ADHD Relationships: Rejection Sensitivity, Arguments & Accountability with Your ADHD Buddy Conor

Send us Fan MailHow does wanting a new couch turn into redecorating the entire living room?For Adam, it means researching seemingly every couch on the internet, learning to paint and getting very excited about a massive TV. For Donna, it means fitting decorating around work, children and a growing feeling of overwhelm.This week, we’re talking ADHD, relationships and DIY, and how the same project can feel completely different to each partner.We chat about:• Hyperfocus, endless research and why choosing furniture becomes a full-time occupation.• Time blindness, and discovering that three weeks actually means two free days.• The masking-tape incident and why a thank you should have come first.• Feeling overwhelmed while trying not to spoil your partner’s excitement.• How “give me ten minutes” became two and a half hours.• A practical idea Adam wants to try: setting a timer and naming exactly what he’s committing to do.There’s also expensive wallpaper, unwanted LED lights, disappearing deodorants and another questionable Facebook claim, this time about sleeping with T-Rex hands.When one of you is completely absorbed in a project, how do you make room for what the other person needs?Get your free personalised dopamine menu:https://www.adhdorlife.com/dopamine-menuFind us and join the conversation:Website: https://www.adhdorlife.com/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePodSpotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnSFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/adhdorlifepodInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepodEmail: [email protected] episodes every Friday.This podcast shares personal experiences and opinions. It is not medical advice or a substitute for support from a qualified professional. Our Facebook segment discusses social-media claims with humour; sleeping with “T-Rex hands” is not a diagnostic test for ADHD.New episodes every Friday. Have a Good, Bad or Funny story, or a question for us? Send it to [email protected] and subscribe on YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePodFind us on Instagram and TikTok:@adhdorlifepodVisit our website:https://www.adhdorlife.com

Send us Fan MailCan a simple “hello” turn into a whole story in your head about your partner leaving you?This week, Adam and Donna welcome ADHD behaviour coach Conor Young, known online as Your ADHD Buddy, for an honest conversation about ADHD relationships, rejection sensitivity and taking responsibility for your behaviour.“I was the problem in our relationship.”Conor shares how recognising his own damaging reactions led him to seek an ADHD diagnosis, work on changing his behaviour and eventually help others navigate similar challenges.Adam recognises some familiar patterns, while Donna brings the partner’s perspective: how do you support someone with ADHD while making room for your own feelings too?In this episode:• Why criticism can feel much bigger than the words being said.• How an argument can become about your reaction rather than the original problem.• Giving each other space without making it feel like rejection.• Conor’s “point, reason, reassurance” approach to communication.• Reading the whole message before firing back an angry reply.• Why changing your behaviour takes practice as well as strategies.• Job hopping, boredom and Adam’s unexpected milkman ambition.We finish with Conor’s Good, Bad and Funny, including a burning tea towel and a moment he describes as something from a Mr Bean sketch.Does your brain ever read between lines that your partner never put there? We’d love to hear your version.CONNECT WITH CONOR, YOUR ADHD BUDDYTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@your_adhd_buddyInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/your.adhd.buddyFacebook: Search “Your ADHD Buddy”LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/conor-young-a8a300401YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@youradhdbuddyGET YOUR FREE PERSONALISED DOPAMINE MENUFind activities that suit you, your interests and your everyday life:https://www.adhdorlife.com/dopamine-menuMORE FROM IS IT ADHD OR LIFE? A COUPLE’S PERSPECTIVEWebsite: https://www.adhdorlife.com/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePodSpotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnSFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/adhdorlifepodInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepodEmail: [email protected] episodes every Friday.This podcast shares personal experiences and opinions. It is not medical advice or a substitute for support from a qualified professional.New episodes every Friday. Have a Good, Bad or Funny story, or a question for us? Send it to [email protected] and subscribe on YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePodFind us on Instagram and TikTok:@adhdorlifepodVisit our website:https://www.adhdorlife.com

