Redefining Intimacy After 40 With Dr. Maria Sophocles

Sonia sits down with Dr. Maria Sophocles, an internationally respected gynecologist and leader in menopause and female sexual health, to explore what really happens to intimacy, desire, and connection in midlife. The conversation challenges the often-unspoken realities of perimenopause, menopause, and sexuality—offering women reassurance, clarity, and a sense of possibility in a season that is too often misunderstood.Sonia and Dr. Sophocles open up a wide-ranging discussion about the cultural pressure women carry around sex, the emotional weight of obligation, and how expectations in long-term relationships can quietly create distance over time. They explore themes like libido changes, communication, pleasure, dating after divorce, and the ways women can begin rewriting outdated scripts around intimacy as bodies and hormones evolve.Throughout the episode, Dr. Sophocles breaks down the physiology of menopause beyond hot flashes—touching on vaginal dryness, arousal shifts, clitoral health, and the role of estrogen deficiency in sexual function. She also clarifies common misconceptions around hormone therapy, explains why hormone testing often adds confusion, and shares evidence-based options including vaginal estrogen and newer treatments.Alongside the medical insight, Sonia also reflects on the personal side of this conversation—what it means to move from performance toward connection, from silence toward honesty, and from shame toward self-trust. Dr. Sophocles offers compassionate language for couples navigating change, and gentle encouragement for women stepping into this chapter with curiosity instead of fear.This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources.00:01 — Introducing Dr. Maria Sophocles and her new book The Bedroom Gap 00:02 — Why menopause training is still missing in women’s healthcare 00:03 — The most overlooked symptom: sexual shame and silence 00:05 — What the “Bedroom Gap” really means in relationships 00:07 — How gender roles set couples up for disconnection 00:09 — Why sex education is still fear-based, not pleasure-based 00:11 — Dating after divorce in midlife: a whole new world 00:13 — Sonia opens up about “duty sex” and long-term marriage patterns 00:15 — Responsive desire: why arousal can come before libido 00:16 — The power of G-rated intimacy and skin-to-skin connection 00:18 — When a hug feels like pressure: navigating partner expectations 00:20 — How to communicate needs without triggering defensiveness 00:23 — Reframing lube, toys, and support as sex-positive tools 00:25 — Menopause changes in the brain, vulva, vagina, and clitoris 00:28 — Why vaginal estrogen is one of the most underused solutions 00:32 — Breast cancer survivors and the truth about local estrogen safety 00:33 — Other treatments: Intrarosa and Osphena 00:36 — Why hormone blood tests rarely give useful answers 00:41 — Fantasy, erotic content, and “bibliotherapy” for desire 00:45 — Dr. Sophocles’ hope: grace, permission, and rewriting the rulesDr. Sophocles LinkInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/mariasophoclesmd/TED Talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/maria_sophocles_what_happens_to_sex_in_midlife_a_look_at_the_bedroom_gapThe Bedroom Gap: https://www.amazon.com/Bedroom-Gap-Rewrite-Rules-Roles/dp/0306837404SIS Links💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast📸 Kathleen’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sonia and Kathleen sit down with Melanie Gulde to explore what truly supportive, humane recovery can look like—especially for women. Melanie is the Co-Founder of the Divided Sky Foundation and Program Director of the Divided Sky Residential Recovery Program in Ludlow. With more than 25 years in the field, Melanie has dedicated her life to helping people rediscover their worth and build sustainable sobriety. Her work includes founding Divided Sky in partnership with Trey Anastasio — the co-founding guitarist and lead vocalist of the jam band Phish - and launching a Women’s Scholarship Fund to reduce barriers to treatment for women.You'll hear what actually helps people stay sober, how emotional sobriety supports long-term healing, and how joy, music, nature, and community can reshape the recovery experience. The episode also explores women-specific challenges like stigma, childcare, financial barriers, vulnerability in mixed-gender treatment settings, and why communal, women-centered environments can significantly improve outcomes.Melanie explains how concepts like emotional regulation, unmet expectations, family systems, accountability, and values-based recovery show up in real life, and how programs like Divided Sky integrate mindfulness, music therapy, spirituality, forest bathing, and peer support to support sustainable change.The episode also weaves in Melanie’s personal story—from getting sober in 1995 to her early work in outpatient counseling and drug court to the pivotal relationship with Trey, which led to the creation of Divided Sky. Sonia and Kathleen guide listeners through Melanie’s reflections on mentorship, mistakes, growth, and the “aha” moments that shaped her philosophy: that people don’t need punishment to heal—they need dignity, safety, and belief in their own potential.This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks, and resources.Episode Highlights (Time-Stamped)00:01 — Introducing Melanie Gould and the mission behind Divided Sky00:02 — Growing up on Long Island and early influences on empathy and service00:03 — Getting sober in 1995 and finding a calling in recovery work00:04 — Early mentorship lessons and learning not to take relapse personally00:06 — What drug court teaches that traditional clinical settings don’t00:07 — Reframing “mandated treatment” and removing judgment from recovery00:08 — Melanie’s first interactions with Trey Anastasio in drug court00:09 — Fear, structure, and accountability in early recovery00:11 — How a professional relationship evolved into collaboration and friendship00:13 — Why Divided Sky was created to treat people as individuals00:16 — What emotional sobriety really means and why it’s transformative00:18 — Connecting emotional sobriety with the 12 Steps00:21 — The role of music, joy, and creativity in recovery00:24 — Joy-based recovery and the healing power of nature00:26 — A day in the life at Divided Sky00:28 — Community, volunteers, and connection as recovery tools00:30 — Why the Women’s Scholarship Fund matters00:33 — Why women recover differently and need women-centered spaces00:35 — Changing family dynamics and their impact on recovery00:38 — A message of hope for anyone afraid to ask for helpDivided Sky FoundationSIS Links💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast📸 Kathleen’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia sits down with veteran broadcaster, journalist, and advocate Catt Sadler for a deeply honest conversation about identity, ambition, and choosing an alcohol-free life without hitting rock bottom. Best known for her more than decade-long career at E! Entertainment—Catt has long been a familiar face on red carpets and awards-season coverage. Today, she is the host and executive producer of her weekly podcast CATT SADLER Now and a leading voice in conversations about women, power, and authenticity.Throughout the conversation, Catt reflects on pivotal questions many women quietly ask themselves: What role has alcohol played in my stress, success, and social life? What happens when I stop numbing and start listening? Can I change my relationship with alcohol even if everything “looks fine” on the outside? Together, they unpack themes of high-functioning drinking, midlife reflection, identity shifts, nervous system regulation, and how wellness, meditation, and journaling can open the door to clarity and self-trust.You'll walk away with practical and educational insights around mindful sobriety, habit change, and emotional regulation. Catt shares how meditation, breathwork, journaling, and intentional morning routines supported her decision to stop drinking—and why removing alcohol created more energy, better sleep, deeper presence, and emotional resilience. The episode also explores the role of shame in keeping women stuck, how cravings and discomfort actually pass, and why modeling alcohol-free coping skills matters—especially for our children and communities.In a powerful personal segment, Catt opens up about the spiritual nudges that ultimately led her to quit drinking, the internal resistance she felt despite “not having a problem,” and the moment she realized that alcohol no longer aligned with the highest version of herself. She shares what it was like navigating social situations, holidays, college football weekends, and emotional lows without alcohol—and how staying with herself, rather than escaping, changed everything. Her story offers a compassionate roadmap for women who sense a quiet inner knowing that it might be time to turn the page.Episode Highlights 00:00 – Welcome and introduction to Catt Sadler 01:15 – Growing up around alcohol and early beliefs about drinking 03:45 – College, ambition, and “normal” social drinking 05:30 – Life at E!, pressure, motherhood, and survival mode 07:10 – When healing began before alcohol changed 08:40 – Reading Quit Like a Woman and early nudges 09:55 – Dating someone who could take alcohol or leave it 11:20 – Spiritual moments that clarified her decision 13:10 – Choosing to stop drinking at 51 14:45 – Alcohol not being “the problem,” but no longer fitting 16:10 – Meditation as a gateway to self-trust 18:05 – How to start meditating without overwhelm 20:40 – Early benefits of going alcohol-free 22:30 – Handling cravings, discomfort, and emotional waves 24:50 – Ice cream, Netflix, and self-compassion 26:10 – Morning routines and sacred mornings 28:20 – Gratitude journaling and manifestation 30:40 – Different journaling styles and creative play 33:15 – Letter writing, boundaries, and emotional processing 36:00 – Writing a memoir and revisiting the past 38:40 – Holidays, NA drinks, and social pressure 41:00 – Being sober around kids and modeling behavior 43:30 – Navigating parties, work events, and college campuses 46:10 – Sharing her sobriety publicly and community response 48:20 – Advice for women who haven’t hit “rock bottom” 50:00 – Closing reflections on staying with yourselfCatt's LinksCatt's IG and Substack SIS Links💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast📸 Kathleen’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sonia and Kathleen sit down with Oona Metz, a therapist with 30 years of clinical experience and a leading expert in helping women navigate divorce. For the past 15 years, Oona has specialized in supporting women through the realities of divorce. She is the author of Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women. Dr. Metz frames divorce not as a failure, but as a profound life transition—one that often reshapes identity, relationships, and sobriety. They'll explore questions many women quietly carry: What actually happens emotionally during divorce? Why does it feel so disorienting—even when you’re the one who initiated it? How do grief, anger, relief, fear, and hope coexist at the same time? And why can divorce feel so lonely even when you’re surrounded by support? They talk about the deeper layers of healing, touching on community, shame, self-trust, boundaries, and the ways alcohol can quietly become a coping mechanism during this chapter.You'll will walk away with practical takeaways about the divorce process from a mental health perspective, including how divorce impacts the nervous system, why women often internalize blame, and how group support can accelerate healing. Dr. Metz explains the psychological stages of divorce, common emotional patterns women experience, and why validation, regulation, and connection are essential tools for recovery. The conversation also weaves in themes of sobriety, emotional regulation, self-worth, and rebuilding identity after major life upheaval.Sonia and Kathleen reflect on how divorce can surface old coping strategies, challenge existing support systems, and force radical honesty with oneself.This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks, and resources.Episode Highlights00:01 – Why divorce is more than a legal process—it’s an identity shift03:12 – Oona’s 30-year clinical journey and why she focused on divorce work06:45 – The emotional stages women experience during divorce09:30 – Why divorce grief is often misunderstood and minimized12:18 – How shame and self-blame show up for women15:02 – The role of community and group support in healing18:40 – Why divorce can trigger or intensify unhealthy coping behaviors21:55 – Divorce, loneliness, and the myth of “strong women should handle it alone”25:10 – How alcohol can quietly become emotional anesthesia during transitions28:34 – Nervous system regulation during high-conflict or prolonged divorce31:50 – What healing actually looks like in the first year post-divorce35:15 – Letting go of the story you thought your life would follow38:42 – Rebuilding self-trust after major relational loss41:20 – Why validation matters more than advice in early healing44:05 – Dating, boundaries, and identity after divorce47:30 – How group work accelerates recovery and reduces isolation50:18 – What Oona wishes every woman knew before starting divorce53:00 – Turning divorce into a catalyst for clarity and growth56:10 – Choosing sobriety as an act of self-protection and self-respect59:00 – Final reflections on grief, freedom, and rebuilding a life on your termsDr. Metz's Linkshttps://www.instagram.com/oonametz/https://www.oonametz.com/book-unhitchedSIS Links💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast📸 Kathleen’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Manifestation doesn’t have to be woo-woo, unrealistic, or disconnected from real life. In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia sits down with Yvonne Tchrakian — corporate lawyer turned entrepreneur, manifestation teacher, founder of Pause.Penny, and host of The Manifest Movement podcast — to explore how manifestation can become a grounded, practical tool for women in recovery. Sonia helps listeners understand how manifestation can support self-trust, accountability, and healing without bypassing emotions or responsibility.Together, they unpack why manifestation can feel like it “isn’t working,” even when you’re doing all the right things. The conversation explores alignment versus hustle, fear-based desires versus intuitive ones, and how thoughts, beliefs, and actions must work together. Sonia and Yvonne touch on common blocks like scarcity thinking, misalignment, people-pleasing, and unrealistic timelines — and how those patterns quietly sabotage progress.You'll will gain clear, actionable insights into how manifestation intersects with neuroscience, habit formation, intuition, and sobriety. Yvonne explains why gratitude, affirmations, aligned action, and accountability matter more than vision boards alone, and how substances can disconnect intuition and erode self-trust. The episode also addresses spiritual bypassing, emotional processing, and why manifestation works best when paired with honesty and responsibility.In the personal story segment, Yvonne shares how grief, pregnancy loss, health challenges, and family addiction shaped her philosophy around manifestation and self-worth. Sonia reflects on sobriety, rebuilding intuition, and how letting go of old identities can unlock real change. The episode closes with a look inside Yvonne’s 21-Day Manifestation Challenge and why structure, community, and consistency help transformation stick.This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks and resources.HIGHLIGHTS [00:01:00] Yvonne’s transition from law to manifestation [00:03:00] Grief as a turning point [00:05:30] Gratitude as a grounding practice [00:07:00] Belief vs. wishful thinking [00:09:30] Why alignment matters [00:12:00] Unrealistic manifestation goals [00:14:00] Actions vs. intentions [00:16:00] Scarcity thinking and money [00:18:00] Receiving support and abundance [00:20:30] Manifesting identity [00:22:00] Boundaries and self-worth [00:24:00] Family dynamics and triggers [00:27:00] Letting go of resentment [00:29:30] Fear-based desires [00:32:00] Sobriety and intuition [00:35:00] Self-trust and consistency [00:37:00] Accountability in recovery [00:39:00] Emotional processing vs. bypassing [00:42:00] Shame and forgiveness [00:47:00] Inside the 21-Day Manifestation ChallengeSIS Links💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast📸 Kathleen’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The new year is upon us, and it’s the perfect time to check in with yourself and your habits. Whether you’re feeling the post-holiday burnout or just curious about how alcohol impacts your life, Dry January offers a chance to hit pause and reset. In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen are here to guide you through the highs, lows, and everything in between, offering tips and real talk to help you make the most of your Dry January journey—whether it's your first time or your fifth.Ever wonder why Dry January seems to be everywhere? Sonia and Kathleen dive into questions like: What makes it so popular? What physical and mental benefits can you really expect? What if you slip up mid-month? With honest reflections and practical advice, this episode will leave you feeling ready to take it one day at a time.You’ll come away with simple, effective ways to succeed—like setting realistic goals, building a support system, and swapping old habits for new ones that actually feel good. Sonia and Kathleen also dig into strategies for overcoming cravings, reframing challenges, and creating routines you’ll look forward to. Plus, ways to replace your go-to drink with something delicious, because it’s not just about taking something away—it’s about adding wellness, joy, and calm back into your life.Sonia shares how her tea bar (complete with hot chocolate mix!) became her nighttime favorite, while Kathleen talks about how even the strongest cravings can be a chance to show yourself some love. It’s a reminder that small wins—like finding joy in a cozy drink or celebrating with a letter to yourself—can make a big difference.This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks, and resources.Episode Highlights:[00:00:00] Introduction to Dry January and its purpose[00:01:16] Sonia and Kathleen discuss the origins and rise in popularity[00:02:29] Research spotlight: the link between alcohol and health risks[00:03:34] Health Canada’s new guidelines on alcohol consumption[00:05:15] The role of the sober-curious movement and influencers[00:07:26] Benefits of Dry January: improved sleep, clear skin, mental clarity[00:10:29] How to set a personal “why” for motivation[00:12:10] The importance of planning for social triggers[00:13:36] Kathleen’s breakdown of SMART goals[00:16:25] Strategies for those feeling overwhelmed by a 31-day challenge[00:19:35] Managing cravings and identifying unexpected triggers[00:22:31] Mocktail recommendations and the joy of experimenting with alternative drinks[00:25:48] New evening rituals: small ways to relax and unwind[00:27:04] Celebrating progress without alcohol: creative reward ideas[00:29:59] Kathleen shares her “urge surfing” technique for dealing with cravings[00:32:25] Explanation of the RAIN mindfulness method[00:36:12] What to do if you slip up during Dry January[00:39:00] How to reflect on your Dry January experience[00:41:17] Deciding your next steps after January ends[00:43:40] Sonia’s insights on using Dry January as a springboard for personal growth[00:46:17] Final reflections and key takeaways from Sonia and KathleenLinks:Sisters In Sobriety Substack – find more tips, tricks, resources, and communitySisters In Sobriety EmailSisters In Sobriety InstagramKathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcastKathleen’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode features Randy Hall on Buddhist-inspired recovery, mindfulness, and why healing addiction often starts with self-compassion—not judgment.Randy Hall, is a Program Coordinator with the Addiction Prevention Coalition in Birmingham, Alabama, a person in long-term recovery, a Certified Peer Support Specialist, a SMART Recovery Facilitator, and the former President of the Recovery Dharma Global community. Randy is deeply committed to building peer support spaces and advocating for multiple pathways to recovery that meet people where they are.Throughout the conversation, Sonia, Kathleen, and Randy explore what happens when someone wants recovery but doesn’t quite fit into a single prescribed model. They dig into questions around craving, identity, trauma, relapse, self-judgment, and why curiosity can be a powerful starting point for change. The episode touches on mindfulness, Buddhist-inspired recovery, peer-led support, and evidence-based tools — all through the lens of real life rather than theory.Randy breaks down Buddhist principles in an accessible, grounded way, explaining how ideas like impermanence, compassion, and mindful awareness can be used day-to-day in recovery. He shares how practices like meditation, naming emotions, and interrupting judgment helped him learn to sit with discomfort instead of escaping it. Listeners will also hear how SMART Recovery’s rational, skills-based approach complemented these practices — showing how recovery doesn’t have to be either/or, but can be built from multiple supports working together.At the heart of the episode is Randy’s story — one marked by achievement, addiction, and a dramatic turning point. He shares how years of high-functioning substance use eventually led to a life-altering diagnosis of Guillain-Barré Syndrome that left him temporarily paralyzed. What followed wasn’t a neat or linear recovery, but a painful, human process that included relapse, fear, and ultimately a deep internal shift. Randy reflects on how real change didn’t come from punishment or fear, but from learning self-compassion, finding community, and allowing himself to be honest about his suffering. His story underscores how transformation often comes not from avoiding pain, but from finally meeting it with care and support.Episode Highlights00:01 — Randy shares how alcohol first felt like social “magic” — and how quickly it turned into something darker 00:03 — What high-functioning addiction really looks like behind the scenes 00:05 — Using substances to cope with professional pressure and internal conflict 00:06 — The shocking moment Randy’s body shut down during a kids’ soccer game 00:08 — Being paralyzed, hospitalized, and forced to confront mortality 00:10 — Why detox and physical recovery weren’t enough 00:12 — Returning home and relapsing despite everything he’d been through 00:15 — The quiet role of shame and self-loathing in addiction 00:17 — Hitting a point where change was no longer optional 00:18 — Feeling disconnected from recovery spaces that didn’t resonate 00:19 — Discovering Recovery Dharma and Buddhist-inspired recovery 00:21 — How mindfulness and rational tools can work together 00:23 — The Four Noble Truths explained in plain language 00:26 — Understanding craving as part of the human condition 00:28 — How mindfulness helps interrupt urges in real time 00:34 — The difference between awareness and judgment 00:38 — “Having tea with your demons” and learning to work with urges 00:44 — Riding urges like waves instead of fighting them 00:48 — Why community matters more than willpower 00:51 — Practical advice for anyone who feels stuck right nowRandy's Links https://recoverydharma.org/SIS Links💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast📸 Kathleen’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen dive into the science of cravings, anxiety, and habit change—and explore what really keeps us stuck. They’re joined by Judson Brewer, MD, PhD (“Dr. Jud”), New York Times best-selling author, neuroscientist, addiction psychiatrist, and one of the world’s leading experts on mindfulness-based behavior change. As the Director of Research and Innovation at Brown University’s Mindfulness Center, Dr. Jud has spent decades decoding how habits form in the brain and developing accessible tools that help people unwind anxiety, disrupt addictive loops, and build healthier patterns.Today, Sonia and Kathleen help listeners understand the mechanics of their own minds while Dr. Jud offers lived insight, science-backed strategies, and surprising clarity about why we repeat behaviors that don’t serve us—and how to finally change them.In the conversation, they unpack some of the biggest questions surrounding anxiety, cravings, and self-sabotage: Why does worry function like a habit? Why do some behaviors feel good in the moment but terrible later? How does the brain’s reward system trick us into repeating patterns we’ve outgrown? And what role does curiosity play in breaking addiction cycles—from alcohol to overeating to doom-scrolling? You'll hear how habit loops get encoded, why “willpower” is not the tool we've been taught to rely on, and how mindfulness becomes a practical—not mystical—interruption strategy.Dr. Jud also breaks down essential educational concepts, including reinforcement learning, negative and positive reward loops, the illusion of control in anxiety, the mechanics of disenchantment, and his three-step framework for unwinding addictive patterns. He explains how curiosity and kindness work neurologically to override craving cycles, why awareness alone can interrupt an unconscious behavior, and how updating the brain’s reward database makes change not only possible but inevitable. Along the way, listeners gain language, tools, and frameworks they can start applying immediately to their own sobriety and emotional regulation.Dr. Jud does a real-life demonstration of his method as Kathleen explores her own habit loop around stress- and boredom-eating. The conversation gets personal, relatable, and surprisingly funny as the trio walks through how discomfort, dopamine, self-soothing, and long-term values collide inside the brain. The episode closes with a reflective discussion on AI, mental health, and the future of behavior-change technology, highlighting what excites—and concerns—Dr. Jud in this rapidly shifting landscape.This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks, and resources.Episode Highlights[00:01:00] Sonia and Kathleen introduce Dr. Jud and his work on anxiety, addiction, and the brain.[00:02:00] Dr. Jud shares how his own anxiety and panic attacks led him into neuroscience and meditation.[00:03:30] The early research connecting anxiety, addiction, and habit loops.[00:05:00] How a breakup and “Full Catastrophe Living” started his lifelong meditation practice.[00:07:00] Childhood curiosity, chemistry, and why humans get stuck in repetitive patterns.[00:08:30] How shame and self-blame reinforce habit loops.[00:09:00] Plain-language explanation of reinforcement learning and the habit loop.[00:11:30] Anxiety as a learned behavior: the illusion of control through worry.[00:12:30] Clinical trial results showing mindfulness reduces anxiety by 67 percent.[00:14:00] Awareness vs. identification: shifting from “I am anxious” to “I’m noticing anxiety.”[00:15:00] Why we return to habits that hurt us, even when we know better.[00:17:00] Disenchantment and updating the brain’s reward system.[00:19:30] Why willpower fails: the neuroscience behind “stop it” not working.[00:20:00] Smoking cessation examples—patients realizing cigarettes taste terrible.[00:22:00] How paying attention changes overeating behaviors within 10–15 repetitions.[00:24:00] A patient’s breakthrough using morning reflection to break alcohol dependency.[00:26:00] How the same loop applies across addictions: food, alcohol, sex, gambling, digital habits.[00:28:00] Introducing the “pleasure plateau” and learning when a reward stops rewarding.[00:31:00] How curiosity interrupts craving cycles and builds distress tolerance.[00:33:30] Dr. Jud’s three-step method for behavior change.[00:37:00] What to say when someone insists “mindfulness doesn’t work for me.”[00:38:00] Live demo: Kathleen and Dr. Jud map her stress-eating habit loop.[00:44:00] The intersection of AI, reinforcement learning, and mental health.[00:47:00] Expanding access with AI-supported learning assistants in Going Beyond Anxiety.[00:49:00] The risks of relying on AI for companionship and therapy advice.[00:52:00] Where listeners struggling with addiction can start with Mindshift Recovery. Dr. Jud Linkswww.goingbeyondanxiety.comwww.drjud.comJudbrewer.substack.com SIS Links💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast📸 Kathleen’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen explore one of the most universal yet misunderstood parts of human life: grief. They’re joined by Melanie Wilson—grief advocate, creative ritual designer, event curator, and founder of Life and Soul—who brings a deeply grounded and accessible perspective on navigating loss, building community, and supporting others with compassion.Sonia and Kathleen chat with Melanie about topics that sit at the core of grief work: Why is it so hard to talk about death? How do we show up for grieving friends without saying the wrong thing? What does real, ongoing support look like beyond the first week of casseroles? Why do people feel so alone when loss is universal? And what does it mean to create rituals—personal or communal—that help us stay connected to the people we’ve lost? These themes draw directly from Melanie’s work supporting grievers through community, storytelling, creativity, and continued bonds.You'll understand key concepts such as grief as a continuing relationship, collective grieving, grief allyship, the limits of numbing through alcohol, and why authentic presence is more powerful than perfect words. Melanie offers practical takeaways about holding space, asking better questions, supporting ritual-building, understanding grief “waves,” and replacing isolating narratives with compassionate ones. She also shares insights about how grief affects cognition, emotions, and relationships—grounded in her professional grief-ally framework and her work as a celebrant and community organizer.This episode also dives deep into Melanie’s personal story: the three consecutive years of profound loss that shaped her calling; the awkward moments of being “the death of the party”; creating New York grief mixers and art-centered memorial experiences; her five-year commemoration project for her father; and why people cry at her events even when they “didn’t expect to.” Sonia and Kathleen also reflect candidly on their own grief missteps, the complexities of supporting partners who are grieving, and the vulnerability of learning how to be a better ally over time.This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks, and resources.Episode Highlights (Time-Stamped)00:01 — Sonia and Kathleen introduce Melanie Wilson and her work at the intersection of grief, art, and community.00:02 — Melanie shares her earliest encounters with loss and how three consecutive years of death reshaped her path.00:04 — What it means to be a “griever creating community” and why people need connection outside their family.00:05 — Challenging the belief that “everyone grieves differently” and reframing grief as a collective experience.00:06 — How public, creative expressions of grief revealed new ways people can heal together.00:07 — Joining The Dinner Party and realizing the role of in-person community in grief support.00:09 — Launching her first New York City grief mixers and discovering that people want to talk about grief.00:10 — The origin story of being “the death of the party” and embracing authenticity in social spaces.00:11 — Reframing grief as a continued relationship rather than something to move on from.00:13 — Kathleen shares her own grief experience and discusses the discomfort of others avoiding the topic.00:15 — Why grievers feel burdened asking to talk about their person—and why invitations matter.00:16 — Challenging the cultural pressure to “find closure” or “move on.”00:17 — Overview of Death of the Party events and how art, performance, and community rituals support expression.00:21 — Grief, numbing, and the role of alcohol—why people seek escape and what healthier alternatives can offer.00:24 — Melanie’s reframing of rituals and the idea of creating new, personal traditions.00:26 — Examples of personal rituals: candles, gardening, art, shawls, favorite meals, and remembrance objects.00:29 — Balancing grief with joy, and how certain rituals bring comfort rather than sadness.00:30 — Music as both a trigger and a tool for connection in grief.00:33 — Why grief events become “brave spaces,” not “safe spaces,” and the value of emotional discomfort.00:34 — Melanie’s five-year commemoration ceremony for her father and reconnecting with his community.00:36 — What it means to be a grief ally and how to hold space without fixing.00:38 — Common mistakes people make when trying to comfort someone grieving—and language to avoid.00:40 — How storytelling helps grievers integrate loss and strengthen continued bonds.00:42 — Melanie’s advice for those afraid to face their grief: start small, stay intentional, and find community.00:44 — Closing reflections and gratitude for Melanie’s wisdom. SIS Links💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast📸 Kathleen’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In today’s episode of Sisters in Sobriety, we explore recovery and identity with Arlina Allen, who uses neuroscience principles to help people heal, regulate stress and rewrite their patterns. What happens when alcohol is no longer our coping strategy — and how do we rebuild our nervous system, our patterns, and our sense of self?With over 30 years of sobriety, Arlina has become a trusted voice in recovery, neuroscience, self-leadership, and sustainable change. She’s also the bestselling author of The 12-Step Guide for Skeptics and host of The One Day at a Time Recovery Podcast, ranked in the top 1% of all self-help shows.This episode explores questions many women face in recovery: What if 12-step programs didn’t feel like your path—can they still work for you? How does identity, trauma, or high-functioning behavior shape addiction? Can we pursue ambition and protect our emotional health? Sonia and Arlina unpack how language—sober curious, gray area drinking, substance use disorder—can both define us and limit us, and how neuroscience can help explain cravings, coping strategies, and our repeated patterns.You'll hear practical strategies grounded in neuroscience, mindfulness, emotional resilience, and stress regulation—core principles in Arlina’s coaching programs and workshops. She breaks down how the default mode network shapes identity, the difference between spirituality and religion in recovery, and how self-regulation tools, time audits, somatic practices, and boundaries help reduce burnout without losing ambition. Recovery isn’t about adding more to your life—it’s often about subtracting what drains you.Arlina also opens up about drinking at age 10, surviving trauma, navigating intimacy, marriage, envy, perfectionism, and burnout—and how the emotional work of sobriety continues even after 31 years.This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks and resources.Time-Stamped Highlights[00:02:10] Drinking at age 10 — “relief before I understood pain”[00:04:35] High-functioning but spiraling — identity vs. consequences[00:07:00] The 12 steps as tools, even for skeptics[00:09:30] Spirituality vs religious trauma — redefining a higher power[00:11:20] Why “alcoholic” doesn’t have to be a shame label[00:13:15] Sober curious, gray area drinkers & language[00:15:10] Can AA work if you’re not fully abstinent?[00:19:00] Neuroscience 101 — the default mode network explained[00:21:50] Cortisol, sleep, neuroplasticity & emotional regulation[00:24:30] Childhood wiring and belief systems[00:27:40] Perfectionism, intimacy, and emotional avoidance[00:29:30] Working the steps inside marriage[00:33:25] Character defects vs character assets—reframing[00:36:40] Burnout in recovery — sneaky signs[00:39:45] Resentment, envy & high-performing women[00:44:00] “If you spot it, you’ve got it” — mirror theory[00:47:00] Time audits, priorities & time drunkenness[00:50:10] The Kool-Aid metaphor — why morning practices matter[00:54:05] Cultivating joy & experimenting with hobbies[00:56:20] “Recovery is about recovering your whole self”Connect With Arlina🌐 www.soberlifeschool.com 📸 Instagram: @arlinaallen | @odaatpodcastSIS Links💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast📸 Kathleen’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.