Before we can be friends

Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious students who didn't know that there are stages or levels between strangers and friends. Sometimes these students treat people they kind of knew like they were strangers, not acknowledging them when they saw them. Sometimes they didn't know how to engage in small talk with people they kind of knew, so interactions were pretty awkward. And some students thought everyone they knew was their friend, which meant they were often too friendly or too personal with people they only kind of knew. And the reality is that most people in our lives are people we only kind of know. I created the lesson I'm sharing on this week's podcast for all of these students. In this lesson, I teach students that an acquaintance is someone we recognize from somewhere or something. We usually know their name, but not always. This can include students in our class or our group, neighbors, teachers, and friends of our parents. We also talk about what the social expectations are when we are around acquaintances, like small talk and introductions to other people. 

Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious students who struggled to notice the interests of others and to use that information to help them form connections. Some students weren't able to identify anything that anyone close to them liked or was interested in. There were students who had a reputation for being selfish because they only talked about things that they were interested in, even though they knew what their family and friends liked. And then there were students who did a great job paying attention to the interests of people around them, but they didn't know how to use that information to build connections. I created the lesson we're talking about this week for all of these students. In this lesson, students practice listening to others while they share about their interests, and we also practice asking others questions about their interests and making related comments.

Once upon a time, there were students who struggled to create a reputation for being friendly. Some students didn't notice when other people wanted or needed something, while other students always offered their help, even when it wasn't wanted or needed. Sometimes students didn't ever talk about their thoughts or opinions, while sometimes they only talked about their thoughts or opinions. And some students didn't ever say friendly things to others, while other students said friendly things so often that they came across as fake. I created the lesson we're talking about on this episode for all of these students. In this lesson, students learn about the just right zone, which is actually quite large, and how they can increase their self-awareness to create a reputation for being friendly.

Once upon a time, there were students who struggled to notice the feedback they got when they were trying to be funny or silly. Some students said or did the same thing over and over because people laughed at it once or twice. Other students weren't able to identify the difference between someone laughing with them versus someone laughing at them. And then there were students who didn't engage in anything humorous, which caused them to have a reputation for being 'not funny'. I created this lesson for all of these students. In this lesson, students learn different clues to help them recognize if someone is laughing with them versus at them, and we talk about two additional reasons someone may laugh (one of which is really important for social bonding). We also role play how to respond to each type of humor feedback.

Once upon a time, there were students who struggled with asking for help. Some of the students never asked for help because they thought it made them look dumb, and looking smart was very important to them. Some students really wanted to do things by themselves, and they would get to the point of melting down before they would ask for help. Some students asked for help from people who weren't in a position to help, or asked for help at a time that wasn't ideal. And some students would ask for help by whining or complaining or being rude to the very people they needed help from. I created this lesson for all of these students. In this lesson, I teach students how to ask for help. I teach why asking for help actually gives us a better reputation than not asking for help, who to ask for help depending on the situation, and how to ask for help in a way that makes people want to help us.

Once upon a time, there were students who struggled with the most important relationship there is. This affected their self esteem, which caused them to be more vulnerable to depression and anxiety. Sometimes these students were willing to be friends with anyone, just because they wanted a friend. Sometimes they engaged in unhealthy habits for the dopamine hit, like eating unhealthy food or binging video games. And some students made negative comments about themselves, which they almost always hear from someone else first. I created the lesson we are talking about on this episode for all of these students. In this lesson, our students learn about the most important relationship there is: The one that we have with ourselves. Students learn and discuss their needs and challenges across eight areas when it comes to our relationship with ourselves.

Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious students who wanted a reputation for being smart, but weren't sure how to get it. Some students said and did things that they thought made them seem smart, but really made them seem annoying. Other students were too anxious to say or do much of anything, so it was difficult for them to have a reputation for being anything other than shy. And then there were students who didn't really think about their reputation at all, but were unintentionally sabotaging it anyways. I created this lesson for all of these students. In this lesson, students learn how to identify the things that actually cause people to create a reputation for being smart, and how we can do them in moderation. And we practice self-awareness by discussing where we feel like we fall on the Reputation in Moderation scale.

Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious students who didn't know how to start a conversation. Some students wanted to talk to other people, but didn't know what to say. This usually meant they didn't say anything. Other students tried things they had been taught, like saying, "How's it going?" or, "Hey, what's up?" which didn't get them very far. And then there were students who tried to start interactions by being silly or weird or over the top, because they didn't know how else to get someone's attention. I created this lesson for all of these students. In this lesson, students learn how to start a conversation with someone they know, how to start a conversation with someone they don't know (because, yes, I teach my students to talk to strangers), and when and how to introduce ourselves to someone, if at all.

Once upon a time, there were students who struggled to understand what people mean by what they say, and what people intend with their actions and their words. Some students often misinterpreted people's words and actions as negative or personal, even when they weren't. Other students caused frustration amongst their family and teachers when they didn't do what someone expected them to do, because they failed to decode the expectation. And then there were students who struggled to recognize if people's treatment of them was insincere or problematic. I created this lesson for all of these students. In this lesson, students learn different clues to help them figure out what something means, how to interpret the things people say when they speak indirectly, and to recognize the difference between friendly and mean teasing.

Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious students who struggled to receive social feedback from others. Some students believed receiving social feedback meant someone was picking on them or even bullying them. These students sometimes had big reactions to receiving feedback. Other students learned to apologize when they received social feedback, which led to them apologizing even when they didn't really mean it, and even when they didn't understand what exactly they were apologizing for. And then there were students who tried to hide or minimize parts of themselves in order to avoid getting social feedback in the first place. I created this lesson for all of these students. In this lesson, students learn three different ways we can respond to feedback, why apologizing is sometimes the best choice, and we talk about scenarios when apologizing isn't necessary or even appropriate. We also discuss how to respond when someone apologizes to us, especially if it's for something that was not okay. And we end the lesson with having a conversation about over-apologizing, which a lot of students, unfortunately, can relate to.