356: [Soapbox] The problem with trying to fix your partner's desire

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman is joined by psychiatrist Dr. Hector Rodriguez to discuss the effects of trauma on sexual desire, libido, pleasure, and satisfaction. Dr. Rodriguez shares insights on how trauma can impact intimate relationships and how the brain can be rewired to facilitate healing and enjoyment of sex. He dives into the role of dopamine and oxytocin, the difference in trauma's impact on individuals, and how simple actions like hugging and handholding can promote healing. The episode highlights the importance of understanding and caring for the brain to improve overall sexual wellness.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:52 Guest Introduction: Dr. Hector Rodriguez on Trauma and Sexual Health01:40 Understanding Trauma and Its Impact on Intimacy03:44 Brain Patterns and Trauma Responses05:39 Trauma's Effect on Sexual Wellness08:52 The Brain's Role in Desire and Intimacy11:18 Self-Soothing and Healthy Sexual Practices12:23 Quizzes for Better Intimacy12:50 Trauma and Self-Soothing Behaviors13:49 Integrating Dopamine and Life Management14:59 Addressing Trauma and Brain Health16:02 Hope and Brain Scan Validation18:45 Emotional Intelligence and Forgiveness19:52 Reconnecting Couples Through Simple Gestures23:00 Understanding the Brain's Complexity24:18 Resources and Final ThoughtsTake any of my quizzes at https://www.intimacywithease.comBio:Dr. Hector Rodriguez is a psychiatrist, brain expert, and speaker specializing in trauma, brain health, and sexual wellness. With a background in neuroscience, advanced brain imaging, and lifestyle psychiatry, he helps people reframe struggles with intimacy, libido, and confidence through both science and soul. Known for his unapologetic yet compassionate approach, Dr. Hector blends trauma-informed care with practical strategies for resilience, emotional intelligence, and thriving relationships. His core message is simple: you’re not broken — you’re wired to survive, and you can rewire to thrive.www.whitebutterflyclinic.comDoctor_hectorWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman discusses the common issue of differences in sexual desire among couples. She emphasizes the importance of open communication and partnership when addressing this issue, rather than resorting to quick fixes like CBD gummies or sex toys without mutual consent. Jessa explains why these well-intentioned solutions often backfire and are perceived as pressure or blame. Instead, she encourages couples to work together in improving their intimate relationship through shared responsibility and understanding.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:45 Today's Topic: Enhancing Desire in Relationships01:15 Case Study: Alcohol and Connection02:09 The Trap of Quick Fixes02:47 The Importance of Communication04:10 Working Together as a Team05:29 Conclusion and Listener EngagementWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman interviews Dr. Jacquie Del Rosario about the invasive impact of technology on relationships. They discuss how excessive screen time can weaken intimacy and emotional connections, and how couples can set boundaries to deepen their face-to-face interactions. Dr. Del Rosario shares insights on how technology has altered dating and wooing practices, the importance of intentional communication, and strategies for couples to reconnect. They also touch on the challenges of addressing a partner's technology use and the benefits of seeking professional help to maintain a healthy relationship.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:47 Impact of Technology on Relationships04:04 Challenges of Modern Dating07:44 Maintaining Connection in the Digital Age13:16 Setting Boundaries for Better Intimacy15:12 The Impact of Technology on Intimacy15:38 Introduction to Jess and Her Services16:06 Setting Boundaries with Technology17:07 The Importance of Face-to-Face Communication20:08 Using Conversation Cards to Reconnect22:17 Leveraging Technology Positively23:26 Addressing Technology Concerns with Your Partner26:35 The Role of Professional Help in Relationships29:00 Dr. Jacquie's Trauma Treatment Cohort30:45 Conclusion and Contact InformationWork with Jessa? Visit https://www.intimacywithease.comBio:Dr. Jacquie’s meteoric rise into the relationship and marriage arena hasdeemed her America's Marriage Coach™. Her magnetic appeal andpractical solutions to relatable issues captivates her audiences worldwide.Dr. Jacquie’s mantra derives from the idea that the foundation of any societystarts within an individual’s home. For the past 20 years, Dr. Jacquie hasevangelized couples everywhere with her philosophy of the seven pillars ofcompatibility. She has engineered a host of tools to cultivate healthyrelationships and marriage. These tools include: Curricula, The MarriageUniversity, Best Marriage Keys, and created the Compatibility Quiz. Inaddition to this curricula, Dr. Jacquie hosts conferences and intensivetrainings that provide skill-based learning that induces a shift intrajectories.drjacquie.com@askdrjacquieWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, hosted by sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, legendary adult film actor Mitch Hartwell shares his unique insights on male sexual performance. Drawing from his two-decade career in the adult film industry and his expertise in neurolinguistic programming, Mitch discusses the psychological and physical strategies men can utilize to improve their sexual experiences, focusing on control, mindset, and overcoming common issues like erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. Mitch emphasizes the importance of understanding one's own anatomy, being strategic in the bedroom, and building self-confidence through incremental success. Listen in for expert advice, practical tips, and an in-depth conversation about navigating and enhancing intimate relationships.