Send us Fan MailTwo years of talking about ADHD and relationships. But are we actually doing anything differently, or just having the same arguments into better microphones?🎁 It’s our second birthday, and we’ve got a gift for you: a FREE personalised dopamine menu!Answer a few short questions to get activity ideas based on what you enjoy. Create yours, then tell us your favourite suggestion: https://adhdorlife.com/dopamine-menuIn this birthday episode of Is It ADHD or Life? A Couple’s Perspective, we revisit our old Five Minute Moans, questionable purchases and unfinished projects to see what’s improved and what still drives us both mad.Adam has ADHD. Donna doesn’t. From piles of doom to eating chicken in the car, we don’t always agree on what counts as progress.We talk about: • ADHD in marriage and why understanding has to go both ways. • Adam’s experience of medication, his expectations and the strategies he’s still working on. • Shopping, unfinished projects and feeling less guilty about putting an idea aside. • Last-minute deadlines and decorating during one of our busiest weeks. • Food textures, sensory discoveries and familiar household frustrations. • Why making time for each other matters when life gets busy.Plus, Adam remembers two more jobs he’d completely forgotten about. Neither lasted long.Whether you’ve been here from the beginning or this is your first episode, thank you for listening and being part of the conversation.What’s one thing you understand better about yourself or your partner than you did a year ago?WATCH THIS EPISODE https://youtu.be/NNcyDcNu0FkFIND US Website: https://www.adhdorlife.com/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePod Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnS Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/adhdorlifepod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepod Email: [email protected] episodes every Friday.This podcast shares personal experiences and opinions. It is not medical advice or a substitute for support from a qualified professional.New episodes every Friday. Have a Good, Bad or Funny story, or a question for us? Send it to [email protected] and subscribe on YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePodFind us on Instagram and TikTok:@adhdorlifepodVisit our website:https://www.adhdorlife.com

Send us Fan MailHave you ever read one look or a flat “hello” as a sign that something is wrong? Adam knows that spiral. In this episode, he and Donna are joined by ADHD coach Caitlin Whitmore to talk about RSD, relationships and why a small moment can feel like rejection.Caitlin shares how discovering ADHD changed the way she understood her experiences, including her research project on RSD. We talk about how rejection sensitivity can show up in relationships, why it can be hard to explain what’s happening in the moment, and what partners can discuss ahead of time to make things easier.We also talk about:Reading rejection into someone’s tone, expression or delayed replyAgreeing what reassurance or a code phrase might helpCommunicating clearly with childrenFeeling overwhelmed by ADHD information after diagnosisCaitlin’s free masterclass for a practical next stepAt the end, Caitlin shares her Good, Bad and Funny: creative ideas, an overpacked weekend and the challenge of resting when your brain wants to keep going.Have you ever read more into someone’s tone or expression than they intended? What helps you talk it through?Find CaitlinFree masterclass, You Have ADHD... Now What? What to actually DO after discovering you have ADHD to start making your life easier:https://www.adhdcoachcaitlin.co.uk/freemasterclassoptinWebsite: https://www.adhdcoachcaitlin.co.ukFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/share/1Fj6GQfEHP/?mibextid=wwXIfrInstagram: @adhdcoach_caitlinTikTok: @adhdcoachcaitlinFind the podcastWebsite: https://www.adhdorlife.com/Watch this episode: https://youtu.be/xXRm2DadtnEYouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePodSpotify show: https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnSFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/adhdorlifepodInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepodEmail: [email protected] episodes every Friday.This podcast shares personal experiences and opinions. It is not medical advice or a substitute for support from a qualified professional.New episodes every Friday. Have a Good, Bad or Funny story, or a question for us? Send it to [email protected] and subscribe on YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePodFind us on Instagram and TikTok:@adhdorlifepodVisit our website:https://www.adhdorlife.com

