The Truth about the Year I Disappeared | 9 Lives S4E1

No one tells you that becoming healthier can make you lonelier.You stop drinking. You start training. You care about different things. You leave earlier. You say no more. You stop wanting the same weekends, the same conversations, the same version of your life.And then people start looking at you differently.Sometimes they joke about it. Sometimes they judge it. Sometimes nobody says anything at all, but you can feel that something has shifted. You still love them, but the room does not fit the way it used to.That is what this episode is about.Outgrowing people. Outgrowing habits. Outgrowing whole versions of yourself that once felt like home.Why changing your life can make you feel more alone before it makes you feel more free. Why people can struggle when you stop playing the role they knew you for. Why missing an old life does not always mean you want it back. Why it can feel so tempting to become smaller again just to belong somewhere familiar.I wanted to understand what is actually happening underneath that. The psychology of belonging, identity, social rejection, nostalgia, old roles, and why being judged by people you love can make growth feel like grief.Because sometimes the hardest part of changing is not the discipline.It is realising that some people only knew how to meet you where you used to be.Until next week,Cass 🖤

How do you trust someone new when the last person taught you not to?This week on 9 Lives, we're talking about heartbreak, betrayal and what happens when you finally meet something good, but your nervous system is still waiting for the floor to disappear beneath you.We get into attachment styles, why hypervigilance can feel so much like intuition, the difference between a red flag and an old wound being touched, and why betrayal can leave you questioning your own judgement long after the person who hurt you has gone.Because the cruel thing about betrayal is that somebody else lies to you, and somehow you end up interrogating yourself.This isn't really an episode about an ex. It's about what comes afterwards. Moving on. Learning to trust your own judgement again. Allowing somebody new to be somebody new. And accepting that loving another person will always involve some uncertainty.Maybe learning to love again isn't learning how to guarantee that your heart will never break.Maybe it's discovering that a heart can break, heal, and still remain brave enough to open again.You will love again.Until next week, Cass 🖤

What if magic is real, just not in the way we’ve been taught to think about it?Here are 10 spells to completely reinvent yourself.Not spells for sitting at home waiting for the universe to deliver a different life. Spells for changing the person living it.In Episode 7 of 9 Lives, we’re exploring glamour magic, identity, ritual, manifestation, discipline, symbolism and psychology, and the strange overlap between ancient magical practices and what we now understand about the human brain.🕯️ Glamour and self-perception🧠 Identity and the stories we tell ourselves🪞 Ritual, symbolism and attention⚔️ Discipline and behaviour🌒 Letting old versions of yourself die✨ Becoming someone new on purposeBecause perhaps a spell is simply an intention given a body.You don’t need to believe that magic can break the laws of physics to understand that ritual, symbolism and intention can change the way you see yourself, the way you behave, and what you believe you’re capable of becoming.The clothes you wear. The rituals you repeat. The words you use about yourself. The environments you create. The promises you keep. The version of yourself you rehearse until one day you realise you’ve become her.Maybe we’ve been practising magic all along.Here are 10 spells. Let’s see what you can do with them. 🕯️If you enjoyed this episode, subscribe to 9 Lives and send it to someone who could use a little magic in their life.Until next week,Cass 🖤

There are periods where your life hasn’t completely fallen apart, but it somehow stops feeling like yours. Your routine slips, you start avoiding things, your sleep goes to shit, you stop training, you eat differently, you scroll too much, old habits start creeping back in and before you know it, the gap between the version of you that you know exists and the version of you that you’re currently living as feels enormous.In this episode, I’m sharing 10 life-changing rules for getting your life back when you feel helpless, stuck or like you’ve lost control of yourself a little. Not a dramatic reinvention, not a punishment, not a brand new personality by Monday morning, but the actual things that help you start moving again when you feel like you’ve gone backwards.We talk about shame, relapse, all-or-nothing thinking, old coping mechanisms, discipline, self-compassion, routines, identity and why one bad day so easily becomes a bad week, or a bad month, if you let the story around it get bigger than the thing itself.Because I don’t think progress is becoming someone who never slips backwards. I think it’s learning how to recognise what’s happening sooner, interrupt it earlier, and become very good at finding your way back to yourself.Until next week, Cass 🖤

