Best of The Aware Show with Carolyn Sharp, LICSW: How to have Radical Acceptance in Difficult Conversations - Part 2

 How can you have a conversation with someone who doesn't agree with you?  Will you be understanding? Or just dismiss it? We are living in a time where people seemingly have deeply conflicting views. Lisa continues the conversation today with author and therapist Carolyn Sharp, who assures us that it is possible to find common ground. She also shares ways to handle being triggered, if conversations get heated. Carolyn asks us to consider our values. It's a matter of alignment and feeling safe. She explains that it's better to be proactive in our relationships. Care, respect, and curiosity are all keys to better communication. She also discusses how to set boundaries if things are going in a toxic direction. We must be confident in our boundaries. We need to first understand ourselves and our limits, then we can be clear with others. Carolyn is both a therapist and coach, who works with individuals as well as couples. She has been trained by relationship expert Stan Tatkin, founder of the PACT Institute. She talks about how you know whether to repair a damaged relationship. She believes almost any problem in a relationship, except for abuse, can be fixed and eventually healed, as long as the individuals want it to work out for the best. It takes constant care, and can be challenging, yet relationships offer us the biggest opportunities for growth! Info: CarolynSharp.com and SecureConnectionsRetreats.com

Can you be understanding and compassionate with someone who has differing views than you do? How can you allow for the conflict that might ensue?  Or do you just walk away? According to our guest today, author, therapist, and relationship expert Carolyn Sharp, there are ways to handle being triggered. This is a normal and natural response when we feel fear. If we can soften, it will ease the trigger, and we can begin to feel calmer. Carolyn explains that if we learn to be curious, rather than judgmental, we can get through these intense moments. When we stay focused on just the facts, we disconnect from the curiosity. We can feel misunderstood and not heard. We can feel that people are not respecting us. This is prevalent in our country and especially missing culturally now. We all want to be understood and recognized. For example, many people may disagree about how the government wants to enforce judgements and control the narrative. We must create space to talk about things in a safe way. Make it safe for both sides. It's a matter of acknowledging and not judging. If someone feels wrong, it erodes compassion. This can lead to violence and lack of safety. Carolyn also discusses her recent book, "Fire It Up: Reigniting Intimacy and Joy in Your Relationship" and how she wrote it for couples and people in relationships. It's about compassionate communication. She addresses various aspects of couples including what to do when one lies or even is unfaithful. She talks about how lying is extraordinarily common in relationships, especially during the courtship phase. As an example, someone may ask, "How do you like the dinner I cooked?" and the other person may feel the need to be overly complimentary, even if they dislike it. She talks about a culture where people feel safe enough to be completely honest. If we continue with "white lies" we eventually stop recognizing that we are lying. In this Age of Social Media, we are experiencing general people, who are not trained journalists, reporting what they believe is fact. People are stating opinions and claiming it as fact. This becomes very hard for us to decipher and can lead to major disagreements. Carolyn also talks about the importance of investing in your relationships, and specifically with your partner. She addresses if someone in the partnership cheats and how traumatic it can be.  If the other person is not hearing you, it's important to decide if it's healthy to stay in the relationship. If it's in a situation with co-workers or with your boss, you may need to just "agree to disagree." We are not able to change others. We can only change ourselves. Fighting doesn't allow for this opportunity. In politics and such a divided nation, it's challenging to acknowledge one another. It is impacting many aspects of our lives. Many people feel betrayed and hurt. We are living in an intense time, and Carolyn suggests getting support around your feelings. These are complicated times, but there are ways to de-escalate and disengage. Everyone has to decide what they need in their relationships. You can value the other person's support yet not agree with them. It's better to be honest and respectful and see if you can come to a place of radical acceptance. Info: CarolynSharp.com and SecureConnectionsRetreats.com

