Ep 212: 20 Non-Negotiables You Need to Have in a Relationship

Let’s be honest: most people will sit down, listen to a podcast, give their best “OMG! So true, bestie!” and then promptly move the fuck on with their lives. My guest today is NOT one of those people. My dear friend Dily is here to share about her Connected Woman journey, and let me tell you…she is an amazing example of the kind of dedication and courage self-development work actually takes. Dily is one of the most fearless, determined, proactive human beings in the world. When she learns something new, she doesn’t just let it go in one ear and out the other; she actively implements it. She is passionate about growth and stretching herself past her comfort zone, and I know for fucking CERTAIN that’s a skill we all need more practice with. This is a woman who is happy to take herself on a trip for scuba-diving lessons…in shark-infested waters…where a fucking CYCLONE just tore through, no less…but struggles deeply with opening herself up and being vulnerable. Yet she’s here today to share with all of you, and I could not be prouder. We could all learn a thing or two from Dily.    CONNECT WITH DILY: Follow Dily’s travel adventures on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/travel.and.trades/   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  These aren’t just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD. Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out: https://michellepanning.com/awakening  Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow work course for the woman who is ready to break free from the anxious/avoidant dance in relationships and step into unfuckwithable confidence, security, and self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

What are your non-negotiables for a relationship? How many can you list? Ten? Five? Three? Can you name even ONE must-have for the relationship you long for, or is it just…anything goes? It is 2025, bitch. We are not fucking around with ANYTHING GOES around here. You NEED non-negotiables. You NEED things that are an immediate HELL NO and things that are an immediate FUCK YES. Otherwise, you’re going straight to Situationship City with every Tom, Dick, and Harry that strolls by, because you’ll never know if you’re actually aligned until something happens months down the line that you can’t rationalize away with your rose-colored glasses. If you’re not sure where to start, you don’t have to be. I’ve got twenty non-negotiables you can add to your list right now. Listen, copy, paste–then add a few of your own.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  These aren’t just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD. Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out: https://michellepanning.com/awakening  Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow work course for the woman who is ready to break free from the anxious/avoidant dance in relationships and step into unfuckwithable confidence, security, and self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com  

There is so much fluff out there when it comes to what it takes to become a secure woman that it can get you SO fucking mixed up. Luckily, I’m not here to bullshit you. Becoming secure takes fucking WORK. It’s hard. It’s scary. It’s vulnerable. And it’s all so fucking worth it. There are four shifts I made in order to become secure–and I’m sharing them with you today. They’re not fluff. They’re not easy. They’re sure as fuck not comfortable.  But when you make them, you won’t recognize the woman you were before you started…and trust me, it’s the best change you can possibly make for yourself. Yeah, for YOURSELF, love—no one else. Isn’t it time you chose YOU for once? Let’s start shifting.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  These aren’t just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD. Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out: https://michellepanning.com/awakening  Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow work course for the woman who is ready to break free from the anxious/avoidant dance in relationships and step into unfuckwithable confidence, security, and self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com  

If you think the feminine is all frilly dresses, keeping house, and speaking softly… You’ve fallen for the simplified caricature of feminine energy the internet likes to latch on to. That is NOT the fucking feminine…though it can be one expression of it. If you’ve been performing what you THINK the feminine is, and you’re just finding out now, I’ve got just the thing for you. We’re going to get you anchored into your ACTUAL feminine energy—all it takes is some intentional habit-building. I’ve got ten micro-habits you can work into your life without a hitch to help you embody your feminine energy. And when we’re done, you’re going to be a different woman. I won’t promise it will be comfortable. But I can promise it will be FUCKING WORTH IT.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  These aren’t just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD. Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out: https://michellepanning.com/awakening  Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

We know her, we love her, and we are THRILLED to have her back…everyone please welcome Abigail Elizabeth, business owner, badass mother of two, and an overall gem of a human being. Abigail was on just a few months ago to chat about her experience doing the work and attending my retreats, and now she’s back to tell us how her life has continued to shift and change since.  It can be easy to start out strong when you’re doing the work…then start to fall off the wagon after some time has gone by. But Abigail is an amazing example of what doing the work long-term looks like: the ups and downs, the payoff, and the incredible ripple effects that can transform the lives of your entire family. You’re not JUST doing the work for you, babe. This can stop the generational trauma train, last stop YOU—and Abigail’s going to tell us how.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  These aren’t just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD. Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out: https://michellepanning.com/awakening Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