What don’t you see behind the fitness feed?This week on 9 Lives, I’m answering your questions about fitness influencers and the online fitness industry, drawing on my own experience of being part of it and getting honest about the life behind my posts.We also talk about life after a depressive episode, finding your way back after everything falls apart, and allowing yourself to believe that happiness is still possible.An honest Q&A about the things you’ve wanted to ask, the parts a photograph can’t explain, and what comes after survival.If you’re in a difficult chapter, I hope this conversation reminds you that it doesn’t have to be the rest of your life.until next week,cass 🖤

What happens after you get the body you always wanted?After losing 100lbs, I was left with loose skin that no amount of training could change. Eventually, I made the decision to have it surgically removed.But this episode isn't really about surgery.It's about what came after.About learning to inhabit a body that had changed almost beyond recognition, finding my way back to my femininity after years of survival mode, and navigating dating, intimacy and trust after betrayal.Because changing your body is one thing. Learning to feel safe inside it again is another.In this episode of 9 Lives, I'm talking honestly about loose skin removal surgery, body confidence, femininity, betrayal, dating again and what it really means to come home to yourself.Sometimes the final transformation isn't becoming someone new. It's finally feeling like you again.Until next week, Cass 🖤

I spent most of my life thinking I was too sensitive, too intense, too obsessive and somehow simultaneously capable of doing extraordinary things and completely incapable of doing things everyone else seemed to find easy.Then I found out I was autistic.In this episode of 9 Lives, I’m talking about receiving an autism diagnosis as an adult, the signs I missed for decades, masking, burnout, sensory overwhelm and why so many neurodivergent women can become incredibly good at appearing “fine” while quietly exhausting themselves trying to keep up.But this episode isn’t just about diagnosis.It’s about what happens afterwards.I’m sharing the practical things that have helped me build a life that actually works with my brain: managing executive dysfunction, protecting deep focus, reducing sensory overload, communicating more explicitly, working with my energy rather than against it, and letting go of systems that were never designed for me in the first place.Because I spent years asking, “How do I make myself work?”Maybe the better question was: “How do I make my life work for me?”Whether you’re autistic, ADHD, neurodivergent, questioning, or simply exhausted from trying to function in ways that don’t seem to fit you, I hope there’s something in this episode that makes life feel a little easier.Until next week,Cass 🖤

What do you do when you don’t feel like yourself anymore?After trauma, heartbreak, burnout or a period of simply trying to survive, it can feel like the person you used to be has disappeared. Your nervous system is on high alert, everything feels harder than it should, and “getting back to normal” can feel completely impossible.In this episode I’m sharing the practical tools that helped me find my way back to myself.This isn’t about pretending everything is fine or forcing yourself to “heal” faster. It’s about what you can actually do when you’re in survival mode: how to ground yourself, regulate your nervous system, rebuild trust in yourself and slowly create a life that feels like yours again.Think of this episode as a toolkit for the days when your brain is telling you that you’ll feel like this forever.You won’t.If you don’t feel like yourself anymore, this one's for you.Until next week, Cass 🖤

I went quiet for a whole year. This episode is where I finally tell you what fell apart, what I couldn't do anymore, and how I slowly found my way back to someone I actually like being.Nothing polished, nothing wrapped up with a neat ending. Just the truth of it, messy middle included. Season four starts here and it's the most "me" this show has ever been ... more magic, more folklore, more physics, more feeling, more heart.I'm really glad you're here for it.Until next week, Cass 🖤 x

Hi friends!This week we are discussing all things plateaus & finding your spark again. If you’re feeling stuck, uninspired, or like you’re just spinning your wheels lately, this episode is for you. I tell you all about my own biggest plateaus, and we’re diving deep into overcoming it and regaining that motivation, whether it’s to do with your career, fitness journey, creative projects, or just your general day-to-day. It’s time to learn to trust the process of learning, adapting, and preparing for what’s next, and finally break free from your rut.With love,Cass(12:01) What is plateaus?(14:36) The story of my own biggest plateaus(23:57) The ”just before” theory(28:08) Recognising why you’re stuck(37:56) Finding your spark again(44:32) The science behind plateaus(46:24) Spiritual practices for reigniting motivation(51:11) Listener challenge