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:50 Guest Introduction: Mitch Hartwell01:56 Mitch's Journey and Expertise05:27 Understanding Male Performance11:06 The Three Levels of Sexual Satisfaction20:58 Belief Systems and Performance25:31 Recognizing and Utilizing Tools for Change26:08 The Dangers of 'I Hope' Thinking26:54 Strategies for Erectile Dysfunction27:25 Understanding Sensations and Performance Pathways30:54 Psychological vs. Physical Erections38:39 Strategies for Premature Ejaculation39:07 The Five Minute Marker40:15 Position Strategies for Lasting Longer43:19 Building Confidence and Avoiding the Doom Loop44:18 Conclusion and How to Reach OutDesire discrepancy resources are at: https://www.desirediscrepancy.comBio:Erik Everhard (Mitch Hartwell) is a best-selling author, elite men’s coach, and former top-ranked adult film star who helps men get harder, last longer, and satisfy women faster — by increasing their “SQ” (sexual intelligence).His methods combine tactical psychology, proven techniques, and strategic bedroom positioning — not theory. With over 5,000 real-world sexual encounters and a master-level certification in neuro-linguistic programming, Erik brings a rare, lived perspective that helps men eliminate limiting beliefs, master their performance, and lead with confidence in the bedroom.Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses a practical strategy for improving communication and collaboration in intimate relationships. She emphasizes the importance of understanding each other's perspectives and removing the pressure of making immediate decisions. By fostering empathy and seeking a win-win solution, couples can create a more harmonious decision-making process. The episode provides actionable steps on how partners can share their views and reach mutually beneficial outcomes.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:52 Communication Strategy for Couples01:31 Understanding Each Other's Perspectives02:33 Collaborative Decision Making04:11 Seeking Win-Win Solutions05:45 Conclusion and Listener EngagementWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex, host Jess Zimmerman, a sex therapist, speaks with Gabriela Rosa about overcoming difficult fertility challenges. Rosa shares her journey into the field of infertility, which started with a broad interest in nutrition and naturopathy, leading her to specialize in reproductive health. They discuss the impact of minor factors on fertility, the importance of acting pregnant now to get pregnant later, and the role of chronic stress. Rosa also explains her approach to working with patients, diagnosing issues, and collaborating with physicians globally. The episode emphasizes the importance of understanding and addressing underlying health issues and the benefits of proactive care for enhancing fertility.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:50 Guest Introduction: Gabriela Rosa on Fertility Challenges02:07 Gabriela's Journey into Fertility and Reproductive Health07:00 Understanding Infertility Trends and Misconceptions11:01 Act Pregnant Now to Get Pregnant Later17:21 Lesser-Known Causes of Infertility21:11 Understanding Homeostasis and Fertility Challenges22:25 Healthcare Systems and Fertility Treatments26:05 The Role of Stress in Fertility30:49 Working with a Fertility Specialist34:37 Virtual Fertility Clinic Operations37:17 Getting in Touch and Additional ResourcesTake my quizzes at: https://www.intimacywithease.comBio:Gabriela Rosa is a fertility specialist, reproductive health educator, Harvard University-awarded scholar, and an accomplished business leader and entrepreneur. She created the world’s first entirely virtual and holistic fertility clinic. As the founder and CEO of The Rosa Institute, which serves patients across every continent except Antarctica, Gabriela leads a team of holistic specialists.Her treatment methodology is a recognized authority in the industry, identifying and addressing biochemical obstacles to help couples overcome infertility and recurrent miscarriage, even after previous reproductive challenges and failed treatments.Through various programs, Gabriela and her team have educated over 140,000 couples in more than 110 countries. She is also the host of the TalkSex with Gabriela Rosa™ podcast.www.fertilitybreakthrough.comhttps://rosa.institute/FBYThttps://rosa.institute/FertilityChallengeWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses the concept of not apologizing too quickly in intimate relationships. She explains why immediate apologies can often miss the mark and how important it is to first listen and empathize with your partner's feelings and experiences before apologizing. Jessa elaborates on why understanding the emotional impact on your partner and providing a space for them to express their hurt is crucial for a sincere apology. She also explores different motivations people have for quick apologies and provides strategies to avoid misunderstandings in the future.