logo? …Hank and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [email protected] us for monthly livestreams at patreon.com/dearhankandjohnProduced for Hank and John Green by ComplexlySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Why do things get less blurry when you squint your eyes? Do the water particles in waves on the beach come from far away, or do they stay in the same area? Why aren’t there any legally binding concrete goals from governments about tuberculosis? Do I absorb any caffeine through my skin when I use soap that contains coffee grounds? Should I get married at the courthouse to save money? ...Hank and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [email protected] us for monthly livestreams at patreon.com/dearhankandjohnProduced for Hank and John Green by ComplexlySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How can I be part of John’s Book tour if tickets are sold out in my area? What is going on with collagen? How long ago is “a million miles ago”? How do I read The Bible? Why do windmills have three arms?  Will John or Hank ever do an event in Northern Europe? …Hank and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [email protected] us for monthly livestreams at patreon.com/dearhankandjohnProduced for Hank and John Green by ComplexlySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Why did John go to a warehouse to sign more books? What other places in the galaxy could you drive the moon buggy? How do I handle the transition from High School to College? Why does the music in some toys slow down when the batteries start to die? Why do drunk people sound like they're talking slower? How can I teach myself how to type? What is the dress code for the hospital cafeteria? Why does the phrase “having your work cut out for you” mean what it does? …Hank and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [email protected] us for monthly livestreams at patreon.com/dearhankandjohnProduced for Hank and John Green by ComplexlySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Why do we say “you’re welcome” in response to “thank you”? What habits and traits have Hank and John copied from each other? How do I use social media to connect with people without falling into doomscrolling? What do I do with my extra copies of “Hollywood, Ending”? Is lightning the same on other planets?  What is ANZ? How did birds survive the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Is a field of grass one organism or many? …Hank and John Green have answers!This was recorded July 29th!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [email protected] us for monthly livestreams at patreon.com/dearhankandjohnProduced for Hank and John Green by ComplexlySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How do I make my sea anemones fight each other? Do I have a personality? Will I be reincarnated as an alien? How should I support my author friend? How do I fight imposter syndrome? How can I help Sierra Leone? Which Premier League team should I support? Can I still enjoy reading with a newborn baby? …Hank and John Green have answers!This episode was recorded July 22nd!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [email protected] us for monthly livestreams at patreon.com/dearhankandjohnProduced for Hank and John Green by ComplexlySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Were there islands around during Pangea? Are there fossils under the ice in Antarctica? What is your favorite fun fact? What will happen to our satellites after humans are gone? What is the most recent species to have evolved? What ecosystems is Earth lacking now that it used to have in the past? …Hank and MB have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [email protected] us for monthly livestreams at patreon.com/dearhankandjohnProduced for Hank and John Green by ComplexlySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hank has been tweeting a lot recently; is he okay? How does the game “light as a feather, stiff as a board” work? Are bald heads warmer or cooler than hairy heads? What is the lethal dose of pickles? Will John write me into his acknowledgements? How do probiotics work? Why did John write a book for adults? How do you get out of a writer’s rut? …Hank and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [email protected] us for monthly livestreams at patreon.com/dearhankandjohnProduced for Hank and John Green by ComplexlySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Has poop always been funny? Why does my cake mix have high altitude instructions? What breakfast foods won’t you get sick of? What percent of my car should be computer? …Hank and Kal have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [email protected] us for monthly livestreams at patreon.com/dearhankandjohnProduced for Hank and John Green by ComplexlySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.