287: Freedom from Body Shame with Nikita Fernandes

In this episode of Better Sex, host Jessa Zimmerman discusses body acceptance, freedom from body shame, and the broader implications on sexual intimacy and pleasure with guest sex therapist Nikita Fernandes. They explore the sources and impacts of body shame, the unique challenges faced by diverse communities, and practical steps towards body acceptance and empowerment.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:46 Jessa's Intro on Body Shame01:52 Nikita's Background and Motivation04:32 Populations and Approaches in Therapy06:39 Low Sexual Self-Esteem and Intimacy Issues10:47 Sources of Body Shame26:37 The Role of Media and Queer Communities27:16 Closing and Contact Information28:41 Final Thank Yous and OutroNeed resources on desire discrepancy? https://www.desirediscrepancy.comBioNikita Fernandes (she/her) is a psychotherapist and certified sex therapist in New York City. She is an active member of the kink scene and brings her lived experiences to her work. Nikita's clinical identity lies in supporting people seeking culturally sensitive, poly & kink-friendly, and gender-affirming therapists. She works with individuals and people in relationships. Nikita prioritizes fostering self-compassion in the face of systemic oppression, rather than just numbing pain. Rooted in evidence-based techniques, her methods acknowledge the impact of trauma and embrace diverse cultural perspectives. Nikita graduated from New York University with a Master in Mental Health Counseling and is also an AASECT certified sex [email protected] to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses the significance of sex in intimate relationships. Addressing the common concern from lower desire partners who often feel misunderstood or inadequate, Jessa delves into why sex is more than just a physical act—it is a profound emotional connection. She explains how openness and vulnerability during sex create a unique bond between partners. By exploring these dynamics, Jessa offers insights and strategies for both lower and higher desire partners to improve their intimate relationships. The episode encourages open communication and understanding, highlighting the multidimensional nature of sexual intimacy.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:49 The Importance of Sex in Relationships01:15 Understanding Lower Desire Partners03:21 The Emotional Significance of Sex04:07 Vulnerability and Connection in Sex06:10 Communicating About Sexual Needs07:30 Conclusion and Listener EngagementWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman interviews Ann Russo, an expert on sexual empowerment. They discuss the concept of sexual empowerment, its importance for individuals across different sexual orientations and gender identities, and the benefits and barriers to achieving it. Ann shares insights from her work and personal experiences, exploring how societal and cultural messages, particularly around religion and female sexuality, contribute to disempowerment. They also discuss how people can begin to unlearn harmful messages and reclaim their pleasure and sexual identity. Throughout the conversation, they touch on topics such as trauma, marginalized communities, and practical steps for achieving sexual empowerment.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:56 Interview with Ann Russo: Sexual Empowerment02:18 Defining Sexual Empowerment03:48 Barriers to Sexual Empowerment08:34 Unlearning Cultural Messages20:06 Challenges for Marginalized Communities23:18 Addressing Trauma in Sexual Empowerment25:45 Finding the Right Therapist27:48 Conclusion and Contact InformationInterested in sharing your personal story on the show? Email us at [email protected]:Ann Russo, LCSW, MA, Theology is a mental health advocate, therapist, and thought leader specializing in healing religious trauma, sexual empowerment, ethical non-monogamy, queer identity, and inclusivity in mental health. With over two decades of experience, she combines professional expertise and lived experience to inspire transformation and foster meaningful conversations about often-stigmatized topics. Ann is currently writing her first book under contract with PESI, which introduces the Religious Trauma Treatment Model (RTTM). She is also the founder and clinical director of AMR Therapy, a boutique mental health practice serving clients with a focus on culturally competent, accessible care for marginalized communities.Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman addresses the complex question of whether individuals are entitled to sex within their relationships. She explores both sides of the argument, emphasizing the importance of mutual satisfaction and highlighting the pitfalls of entitlement. Jessa underscores the significance of a fulfilling sex life for both partners and the need for self-reflection and teamwork. The episode also discusses common misconceptions and harmful attitudes towards sex and provides strategies for creating a balanced, enjoyable, and sustainable intimate relationship.