What Traditional Addiction Treatment Gets Wrong About Women With Dr. Stephanie Covington

Addiction treatment has not always been designed with women in mind—and that can profoundly shape how women experience recovery. In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia is joined by Dr. Stephanie S. Covington, internationally recognized clinician, author, and pioneer in addiction and trauma treatment, whose groundbreaking work includes A Woman’s Way Through the Twelve Steps, Helping Women Recover, Beyond Trauma, and Awaken Your Sexuality. Why do traditional addiction treatment and Twelve Step programs sometimes fail to reflect women’s actual experiences? How are trauma, relationships, sexuality, shame, and addiction connected? Dr. Covington examines why recovery can look different for women, what conventional relapse prevention may overlook, and why community and connection are so essential. She also discusses the gaps in addiction treatment within jails and prisons, the importance of continuity of care after incarceration, and why she prefers the term “criminal legal system” over “criminal justice system.” The conversation breaks down the relationship between childhood trauma, genetics, emotional development, substance use, and relapse. Dr. Covington explains when trauma and addiction may need to be treated simultaneously, the difference between trauma-informed, trauma-responsive, and trauma-specific care, and the powerful shift from asking “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?” She also offers a gender-responsive perspective on the Twelve Steps, reframing concepts like the Fourth Step in ways that can reduce shame and help women see themselves more clearly in recovery. Sonia also gets personal about working the Twelve Steps nearly nine years into sobriety, feeling disconnected from the male-centered language of traditional AA literature, dating and having sex sober for the first time, and navigating conversations around “Cali sober” and mindful substance use. Dr. Covington shares her own early experiment with moderation, why she has no desire to test whether she could drink again, and a surprisingly simple “green beans” test that can reveal just how much power alcohol or another substance has in someone’s life. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources. Highlights 00:01:00 – Meet Dr. Stephanie Covington and the personal recovery story behind her pioneering work 00:02:20 – What early addiction treatment and Twelve Step programs got wrong about women 00:03:35 – Why women-only recovery spaces can create greater safety and vulnerability 00:04:00 – Addiction, incarceration, and the lack of real treatment inside jails and prisons 00:06:00 – Medication-assisted treatment, Twelve Step access, and what is missing behind bars 00:07:00 – Why recovery community can be critical for successful reentry after incarceration 00:08:35 – Sonia shares that she is working the Twelve Steps nearly nine years into sobriety 00:09:20 – Why A Woman’s Way Through the Twelve Steps reframes recovery through women’s voices 00:10:00 – Reimagining the Fourth Step as a compassionate “spring cleaning” of the self 00:14:00 – Should AA literature change, and why Dr. Covington focuses on the Twelve Steps over the Big Book 00:16:00 – The Twelve Steps as tools for living, not simply tools for stopping drinking 00:17:00 – Why meetings, connection, and community strengthen long-term recovery 00:18:30 – How trauma and addiction become intertwined and why genetics is only part of the picture 00:21:00 – When trauma and addiction should be treated together rather than sequentially 00:23:30 – The three major relapse risks for women: trauma, relationships, and sexual issues 00:25:30 – Why childhood trauma can have a particularly profound developmental impact 00:28:00 – Big-T versus little-t trauma—and why comparing trauma can be misleading 00:30:00 – Relationships, sexuality, shame, and the overlooked realities of women’s recovery 00:33:00 – Sonia opens up about dating, intimacy, and having sex sober for the first time 00:37:00 – Trauma-informed, trauma-responsive, and trauma-specific care explained 00:39:00 – The origin and power of shifting from “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?” 00:44:00 – Cali sober, switching substances, moderation, and whether addiction can be “transcended” 00:49:30 – Dr. Covington shares her own failed experiment with having “just one” drink 00:50:30 – The 30-day experiment and the unforgettable “green beans” test for evaluating alcohol’s role Dr. Covington's Links https://www.stephaniecovington.com/ https://www.instagram.com/stephaniecovingtonofficial/ SIS Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen 📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email 📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram 🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast 📸 Kathleen’s Instagram

