EP 45: The Stories We Make Up

You’ve done the work. You’ve earned the credential. And still, the voice says you’re not quite enough. This episode of The Stories We Tell Ourselves goes inside imposter syndrome, the self-talk loop that no amount of success seems to break, and explores the neuroscience, the fixed mindset story underneath it, and the one reframe that actually changes something. Your inner critic is not always telling the truth. It is telling a story. And you are the author.

What if most of your suffering doesn’t come from what actually happened — but from the story you made up about it? In this opening episode of The Stories We Tell Ourselves series, Dr. Malynnda Stewart challenges one of the most common myths about self-talk: that it’s just background noise. Drawing on Brené Brown’s research on narrative and meaning-making, Jerome Bruner’s work on narrative cognition, and Cognitive Behavioral Theory’s map of cognitive distortions, this episode makes the case that your internal dialogue is not harmless chatter. It is shaping your relationships, your conversations, and your sense of reality — right now. The good news: you made the story. Which means you can make a different one. The Stories We Tell Ourselves series runs all November on Communication Compass.

You’ve learned the vocabulary. You’ve named the patterns. Now comes the part no one talks about enough: what do you actually do with all of it? In the final episode of the When Words Are Weapons series, Dr. Malynnda Stewart gets personal. Drawing on her own experience with a damaging relationship, and the therapy, community, and deliberate work that rebuilt her, she offers a research-grounded, deeply human guide to protecting yourself without losing yourself. Covering emotional regulation, assertive communication, DBT interpersonal effectiveness skills, and disengagement as a practice, this episode argues that protection isn’t armor. It’s clarity. It’s community. It’s the slow, unglamorous work of deciding you are worth your own effort. You do not owe unlimited access to people who weaponize communication. This episode is your permission slip.

The patterns you’ve learned to name don’t stay in one relationship. They show up at the dinner table, in the conference room, in your closest friendships, and in your social media feed. In this episode, Dr. Malynnda Stewart maps manipulation across four contexts: family systems, workplace politics, friendships, and social media, drawing on Bowen’s Family Systems Theory, organizational psychology, and communication ethics. The insight that connects all four: manipulation doesn’t change. It simply wears different costumes. Part of the When Words Are Weapons series.

You were taught that being a good person means being sensitive, showing up, and putting others first. But what happens when those very qualities become the mechanism of your manipulation? In this episode, Dr. Malynnda Stewart breaks down four tactics that work specifically through your empathy: emotional blackmail, toxic positivity, victim narratives, and performative vulnerability. Drawing on Susan Forward’s landmark research, Brené Brown’s work on vulnerability, and trauma-informed communication frameworks, this episode shows that compassion isn't the problem; it's the target. The takeaway you’ll carry with you: empathy should never require self-abandonment.

Manipulation doesn’t always look like cruelty. Sometimes it looks like someone who just can’t seem to do anything right. Sometimes it looks like overwhelming affection. Sometimes it looks like you somehow becoming the villain in a story where you were the one who got hurt. In this episode of Communication Compass, Malynnda Stewart unpacks six tactics — gaslighting, DARVO, guilt trips, love bombing, weaponized incompetence, and triangulation — with clarity, compassion, and the research to back it up. Because understanding these dynamics isn’t about becoming suspicious of everyone. It’s about finally having language for something you’ve already lived.

Most of us believe we'd recognize manipulation if it were happening to us. That belief is part of what makes manipulation so effective. In this What We Think We Know segment, Malynnda Stewart examines the myth that gaslighting is simply dishonesty, and reveals the far more complex truth: that manipulation exploits our deepest needs for safety, belonging, and connection. Drawing on the research of Robert Cialdini, Stephen Porges, John Bowlby, and Brené Brown, this episode offers both compassion for those who have lived it and clarity for those who want to understand it. Because you cannot protect yourself from something you haven't correctly named.

You're not antisocial. You're not a bad communicator. You're exhausted. Communication burnout is real, and it's different from general fatigue. It's what happens when the emotional labor of showing up in conversation, managing conflict, navigating difficult relationships, and performing connection becomes too much to sustain. In this episode, we unpack what communication burnout actually looks like, why it's so easy to miss until you're already in it, and what recovery requires. Drawing on research by Christina Maslach and Charles Figley, along with the neuroscience of social engagement, this episode gives you both language for what you're experiencing and a grounded path forward. If you've been going quiet when you used to speak up, this one's for you.

Your nervous system knows before your mind does. It reads the shift in tone, the quality of attention, the feeling of being managed rather than met, and it responds, often before you've found words for what's happening. In this episode, we explore your communication immune system: the biological and psychological system that is always scanning your interactions for safety or threat, and what it means to strengthen and trust it. We look closely at Gottman's Four Horsemen — criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt — and why contempt is such a reliable predictor of relational breakdown. We explore why we override our own signals, drawing on trauma-informed communication research and attachment theory. We also offer ways to build stronger awareness of what unhealthy communication looks and feels like. Because you don't have to tolerate communication that erodes you. You don't have to call it normal because it's familiar.

Most of us treat our relationships like a car with no maintenance schedule: run it until something breaks, then deal with it. But by the time a relational issue becomes visible enough to force a response, it's usually been accumulating for a long time. In this episode, we explore communication hygiene, the practice of tending to our communication before it reaches a breaking point. We look at how communication habits form and how to change them, what Howard Giles' Communication Accommodation Theory reveals about our unconscious adjustment patterns, why digital boundary ambiguity is quietly damaging our relationships, and what emotional and conflict maintenance actually look like in practice. Drawing on behavioral science, relational maintenance research, and digital boundary studies, this episode offers a practical framework for treating communication health ind of health:nal care.