Send us Fan MailWhat happens when ADHD hyperfocus helps you build a successful business but makes it impossible to recognise when you are burning out?Entrepreneur Joshua Griffin built an award-winning e-commerce business, but when its income dropped, he found himself facing mounting debt and working relentless 16 to 18-hour days. Eventually, his body forced him to stop. Joshua arrived home, physically collapsed and woke up on the floor.In this honest guest episode, Joshua joins Adam and Donna to discuss ADHD, entrepreneurship, burnout and rebuilding his life with a very different understanding of success.They explore:• Being labelled disruptive, argumentative and the class clown at school• Why ADHD can make interesting work all-consuming while everyday tasks are avoided• Building an award-winning business while nearly losing his health alongside it• Debt, 16 to 18-hour working days and the physical collapse that changed everything• Hyperfocus, rejection sensitivity and teaching himself how to sell• Gamifying difficult tasks to help an ADHD brain get started• The effect an all-consuming business can have on friendships and relationships• Why switching off can feel uncomfortable, even while on holiday• Whether relying too heavily on AI is making everyday tasks harder• Rebuilding with better boundaries, communication and support• Why Joshua now measures success through relationships, health and balance, not only moneyJoshua’s story reveals how the same ADHD drive that can help someone create something remarkable can also make it difficult to notice when work has taken over completely.As Joshua puts it, sometimes the magic you are looking for is hidden inside the things you keep avoiding.Can you genuinely switch off, or does your brain always tell you that you should be doing something?FIND JOSHUAWebsite and social links:https://joshgriffin.co.uk/linksFOLLOW ADHD OR LIFE?Website:https://www.adhdorlife.comYouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePodSpotify:https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnSFacebook:https://www.facebook.com/adhdorlifepodInstagram:https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepodSend us your Good, Bad or Funny stories and questions:[email protected] or Life? is an honest podcast exploring ADHD, relationships and the everyday moments that leave us asking: is it ADHD, or is it just life?New episodes every Friday.This podcast shares personal experiences and is not a substitute for professional medical advice.New episodes every Friday. Have a Good, Bad or Funny story, or a question for us? Send it to [email protected] and subscribe on YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePodFind us on Instagram and TikTok:@adhdorlifepodVisit our website:https://www.adhdorlife.com

Send us Fan MailDo your body’s signals arrive gradually, or do hunger, thirst, pain and toilet urgency seem to appear all at once?In Part 2 of our conversation about ADHD and sensory issues, Adam and Donna explore the physical signals that can be surprisingly difficult to recognise until they become impossible to ignore.Adam explains why he can go from feeling fine to starving, dehydrated or desperate for the toilet in seconds. Donna questions which experiences could be connected to ADHD and which are simply Adam being Adam.We also discuss temperature sensitivity, sleeping with a fan throughout the year, different reactions to pain, restless legs, struggling to sit still, imagined smells and the apparently essential ADHD ritual of smelling and rinsing an already-clean glass.Plus, Adam’s house-project ideas are gathering speed, Donna requests an urgent project meeting and the Five Minute Moan reveals an eyesight problem Adam finds far too entertaining.Which body signal gives you the least warning? Share your experience with us and follow the podcast for more honest conversations about ADHD, relationships and everyday family life.Watch ADHD or Life? on YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBIG2QlATldeUXR6f9NG6eAThis podcast shares personal experiences and is not medical advice.New episodes every Friday. Have a Good, Bad or Funny story, or a question for us? Send it to [email protected] and subscribe on YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePodFind us on Instagram and TikTok:@adhdorlifepodVisit our website:https://www.adhdorlife.com

Send us Fan MailWhy can the same everyday situation produce two completely different reactions?This week, Adam and Donna compare how their ADHD and non-ADHD brains respond to the same moments, including guests arriving when the house is a mess, receiving the dreaded “Can we talk later?” message, having an unexpectedly free Saturday, cancelled plans and facing five jobs that all need doing at once.Adam explains the rejection sensitivity, catastrophising, overwhelm, decision paralysis and task avoidance behind some of his reactions. Donna shares how those same situations feel from her side of their relationship.But first, Adam introduces Donna to Frankie, his increasingly important AI companion. Has ChatGPT made his life easier, or has Donna’s husband been stolen by artificial intelligence?Also in this episode:• Why Adam accepts advice from AI that Donna has already given him• The wall he once repainted because somebody was visiting• Why a completely free day can still feel overwhelming• The Five Minute Moan• A listener’s Good, Bad and Funny• The two-word email Adam avoided answering for two weeksAfter 25 years together, Adam and Donna have learned that neither approach is automatically better. Understanding why their brains react differently is what stops those differences becoming conflict.Which of these situations creates the biggest difference between you and your partner?Watch the full video on YouTube:https://youtu.be/O5HZlk3l4JIVisit:https://adhdorlife.comFollow Is It ADHD or Life?:Facebook and Instagram: @adhdorlifepodTikTok: @adhdorlifepodYouTube: @ADHDorLifePodNew episodes every Friday. Have a Good, Bad or Funny story, or a question for us? Send it to [email protected] and subscribe on YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePodFind us on Instagram and TikTok:@adhdorlifepodVisit our website:https://www.adhdorlife.com

Send us Fan MailCan you have sensory issues without realising it? Adam used to think he didn’t have any. Then he started looking at the things he’s struggled with for years and ended up with seven pages of examples.This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective, Adam takes Donna through the sounds, smells, textures and everyday situations that affect him more than he’d realised. Donna shares what those moments look like from her side, including the times she thought he was simply being fussy or not listening.We talk about:• Why two people speaking at once can make it impossible for Adam to follow a conversation• The difference between choosing loud music at work and walking into a noisy pub• Clothes that feel too tight even when Donna thinks they look fine• Unexpected touch, including people rubbing Adam’s bald head or belly• Smells that nobody else seems to notice, from damp washing to the fridge• A childhood encounter with a Dorito that Adam still hasn’t recovered from• Why the texture of food can matter more to him than the taste• Onions that can ruin a whole takeaway, even after they’ve been picked off• The deodorant can blocking one tiny corner of the TV that Adam cannot stop looking atIt’s an honest conversation about discovering that things you’ve always put down to being “just me” might be worth looking at differently. We don’t reach every sense this week, so there’s more to come.Before all that, there’s a catch-up involving Adam’s bad back and a rather unsettling massage hand. Then Donna’s Five Minute Moan asks why their toddler calls for Mum when Dad is sitting right beside him. Adam somehow manages to bring the kitchen bin into it too.Do you recognise any of these sensory experiences? Or do you live with someone whose reactions you’ve never quite understood? Tell us about it.Watch the full episode on YouTube:https://youtu.be/WFeVAmJH3EANew episodes every Friday. Have a Good, Bad or Funny story, or a question for us? Send it to [email protected] and subscribe on YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePodFind us on Instagram and TikTok:@adhdorlifepodVisit our website:https://www.adhdorlife.com