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:44 The Importance of Not Apologizing Too Quickly01:52 Understanding Your Partner's Experience04:43 The Right Way to Apologize06:06 Conclusion and Listener EngagementWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman is joined by Emily Rich, who shares her personal journey of questioning her sexuality and coming out later in life. Emily discusses the factors that disconnected her from her sexuality, her 'wake-up moment,' and the subsequent process of coming out to herself and others. The conversation explores the intersection of beliefs, upbringing, and self-discovery while highlighting the challenges and rewards of embracing one's true self. Emily also provides valuable resources and advice for those who may be on a similar path, emphasizing the importance of support and professional help. Tune in for an enlightening and supportive discussion that sheds light on the complexities of sexual identity.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:48 Emily Rich's Personal Story Begins02:00 The Wake-Up Moment03:52 Navigating Identity and Relationships05:58 Childhood Influences and Survival Strategies10:54 Therapy and Self-Discovery13:23 Coming Out and Relationship Challenges18:52 Impact on Family and Relationships20:04 Recognizing and Accepting Yourself20:09 Coming Out to Others20:29 The Never-Ending Process of Coming Out20:55 Support from Unexpected Places22:10 Sexuality in a Heterosexual Marriage22:36 Purity Culture and Its Impact26:00 Realizing True Desire28:38 Resources for Questioning Sexuality32:45 Final Thoughts and Contact Information34:34 Podcast ConclusionShare your personal story on the podcast by emailing us at [email protected]:Emily Rich is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Medical Family Therapist based in Seattle, WA. For the last decade, she has supported individuals, couples, and families in healing from trauma, disordered eating, and relationship challenges.Emily is especially passionate about body-based, nervous system-informed approaches, in part because of the impact they’ve had on her own life. Through addressing trauma and reconnecting with her body, she came to understand and embrace her queer identity in adulthood. Today, her personal and professional paths continue to inform one another as she supports others in their own healing and self-discovery.Documentary: 1946@emilyofftheclockWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman critiques the traditional sensate focus technique frequently recommended in sex therapy. She outlines her concerns about its sequential, goal-oriented nature, the problematic idea of doing things to a passive partner, and the lack of emphasis on pleasure. Jessa shares her alternative approach, which focuses on pleasure and connection through exercises where the receiving partner is in control, and highlights the importance of mutual desire and advocacy in intimate relationships.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:44 Critique of Sensate Focus01:49 Problems with Sensate Focus04:47 Alternative Approaches to Intimacy07:07 Conclusion and Listener EngagementWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman is joined by sexual wellness coach Andre Lazarus to discuss rapid ejaculation, formerly known as premature ejaculation. They explore how this condition impacts intimate relationships and offer strategies for managing and extending sexual pleasure. The conversation delves into Andre's background, causes of rapid ejaculation, psychological and physical techniques to address it, and ways partners can support each other. They emphasize the importance of practice, communication, and self-awareness for improving sexual experiences. Andre also highlights the role of solo sex in training and stresses that achieving a fulfilling sex life is possible with the right mindset and tools.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:55 Guest Introduction: Andre Lazarus03:10 Defining Rapid Ejaculation09:47 Causes and Psychological Aspects11:54 Strategies and Techniques17:01 Solo Practice and Partner Support25:03 Confidence and Intimacy28:35 Conclusion and ResourcesFind out how to work with Jessa: https;//www.intimacywithease.comBio:Andre Lazarus is a Somatic Intimacy Guide and media-recognised voice on relationships, sexuality, and embodied connection. His career has followed an unconventional path: from serving in the U.S. Marines to guiding people through the complexities of intimacy and desire. That breadth of experience gives him a distinctive perspective on courage, vulnerability, and human connection.He is best known for his role on the UK television series Virgin Island, where he appeared as a professional surrogate partner helping participants confront intimacy challenges alongside licensed therapists. The program drew national attention, and Andre’s presence on screen highlighted how intimacy work is not about performance but about safety, consent, and the courage to connect.Through his practice, Coming Closer, Andre supports individuals and couples across a wide range of needs: men facing midlife performance concerns, survivors of trauma seeking safety, long-term partners wanting to revive passion, and those exploring alternatives such as ethical non-monogamy. Equally, he works with couples committed to monogamy who want to strengthen trust and rediscover each other. His approach, rooted in the Somatica® Method of sex and intimacy coaching, emphasises learning through the body and replacing shame with curiosity.While Andre has also taught workshops introducing kink and alternative practices, he situates them within a broader conversation: how people of all backgrounds can embrace intimacy as part of their wellbeing. His message consistently comes back to honesty, communication, and self-awareness as the foundations for connection.Today, Andre balances private coaching, workshops, and a men’s online course on sexual communication with growing media visibility, including the upcoming second season of Virgin Island.Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass