Ep 233: When self-reliance becomes self-limiting

You've thought about working with a coach, then quietly put the idea away. Chances are one sentence came between you and taking helpful action: "I should be able to sort this out myself." In this first episode of the "What's stopping you?" series, exploring self-made barriers to coaching, I look at why capable, high-achieving people delay asking for help, and why that self-reliance rule might not be serving you any more. In this episode, I explore: Why self-reliance feels like a strength, and how it becomes part of our identity The "rules" our minds give us, and what happens when we fuse with them When an existing strength is overplayed, leading to inflexibility Why choosing support is itself a self-reliant act Resources for this episode Find out more about barriers to access coaching here: https://www.worklifepsych.com/service/coaching/what-stopping-you/ Find out more about coaching chemistry sessions and book one for yourself today: https://www.worklifepsych.com/contact/book-a-coaching-chemistry-session/ Learn more about psychological flexibility and its benefits here: https://www.worklifepsych.com/solution/wellbeing/psychological-flexibility/  Check out our Frequently Asked Question page for answers to your coaching questions: https://www.worklifepsych.com/service/coaching/coaching-faqs/ 

In this episode of 'My Pocket Psych', I share ten things I wish more of my clients knew about coaching.  They come up often in coaching conversations and in the chemistry sessions before we start working together, and they shape how people approach the process. They aren't in order of importance, and they're my perspective rather than commandments. If this episode prompted any questions or reflections, email [email protected] or join the conversation over on WorkLifeSpark. Thanks for listening! Links and resources Coaching services: find out more, including how to book a free, no-commitment chemistry meeting, at https://www.worklifepsych.com/chemistry   Next 'After hours...' event: our members-only online session with Dr Hayley Lewis on the imposter phenomenon, 30 November 2026 at 6:00 pm UK time. It's free, but you need to be a member of Work Life Spark. Join at worklifespark.com.  More on the imposter phenomenon: I gathered helpful resources about this concept into a single page on the website: worklifepsych.com/imposter

The imposter phenomenon is common across professions, and coaches are no exception. In the final part of this short series, I turn the lens on myself and my peers to explore what happens when the person in the coaching chair is the one doubting whether they're good enough, and why it matters for the client. Following the earlier conversation with Dr Hayley Lewis on what the imposter phenomenon is, and last episode's look at coachees trying to "win" at coaching, this episode looks at the other side of the relationship.  In this episode, I look at how imposter thoughts and feelings can show up for coaches, what's at stake if both coach and client are performing, and the practical steps that I use in my own coaching practice to step back from the imposter inside.  Thanks for listening! Resources for this episode: After Hours with Dr Hayley Lewis – 30 November, 6pm UK Our next quarterly After Hours session sees Hayley return to answer your questions about the imposter phenomenon. The session is exclusive to members of Work Life Spark, our online personal development community. Membership is free, and you can submit questions in advance. The recording will only be available to community members. Sign up at https://www.worklifespark.com/sign-up  Get in touch Do you have questions about the imposter phenomenon or life as a coaching psychologist? Is there anything this series hasn't covered that you'd like to hear about? Email [email protected] or join the conversation in WorkLifeSpark.  Related episodes Ep 228: Help! I feel like an imposter (with Dr Hayley Lewis) - https://www.worklifepsych.com/podcast/228/  Ep 229: There are no prizes in coaching - https://www.worklifepsych.com/podcast/229/  

This episode is a short one, to mark the ninth anniversary of My Pocket Psych. Nine years ago I pressed record on the very first episode, despite all my nerves and misgivings. I hope it's clear how much the show has developed and improved since those first, tentative and nervous episodes! It has definitely evolved into something I actively enjoy creating, especially when I know listeners are finding it useful. So I'm delighted to share (with his permission) some feedback from a listener all the way over in Maui, Hawaii. Thanks David! The podcast wouldn't exist without listeners, so thanks for continuing to be part of this community. Thanks for every episode you recommended to a friend or colleague, and every email you sent in with your questions and feedback. Huge thanks also go to every single professional who has joined me for an episode. I know for sure that new voices go down very well with listeners. As always, thanks for listening! Resources for this episode Ep 228: Help! I feel like an imposter! https://www.worklifepsych.com/podcast/228/  Ep 225: Values as tools for life https://www.worklifepsych.com/podcast/225/  WorkLifeSpark: sign up for free today! https://www.worklifepsych.com/community-and-learning/worklifespark/  Email me your thoughts about the podcast: [email protected]