Addiction can gradually disconnect people from the ordinary pleasures, relationships and experiences that once made life meaningful. In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen help make the science of addiction recovery practical and accessible with Dr. Eric Garland, a clinical researcher, psychotherapist and leading expert in mind-body therapies for addiction and chronic pain. Dr. Garland is the developer of Mindfulness-Oriented Recovery Enhancement, or MORE, an evidence-based treatment that combines mindfulness, cognitive behavioural therapy and positive psychology. Why do alcohol and other addictive substances begin to feel more rewarding than everyday life? How are addiction, chronic pain, depression, anxiety and trauma connected? Dr. Garland explains how substance use changes the brain’s dopamine and reward systems, why cravings can become automatic, and how mindfulness can create a pause between an urge and an action. He also discusses relapse prevention, emotional pain, moderation, harm reduction and the role of meditation in 12-step recovery. The conversation breaks down the three pillars of MORE: mindfulness, cognitive reappraisal and savoring. Dr. Garland explains how mindfulness strengthens attention and awareness, how reappraisal helps people examine the consequences of their choices, and how savoring retrains the brain to experience pleasure from ordinary moments. He also shares techniques for observing cravings, “playing the tape forward,” rebuilding natural reward and using the STOP practice before engaging in an addictive behaviour. Sonia reflects on how rediscovering simple pleasures and developing new hobbies contributed to a profound identity shift in her own sobriety. Dr. Garland shares how his personal mindfulness practice shaped his career, why recovery can involve transcending an addiction-based identity, and how people can reconnect with meaning, joy and a version of themselves that is larger than any craving, painful feeling or past behaviour. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources. Highlights 00:00 Dr. Eric Garland and the MORE approach 02:00 How mindfulness shaped Dr. Garland’s career 04:10 Addiction, chronic pain and the loss of natural reward 07:00 Clinical research and the effectiveness of MORE 08:00 Reducing relapse, cravings, pain and emotional distress 10:00 Why people use substances to escape pain 12:00 Mindfulness, reappraisal and savoring 15:00 How addiction hijacks the dopamine reward system 18:20 Practical ways to relearn pleasure in recovery 20:00 The mindfulness loop and strengthening attention 23:00 Recognizing triggers and automatic cravings 25:00 Zooming into the physical experience of a craving 28:00 Playing the tape forward through cognitive reappraisal 30:20 Mindfulness, pain and emotional bypassing 32:00 What traditional addiction treatments may be missing 34:00 Finding reward in coffee, birdsong and everyday moments 40:00 Sobriety, identity change and self-transcendence 43:00 MORE, the 12 steps and responding to a lapse 46:00 Harm reduction, moderation and opioid treatment 49:00 The STOP practice for interrupting automatic behaviour 53:00 Expanding MORE through training, community and technology Dr. Garland's Links www.moretherapy.com https://apps.apple.com/us/app/more-therapy/id6761741739   SIS Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen 📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email 📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram 🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast 📸 Kathleen’s Instagram

What if the parts of you that feel stuck, afraid, or hard to explain are connected to something deeper than this lifetime? In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen explore hypnosis, identity, past lives, intergenerational trauma, and spiritual healing with Boris Walter, a Psychotherapeutic Consultant specializing in parallel metaphysical phenomena, commonly referred to as past lives, and founder of the Consciousness Integration Collective. Boris helps people locate their inner authority by remembering who they are beneath fear, protection, and conditioning. Boris shares how his path moved from offshore oil and gas work into psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, altered states of consciousness, and spiritual exploration. Together, Sonia and Kathleen ask: What is the difference between personality, identity, and the true self? Can hypnosis help people access parts of themselves that ordinary talk therapy cannot reach? Are past life memories literal, symbolic, or both? And how do fear, shame, family trauma, and old protective patterns keep people disconnected from their own inner knowing? This conversation opens up a grounded but expansive discussion of the ego, the unconscious mind, hypnosis, higher consciousness, and the ways trauma can live in the body. Boris explains how hypnosis can soften the grip of the ego, move people beyond the social mask, and allow them to access imagery, emotion, memory, and meaning that may not be available through conscious thought alone. He also explores the idea that healing is not always about proving whether an experience is “real,” but about understanding the themes, emotions, and false beliefs that are asking to be transformed. In the personal story portion of the episode, Boris reflects on the childhood experiences, family dynamics, spiritual encounters, and early client sessions that shaped his work. Kathleen also shares her own powerful experience in Egypt and the unexpected emotions that surfaced during the conversation. The episode moves into a deeper discussion of ancestral memory, intergenerational trauma, Indigenous history, and the possibility that healing may involve not only this lifetime, but the wider field of family, body, spirit, and consciousness. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources. [00:01:00] Boris shares the unexpected path that took him from offshore oil and gas work into psychotherapy. [00:02:00] Why money, success, and a “good job” still left Boris feeling unfulfilled. [00:03:00] Boris explains how wanting to understand himself and his mother’s mental health led him toward psychology. [00:04:00] Kathleen relates to Boris’s career change and the feeling of being called into therapy work. [00:06:00] Boris discusses childhood wounding, ego compensation, and finding work that is no longer driven by the wounded self. [00:07:00] Why traditional talk therapy felt incomplete to Boris, and what he believed was missing. [00:09:00] Boris explains why he became interested in altered states of consciousness and experiences that transcend the mind. [00:10:00] The first client experience that introduced Boris to past life material and higher-self perspectives. [00:12:00] Kathleen asks whether Boris was spiritual before these experiences began appearing in his work. [00:13:00] Boris describes his early fascination with paranormal activity and parapsychology. [00:14:00] Boris shares a profound DMT experience that changed his understanding of divinity, purpose, and love. [00:17:00] How client sessions began shifting Boris’s personal spiritual practices and relationship with his body. [00:18:00] Kathleen asks whether there is such a thing as a “true self.” [00:20:00] Boris explains personality as a social mask and identity as a structure that creates stability. [00:24:00] Kathleen asks what hypnosis is and what happens in the brain during a hypnotic state. [00:26:00] Boris breaks down beta, alpha, and theta brainwave states and how hypnosis creates openness. [00:29:00] Boris explains how hypnosis can help people access higher-self perspectives, guides, past lives, and deeper emotional material. [00:34:00] Kathleen asks whether past life experiences should be understood as literal, symbolic, or something else. [00:41:00] Kathleen shares her own powerful experience in Egypt and the theme of feminine power that emerged. [00:49:00] Kathleen asks about intergenerational trauma, Indigenous clients, residential schools, and inherited memory.   Boris' Links Website: https://www.boriswalter.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/boriswalterofficial   SIS Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen 📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email 📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram 🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast 📸 Kathleen’s Instagram

In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia explores the hidden patterns behind addiction, emotional dysregulation, self-sabotage, and high-functioning survival mode. She is joined by Dr. Blair Steel, a licensed clinical psychologist whose career has focused on resilience, substance abuse treatment, and helping people understand how they either transcend adversity or become trapped in negative cycles. Dr. Steel’s background includes training at Beit T’Shuvah, working as a primary therapist at Cliffside Malibu, serving as Program Director at Passages Malibu, and maintaining a private practice. She is currently a clinical supervisor at pH Wellness and part of the clinical team at Carrara Wellness Treatment & Spa, with writing featured in outlets including The Huffington Post, CNBC, and Well + Good. Together, Sonia and Dr. Steel unpack why addiction is often more complicated than a simple bad habit or lack of willpower. They discuss what it means to view emotional and behavioral patterns as protective rather than defective, and why alcohol or substances can become a way to regulate depression, anxiety, social discomfort, trauma, identity loss, or overwhelm. The conversation looks at the progression from drinking as something that feels magical, to something medicinal, to something miserable — and how to recognize when substance use has become a private coping mechanism instead of a shared ritual or choice. Dr. Steel brings a compassionate, clinically grounded perspective to high-functioning addiction, perfectionism, shame, cultural programming, and emotional avoidance. She explains why shame rarely creates lasting change, why internal motivation matters in long-term sobriety, and how “pattern solving” can be more useful than problem solving. Sonia and Dr. Steel also explore AA, community, social media, therapy, psychedelics, ketamine, antidepressants, labels, self-regulation, and the difference between being alcohol-free and identifying as sober. In the personal story segment, Sonia shares her experience of being a high-functioning alcoholic while working as an orthodontist, running a large practice, and holding a professional license. She reflects on selling her business, the identity loss that followed, her fear of having too much unstructured time, and the realization that sobriety was not just about removing alcohol — it was about building a new life. Sonia and Dr. Steel also discuss the grief of letting go of old identities, the pressure to appear put together, and the moment when the “party” has often been over long before someone finally stops drinking. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources. Highlights [00:01:00] Dr. Blair Steel introduces her work as a clinical psychologist and how she entered the addiction treatment field. [00:02:00] Blair explains why she sees patterns as protective rather than defective. [00:03:00] Sonia reflects on how alcohol once helped her survive severe depression and anxiety. [00:04:00] Blair discusses why substances can work temporarily before they begin taking more than they give. [00:05:00] Sonia and Blair talk about shame, blame, fear, and why shame is not motivating. [00:06:00] Blair introduces the idea of pattern solving instead of problem solving. [00:07:00] Sonia connects cultural expectations, self-care, and the pressure to push through pain. [00:08:00] Blair explains how alcohol can maintain a disconnect between the head and the heart. [00:09:00] Blair discusses the disease model of addiction and why she does not approach people as “sick.” [00:10:00] Sonia asks why addiction and mood disorders so often go hand in hand. [00:11:00] Blair shares the phrase “magical, medicinal, then miserable” to describe the progression of alcohol use. [00:12:00] Blair explains why she prefers “problematic” and “non-problematic” substance use over “healthy” alcohol use. [00:13:00] Sonia and Blair discuss psychedelics, ketamine, and the risks for people who tend to reach for substances. [00:16:00] Blair validates Sonia’s self-awareness around knowing what is risky for her sobriety. [00:17:00] Blair shares her view of AA, community, interpretation, and why connection matters. [00:18:00] Sonia asks how addiction shows up differently in high-functioning people. [00:20:00] Sonia shares her experience as a high-functioning alcoholic with a professional license. [00:23:00] Sonia reflects on losing her identities as wife, orthodontist, and business owner. [00:29:00] Blair explains the difference between external motivation and internal motivation in long-term sobriety. [00:43:00] Blair offers a first step for anyone feeling stuck: set a small, short-term, attainable goal and get honest about what happens.   Dr. Blair's Links Instagram   SIS LINKS 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack– where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen 📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email 📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram 🌐 Kathleen’s WebsiteKathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast

Feeling flat, burned out, or disconnected after doing everything “right” can be confusing—especially for high-achieving women who are used to setting goals, checking boxes, and pushing through. In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia speaks with Danielle McGeough, a professor, speaker, transformation strategist, host of the Plan Goal Plan podcast, and creator of the RISE Ritual Method. Danielle helps high-performing women and teams reconnect with their core identities, navigate transitions, and create intentional plans that support sustainable growth. Sonia and Danielle explore what happens when ambition starts to feel empty, why burnout and demoralization are not the same thing, and how women can begin redefining success after a major life shift. They look at the difference between productivity and purpose, how planning can become a tool for self-discovery, and why so many people turn rest, wellness, sobriety, or even creativity into another pressure-filled checklist. The conversation also asks: How do goals change when identity changes? How can ritual help with habit change? And what does it mean to build a life that feels aligned instead of simply impressive? Danielle breaks down the difference between habits, routines, and rituals, explaining why habits are meant to become automatic while rituals are designed to bring people back into presence and meaning. She shares how rituals can help shift someone from one state to another, whether that is from work mode into home mode, from reactive parenting into calm connection, or from “gap thinking” into recognizing the gains already made. The episode also touches on consistency, flexibility, all-or-nothing thinking, moderation, replacement rituals, early sobriety, and the power of adding a little “ish” to the places where perfectionism has taken over. In the personal story segment, Sonia opens up about redefining success after selling her orthodontic practice, writing her book, and noticing how easily her own ambition can turn hobbies, healing, and self-growth into another metric to master. Danielle shares how her own experience of burnout, motherhood, demoralization, and identity loss led her to rethink planning as something deeper than time management. Together, they explore how alcohol can function as a transition ritual, why letting go of that ritual can involve grief, and how new rituals can help support identity change in sobriety and beyond. Highlights [00:01:00] Danielle introduces herself as a mom, professor, and “ritual nerd.” [00:02:00] Danielle shares how achievement, habits, and hard work helped her earn a PhD and tenure—but left her feeling flat. [00:03:00] The conversation turns to burnout, anxiety, rumination, and realizing something needed to shift. [00:05:00] Danielle explains how decorative planning and stickers unexpectedly helped her slow down and reflect. [00:07:00] Danielle defines the difference between burnout and demoralization. [00:08:00] Sonia asks how demoralization changed Danielle’s relationship with goals and ambition. [00:09:00] Danielle describes bitterness, numbness, resentment, and the desire to disconnect. [00:11:00] Danielle reflects on using novels, Netflix, and over-exercising as ways to avoid her own feelings. [00:12:00] Sonia asks how Danielle’s identity had to evolve beyond career, wife, and mother roles. [00:14:00] Danielle reframes planning as a way to collect data about values, priorities, and self-connection. [00:15:00] Danielle explains the difference between habits and rituals. [00:16:00] Danielle shares why rituals are powerful tools for identity change. [00:17:00] Danielle explains the RISE Ritual Method through the story of “Safe Place Sarah.” [00:20:00] Danielle describes how her research on collective rituals helped shape her personal ritual framework. [00:22:00] Danielle explains why traditional goal-setting can feel too abrupt for women who are disconnected from their desires. [00:24:00] Sonia opens up about redefining success after selling her orthodontic practice. [00:29:00] Sonia and Danielle discuss turning sobriety, wellness, rest, and hobbies into productivity projects. [00:32:00] Danielle introduces the idea that change may begin with intensity but is maintained by consistency. [00:36:00] Danielle reframes consistency as shortening the gap between “oops” and starting again. [00:44:00] Sonia and Danielle explore how alcohol can become a transition ritual, and how replacement rituals can support early sobriety. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources. Danielle's Links Website Instagram   SIS LINKS 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack– where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen 📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email 📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram 🌐 Kathleen’s WebsiteKathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast 📸

In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Riana Malia explore how old relationship patterns, identity shifts, and unconscious beliefs can keep women stuck in cycles that no longer match the lives they are trying to build. Riana is a board-certified neuro-somatic practitioner whose work helps women break long-standing relational patterns and create deeper, more authentic connection. They look at what happens when women have done the inner work, moved through sobriety, divorce, reinvention, or major life transitions, and are ready for relationships that reflect who they are now — not who they used to be. The conversation opens up big questions about why high-achieving women can be so successful, strategic, and clear in their careers, yet still feel confused or stuck in love, dating, friendships, family dynamics, or partnership. Why do the same patterns keep repeating? What is the difference between knowing a pattern intellectually and actually releasing it from the body? How do childhood beliefs, unconscious programming, and old identities shape the way women choose, attach, perform, shrink, over-function, or settle in relationships? Riana explains how neuroscience, somatic awareness, identity work, and emotional release come together in her Clear to Create method. She talks about clearing old stories, cycles, resentment, loss, limiting beliefs, and emotional charge so that women can create confidence, partnership, love, and a life that feels aligned. The episode also explores why “I don’t want this anymore” can still keep attention fixed on the very thing someone is trying to avoid, how the unconscious mind drives so many relationship patterns, and why replacing old neurology matters just as much as understanding it. Riana also shares practical tools, including her “Magnet for Miracles” exercise and a 72-hour rubber-band practice designed to interrupt negative thought loops and redirect attention toward what is actually desired. Riana shares the life experiences that shaped her work — growing up with a distant father, being forced to become resourceful at 18, entering a lonely young marriage, navigating a painful divorce, moving across the country, losing financial security, and eventually finding herself in a relationship that became her line-in-the-sand moment. Her story traces the path from survival and self-abandonment to clarity, self-trust, and becoming available for a different kind of love. She also shares how doing this work changed her own life and helped her become ready for the healthy partnership she once thought would never happen for her. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources. Highlights [00:01:00] Riana Malia is introduced as a board-certified neuro-somatic practitioner helping women break old relationship patterns. [00:02:00] Riana shares the early experience of being left without college housing support and learning how to become resourceful. [00:03:00] She describes getting three jobs, renting a house, and staying in school despite having no clear path forward. [00:04:00] Riana talks about marrying young, feeling lonely in marriage, and becoming a mother. [00:05:00] She opens up about the fear, anger, and volatility that followed her divorce. [00:06:00] Riana explains the decision to move to California despite every instinct telling her not to. [00:08:00] She recounts the DEA investigation that upended her life and froze the assets she was relying on. [00:09:00] Riana describes choosing to stay in California to keep her promise to her daughter. [00:10:00] She shares the “never again” moment that led her to stop shrinking, performing, and abandoning herself in relationships. [00:11:00] Riana introduces her Clear to Create method and explains why people have to clear old stories before creating a new life. [00:12:00] She explains how unconscious patterns keep people repeating the same relationships, jobs, money patterns, or family dynamics. [00:14:00] Riana talks about becoming ready to receive healthy love after clearing old toxic patterns. [00:16:00] She uses a dinner order metaphor to explain why clarity, specificity, values, desires, and non-negotiables matter. [00:18:00] Riana explains why high-achieving women can feel confident at work but stuck in relationships. [00:19:00] She breaks down the conscious and unconscious mind using the 10% and 90% framework. [00:22:00] Riana compares old identities and beliefs to expired pantry items that need to be cleared out. [00:24:00] She explains the difference between becoming aware of a pattern and actually replacing the neurology behind it. [00:31:00] Riana shares the bridge metaphor for stepping into a new identity that matches who someone is becoming. [00:39:00] Sonia asks about manifestation, and Riana reframes it through neuroscience, frequency, and attention. [00:43:00] Riana walks through the “Magnet for Miracles” exercise using the away wall, toward wall, and 72-hour rubber band practice. Riana's Links 🌐 Website https://rianamalia.com/ SIS LINKS 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack– where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen 📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email 📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram 🌐 Kathleen’s WebsiteKathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast 📸 Kathleen’s Instagram

In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen continue the 12-step series with Arlina Allen for a real, funny, and deeply honest conversation about Step Three: making a decision to turn will and life over to a higher power. Arlina helps unpack the language that can feel intimidating, especially the “God” part, and reframes Step Three as a practice of willingness, surrender, and learning to stop doing recovery alone. The conversation explores what it means to move from willpower to willingness, why “trying harder” often keeps people stuck, and how dependence on a higher power can actually create more freedom. Sonia and Arlina talk about abstinence, moderation, self-will, fear, control, family triggers, difficult conversations, and the emotional gymnastics of wondering whether there is an “easier, softer way” to stay sober. Along the way, they make Step Three feel practical and human. They discuss the difference between surrender and giving up, how intuition can show up as peace, why self-care is part of spiritual practice, and how resentment becomes a bridge into Step Four. The episode also touches on the Serenity Prayer, direct communication, emotional responsibility, and the inventory process: naming resentments, identifying how they affect self-esteem, security, relationships, and fear, and beginning to see one’s own patterns without collapsing into shame. In the personal story segment, Sonia reflects on the relief and grief of realizing that full abstinence is the easier, softer way for her, even when part of her wishes she could use substances differently. Arlina shares how old family patterns, friendship endings, people-pleasing, and “everybody hates me” thinking still show up after decades of sobriety—and how connection, gratitude, honest conversations, and returning to practice help bring her back to peace. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources. Highlights [00:01:00] Sonia explains why Step Two felt like a mental hurdle. [00:03:00] Arlina reads Step Three and reframes it through willingness. [00:04:00] The set-aside prayer opens the door to new information. [00:05:00] Sonia shares when she finally became willing to consider abstinence. [00:06:00] Dependence on a higher power becomes independence of spirit. [00:08:00] Step Three is not abdicating responsibility. [00:09:00] Arlina explains ego, intuition, and the quiet voice of peace. [00:12:00] Outside perspective helps interrupt the silo of self-will. [00:14:00] Family triggers reveal old default settings. [00:16:00] Arlina checks self-care when “nobody likes me” thinking returns. [00:18:00] Sonia reflects on learning to treat herself like a precious object. [00:21:00] Recovery as a practice, not a one-time achievement. [00:23:00] “Ish” and dimmer switches offer a gentler view of consistency. [00:24:00] Arlina defines self-will as fear, control, and self-centeredness. [00:27:00] Love versus fear becomes a simple spiritual gut check. [00:30:00] Letting go of a friendship becomes an act of self-respect. [00:33:00] Sonia connects with “no easier, softer way.” [00:36:00] Running the experiment again is no longer necessary. [00:39:00] Resentments become the bridge into Step Four. [00:48:00] The Serenity Prayer becomes a tool for emotional disturbance and indecision. Arlina's Links 🌐 www.soberlifeschool.com 📸 Instagram: @arlinaallen | @odaatpodcast SIS Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen 📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email 📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram 🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast 📸 Kathleen’s Instagram

In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia takes on something she has circled for years: the 12 steps. After years of attending meetings here and there, interviewing addiction experts, and seeing the way the steps have changed people’s lives, she is finally stepping in. Joined by recovery coach, One Day at a Time podcast host, and The 12 Steps for Skeptics author Arlina Allen, Sonia explores Step Two through the lens of skepticism, spirituality, language, and lived recovery. The conversation opens with Sonia’s honest reaction to Step Two: “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Together, Sonia and Arlina unpack why words like sanity, insanity, God, and character defects can feel outdated or loaded, especially for people who understand addiction through trauma, mental health, coping mechanisms, and neuroscience. They also explore how to “take what you like and leave the rest,” why looking for similarities matters, and how a higher power can be understood in a way that feels personal, flexible, and grounded. Arlina helps reframe Step Two as less about dogma and more about willingness, support, outside perspective, and access to something beyond one’s own fear-based thinking. The episode touches on spirituality versus religion, the pause between impulse and reaction, emotional triggers, “first thought wrong,” and why the hard choice is often the right one. Sonia and Arlina also talk about synchronicity, awe, honesty, music, emotional avoidance, and how sobriety can make room for deeper joy, grief, intuition, and connection. In the personal story segment, Sonia shares how she is beginning to recognize her higher power in real life: in moments of synchronicity, in sober awe, and in choosing honesty. Arlina offers a beautiful reflection on how witnessing someone else heal can soften and heal something inside us, too. The conversation becomes both practical and deeply human—a bridge for anyone who has wanted the wisdom of the steps, but needed a way in that actually feels possible. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources. [00:00:00] Sonia introduces the episode and shares why doing the 12 steps feels like a big deal. [00:02:00] Arlina Allen joins Sonia to begin exploring Step Two. [00:03:00] Sonia explains why the word “sanity” immediately brings up resistance. [00:05:00] Arlina reframes insanity as repeating the same pattern and expecting a different result. [00:06:00] Arlina explains Step Two as the beginning of needing help and outside perspective. [00:08:00] Sonia and Arlina discuss trauma, coping mechanisms, guilt, shame, and neuroscience. [00:10:00] Arlina talks about looking for similarities instead of differences in recovery literature. [00:12:00] Sonia shares the “Fred drinking whiskey in milk” moment that took her out of the Big Book. [00:14:00] Sonia explains how the 12 and 12 and Arlina’s homework softened her resistance. [00:16:00] Sonia describes her current concept of spirituality and a higher power. [00:18:00] Sonia reflects on reliance versus defiance and asking for guidance instead of control. [00:20:00] Arlina explains why surrender is not abdicating responsibility. [00:21:00] Sonia and Arlina explore the difference between impulse, instinct, and inner guidance. [00:23:00] Arlina discusses triggers, condescension, and the power of pausing before reacting. [00:30:00] Sonia shares the qualities she wants in a higher power. [00:32:00] Arlina tells a powerful story about synchronicity, grief, and a sobriety date. [00:40:00] Sonia describes sober awe, inspiration, and the return of her inner life. [00:43:00] Sonia connects higher power to the pause between impulse and reaction. [00:49:00] Sonia shares an emotional story about grief, love, and witnessing healing. [00:54:00] Arlina explains why avoiding pain also blocks joy, awe, and wonder. Arlina's Links 🌐 www.soberlifeschool.com 📸 Instagram: @arlinaallen | @odaatpodcast SIS Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen 📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email 📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram 🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast 📸 Kathleen’s Instagram

In this deeply personal first episode of a new Sisters in Sobriety series, Sonia begins something she has circled for years: working the 12 steps. Joined by Arlina Allen, recovery coach, host of the One Day at a Time podcast, and author of The 12 Steps for Skeptics, Sonia explores why she has always respected AA while still feeling hesitant to fully commit. Together, Sonia and Arlina open the door to Step One with honesty, curiosity, humor, and a modern lens for anyone who has ever wondered whether the steps could work for them. The conversation explores what it means to admit powerlessness over alcohol without collapsing into shame, why “unmanageable” does not always look like losing everything, and how women with high-functioning lives can still hit an emotional bottom. Sonia and Arlina talk about raising the bottom, separating the 12-step program from meeting culture, finding the right sponsor or guide, and why old recovery language can sometimes create resistance before people even get to the deeper wisdom underneath it. This episode breaks down Step One in a practical, accessible way: defining powerlessness and unmanageability, identifying patterns around moderation, understanding denial, and recognizing the difference between being sober and being emotionally sober. Arlina also explains why the steps are not just about quitting alcohol, but about self-honesty, accountability, nervous system regulation, recovery habits, and learning to meet the parts of ourselves we would rather avoid. Sonia also shares her own story of having what looked from the outside like a “silk sheet bottom”: a stable marriage, career success, financial security, and no dramatic external consequences. But inside, she was emotionally exhausted, self-loathing, and unable to keep the daily promise not to drink. Through Step One, she begins to see how alcohol had made her life unmanageable in quieter but powerful ways—and why this series may be less about joining a program perfectly and more about finally stepping inside the work. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources. Time-Stamped Highlights 00:00 Sonia introduces the new series and why she is finally choosing to work the 12 steps. 02:00 Arlina explains how she will guide Sonia through the steps using The 12 Steps for Skeptics. 03:00 Sonia shares why she has always “danced around” AA without fully committing. 04:00 The moment Sonia realized she could separate the 12-step program from meeting culture. 05:00 Arlina explains why the steps are an experience, not just words on a page. 07:00 Sonia opens up about the awkwardness of seeking a sponsor after years of sobriety. 08:00 Arlina explains why Sonia’s approach will be modified because she already has long-term sobriety. 09:00 Sonia reflects on being surprised by how much Step One had to offer. 10:00 The concept of “raising the bottom” helps Sonia reframe what recovery can look like. 11:00 Sonia describes having an emotional bottom even though her outside life looked stable. 12:00 Sonia shares how her brother’s AA experience planted the first seed that alcohol might be a problem. 14:00 Arlina clarifies that Step One means powerless over alcohol, not powerless over everything. 