How can you be strong in your faith? When you consider religion and various beliefs, how can we know anything is the truth? What is belief anyway and how can we know that something is true? Might it be irrational to believe in a God or Higher Power? Lisa continues the conversation today with NYT bestselling author Eldon Taylor, Ph.D., who examines these ideas and more. He talks about how there are good people everywhere, who cross all barriers – whether they reject organized religion and spirituality or not.   Eldon talks about how what you believe can, and does, have a huge impact on the quality of your life — from success in business to success in relationships, from your ability to learn and master new subjects to your ability to heal your own body. In his latest book, "Questioning Spirituality," he deeply considers the idea of a God and/or Higher Power and how it seems our institutions of higher learning tend to go against this idea. An intellectual elitism exists in which students, and professors, may think that although it's comforting to consider believing in a God, it's simply not rational.  The idea for his latest book started after numerous conversations with Eldon's college-aged sons, both of whom were studying away at Ivy League schools. Although they grew up with a strong sense of faith, they returned home from university as atheists.  Students are taught critical thinking in college. This naturally leads to the questioning of religion. Is it possible to be both a critical thinker and hold belief in a Higher Power? Eldon presents both sides of the argument – and proposes that it's not at all irrational to believe.   Eldon Taylor has been researching the power of the mind for the past 25 years and is considered to be an expert in the areas of hypnosis and subliminal communication. For more than ten years, Eldon specialized in criminalistics, where he supervised and conducted investigations and testing to detect deception. Today, Eldon is President and Director of Progressive Awareness Research, Inc. He has developed and patented the InnerTalk technology, which has been demonstrated by numerous universities to be effective. Eldon is an award-winning, NYT best-selling author of more than 300 books, and audio and video programs.  Info: eldontaylor.com.  This is Part 2 of the interview.  

How do you know that something is true? What is belief?  When we consider religion and various beliefs, how can we know anything is the truth? Might it be irrational to believe in a God or Higher Power? Today guest, NYT bestselling author Eldon Taylor, Ph.D., examines these ideas and more. Eldon has been a practicing criminalist and is an expert in forensic hypnosis and subliminal communication.   He talks about how what you believe can, and does, have a huge impact on the quality of your life — from success in business to success in relationships, from your ability to learn and master new subjects to your ability to heal your own body. In his latest book, "Questioning Spirituality," he deeply considers the idea of a God and/or Higher Power and how it seems our institutions of higher learning tend to go against this idea. An intellectual elitism exists in which students, and professors, may think that although it's comforting to consider believing in a God, it's simply not rational.  The idea for his latest book started after numerous conversations with Eldon's college-aged sons, both of whom were studying away at Ivy League schools. Although they grew up with a strong sense of faith, they returned home from university as atheists.  Students are taught critical thinking in college. This naturally leads to the questioning of religion. Is it possible to be both a critical thinker and hold belief in a Higher Power? Eldon presents both sides of the argument – and proposes that it's not at all irrational to believe.   Eldon Taylor has been researching the power of the mind for the past 25 years and is considered to be an expert in the areas of hypnosis and subliminal communication. For more than ten years, Eldon specialized in criminalistics, where he supervised and conducted investigations and testing to detect deception. Today, Eldon is President and Director of Progressive Awareness Research, Inc. He has developed and patented the InnerTalk technology, which has been demonstrated by numerous universities to be effective. Eldon is an award-winning, NYT best-selling author of more than 300 books, and audio and video programs.  Info: eldontaylor.com. This is Part 1 of the interview.  

How do we break out of self-sabotage? Would you like to be happier? The mind is biologically programmed to be negative. Lisa continues the conversation today with renunciate monk and author Sadhvi Bhagawati Saraswati. Sadhvi has lived on the banks of the sacred Ganges River in Rishikesh, India, for the past 30 years. Originally from Los Angeles, and a graduate of Stanford University, she holds a Ph.D. in psychology. Sadhvi explains how we are the offspring of people who know they need to survive. Our ancestors needed to assume the worst, in order to survive. We have evolved this way. And, we know that we can now change. We can reprogram our minds. Sadhvi suggests using a mantra. It doesn't have to be in Sanskrit. It's anything that can bring you into the present moment and out of negativity. We can reason with our minds, and sometimes we need to face the negativity, but more often we can delete and end the cycle of negativity. "OM" is a very common mantra. It's very powerful. Chanting also helps. This stops the mind. She gives examples of many different mantras and prayers. The sounds help the brain go into a state of coherence. She also talks about attending the Maha Kumbh Mela where more than 670 million people came to the Ganges river recently to attend at the largest gathering in the history of the world. The Maha Kumbh Mela means the great festival of the nectar of immortality. It took place on the confluence of the banks of 3 great rivers in India.  There was no conflict, no violence; it was just people coming together in love and peace. She further discusses the astrology of the moment, especially the full moons. Vedic astrology predicts that this particular planetary alignment happens only once every 144 years. With hundreds of millions of people attending the gathering, this shows that people are suffering and looking for answers. People are angry. People are frustrated. People are searching for answers. This was a way to break out of constraints and experience freedom. When asked about anger, she expressed that there are some reasons to be angry including poverty, hunger, loss of human rights, and so much more. Yet, when we are angry, we are called to be agents of change, but first we must find peace within ourselves so we can then help others. She offers breathing exercises with specific energy centers and anchoring. Whether it's other people's action, or even the weather, we shouldn't have expectations that things will be different. We cannot control others. We must bring light to the darkness, but not from a place of anger. She notes Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, Jr, and Gandhi and how they were angry but came from a place of peace to make change.   Sadhvi is a bestselling author, a world-renowned speaker, a recipient of President Biden's Award for a Lifetime of Service, and she serves on the United Nations Advisory Council on religion. She talks further about her new book "Come Home to Yourself" and discusses how forgiveness is the key to help us reach deeper spiritual truths. It's an invitation to come home to freedom. Info: www.sadhviji.org

