Social filter and social fake

Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious students who struggled with thinking about others during conversations. Sometimes they would say things that hurt other people's feelings or were perceived as rude or disrespectful, or even things that other people didn't really want to talk about or hear about. Sometimes these students would stop listening when people talked about things that they didn't care about. Sometimes they would even tell people they weren't interested in what the group or the person was talking about. I created the lesson I'm sharing today for all of these students. In this lesson, our students learn what a social filter is, how it's different than lying, and when and why using a social fake is a good idea. We also practice taking some of our common complaints that we might have and turning them into problem-solving opportunities.

Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious students who didn't know how to initiate a social conversation with someone that they knew. Some students weren't able to think of something that the person they were talking to liked or liked to talk about, so they ended up using generic conversation starters like, "Hey, what's up?" Or, "How's it going?" Some students were able to think of things they knew about the other person, but they didn't know how to use that information to start a conversation, so they didn't say anything.I created the lesson I'm sharing this week for all of these students. In this lesson, students learn the difference between an informational and a social conversation, and how to initiate a conversation with someone they know based on things they know about them.

Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious students who didn’t recognize that there were some things that should be ‘alone behaviors’, or things we do whenwe are by ourselves. Some students had developed habits around ‘picking’, likepicking their nose, picking their skin, and/or picking at their pants or underwear.Other students didn’t realize that most people don’t want tohear someone burp or fart, so they didn’t know how to respond when they did it accidentally, OR they didn’t put any effort into trying to not do these things in front of others.And then there were students who often complained to others, even about situations and experiences that those around them were also going through at the same time. I created the lesson I’m sharing this week for all of thesestudents. In this lesson, students learn that almost everything we dorequires us to think about other people. (For a lot of kids (and adults!), that’s a new concept.) Students also learn what types of things are best done alone, and what to do if we find ourselves doing them in front of others.

Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious kids and teens who struggled with staying on topic during a conversation. Some of the kids in this group continued talking about something, even when it was clear to everyone else that no one was interested in continuing to talk about that topic. Some students changed the topic every time they asked a question, unaware that others in the group had a hard time keeping up with all the changes and randomness, and that it really wasn't a conversation, it was more like an interview.And some of the kids had a hard time recognizing when others changed the topic, so they continued making comments about topics that the group had moved on from. There were also students in this group who got frustrated when the topic changed, because they still wanted to keep talking about that topic, and so they weren't able to change and shift with the group when the topic changed, as it always does.I created the lesson I'm sharing this week for all of these students. In this lesson, students learn how and when to change the topic appropriately, why they or others may choose to change the topic, and how to handle topic changes that they weren't wanting or expecting.

Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious students who didn't know that there are stages or levels between strangers and friends. Sometimes these students treat people they kind of knew like they were strangers, not acknowledging them when they saw them. Sometimes they didn't know how to engage in small talk with people they kind of knew, so interactions were pretty awkward. And some students thought everyone they knew was their friend, which meant they were often too friendly or too personal with people they only kind of knew. And the reality is that most people in our lives are people we only kind of know. I created the lesson I'm sharing on this week's podcast for all of these students. In this lesson, I teach students that an acquaintance is someone we recognize from somewhere or something. We usually know their name, but not always. This can include students in our class or our group, neighbors, teachers, and friends of our parents. We also talk about what the social expectations are when we are around acquaintances, like small talk and introductions to other people. 

Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious students who struggled to notice the interests of others and to use that information to help them form connections. Some students weren't able to identify anything that anyone close to them liked or was interested in. There were students who had a reputation for being selfish because they only talked about things that they were interested in, even though they knew what their family and friends liked. And then there were students who did a great job paying attention to the interests of people around them, but they didn't know how to use that information to build connections. I created the lesson we're talking about this week for all of these students. In this lesson, students practice listening to others while they share about their interests, and we also practice asking others questions about their interests and making related comments.

Once upon a time, there were students who struggled to create a reputation for being friendly. Some students didn't notice when other people wanted or needed something, while other students always offered their help, even when it wasn't wanted or needed. Sometimes students didn't ever talk about their thoughts or opinions, while sometimes they only talked about their thoughts or opinions. And some students didn't ever say friendly things to others, while other students said friendly things so often that they came across as fake. I created the lesson we're talking about on this episode for all of these students. In this lesson, students learn about the just right zone, which is actually quite large, and how they can increase their self-awareness to create a reputation for being friendly.

Once upon a time, there were students who struggled to notice the feedback they got when they were trying to be funny or silly. Some students said or did the same thing over and over because people laughed at it once or twice. Other students weren't able to identify the difference between someone laughing with them versus someone laughing at them. And then there were students who didn't engage in anything humorous, which caused them to have a reputation for being 'not funny'. I created this lesson for all of these students. In this lesson, students learn different clues to help them recognize if someone is laughing with them versus at them, and we talk about two additional reasons someone may laugh (one of which is really important for social bonding). We also role play how to respond to each type of humor feedback.

Once upon a time, there were students who struggled with asking for help. Some of the students never asked for help because they thought it made them look dumb, and looking smart was very important to them. Some students really wanted to do things by themselves, and they would get to the point of melting down before they would ask for help. Some students asked for help from people who weren't in a position to help, or asked for help at a time that wasn't ideal. And some students would ask for help by whining or complaining or being rude to the very people they needed help from. I created this lesson for all of these students. In this lesson, I teach students how to ask for help. I teach why asking for help actually gives us a better reputation than not asking for help, who to ask for help depending on the situation, and how to ask for help in a way that makes people want to help us.

Once upon a time, there were students who struggled with the most important relationship there is. This affected their self esteem, which caused them to be more vulnerable to depression and anxiety. Sometimes these students were willing to be friends with anyone, just because they wanted a friend. Sometimes they engaged in unhealthy habits for the dopamine hit, like eating unhealthy food or binging video games. And some students made negative comments about themselves, which they almost always hear from someone else first. I created the lesson we are talking about on this episode for all of these students. In this lesson, our students learn about the most important relationship there is: The one that we have with ourselves. Students learn and discuss their needs and challenges across eight areas when it comes to our relationship with ourselves.