16:00 Sonia revisits Bill’s story with a more open mind than she had in the past. 18:00 Arlina introduces HOW: honest, open-minded, and willing. 21:00 Sonia and Arlina discuss finding similarities instead of differences in recovery stories. 23:00 Sonia defines powerlessness and unmanageability in her Step One homework. 24:00 Sonia shares the daily cycle of promising not to drink and drinking anyway. 26:00 Sonia connects deeply with the idea that when she enjoyed drinking, she could not control it. 28:00 Sonia questions whether rehashing old drinking stories is always helpful. 32:00 Arlina explains the difference between sobriety and recovery. 35:00 Sonia defines emotional sobriety as the ability to self-regulate without substances. 39:00 Sonia reflects on how drinking kept her from living in alignment with her values. 42:00 Sonia shares how sobriety helped her rediscover books, creativity, and her real personality. 45:00 Arlina explains how recovery asks people to love the parts of themselves they usually reject. 47:00 Sonia considers trying a women’s step study meeting as part of her homework. 48:00 Arlina gives Sonia the reading assignment for Step Two and they close the episode Arlina's Links 🌐 www.soberlifeschool.com 📸 Instagram: @arlinaallen | @odaatpodcast SIS Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen 📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email 📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram 🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast 📸 Kathleen’s Instagram

In this episode, Sonia sits down with Richard Taite to talk about addiction, trauma, treatment, emotional sobriety, self-love, and what it really takes to build a life that feels worth staying present for. They explore Richard’s decades of experience as an addiction treatment entrepreneur, recovery advocate, founder of Cliffside Malibu and Carrera Treatment, and host of the mental health podcast We’re Out of Time. Richard also opens up about his own history with addiction, childhood trauma, homelessness, long-term recovery, and his controversial view that some people can transcend addiction after doing deep, sustained work. The conversation moves through some big questions: Is addiction always a lifelong identity? What does it mean to truly recover versus simply stop using? How does childhood trauma become the emotional engine behind substance use disorder? Sonia and Richard also discuss AA, therapy, treatment centers, the fentanyl crisis, emotional sobriety, reparenting, and why “getting sober” is only one part of the work. Richard challenges familiar recovery language while still crediting AA as a foundation in his own life, making space for a more nuanced conversation about addiction recovery, identity, and healing. Richard explains why therapy has been central to his recovery, how shame forms in childhood, and why so many people carry a “bad kid” narrative into adulthood. He shares his belief that self-care can become self-esteem, and self-esteem can become self-love—especially when recovery expands beyond abstinence into purpose, parenting, relationships, physical health, and joy. The episode also looks at what effective addiction treatment should include today, why therapeutic fit matters, and how families may need to think differently about drugs, alcohol, opioids, and fentanyl in the current recovery landscape. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources.   Highlights [00:01:00] Richard corrects the record about his sobriety and explains why he no longer identifies as sober. [00:02:00] Richard describes what he means by “transcending addiction.” [00:03:00] He shares the Michelin-star wine-pairing moment that showed him his relationship with alcohol had changed. [00:04:00] Sonia asks whether his shift happened suddenly or slowly over time. [00:05:00] Richard explains why thriving matters after getting sober. [00:07:00] Sonia asks how his current relationship with alcohol differs from active addiction. [00:08:00] Richard opens up about becoming a father and losing the fantasy of eventually getting loaded again. [00:10:00] Sonia asks whether fatherhood pushed him into deeper emotional sobriety work. [00:11:00] Richard talks about being in therapy for much of his recovery. [00:12:00] Richard shares the therapy moment that helped him understand he was never “a bad kid.” [00:14:00] He explains how childhood shame can keep running the adult life. [00:16:00] Sonia and Richard discuss childhood trauma as a root driver of addiction. [00:18:00] Richard challenges the idea that one first drink automatically explains addiction. [00:19:00] He talks about AA as a foundation while also questioning rigid recovery identities. [00:21:00] Richard explains why he sees AA as support, not treatment. [00:23:00] He connects self-care, self-esteem, and self-love. [00:27:00] Richard explains why treatment should feel like care, not punishment. [00:32:00] Sonia asks how fentanyl changed the addiction treatment landscape. [00:34:00] Richard shares the overdose death that brought him back into treatment work. [00:40:00] Richard describes how he talks to his son about pills, powders, fentanyl, and peer pressure. [00:45:00] Sonia asks what families should look for in a recovery center today. [00:50:00] Richard closes with a message of hope for anyone afraid to ask for help.   Richard's Links https://www.instagram.com/richardtaiteofficial/ https://carraratreatment.com/author/richard/  SIS Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen 📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email 📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram 🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast 📸 Kathleen’s Instagram