When Your Child Says ‘I Hate You’: What They’re Really Telling You (Episode 177)

Few words cut deeper for a parent than hearing your child say, “I hate you.” In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to feel hurt, angry, or even tempted to pull away. But what if those words don’t actually mean what they sound like? In this episode of The Art of Raising Humans, Kyle and Sara Wester explore the deeper meaning behind those painful outbursts. Drawing on developmental science and research on emotional intelligence, they share how kids often use strong words when they’re overwhelmed, disconnected, or lacking the language to express their true feelings. You’ll hear:Why kids say “I hate you” — and what’s really happening in their brains and heartsCommon parent reactions that can unintentionally add shame or distancePractical ways to stay calm, set boundaries, and respond with connectionHow to reassure your kids that your love is never conditionalEvery “I hate you” moment can become a doorway to deeper trust and connection. Listen in to discover how. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/when-your-child-says-i-hate-you-what-theyre-really-telling-you Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comBook List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

Most parents would say, “Of course I love my child unconditionally.” But what if — without even realizing it — we sometimes make our kids feel like our love depends on their behavior, their grades, or how easy they are to parent? In this episode of The Art of Raising Humans, we (Kyle & Sara Wester) unpack 13 powerful insights from Alfie Kohn’s book Unconditional Parenting. As we read and reflect on each one, you may find yourself thinking: “Oh wow, I didn’t realize I was doing that.” You’ll hear:The hidden ways we accidentally attach conditions to our love.Why these patterns shape how children see themselves and us.13 shifts that help kids grow up knowing our love is steady, even when they struggle. This episode isn’t about blame or guilt. It’s about uncovering the blind spots we all have and learning how to build a relationship where our children feel truly secure in our love, no matter what. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/are-you-loving-unconditionally-13-surprising-ways-we-put-strings-on-our-love. Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comBook List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

Are you clearing every obstacle out of your child’s way? In this episode, Kyle and Sara Wester unpack snow plow parenting—why it happens, how it holds kids back, and what to do instead. Snowplow parenting is when parents try to remove every challenge or discomfort from their child’s path. While it often comes from love and fear, this approach can unintentionally rob kids of the resilience, confidence, and problem-solving skills they need to thrive. Kyle and Sara share why parents fall into this trap, the long-term costs to children, and how to shift toward a healthier approach. You’ll learn practical strategies for recognizing when you’re “snowplowing,” scaffolding instead of rescuing, and coaching kids through life’s challenges while still offering the support they need. Key Takeaways: Snowplow parenting means clearing obstacles to prevent failure or discomfort.While motivated by love, it can lead to anxiety and low confidence in kids.Children miss opportunities to build resilience and emotional intelligence when parents over-intervene.Recognizing when you’re snow plowing is the first step to change.Coaching and scaffolding help children learn to solve problems at their own pace.Allowing small struggles is essential for long-term growth.Validating feelings—without rushing to fix—is a powerful parenting tool.Trusting children to handle challenges builds their confidence and independence. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/stop-snow-plow-parenting-build-resilient-confident-kids. Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comBook List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

What if one trip could change the way your child sees themselves—and you? In this episode of The Art of Raising Humans, Kyle and Sara Wester reveal how one-on-one trips with your kids can become powerful rites of passage. These aren’t just vacations; they’re intentional experiences designed to build skills, deepen connection, and show your kids you believe in them. You’ll hear how Kyle and Sara structure these trips by balancing fun, tradition, and meaningful conversations so kids practice independence, decision-making, and resilience, while also creating unforgettable memories. If you’re ready to move beyond “just a trip” and create transformational experiences with your kids, this episode will inspire you and give you a practical roadmap to get started. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/the-power-of-parent-child-trips-connection-confidence-memories-that-last. Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comBook List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

In this powerful episode of The Art of Raising Humans, Kyle and Sara Wester unpack one of the hardest moments in parenting: when your teen triggers a deep emotional reaction in you. They explore why these intense reactions often stem not from the child’s behavior, but from unhealed wounds, old beliefs, and unmet needs carried from our own childhood. Drawing from their experience as counselors and parents, they offer 5 practical steps to help you recognize your triggers, regulate in the moment, reparent yourself, and lead with calm, compassionate authority. Through personal stories and research-backed tools, you'll learn how to transform emotional reactivity into connection, and raise emotionally confident teens without slipping into permissiveness. In this episode:Why your child’s behavior hits such a deep nerveHow childhood beliefs influence your parenting todayWhat reparenting looks like in the heat of the momentWhy emotional validation builds strength, not weakness5 clear steps to parent from healing, not hurt Whether you’ve snapped at your teen and regretted it or want to break cycles and model emotional intelligence, this episode will leave you feeling empowered, not ashamed. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/when-your-teen-triggers-you-how-to-parent-from-healing-not-hurt. Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comBook List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