Do you live in anger and fear? Would you like to be more relaxed and peaceful? Today Lisa talks with renunciate monk and author Sadhvi Bhagawati Saraswati and her story of healing. Sadhvi has lived on the banks sacred Ganges River in Rishikesh, India, for the past 30 years. Originally from Los Angeles, and a graduate of Stanford University, she holds a Ph.D. in psychology. Seemingly having it all, she realized at the young age of 25, that she was not happy. Although she excelled academically, she felt restless and was always wanting more. She had overcome childhood traumas, abuse, a severe eating disorder, and depression. She knew there must be another way. Upon arriving in India, she had an unexpected and profound spiritual experience. She only went to India because her husband wanted to go. She left with only a backpack, thinking this would be a semester break. Suddenly, while standing on the banks of the Ganges River, she was overwhelmed with ecstasy. Several days later she randomly walked past a beautiful, clean ashram. It felt like an oasis to her. She was walking through it and heard a voice say, "You must stay here." She didn't see anyone, and she was a scientist, so of course she ignored it. One minute later, she heard the voice again, and still didn't see anyone. She was just about to ignore it again, when she remembered she made a promise to herself while on the flight to India. She asked herself to "keep her heart open." The fact she was in India made no sense to her. She was not religious, and she was not spiritual, yet she always believed there would be a plan. This felt perfect and she knew this must somehow be aligned. Sadvhi further shares her story about realizing that things were planned. Being a scientist, she does not believe in random events. Although she still believes in science, she was open to possibilities. She knew that if she didn't want to stay in India, it would be very easy for her to return to the US. She ended up staying at the ashram and working with the spiritual teacher there. The ashram is dedicated to self-realization and awakening for all. The devotees there believe in the betterment of all and help to provide food for the hungry, empower women, and offer free medical care, as well as a spiritual path for anyone who is interested. They have yoga programs, philosophy programs, sacred ceremonies, all taught by example from the guru there. They focus on love and compassion for all. Sadhvi is a bestselling author, a world-renowned speaker, a recipient of President Biden's Award for a Lifetime of Service, and she serves on the United Nations Advisory Council on religion. Sadhvi's latest book is "Come Home to Yourself." This book is the edited version of the Q&A sessions that she teaches each night in the ashram. She is a vessel for wisdom to pour through her. She feels that the gift she was given was to come home to the truth. She wants to offer these powerful teachings as a way for each person to find the truth within themselves. We all have the answers within. We may just need to be reminded that we can end our suffering by coming home to ourselves. We don't need to constantly be taught; we just need to be guided back into ourselves to find the truth.  Info: www.sadhviji.org

 Do you feel like you need to make a change? Do you feel like something is holding you back?  Are you ready for something new but aren't quite sure where to start?  Today's guest is author Nancy Levin who discusses her new book "Jump and Your Life Will Appear."  Nancy will help you understand how to negotiate the fears, set the boundaries, and give you the information on how to gracefully land on your feet after taking your leap. Do you sometimes seek external approval? Nancy explains that it starts by looking within first. She realized that she wanted people to think she was living a perfect life. She believed that that was more important than living a happy life. She shares the intimate story of her younger brother passing away and how that affected her. She sought external validation and recognized she was a people-pleaser. She realized that we draw to us people who reflect us. We disown qualities of ourselves and project them on others. This is part of our shadow. Often the people closest to us activate us the most. We will keep being tested by being triggered. We can ask ourselves, "What are you unwilling to change?" She talks about 10 steps to making a major change. Our bodies know the truth. She invites us to ask ourselves, "What are you hiding?" It comes down to making choices.  We can set boundaries. She explains how we can find our voice and become empowered. Nancy explains that suffering comes from our unwillingness to accept things as they are. If we are present and can fully choose, we can make different choices. Nancy is the bestselling author of "Jump … And Your Life Will Appear" and "Writing For My Life." She is a Certified Integrative Coach through The Ford Institute For Transformational Training. For more than a decade, she worked as the Event Director at Hay House, Inc. producing events and conferences focusing on self-empowerment, health, and spirituality, while weaving in her own story and poems to connect with audiences around the world.  Info: www.nancylevin.com.