Your skincare routine? Precise. Your career? Thriving. Your friendships? Healthy. Your wardrobe? Curated. Your dating life? FUCKED. What tf happened there, exactly? You have top-notch standards for every single area of your life…but for some reason, you’re tolerating all kinds of bullshit when it comes to dating. Not anymore. Sit down, strap in, and get ready to set—and HOLD—some actual fucking standards instead of giving someone a dozen chances to meet them when we both know they’re never going to. (But it’s so nice to get to blame them when it doesn’t work out yet again, isn’t it?) Nothing’s going to change before you do. Let’s get to work.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Sign up for SWIPE RIGHT, my signature dating program that is going to help you attract genuine, long-term love: https://michellepanning.com/swipe-right  These aren’t just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD. Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out: https://michellepanning.com/awakening  Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

Let me see if I’ve got this right: You’re chatting with this man, and he’s everything you’ve ever dreamed of. His answers are thought-provoking and emotionally intelligent. He asks questions back. He always has the perfect response…like, always. Every fucking time. And that’s not even a little suspicious to you?  Odds are, you haven’t stumbled upon your soulmate, babe—you’ve just fallen in love with ChatGPT.  AI is ruining and revolutionizing dating at the same time. Yes, it makes it incredibly easy to put together an intriguing bio or craft the perfect response…but at the cost of true authenticity + actual connection. Now, AI isn’t the enemy here—in fact, there are some really fucking amazing ways you cna use AI to uplevel your dating game without pulling some manipulative bullshit. But it’s a fine line to walk, and most people don’t take the kind of caution they need to take. Let’s talk about the importance of discernment in dating…especially when it comes to AI use. There’s more than one way to end up catfished. (Or, shall we say…CHAT-fished?)   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Sign up for SWIPE RIGHT, my signature dating program that is going to help you attract genuine, long-term love: https://michellepanning.com/swipe-right  These aren’t just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD. Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out: https://michellepanning.com/awakening  Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

So…I did the thing. I am officially back on the dating apps. That’s right, my loves—I’m back in the dating trenches. All the things you’re going through? I’m going through them right along with you. (I figured if I'm releasing a program about dating, it's only fair that I do it alongside you, right?) But as long as I’m here, I’m going to talk about some of the reasons why you might not be having much success with dating. First and foremost, the fact that you’ll go on one date with a man and come home already planning the wedding. It’s great to be excited when you meet someone new. But it’s TOO fucking easy to get swept straight into a full-blown fantasy about who this person is…when in reality, you have no idea who they actually are. “But Michelle, we’re soulmates!” No, you’re STRANGERS. And you need to remember that before you dive too deep into something you don’t even want.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Sign up for SWIPE RIGHT, my signature dating program that is going to help you attract genuine, long-term love: https://michellepanning.com/swipe-right  These aren’t just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD. Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out: https://michellepanning.com/awakening  Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

If you’re racking your brain trying to figure out why you can’t seem to find “the one” for you…sit down a sec. I think I might’ve solved it. So. Your relationships keep failing. You keep attracting emotionally unavailable men. You can’t find someone willing to commit. You can’t track down a secure man. Your dating woes seem to have no fucking end. Now, hear me out on this one… It sounds to me like YOU’RE the fucking problem. No, think about it—what’s the common denominator in all these relationships? Different men, different circumstances, all with the same outcome, and the only consistent factor is—you guessed it—you. “No, Michelle, it’s them!” Are you sure about that? Because I smell bullshit. But the only way to be sure is to take a good, hard look at what you might be doing to contribute, so… Let’s talk about five red flags you might be flying without even realizing it.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Sign up for SWIPE RIGHT, my signature dating program that is going to help you attract genuine, long-term love: https://michellepanning.com/swipe-right  These aren’t just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD. Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out: https://michellepanning.com/awakening  Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

At the very beginning of this year, I went through a pretty devastating breakup. It’s been nearly seven months now, and I haven’t dated at all since then. Not just because I wasn’t going to jump right on the apps after such a difficult breakup—a girl’s gotta process, after all—but because I just didn’t have a desire to date. Now, that’s starting to change. I can feel myself on the verge of being ready to date again…which is super exciting. But it also has me thinking a lot about the way a secure woman approaches dating compared to the way insecure women approach dating, and honestly? We need to talk about this. There are some super common threads I’ve seen among the clients I’ve supported through dating, and I want to help you avoid falling prey to the same. So let’s go over five things secure women NEVER do while dating.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Sign up for SWIPE RIGHT, my signature dating program that is going to help you attract genuine, long-term love: https://michellepanning.com/swipe-right  These aren’t just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD. Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out: https://michellepanning.com/awakening  Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com