Send us Fan MailWhat is it really like being the non-ADHD partner in an ADHD relationship? And what happens when helping your partner starts to feel more like parenting them?This week, Adam hands the questions over to Donna and gives her the space to share the non-ADHD partner’s point of view honestly.Does she ever feel more like Adam’s parent than his wife? When does helping become taking over? Should a non-ADHD partner lower their expectations, or can that create resentment and an unequal relationship?Together, we discuss some of the biggest challenges faced by couples affected by adult ADHD, including:• Forgotten jobs and broken promises• Unequal responsibilities and the mental load• Feeling more like a parent than a partner• The difference between helping and controlling• Cancelled plans and rebuilding trust• Rejection sensitivity and difficult conversations• Feeling as though you are walking on eggshells• Burnout and loneliness for the non-ADHD partner• Asking for space without abandoning your partnerDonna explains how learning about ADHD changed the way she viewed Adam’s behaviour, but also meant she had to change some of her own thinking. She shares why communication has helped her stop walking on eggshells, why honesty is sometimes better than trying to protect Adam’s feelings and what an exhausted or overlooked partner can do when they desperately need a moment alone.Before the main conversation, we catch up on our family holiday, including stress inside a caravan, an unexpectedly wholesome afternoon on a rainy beach and one particularly emotional phone call.Then we finish with a Five Minute Moan involving disappearing nail clippers and the absolute devastation Adam leaves behind whenever he cooks.We’d love to hear from both sides: Do you ever feel more like your partner’s parent? If you have ADHD, how does it feel when your partner steps in and takes over?Watch the full episode on YouTube:https://youtu.be/TaRxpfWq8yMVisit our website:https://www.adhdorlife.comSubscribe on YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePodListen on Spotify:https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnSFollow ADHD or Life on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok for more honest, funny and relatable conversations about ADHD, relationships and everyday life from a couple where one has ADHD and one doesn’t.New episodes every Friday. Have a Good, Bad or Funny story, or a question for us? Send it to [email protected] and subscribe on YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePodFind us on Instagram and TikTok:@adhdorlifepodVisit our website:https://www.adhdorlife.com

Send us Fan MailIs modern life making ADHD harder?This week we're talking about constant stimulation and what TikTok, food, TV, shopping, doomscrolling, caffeine and endless rabbit holes might actually be doing to us.And just as importantly, what does that constant need for stimulation look like to the person sitting next to you?Before we get into all that, we have a fairly strong reaction to the recent Channel 4 ADHD documentary and the way ADHD, diagnosis and medication were discussed.Then we get into our own relationship with overstimulation.Why does Adam find silence so difficult?Why does one TikTok become an hour?Why can't a rabbit hole ever just be a little rabbit hole?And when Adam thinks he's simply keeping his brain occupied, what does that look like from Donna's side?Donna talks honestly about those moments when Adam's need for stimulation can feel like disengagement, and what it's like sometimes feeling as though she's competing with a phone, a programme or whatever Adam has suddenly decided he needs to know EVERYTHING about.WE ALSO GET INTO:👉 TikTok, doomscrolling and algorithms👉 Hyperfocus and research rabbit holes👉 Binge-watching and background noise👉 Food and caffeine👉 Impulsive and emotional spending👉 Sleep and bedtime avoidance👉 Why Adam thinks Donna is annoyed when she's actually worried👉 Whether we're consuming far more than our brains were ever designed to deal withTHEN IT'S TIME FOR THE 5 MINUTE MOANS...Donna would like Adam to stop dropping things on the floor and leaving a trail of wrappers behind him.Adam would like Donna to explain why approximately 97% of their fridge is now occupied by tiny snack boxes.This somehow turns into an argument about protein, cheese, fridge temperature and whether we need another freezer.Completely normal married-couple behaviour.THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE FUNNY...We finish with your ADHD stories, including a husband who researches purchases for DAYS before deciding not to buy them...And somebody whose "one TikTok before bed" became two hours watching a man restore a 1970s toaster.So, is ADHD struggling to cope with an overstimulated world?Or are we all just consuming far too much?We'd love to know what you think.🌐 www.adhdorlife.com📱 TikTok & Instagram: @ADHDorLifePod📧 [email protected]☕ If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy us a coffee through our website.And Adam has publicly decided we're reaching 1,000 YouTube subscribers by Christmas, so apparently that's a thing now too.You can find us on YouTube @ADHDorLifePod.New episodes every Friday. Have a Good, Bad or Funny story, or a question for us? Send it to [email protected] and subscribe on YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePodFind us on Instagram and TikTok:@adhdorlifepodVisit our website:https://www.adhdorlife.com