 In these unpredictable times, laughter is often the best medicine. Ready for a good laugh?  Then tune in to today's show because the hilarious Russian comedian Yakov Smirnoff will be joining Lisa. Yakov has been a mainstay in the entertainment scene since the late 1970s. He's been a popular guest on numerous national TV shows and co-starred in many movies. Since 1992, he has performed in his own theater in Branson, Missouri.  In his newest endeavor, "The Happily Ever Laughter Tour," he is taking his comedy to a new level to showcase laughter's effects on relationships and envisions a world where sadness and tears are replaced with love and laughter.  They'll talk about his journey to fame, the role of humor in our lives, and the 9/11 mural he painted in honor of the tragedy. This is an insightful interview filled with laughs! Info yakov.com.

 In Part 2 of this interview with scholar, philosopher, and researcher Jean Houston, Ph.D., she shares her first meeting with American cultural anthropologist Margaret Mead, one of her early and most impactful mentors. Margaret considered Jean her "adopted daughter" and encouraged her to keep searching, keep understanding, keep putting pieces together to make some sense of it all. Mead was one of the early founders of Earth Day and taught Jean to keep reaching for solutions. Through this experience, Jean learned to produce extensive writing about the "new story of humanity" – she wrote books every month about history, culture, and possibilities. Jean talks today about how we can progress through community and cooperation and use our creativity to the fullest, by recognizing the good in one another. We can activate our innate genes as beings seeking constant growth and evolve to become higher humans as we visualize the possibilities and create the world we want. This is entelechy – it pushes us toward what humanity could be. Through her mentors and studies, Jean learned to observe and hone her particular awareness in a unique way of seeing people and raising them to their greatness. She worked for the UN and with many cultures throughout the world as well as working with Presidents Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter. Today we are asked to consider, "What does a world that works look like?"  New science, quantum physics, and relational science teach that there is unity and oneness. Jean believes we are in a renaissance period now and although we've experienced the pandemic, wars, and scenes of outrage, we've also seen the linking of hearts, which is indeed the gestation period of a New Humanity. People want peace worldwide. We can do this by accessing the very depths of the human spirit which is available to all of us by seeing the very best in one another. This is the second of a two-part discussion. Info: JeanHouston.com. This interview was originally taped in May 2022. Scholar, philosopher, and researcher Jean Houston, Ph.D., made her transition very recently and we air this in her honor.

 Do you feel stressed on a daily basis? Are you feeling low energy?  The news is filled with stories of wars, mass shootings, rights getting overturned, economic uncertainty, and so much continuous devastation, it could seem that we are living in End Times.  Our guest today, scholar, philosopher, and researcher Jean Houston, Ph.D., delves into the idea of finding possibility, even during these times of great grief. We have been conditioned to respond to the terrible, but it does not have to be this way. As an icon in the Human Potential movement, Jean shares ideas about how the Renaissance, with its advancements in music, art, poetry, and cosmology,  came after great plagues and times of war, much like the world situation today. Could we be in a new Renaissance period now? We are once again in a similar time of radical growth, and we have the power within us to see new possibilities and reach mythical potential in our human evolution.     Jean shares stories of her travels and talks about her friendship with scholar Joseph Campbell and how they would have "beautiful fights" which were friendly arguments and deep discussions about mythology and the fate of humanity. Campbell wrote extensively about the "Hero's Journey," while Jean considered the "Heroine's Journey." Part of the problem is that 50% of the human race is not being recognized for women's immense creativity and power. Women's ways are missing. With an emphasis on compassion, cooperation, community, and process rather than product and competition, humane creativity must be celebrated by acknowledging the achievements of women. This is Part 1 of the interview. Info: JeanHouston.com.  This interview was originally taped in May 2022. Scholar, philosopher, and researcher Jean Houston, Ph.D., made her transition very recently and we air this in her honor.