In this enlightening episode of The Art of Raising Humans, hosts Kyle and Sara Wester explore the transformative journey of reparenting with special guest Shelly Robinson — conscious parenting coach and founder of Raising Yourself. Shelly shares powerful stories and personal reflections from her own healing journey, offering insight into what it means to reparent your inner child while showing up fully for your kids. Together, they discuss how self-awareness, humility, and compassion form the foundation of intentional parenting. Whether you're working to break generational cycles or simply seeking to grow as a parent and person, this heartfelt conversation will inspire and equip you. 🎙️ In this episode:What reparenting really looks like in daily lifeHow healing your inner world impacts your kidsThe role of self-compassion and emotional honesty in parentingPractical tools to begin nurturing yourself alongside your childrenIf you’re ready to parent with more clarity, connection, and grace then this episode is for you. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/reparenting-yourself-to-raise-emotionally-healthy-kids. Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comBook List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

Do you ever say, “You’re making me so mad”? Or feel like your child’s behavior controls your mood? In this episode of The Art of Raising Humans, Kyle and Sara explore a hidden but common parenting pattern, placing your emotional well-being in your child’s hands. Though it often comes from love, this dynamic can create anxiety, confusion, and emotional pressure for kids. Kyle and Sara share real-life examples and 5 practical steps to help you break this cycle and build a healthier emotional environment for your family. 🎧 You’ll learn:Why parents often tie their emotions to their child’s behaviorThe long-term effects on kids’ development and relationshipsHow to take back ownership of your feelings without guilt5 powerful steps to raise emotionally confident and connected kids If you’re ready to stop the guilt, end emotional projection, and empower your child to grow with freedom and self-trust this episode is for you. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/your-child-isnt-responsible-for-your-feelings-5-steps-to-break-the-cycle. Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comBook List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

In this episode of The Art of Raising Humans, Kyle and Sara Wester talk with college consultant Kerry Roberts about how to prepare kids for college in a way that actually sets them up for long-term success without sacrificing their mental health or your family’s connection. We explore how self-awareness, curiosity, and emotional intelligence can help your child thrive—not just get into college, but become confident in who they are and where they’re headed. You’ll learn how to shift the focus from pressure to purpose, and how to guide your child toward success that aligns with their strengths and not someone else’s expectations.Whether your child is in middle school or nearing graduation, this conversation will help you navigate the college journey with more clarity, confidence, and calm.Link to Kerry's Website: https://kerryrobertscollegeconsulting.com/View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/rethinking-college-prep-to-help-your-child-succeed-without-the-stress. Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comBook List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

In this episode, we dive into what’s really going on inside your teenager’s brain and why trying to control them often backfires. From brain development to boundary-pushing, we unpack the science and the heart behind teen behavior. You’ll learn 5 practical, connection-focused strategies that help you guide your teen without gripping tighter. Because the goal isn’t control, it’s trust. Topics we cover:What brain changes are driving your teen’s behaviorWhy teens push back (and why that’s healthy)Common fears parents face during the teen yearsWhy control erodes trust5 connection-based strategies that work better than control It’s not about control. It’s about building trust while staying connected. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/why-trying-to-control-your-teen-doesnt-work-and-what-to-do-instead. Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comBook List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

Big emotions aren’t misbehavior—they’re communication. In this episode, Kyle and Sara explore how to support kids through emotional outbursts without losing connection or control. Learn how brain development, secure attachment, and your own regulation shape how kids handle their biggest feelings. You’ll get practical tools to guide—not shut down—your child during emotional storms. What you’ll learn:– Why no child is “too emotional”– How co-regulation builds emotional safety– What’s really happening in your child’s brain– How to repair after conflict and build trust– Why self-regulation is the foundation for parenting well This episode is packed with hope, insight, and tools to help you raise emotionally resilient kids—without power struggles or shame. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/when-big-emotions-hit-how-to-stay-connected-through-the-storm Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comBook List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.