Are you Wrong or Lost? The Question Too Many Leaders Cannot Answer About Their Own Team

I had written two thoughtful paragraphs. The goal was to communicate a difficult decision while allowing a man to leave with his dignity intact. Then my laptop died. Right when I needed it.So what did I do? I sent two quick lines from my phone.The next morning, my CEO called me into his office. He said, “Stephanie, that email did not sound like you.” And you know what? He was right.Leaders, I have spent more than 25 years leading teams, and I still remember that conversation. Because it taught me something important. When pressure increases, even experienced leaders can make decisions that do not reflect their values or their intentions.Your brain is trying to help you get through the moment. But getting through the moment and leading well are not always the same thing.In this solo episode of Not Like Me, I am sharing what pressure does to your brain, how it affects the way you communicate, and three practical things you can do to become more intentional about how you lead.In this episode:The two-line email I wish I could take back and what my CEO taught me about leadership.Why your brain makes quick judgments about people who are like you and people who are not.How the A.L.L.Y. Leadership framework helps you become more intentional about who you listen to and how you respond.Why psychological safety starts with the leader.How to conduct a simple load audit before your next meeting.The question every leader should be asking their team.How to recognize whose perspective you may be overlooking.If you are leading people, managing pressure, and trying to become a better version of yourself, this conversation is for you.Mentioned in this episode: Ally Leadership by Stephanie Chunghttps://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D9ZRMMZHSubscribe to Not Like Me for more conversations about leadership, neuroscience, and what it takes to lead people who are not like you.Follow Stephanie:https://learn.stephaniechung.com/stephanie-chung-social

What separates high-performing teams from everyone else when the pressure is on?It is not just talent. It is how well people can access that talent, make decisions, and work together when the stakes are high.In this episode of Not Like Me, Stephanie Chung sits down with Dr. James Hewitt, human performance scientist and founder of the Knowledge Work Lab, to explore what neuroscience reveals about performing under pressure.Drawing on lessons from Formula 1 pit crews, aviation, and executive leadership, Dr. Hewitt explains why sustainable high performance depends on three essential elements: capacity, control, and coordination.Together, Stephanie and James explore why even talented professionals can struggle under pressure, how recovery supports better thinking, and what exceptional teams do to build trust and prepare for moments that matter.They also challenge a common leadership assumption: that hiring talented people is enough to create a high-performing team.Because when the pressure rises, your team needs more than individual expertise. It needs preparation, clear roles, and the ability to work together.If you lead people who are expected to deliver under pressure, this conversation will change how you think about preparing them to succeed.📌 Mentioned in this episode: Ally Leadership by Stephanie Chung → https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D9ZRMMZH📌 Regenerative Performance by Dr. James Hewitt → https://drjameshewitt.com/book/🔔 Subscribe so you never miss an episode of Not Like Me.📲 Follow Stephanie: https://learn.stephaniechung.com/stephanie-chung-social

There is a conversation you have been rehearsing in your head for weeks. You know exactly who it needs to be with but you have not had it yet.After 30 years of leading teams in some of the most demanding rooms in corporate America, here is what I have learned about that conversation. Whatever is slowing your team down right now is rarely a strategy problem. It is usually something nobody has said out loud yet.In this solo episode of Not Like Me, I pick up where my conversation with Annie Lalla left off and get specific about what avoidance actually costs.I tell the story of my number one sales director. He hit every number I gave him. He was also berating people across the company when he was under pressure, and I kept having polite conversations with him instead of the real one, partly because I needed his results. Then another department head called and played me a recording of how he spoke to one of her employees. That employee should never have had to sit through that call, and the reason she did was me.I also get into an executive meeting that went sideways, where I was the only woman in the room, and what I would do differently now that I understand what was actually happening in my own nervous system.In this episode:→ Why the conversation you are postponing usually costs someone other than the person you are avoiding→ How to tell the difference between good timing and your own discomfort wearing a nice outfit→ What to do when a top performer produces results and damage at the same time→ How to catch yourself at a 3 or 4 instead of an 8, and why that one skill changes the room→ The part of psychological safety nobody talks about, and the work it requires from you first→ Three things you can do this week, starting todayThis one is for every leader carrying a conversation they know they should have had months ago.📌 Mentioned in this episode: Ally Leadership by Stephanie Chung🔔 Subscribe so you never miss an episode of Not Like Me.📲 Follow Stephanie: https://learn.stephaniechung.com/stephanie-chung-social

Most leaders know how to avoid conflict. Far fewer know how to move through it well.And there is a reason for that.The moment tension enters a conversation, you are not just dealing with the issue in front of you. Your brain is assessing threat, pulling from past experiences, and deciding how to respond. Sometimes before you have had a chance to think through what you actually want to say.In this episode of Not Like Me, I sit down with Annie Lalla, known as the "Cartographer of Love." Annie is a philosopher, conflict resolution expert, and certified coach whose work sits at the intersection of neuroscience, psychology, emotional intelligence, and human development.She teaches a method called "The Art of Fighting," and one of her ideas really stayed with me: sometimes the intensity of our reaction has very little to do with what is happening in front of us and a whole lot to do with what that moment brings up in us.I have seen that firsthand.Years ago, I coached an executive who could trace one of his biggest professional triggers all the way back to being embarrassed in a fourth-grade math class. Decades later, that feeling of inadequacy was still showing up in rooms where the stakes were much higher.That is why self-regulation matters in leadership.In this episode:→ What can happen in your brain and body when conflict triggers a threat response→ Why avoiding a difficult conversation usually does not make the problem disappear→ How to turn a complaint into something the other person can actually hear→ What jealousy and competitive energy may be telling you→ Why psychological safety starts with how leaders respond when people disagree→ Practical ways to catch yourself before a trigger starts running the conversationConflict is not automatically evidence that something has gone wrong. Sometimes it is evidence that something important needs to be said.The question is whether you have developed the skill to say it well.This episode is for every leader who has ever walked out of a meeting thinking, "I wish I had handled that differently."📌 Mentioned in this episode: Ally Leadership by Stephanie Chung🔔 Subscribe so you never miss an episode of Not Like Me.📲 Follow Stephanie: https://learn.stephaniechung.com/stephanie-chung-social

Your results got you the seat. But they will not keep you in it.Nobody tells you that part. I found that out the hard way, in a room I worked hard to get into, when I heard what people were actually saying about me when I wasn't around. Not my numbers. My energy. How I showed up. And it was not the story I thought I was writing.That is what this episode is about.In this solo episode of Not Like Me, I'm getting into the brand you think you have versus the one that is actually circulating without you. I'm also breaking down the difference between having a voice and owning one, because those are not the same job, and most people never hear that named out loud. We'll get into the neuroscience too. That cortisol spike telling you to stay quiet in a meeting is not weakness. It's biology. The problem is when you let biology run your career.Then I flip it on the leaders listening. Because if your people are showing up smaller, quieter, more careful, that's not a personality thing. That's an environment you built. Yes, you.In this episode:Why your brand is the story other people tell when you leave the room, not the one you tell about yourselfThe real difference between having a voice and owning it, and why most professionals never make it past the first oneThe neuroscience behind why staying quiet feels safe, and why that safety has a costHow to tell when your team is editing themselves, and why that's on you, not themThree moves you can make this week to close a brand gap and actually create room for people to speak upIf you've ever wondered what gets said about you when you're not in the room, or if you're a leader wondering whether you're the reason someone on your team stopped talking, this one's for you.📌 Mentioned in this episode: Ally Leadership by Stephanie Chung → https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D9ZRMMZH🔔 Subscribe so you never miss an episode of Not Like Me.📲 Follow Stephanie: https://learn.stephaniechung.com/stephanie-chung-social

Picture this: you are sitting at the table with SVPs and VPs, you are the only woman in the room, and a good idea just crossed your mind. Do you say it? Do you wait? That half-second of hesitation is not a confidence problem. It is a leadership environment problem, and most companies have no idea it is happening inside their own walls.In this episode of Not Like Me, I sit down with Ebony Russ, an HR expert with 20 years inside some of the most recognizable organizations in the country. She has sat on both sides of the table, as the person navigating corporate culture and as the professional who knows exactly how that culture gets built. She literally wrote the book on it: Tea, Tactics, and Tenacity: 10 Tips to Thrive in Corporate America.We get into what imposter syndrome actually costs a company when leadership ignores it, and why it never fully disappears, it just changes shape at every level you climb. Confidence is not a feeling. It is a track record your brain keeps score of, one small win at a time, and most leaders never teach their teams how to build it. Ebony also breaks down the real difference between having a voice and owning it, and pulls back the curtain on what leadership actually discusses behind closed doors when your name comes up. Spoiler: it has less to do with your KPIs than you think.In this episode:→ What imposter syndrome actually costs an organization when it goes unaddressed→ The real difference between having a voice and owning it, and why so many people confuse the two→ A tactical way to prep before a high-stakes meeting so you are never blindsided→ What HR is really discussing about you when the door closes→ Why "there is no such thing as after hours," and why the open bar at your company holiday party is not a stage for your one-woman show→ The generational tension around tenacity, and what every generation actually owes the otherThis episode is for every leader and every rising professional who has ever wondered what is really being said about them in the room they are not in.📌 Mentioned in this episode: Tea, Tactics, and Tenacity: 10 Tips to Thrive in Corporate America by Ebony Russ🔔 Subscribe so you never miss an episode of Not Like Me.📲 Follow Stephanie: https://learn.stephaniechung.com/stephanie-chung-social

In our last episode, Clint told me his favorite weapon was never a gun. It was a map. Because with a map, the worst you can ever be is wrong. Not lost.That sentence has not left me alone since we wrapped that conversation. So this week I am going solo to unpack what it actually means for you, in your seat, leading the team you have right now. I have spent thirty years walking into rooms where nobody handed me trust on sight. What I learned is that the fastest way in was never proving I belonged. It was saying the three words most leaders refuse to say: I don't know. That is what this episode is built around.In this episode:→ The difference between wrong and lost, and why one of them you can fix and the other one you cannot even see→ Why busy is not a direction, it is a disguise, and the trap almost every new leader falls into the moment they get promoted→ Why the three words most leaders avoid saying out loud are actually the fastest way to earn a room→ The currency question. Why you might be paying your best people in a currency they are not spending→ The monoculture problem hiding on most leadership teams, and the honest question to ask yourself about your own direct reports→ Two things I want you to do this week, no philosophy, just actionThis episode is for any leader who has ever wondered whether their team is winning because of them or in spite of them.📌 Mentioned in this episode: Ally Leadership by Stephanie Chung → stephaniechung.com/ally🔔 Subscribe so you never miss an episode of Not Like Me.📲 Follow Stephanie: https://learn.stephaniechung.com/stephanie-chung-social

What if you had only 60 seconds to earn a stranger's trust? In this episode, my guest has faced that exact scenario with life or death stakes on the line. Clint Bruce has built trust in foreign countries, in combat missions, and in rooms full of people who did not speak his language and had no reason to believe him. And he did not do it slowly.What Clint learned downrange has nothing to do with rank. It has everything to do with how fast you can earn someone's confidence when you don't have the luxury of time.In this episode of Not Like Me, I sit down with Clint Bruce. Naval Academy grad. NFL linebacker. Then he walked away from football to become a Navy SEAL, ran counterterrorism deployments after 9/11, and brought every bit of it into the boardroom, founding TRG and Hold Fast to help veterans and elite athletes lead at the highest levels of business.On paper, Clint and I have almost nothing in common. In person, he's one of the people I trust most in the world.This conversation goes underneath the leadership advice you've already heard, into the parts most people skip because they're harder to talk about.In this episode:Why Clint says the fastest way to lose someone's trust is to act like you have all the answersThe "map" framework Clint uses to explain why the battlefield, the boardroom, and the breakfast table all require completely different leadershipWhat ROPE (Return on Period of Effort) reveals about why so many high-performers struggle to adjust to corporate lifeThe eighth-grade formula Clint still uses to make every major decision: Angles + Allies + Advantages = AchievementsWhy "differences make us durable," and what that actually looks like on a team that's built to winA real story about a coffee shop, a hug, and a room full of strangers who got the wrong ideaThis episode is for any leader who has ever had to earn someone's trust fast, and wants to know how to do it without faking it.📌 Mentioned in this episode: The Ready4 Handout by Clint Bruce → https://stephaniechung.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/Ready4-Handout-2026.pdfAlly Leadership by Stephanie Chung → https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D9ZRMMZH🔔 Subscribe so you never miss an episode of Not Like Me. 📲 Follow Stephanie: https://learn.stephaniechung.com/stephanie-chung-social

Most leaders are having half the neurodiversity conversation. The half that feels good.Build a better environment. Create psychological safety. Recognize that different brains process differently. All of that is right. None of it prepares you for the moment when the framework runs out, the team is afraid, and you have to make a call with no protocol and no training to back you up.That's the half this episode covers. I share the full story of managing a neurodivergent employee through a crisis I was not equipped for, including how I had to consider the rest of my team. And what inclusion actually requires when both sides of the table have something at stake.I also make the case that the biggest structural barrier for neurodivergent employees in most organizations isn't just culture. It's hiding inside your meeting calendar. Somewhere out there is a calendar packed so tight it needs its own union rep. Back to back meetings with no recovery time are not a minor inconvenience. They are a daily cognitive tax that compounds by Wednesday and shows up as disengagement by Friday.In this episode:Why inclusive leadership means holding two responsibilities at once, and what happens when leaders only hold oneWhat your meeting structure is actually doing to your team's cognitive capacityChanges you can make this week with no budget and no approval requiredThis is the action episode. Come ready to be challenges.📌 Mentioned in this episode: Ally Leadership by Stephanie Chung → https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D9ZRMMZH🔔 Subscribe so you never miss an episode of Not Like Me.📲 Follow Stephanie: https://learn.stephaniechung.com/stephanie-chung-social

Most leaders have a plan for a fire drill. Almost none have a plan for a mental health crisis.That gap is not a values problem. It is a systems problem. And I promise you, it is already showing up in your workplace whether you can see it or not.In this episode of Not Like Me, I sit down with two experts who work where behavior, the brain, and real-world performance intersect. Sarah McFarland is a board certified behavior analyst with over 13 years of experience training teams to respond with skill instead of emotion. Dr. Alicia Hodge is a clinical psychologist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy and wellness innovation, and her work is grounded in one core truth: what we think drives how we feel, and how we feel drives how we behave.We get into the conversation most leaders are not having. And probably should have started years ago.In this episode:What neurodiversity actually means and who it already includes on your teamHow anxiety shows up at work in ways most leaders completely misreadThe perfectionism trap: what it looks like, what it costs, and what to do about itWhy companies have protocols for physical emergencies but almost nothing for mental health crisesWhy rapport is not a soft skill but the foundation of trust, disclosure, and resultsHow to reframe rest as a leadership strategy, not a rewardThis episode is for every leader who has ever misread someone on their team and wondered what they missed.📌 Mentioned in this episode: Ally Leadership by Stephanie Chung → https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D9ZRMMZH🔔 Subscribe so you never miss an episode of Not Like Me. 📲 Follow Stephanie: https://learn.stephaniechung.com/stephanie-chung-social