EP 282: Parents & Practitioners Need the Same Thing- and it's not more tools

You've called every therapist in town and heard the same thing back: not taking new clients. Or you're the one on the other end of that call, staring at a kid whose behavior you can't make sense of, wondering if you're just not cut out for this. I get it. I intimately understand both sides of this struggle. In this episode, you'll learn:Why a dysregulated parent needs the same thing from their practitioner that a child needs from their parentWhat actually changes behavior long-term (hint: unfortunately, it’s not a tool. That would be this easy!)Why this nested process — professional, parent, child — is the core framework that makes the Immersion Program unique. And, what makes it work. Apply for the Immersion Program at RobynGobbel.com/immersionFind a practitioner who is an Immersion Program Graduate at RobynGobbel.com/DirectoryResources mentioned in this podcast:Apply for the Immersion Program → RobynGobbel.com/immersionFind a practitioner who is an Immersion Program Graduate → RobynGobbel.com/DirectoryRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/samethingTeaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain!And I can teach you exactly how!Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about!  The new Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors hits the shelves on September 21!AND! If you pre-order TWO or more copies, you can come to Baffling Behaviors LIVE! - a day-long live event for parents and caregivers in Richmond, VA on September 21. RobynGobbel.com/LIVE Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

My guiding north star when I was a therapist working with kids (and grown-ups) was always helping them not just get to know their brain and how it works, but actually to develop a relationship with the parts of themselves that seemed to always be getting into trouble. It's not really just brain facts that are helpful to kids. Teaching them about their brain creates the possibility that they can develop a new relationship with their brain- and that’s where the real magic starts to happen. In this episode you'll learn:Why understanding your kid's brain matters less than helping them build an actual relationship with it — one held by compassion and curiosity instead of judgmentWhat integration of consciousness and state integration mean, and why flexibility between an owl, watchdog, and possum state (or whatever your family calls them) is the real marker of changeWhy modeling this with your own watchdog and possum first gives your kid permission to risk doing the sameI’m teaching a live webinar on how to actually do this with your own kids on September 8 — and if you're already part of The Club, it's included, no extra registration needed.Resources mentioned in this podcast:Online Training! Teach Kids About Their Owl, Watchdog & Possum Brain! → RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrainRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/relationshiptobrainTeaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain!And I can teach you exactly how!Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about!  Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

You've probably heard "a dysregulated adult can't co-regulate a child" a hundred times. But if you've ever been stuck in a store with a screaming kid — or a classroom with 17 screaming kids — and zero bandwidth left, you know how useless that advice can feel in the moment. This episode is a conversation with Chrissy D'Agostino, co-author of the new Early Years Guidebook from the Regulated Classroom, about what to do when you're with a dysregulated child, and you're dysregulated too. You’ll hear practical ideas that are actually helpful for a stressed and tapped-out grown-up. In this episode, you will learn:Why relying so heavily on your voice and your words all day is quietly wearing down your nervous system The four practices (connectors, activators, settlers, affirmations) that help widen everyone's window of tolerance, at home or in the classroomWhy "meet the moment" is a more useful goal than "manage the outcome" Resources mentioned in this podcast:The Regulated Classroom → Regulated ClassroomRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/earlyyearsTeaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain!And I can teach you exactly how!Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about!  The new Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors hits the shelves on September 21!AND! If you pre-order TWO or more copies, you can come to Baffling Behaviors LIVE! - a day-long live event for parents and caregivers in Richmond, VA on September 21. RobynGobbel.com/LIVE Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

You want the flowchart. Of course you do! If X, then Y would be something to follow when there's no bandwidth left to think it through in the moment. But there isn't a flowchart, and this episode gets into why: stress capacity shifts by the hour, different nervous system states pull different memory networks online, and two nervous systems are shaping each other in real time, not just one. What there is instead is a map. Knowing both how to read it and how to adjust when something unexpected happens is crucial. In this episode you'll learn:Why a flowchart for dysregulated behavior is neurobiologically impossibleWhy the strategy that worked yesterday isn't working todayWhy the goal isn't figuring out the exact reason behind a behavior; it's staying curious instead of certainResources mentioned in this podcast:Stealing {EP 138} → RobynGobbel.com/stealingLying, Stealing, Regression & Baby Talk {EP 222} → RobynGobbel.com/babytalkRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/flowchartTeaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain!And I can teach you exactly how!Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about!  Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

OT on Tuesday, a speech eval callback on Wednesday, play therapy on Thursday, a school meeting on Friday that's really just another appointment in disguise. When the calendar starts looking like a second job, the question that actually matters isn't a number — it's whether all of it is moving your family toward regulation, connection, and felt safety, or quietly draining it. This episode walks through how to prioritize when everything's been recommended, and nothing fits, when it's genuinely okay to pause the therapy someone called non-negotiable, and why supporting your own nervous system might be the highest-leverage intervention in the whole house.In this episode you'll learn:How to tell whether your family's current appointment load is building felt safety or quietly working against it A framework for prioritizing between recommended therapies when you can't do all of them, including what to weigh beyond which one "sounds" most importantWhy pausing or delaying a therapy you've been told is essential isn't neglectWhy your own support sometimes needs to move to the top of the listResources mentioned in this podcast:The Brain Science Behind Your Child's Biggest Behaviors→ RobynGobbel.com/brainseriesA NeuroDevelopmental Approach {EP 47} → RobynGobbel.com/neurodevelopmentalapproach20 Non-Therapy Therapeutic Interventions → RobynGobbel.com/therapeuticinterventionsRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/somanyservicesTeaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain!And I can teach you exactly how!Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about!  The new Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors hits the shelves on September 21!AND! If you pre-order TWO or more copies, you can come to Baffling Behaviors LIVE! - a day-long live event for parents and caregivers in Richmond, VA on September 21. RobynGobbel.com/LIVE Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

So many struggling and overwhelmed parents feel like their biggest problems are their kids' behaviors and the chaos that's taking over their family. This week's guest, a longtime Club member, talks about how she slowly came to realize that what she really needed to focus on wasn't strategies to change her kids' behavior, but experiences that would soften the shame she was carrying.This guest bravely shares that her shame didn't soften on her own. It took showing up in community with other parents who were honest about their own mess and who received her without judgment, over and over, before she could start offering herself that same compassion.In this episode you'll learn:Why self-compassion is almost impossible to build aloneHow this mom's own regulation changed before her kids' behavior didWhat it sounds like when your kids start offering that same compassion back to you — and to themselvesRead the full transcript at: URL goes hereTeaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain!And I can teach you exactly how!Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about!  The new Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors hits the shelves on September 21!AND! If you pre-order TWO or more copies, you can come to Baffling Behaviors LIVE! - a day-long live event for parents and caregivers in Richmond, VA on September 21. RobynGobbel.com/LIVE Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Every morning (or afternoon or evening) feels like just one long stream of complaints. Breakfast isn’t right, the bowl isn’t right, SOMETHING is always not right, and no matter what gets fixed, it’s never right enough.^That perfectly describes a nervous system stuck in protection mode. This week’s episode explores how and why nervous systems get stuck and practical ways you can help- even when NOTHING you do seems to help. In this episode you will learn:Why your child's reaction is almost never about the thing they're reacting toWhat it means for the past to show up as a "tsunami" in the present momentThree simple places to start dropping in more felt safety today, even before anything else changesNext month in The Club we’re hosting a workshop so we can all get together, pull out the Grow Your Child’s Owl Brain with Cues of Safety workbook, and make a real plan for how to increase safety in your child’s stream of the NOW - which eventually does calm the tsunami in the stream of the pastResources mentioned in this podcast:Why Sticky Behaviors Stay Stuck (Part 1 of 3)→ RobynGobbel.com/stickybehaviors1All Behavior Makes Sense → RobynGobbel.com/allbehaviormakessenseRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/cuesofsafetyTeaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain!And I can teach you exactly how!Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about!  Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Screens. Sugar. Anything that feels really good. The advice to just "lower the demand" can fall really short because for some kids, more access brings real relief. But for others, more access actually causes more stress and we wind up asking kids to take on a responsibility that is beyond their developmental capacity.  This episode digs into what's actually generating the stress underneath the behavior, and what it looks like when a kid needs to be held steady instead of shifting our expectations.In this episode you will learn:Why high-reward things like screens carry their own built-in stress, and how that changes the question of whether to give more access or lessWhat it looks like when a kid needs the burden of managing something taken off their shoulders entirelyHow to tell if a boundary is actually working: not whether your kid protests, but which direction things are trending over timeIf this is landing for you and you want to map this out for your own kid, come join us in The Club. Our resource library and our members will help you map your child’s nervous system, troubleshoot things when they don’t seem to be getting any better, and show you how to take care of yourself in the middle of all of it. Resources mentioned in this podcast:Enabling vs. Low-Demand Parenting → RobynGobbel.com/enablingExploring Low Demand Parenting → RobynGobbel.com/lowdemandStress Response System → RobynGobbel.com/stressresponseRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/morestressTeaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain!And I can teach you exactly how!Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about!  The new Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors hits the shelves on September 21!AND! If you pre-order TWO or more copies, you can come to Baffling Behaviors LIVE! - a day-long live event for parents and caregivers in Richmond, VA on September 21. RobynGobbel.com/LIVE Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Every behavior. Every parenting moment that feels impossible. It all comes back to three sentences — the three core tenets that distill how relational neuroscience makes sense of behavior and give us a roadmap toward change.This episode lays out the three truths underneath everything I do — this podcast, my books, The Club, the Immersion Program — and why they matter more than any single strategy ever could. Caring for kids with big, baffling behaviors is so overwhelming and confusing. Having an anchor is non-negotiable.In this episode you'll learn:The three sentences that hold up this entire framework and sum up what behavior really isWhy Social Baseline Theory says your nervous system was never built to carry hard moments aloneHow these three truths can help in the middle of a meltdown — with your kid, with yourself, with anyone you love who's having a hard timeYou don't have to hold onto these truths by yourself. That's what The Club is for!Resources mentioned in this podcast:Start Here Podcast: The 6-episode series built to go first → RobynGobbel.com/starthereFocus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior — free masterclass + ebook → RobynGobbel.com/masterclassThe Owl/Watchdog/Possum, Stress-Brain-Behavior, and Parent Regulation roadmaps → RobynGobbel.com/downloadroadmapsRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/threethingsTeaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain!And I can teach you exactly how!Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about!  The new Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors hits the shelves on September 21!AND! If you pre-order TWO or more copies, you can come to Baffling Behaviors LIVE! - a day-long live event for parents and caregivers in Richmond, VA on September 21. RobynGobbel.com/LIVE Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

You know that kid who just can't stay in the therapy room? They leave, wander around, get into things that aren't theirs, or are maybe even destructive? And three therapists have already called it quits.Maybe this describes your kid. Maybe this describes the kids you work with. This episode is for both of you. The helper who is trying to be with this kid, wondering what they're doing wrong. The helper who is working with a furious or checked-out parent — because it's the same question. But this episode is for the parent of that kid, too.In this episode you will learn:Why saying yes to this work means saying yes to dysregulation — kid dysregulation, parent dysregulation, all of it What it looks like to stay regulated next to someone else's protection mode, whether that's a kid on a windowsill or a parent saying nothing is workingWhy a helper- or a parent- can't do this alone; and how being met with regulation yourself is what makes it possible to offer it to someone else.Come find your people — the ones who get how hard and how worth it this work is. If you’re a parent or caregiver, join us in The Club at robyngobbel.com/theclubIf you’re a helper and want to be included in my database of professionals trained in my framework, apply for the immersion program at https://RobynGobbel.com/immersionResources mentioned in this podcast:Reframing Resistance → https://robyngobbel.com/training/reframing-resistance/RobynGobbel.com/starthereImmersion Program → RobynGobbel.com/immersionRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/helperframeworkTeaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain!And I can teach you exactly how!Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about!  Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)