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:51 The Entitlement Question01:58 Healthy Sexual Relationships04:42 Addressing Desire Discrepancies04:57 Listener Comments and Misconceptions07:32 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman speaks with couples and sex therapist Dr. Emily Jamea about her new book, 'Anatomy of Desire: Five Secrets to Create Connection and Cultivate Passion.' They discuss the concept of achieving a flow state during sex, which involves being so fully absorbed in the moment that time seems to disappear and there's a profound connection with one's partner. Emily shares insights from her research, including the importance of curiosity, adapting to life's challenges, and maintaining emotional intimacy. She also emphasizes that this state is accessible to everyone, regardless of age or physical condition, as long as both partners are equally committed. Additionally, the episode covers practices for individuals to explore their own sexuality and ways to integrate small, novel changes to enhance sexual experiences.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:52 Meet Emily Jamea: Author and Sex Therapist01:03 Exploring the Concept of Flow in Sex01:54 The Anatomy of Desire: Five Secrets04:37 Research Findings on Flow and Sexual Satisfaction06:38 Practical Tips for Achieving Flow State09:16 The Role of Emotional Intimacy and Vulnerability12:26 Flow State Beyond the Honeymoon Phase22:52 Applying Flow State Principles to Self-Pleasure26:00 Conclusion and Where to Find MoreTake the quiz at https://www.sexlifequiz.comBio:Dr. Emily Jamea is an award-winning sex and relationship therapist and USA Today best-selling author of Anatomy of Desire: Five Secrets to Create Connection and Cultivate Passion. Emily speaks nationally and internationally to a diverse range of audiences including educators, health and mental health professionals, executive and corporate groups, and the general public. Her expertise has been featured in Oprah Magazine, CNN, USA Today, NBC, and more. She offers online workshops as part of her mission to make her knowledge accessible to everyone. Dr. Jamea is an award-winning columnist for Healthy Women. She hosts the Love and Libido podcast and writes for Psychology Today. She posts across all the social media channels @dremilyjamea.  In her free time, Emily enjoys spending time with her husband and children, traveling as much as possible, and salsa dancing and painting when she gets the chance. Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses the challenges faced by the lower desire partner in a relationship. She addresses the common issue of desire discrepancy and emphasizes the importance of empathy and understanding. Jessa shares insights from her work with clients and highlights the guilt and feeling of brokenness that often accompany lower desire. By changing the conversation and creating a safe space, couples can co-create a better sexual relationship. Real-life feedback from her Intimacy With Ease program illustrates the positive impact of this approach.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast01:01 The Plight of the Lower Desire Partner03:40 Understanding the Lower Desire Partner's Struggles06:34 Changing the Conversation and Finding Solutions07:26 Success Stories and Positive Feedback10:20 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsIf you're a Higher Desire Partner and curious how you may be making it worse, you can access my special training - 5 things you're likely doing to push your partner away: https://intimacywithease.com/stop5Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host sex therapist, Jessa Zimmerman, engages in a thought-provoking conversation with Dr. Irwin Goldstein from the San Diego Sexual Medicine Clinic. They discuss the often overlooked and lasting sexual side effects of widely prescribed medications, including birth control pills, SSRIs, and finasteride (Propecia). Dr. Goldstein explains the mechanisms by which these medications impact sexual health and shares research findings and patient experiences. Listeners are informed about the importance of recognizing these side effects and considering alternative treatments where possible.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:46 Welcoming Dr. Irwin Goldstein01:02 The Hidden Dangers of Common Medications02:52 Deep Dive into Birth Control Pills05:01 Exploring Alternatives to Birth Control Pills05:56 Research Findings on Birth Control Pills06:48 Impact of Birth Control Pills on Androgen Receptors09:32 Long-Term Effects of Birth Control Pills12:33 Introduction to Antidepressants and Sexual Side Effects15:37 Impact of SSRIs on Sexual Health15:52 Mechanisms Behind SSRI-Induced Sexual Dysfunction16:37 Animal Studies and Findings17:53 Persistent Erectile Dysfunction in Young Men18:24 Treatment Options for PSSD19:08 Challenges in Treating PSSD19:56 Gender Differences in PSSD21:13 Introduction to Finasteride and Its Side Effects22:42 Mechanism of Finasteride and Its Impact on Hormones24:29 Health Risks of Finasteride27:42 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsWant to work with Jessa? Visit https://www.intimacywithease.comBio:Dr. Goldstein has been involved with sexual dysfunction research since the late 1970's. He has