Following on from last episode, where we explored the imposter phenomenon and its impact, this time we look at how it can show up in coaching. Even when it's not the main topic or theme we're exploring. Experiencing the imposter phenomenon can lead clients to mask their true feelings and experiences, needlessly seek approval and unhelpfully view their coach as an authority figure to impress. It can lead to a polished performance, but a lack of depth and openness in the coaching sessions themselves. And unhelpful and uncomfortable rumination about what they said and did in the coaching conversations. So we look at some simple things coachees can do to address the imposter phenomenon when it shows up in coaching, including helpful distance from the thoughts, verbalising the experience with their coach, and bringing self-compassion to life. Get in touch with your questions and comments (podcast at worklifepsych dot com) and don't forget about our next 'After hours...' session on 30th November, featuring Dr. Hayley Lewis, who'll be answering all your questions about the imposter phenomenon. Thanks for listening!   Resources for this episode Podcast episodes Ep 228: Help! I'm feeling like an imposter - https://www.worklifepsych.com/podcast/228 Ep 219: Compassion or comparison - https://www.worklifepsych.com/podcast/219/ Coaching resources Coaching FAQs: https://www.worklifepsych.com/service/coaching/coaching-faqs/ How to book a coaching chemistry session: https://www.worklifepsych.com/contact/book-a-coaching-chemistry-session/ What to expect from coaching: https://www.worklifepsych.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/What_to_expect_from_coaching.pdf Blog posts Feeling like a fraud: https://www.worklifepsych.com/feeling-like-a-fraud-understanding-imposter-phenomenon/ Ten ways to beat your imposter phenomenon: https://www.worklifepsych.com/ten-ways-to-beat-your-imposter-phenomenon/ WorkLifeSpark Join WorkLifeSpark today - https://www.worklifespark.com/sign-up

In this episode, Richard is joined by fellow psychologist Dr. Hayley Lewis for a chat about what we now call 'Imposter Phenomenon'.  Essentially, Imposter Phenomenon (previously called 'imposter syndrome') is an experience when an employee feels they've achieved their success and position due to luck, rather than talent, and that any moment, it could all come crashing down. The combination of uncertainty and worry can lead to some very unhealthy ways of working, while also eroding job satisfaction and relationships.  Richard and Hayley explore how this differs from 'healthy' self-doubt, how it manifests in thoughts, feelings and behaviours, and what people can do if they notice these kinds of unhelpful thinking patterns.  Do get in touch with your questions and comments - it's always great to hear from listeners! Email the show at 'podcast at WorkLifePsych dot com'. Thanks for listening! Resources for this episode Hayley's new book, which she co-wrote with Dr Clare Mulligan-Foster, is almost here. It's called Applying Psychology to Consulting: From theory to practice. This book is for psychologists, and HR/OD/L&D practitioners working in consultancy. Whether you work in-house, or for an external consultancy, or you're a freelancer, this book is for you. Pre-order will be available from the 27th October. If you pre-order on the Routledge website and use the code 26SMA3, you'll get 20% off! You can find Hayley's new podcast here: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/manage-with-confidence/id1895356511  Follow Hayley on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/haypsych/  Sign up for 'Pause and Reflect' our self-directed course to support your intentional reflection and learning: https://www.worklifespark.com/checkout/pause-and-reflect  Check out this other episode featuring Hayley, where we discuss becoming your own boss: https://www.worklifepsych.com/podcast/106/

In this episode, we turn our attention to the topic of thoughts, thinking and how we interact with all the stuff our own mind creates for us.  While the human mind is definitely a wonderful thing, some of the thoughts (including images, predictions, memories) it provides us can be unpleasant to experience. They can lead to worry, distraction, and unhappiness over time. And unlike all the fridges, cars and computers you've ever bought, we don't receive an owner's manual for the mind at birth. If anything, we pick up lots of unhelpful thinking habits as we grow up! Not to mention buying in to common misconceptions about thoughts and the mind in general.  What's the alternative? One approach is to get some helpful distance from the thoughts, by seeing them as simply thoughts. We can also use metaphors and imagery to simplify our relationship with mental experiences. When practiced consistently, we call this 'cognitive defusion'.  Next time, we'll look at a really common manifestation of unhelpful thoughts - something psychologists refer to as Imposter Phenomenon. Until then get in touch with your comments, feedback and ideas. It's always great to hear from listeners. Email 'podcast at WorkLifePsych dot com' or join the conversation over on WorkLifeSpark.  Thanks for listening!  Resources for this episode Learn more about Psychological Flexibility, which is supported by Defusion: https://www.worklifepsych.com/solution/wellbeing/psychological-flexibility/  Learn more about Cognitive Defusion in this previous episode: https://www.worklifepsych.com/podcast/158/  Learn more about our online personal development community WorkLifeSpark here: https://www.worklifepsych.com/community-and-learning/worklifespark/ 

In this episode, I look at the downsides of striving for future success, when we're not completely sure what that actually looks like. In coaching sessions, I often hear clients worry that they're not successful, not successful enough or concerned about missing a future success target. All when they can't clearly explain to me or themselves what success looks like.  This means we can often put in the hard work and make the sacrifices in pursuit of something that we mightn't even value or care about. It's a useful reminder of the relevance of our personal values when it comes to evaluating our success, and of moving away from simple binary self-evaluations. Instead, we can focus on the journey and the progress we're making towards a truly valued outcome.  Do get in touch with your comments and questions. It's always great to hear from listeners! Email me at 'podcast at WorkLifePsych dot com' or join the conversation over on WorkLifeSpark. Resources for this episode Ep 224: Values - it's what you do that matters - https://www.worklifepsych.com/podcast/224/ Ep 225: Values as tools for life - https://www.worklifepsych.com/podcast/225/ 

One of the best ways to understand something as conceptual as values is to use metaphors and imagery. In this episode, I explore the topic of values by seeing them as tools - tools for life. Whether it's navigating organisational change, cultivating new healthy habits, or managing a difficult relationship, values can be an extremely helpful way to clarify our intentions and guide our behaviour. But like all tools, we need to practice using them, avoid over-relying on one tool, and reflect on how our use of them is making a difference. Thinking of our values as tools helps us avoid relying on automatic responses to difficult situations and makes us more mindful about our responses. But only if we've practiced using them and learnt to be skilful. As I pointed out in the last episode, it's what we do with our values that matters - no matter how clear we are on them. Let me know if you have questions or comments about the topic - especially if you have your own handy metaphors for your values and how to bring them to life. You can email me at 'podcast at WorkLifePsych dot com' or just get in touch via WorkLifeSpark. As always, thanks for listening!  Resources for this episode Ep 224: Values - it's what you do that matters - https://www.worklifepsych.com/podcast/224/ Learn more about psychological flexibility here Sign up for WorkLifeSpark, our online personal development community: https://www.worklifespark.com/sign-up

Our monthly focus over on WorkLifeSpark is values and how to bring them to life. So, in this episode, I take a look at the importance of living values, not just talking about them.  I use my recent extended holiday as a simple illustration of how to bring values to life in simple ways, but also explore how this can be done in the workplace. Values-in-action isn't always fun, though - so I take some time to explain why some of the meaningful things we do are important for their outcome, not for how they make us feel in the moment.  As ever, please get in touch with your questions or feedback. And join WorkLifeSpark to contine the conversation on our online community.  Thanks for listening!  Resources for this episode Values: it's about action - https://www.worklifepsych.com/values-its-about-action/ How do values and goals differ? https://www.worklifepsych.com/how-do-values-and-goals-differ/ How to use values and goals together - https://www.worklifepsych.com/how-to-use-values-and-goals-together/  Wellbeing: it starts with values - https://www.worklifepsych.com/podcast/ep-181-wellbeing-it-starts-with-values/