Side Quest: When it Reigns, We Pour

No, your ears do not deceive you. It’s a new episode of Whiskey with Witcher! CD Projekt RED made quite a splash this year in confirming the long-rumored new DLC expansion for The Witcher 3 and giving us our first look at it during Gamescom. And you know what? It looks pretty great! Over two specially selected whiskeys, we discuss everything that we know about Songs of the Past, sharing our thoughts and predictions about this massive new expansion. Plus, we explain why we should be besties with Doug Cockle (or at least get him on the podcast), wonder if Songs of the Past may be the Toy Story 4 of Witcher 3 expansions and ask the question we know you’ve all been wondering: is Geralt going to get laid during Beltane? Finally, we let you know our plans for the podcast now that we’ve learned the Netflix series won’t be back this year. Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately) for all of you, we will!

Over the course of our latest season, we’ve become friends with a vampire, hung out with baby Geralt, read a book by a bard, savored some fish soup, took a detour into Shondaland, drunk whiskey from a gargoyle and barely survived an encounter with 99 Bananas. Together, we’ve made some great memories (while destroying a few brain cells), but sadly, it’s time to say goodbye as our season has reached its end. But before we head off down the path, we’re stopping for one final look at The Witcher’s fourth season. What did we like and what did we not care for? What surprised us and what do we expect to see in season five? We each pick our favorite and least favorite costumes, songs, whiskeys and episodes (you’ll never guess which one made both lists) and choose a Kaer Moron for the season, all while enjoying three of our favorite recent bourbons. The bar may be closing for the night, but first we’re breaking out the good stuff. Care to join us for one more round?

Dearest gentle listener, on this first day of April, it is this author’s sincerest pleasure to welcome you once again to the noble kingdom of Shondaland for an afternoon of…particularly strong tea and lively conversation. Our subject this week? Why none other than the latest events concerning the Bridgerton household, particularly the recent gossip surrounding second son Benedict and his new wife. Our guest of honor for this truly once—er, twice-in-a-lifetime event is none other than our dear friend and patron, the Viscountess Lucy J Robyn of the noble households of YouTube and Twitch. We hope you will enjoy the proceedings, but do heed this most delicate of warnings: those arriving in hope of familiarizing themselves with the recent exploits of that infamous rake Geralt of Rivia may find themselves in unfamiliar company. Should that prove to be you, we suggest simply asking your server to make your tea a “double.” Just ensure you do not do this so often that you besmirch your standing in society. Poor decisions like that are, as they say, best left up to us. Keep up with Lucy by following her on Twitch, Youtube, Twitter and Instagram at @lucyjrobyn.

This week, we’re side questing into the world of It’s Not a Cult, the new novel written by our favorite on-screen bard, Joey Batey. Since books are better with booze, the whiskey flows generously as we unpack everything the novel has to say about obsessive fandom, mob behavior, found families, experiencing life through screens and ice lollies (though we may need your help with that last one). We also tackle the tough, yet impossible to ignore questions: How much of this book is meant to be reflective of Joey’s life? What’s up with the ending? And why the heck isn’t this thing available in the United States? Don’t look for clear answers…or anything clear, really. But we do reveal the one thing the ridiculously multi-talented Joey Batey can’t yet do. So take that, Bard!

Our latest side quest is sure to appeal to all swipes—er, types! When we first discussed Reigns: The Witcher, the new “swipe ’em up” mobile game from CDPR, Nerial and Devolver Digital, we failed to answer one very important question: which member of the Whiskey with Witcher crew can survive for the longest in the game after drinking copious amounts of alcohol? Well, you’re about to find out! Recorded a few days after Reigns: The Witcher’s release, we each take a spin until three things become clear. First, we probably should have practiced a lot more. Second, battling is really hard when you’re drinking cask-strength whiskey. And three, this is the wildest episode we’ve recorded in quite some time. Enjoy!

A great story is truly timeless. However, since “A Question of Price” is pretty mid at best, we’re giving it a little less than 90 minutes. In our newest side quest, we’re returning to the world of Witcher comics to discuss Dark Horse’s adaptation of the Andrzej Sapkowski short story, determining if this recent graphic novel has anything new to offer besides some pretty art. (In fairness, it’s VERY pretty art.) Does the story that introduced The Witcher’s Law of Surprise still hold some surprises of its own? Does the return of “Headband Geralt” hit differently after Crossroads of Ravens? And does Calanthe bring that milf energy and thirst for Geralt that she has in other versions of this story? Sharpen your swords and don your doublets, we’re returning to Cintra!

This week, we’re stealing a couple hours of your time to discuss The Rats: A Witcher Tale, the prequel movie that dropped at the same time as Season 4 and is designed to be watched after it…despite taking place well before. (The Witcher’s up to its timeline shenanigans again, it seems.) Paired with the perfectly-themed Master of the Thieves Guild Blended Bourbon by Quest’s End Whiskey, we keep things loose, lively and liquidated as we unpack the plots—meaning both the film’s narrative and the Rats’ plot to steal loads of cash—and try to figure out just what happened to this thing behind the scenes. Also, we come out in favor of bathing with a drunken Dolph Lundgren, debate the role of cephalopods in sex dens and reveal why when it comes to spider women, most movies just like to tease.

By now, you’re no doubt tired of hearing us ramble about season four. So, in this week’s episode, it’s Producer Sean who does it! We finally got our maestro of Malcontent Media to marathon all eight episodes, and he has some thoughts about…well, pretty much all of it. Liamralt! Larry Fish! Vilgefortz’s evil minions! Sex montages! And as if that’s not enough, it all happens over a bottle of Proof of Life, a strangely goth non-alcoholic whiskey that we mix up into some mean mocktails. It’s a season four celebration that’s low on ABV, high on attitude and packed with new perspective. It might not always be clear or coherent perspective, but it’s new!

With so much of the world focused on games right now, it seemed only natural for us to do the same and the results are pure off-the-rails gold. (If they gave medals for going on random tangents, we’d be the competitors to beat.) In this new side quest, we discuss Reigns: The Witcher, the just-announced Witcher mobile game releasing later this month, before we deep dive into all the recent rumors about a possible new Witcher 3 DLC. Could they be true, and if so, what would we like to see? We consider the pros and cons of releasing DLC for a game that’s now over a decade old before we wrap up with Valerie’s thoughts on The Conqueror’s Witcher Virtual Challenge and why she may never make it out of Velen. Oh, and we wind up talking about sex cards. Because of course we do.

It's been a remarkable ride, but The Witcher’s fourth season has finally reached its end and it’s going out with a splash! (As in river water, not whiskey. We’re not THAT drunk.) With Geralt and co. looking to cross the Yaruga, we open up a bottle of Flatboat Kentucky Straight Single Barrel Bourbon to help them on their journey. Unlike our favorite witcher, no arrows are shot at us as we discuss the fast-paced finale, not even when we rant about what may be Valerie’s least favorite Yen outfit so far, tear into the utterly nonsensical monster fight and roll our eyes at the fact that Nimue is still going on about destiny while possibly traumatizing a child. More positively, we welcome Milva back to the show (seriously, girl, where did you go?), declare our allegiance to Queen Meve and wonder if the Rats should have reconsidered that offer Bonhart made them. It’s an unforgettable discussion full of twists, turns and the occasional movie rec, as we say goodbye to our favorite fantasy franchise for another season!