authored more than 350 publications as well as multiple book chapters and edited 6 textbooks in the field. His interests include penile microvascular bypass surgery, surgery for dyspareunia, sexual health management post cancer treatment, genital dysesthesia/persistent genital arousal disorder, physiologic investigation of sexual function in men and women, and diagnosis and treatment of sexual dysfunction in men and women. Dr. Goldstein is Director of Sexual Medicine at Alvarado Hospital, Clinical Professor of Surgery at University of California, San Diego and practices medicine at San Diego Sexual Medicine. He is also Editor-in-Chief of Sexual Medicine Reviews and past Editor of The Journal of Sexual Medicine. He is a Past President of the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health and of the Sexual Medicine Society of North America. He holds a degree in engineering from Brown University and received his medical degree from McGill University. The World Association for Sexual Health awarded the Gold Medal to Dr. Goldstein in 2009 in recognition of his lifelong contributions to the field, in 2012 he received the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health Award for Distinguished Service in Women’s Sexual Health, in 2013 he received the Lifetime Achievement Award from the Sexual Medicine Society of North America, and in 2014 he received the ISSM Lifetime Achievement Award from the International Society for Sexual Medicine. He is happily married to his college sweetheart Sue, and together they have three children and five grandchildren.Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses how to use the giver receiver exercise for personal and relational growth. Jessa provides detailed insights on recognizing personal progress, identifying challenges, and reflecting on experiences to foster meaningful breakthroughs in intimate relationships. The episode offers guidance both for the receiver and the giver in the exercise, emphasizing the importance of communication, self-awareness, and practice. Listeners are encouraged to use the exercise repetitively for continuous improvement and transformation.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:49 Overview of the Giver Receiver Exercise03:08 Reflecting as the Receiver09:29 Reflecting as the Giver16:28 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex, host Jessa Zimmerman interviews AJ Cheyfitz about kink and BDSM, discussing misconceptions, mental health, and trauma-related aspects. They explore how individuals can safely engage in kink, the importance of negotiation, identifying red flags, and how to find kink-aware therapists. The conversation emphasizes destigmatizing kink and ensuring a supportive environment for those exploring or involved in BDSM.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:59 Exploring Kink and BDSM with AJ Schitz01:56 Mental Health and Kink: Navigating Stigma06:55 Understanding Kink: Myths and Realities09:16 Defining Kink and BDSM16:19 Trauma and Kink: Intersections and Safety29:11 Finding Kink-Aware Practitioners33:29 Conclusion and ResourcesWant Jessa's desire discrepancy resources? Go to https://www.desirediscrepancy.comBio:Amy Julia (AJ) Cheyfitz (she/her) is an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and a BDSM Educator who has been teaching about kink for well over a decade. In her DC area sex therapy practice (Fox & Owl Psychotherapy) she focuses on kink/BDSM practitioners, ethically non-monogamous and LGBTQ+ clients, as well as supporting clients exploring fat liberation and their relationship with their own bodies.One of AJ’s passions is working to de-stigmatize kink, and she regularly teaches and consults for non-kink professionals, particularly in the mental health and medical fields. Within the kink community she has taught all over the country and for international groups, and focuses on mental health, power exchange relationship dynamics, and self-exploration and advocacy. AJ has been on numerous podcasts discussing kink and mental health, as well as being quoted in many articles about BDSM, sex, and relationships, including in the New York Times. If you want to hear AJ talk about something besides sex, ask about her mischievous cat, Rosalind. Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this 'soapbox' episode of Better Sex, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses the concept of transforming sexual encounters into playful, pressure-free experiences akin to visiting a playground. Highlighting the pitfalls of goal-oriented sex, Zimmerman suggests focusing more on pleasure and connection rather than specific outcomes. She provides strategies for reducing pressure and creating a more flexible, enjoyable intimate relationship. Listeners are encouraged to embrace this approach, which can enhance spontaneous and satisfying sexual experiences.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:56 The Playground Concept in Sex01:55 Removing Pressure and Embracing Pleasure04:31 Navigating Arousal and Flexibility07:33 Conclusion and Invitation to Explore07:46 Podcast Outro and Listener EngagementWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass