How To Stop Appeasing Others

Obviously, we don't want to feel anxious in social situations. We want to feel relaxed, cool, calm and collected. This hope makes us despise how we feel and how we show up. We fight our feelings and our thoughts hoping to change them, but it only makes it worse. We become more self aware and self conscious. We become ashamed of our anxiety and afraid of the potential outcomes. The unpopular truth is that in order to overcome social anxiety, we must accept that it is here to stay for a while. If we can learn to embrace it, it will lose it's power and stranglehold over us. We begin to realize we can tolerate more than we thought, and that the feeling of anxiety is not a stamp on our identity. Interested in joining the "Get Out Of Your Head" live Rumination class? Join here: https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/live_events/live-event-social-anxietyLooking to going deeper into understanding social anxiety and how to start taking your life back? Check out my full 3 hour length social anxiety course here: https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-courseWant To Work With Me? Check out my services here: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

Episode descriptionWarning: This episode explores themes of trauma and abuse.What happens to the stories we never tell? For Bridey Thelen-Heidel, holding them in for decades took a real toll on her body. Writing them down became the way she started to heal.Bridey has been a high school English teacher for 27 years. She’s also a TEDx speaker and the author of the award-winning memoir Bright Eyes, a story about surviving our monsters and then learning how to live without them. The book won a Zibby Award for Best Story of Overcoming, a NYC Big Book Award and a San Francisco Book Festival Award. Her advocacy for LGBT+ youth has been recognized by the California Teachers Association.In this episode, we talk about trauma, bravery, and what it takes to finally tell the truth about your life. Bridey shares how she wrote Bright Eyes over five years without knowing where to start, but discovered her freedom and truth even when others tried to deny it.While this conversation may not discuss social anxiety, as my episodes often do, I believe this is an incredible story of bravery and vulnerability that I hope can be inspiring to you listeners.Connect with BrideyWebsite: https://bridey-thelenheidel.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brighteyesauthor/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bridey.heidelTEDx Talk, “ROB the Trauma: Steal Back Your Life”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PT6rvXyjsZUBridey also offers developmental editing for memoir writers with an early draft, and she joins book clubs over Zoom to talk about Bright Eyes. You can reach her through her website.

Appeasing others is at the core of social anxiety. It is also short lived and never solves the deeper problem within. The very attempt to get appease and get approval reminds us we still need it, which makes us feel inferior to others. In this episode I explore how to give yourself permission to express yourself and take risks. We must learn and replace our overt and subtle attempts to get approval from others, and begin to express ourselves despite the possibility for rejection and ridicule. Interested in going deeper into understanding social anxiety and how to start taking your life back? Check out my full 3 hour length social anxiety course here: https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-courseWant To Work With Me? Check out my services here: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

Don’t you hate when people tell you to just be yourself? “Just express yourself and you’ll find your people,” is what they tell you. The problem is you don’t know who you are. This is a common problem for those of use who struggle with our confidence. On this episode I explore how our fear causes us to be dishonest with ourselves and others, which leads to this identity confusion.Interested in going deeper into understanding social anxiety and how to start taking your life back? Check out my full 3 hour length social anxiety course here: https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-courseWant To Work With Me? Check out my services here: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

When my social anxiety was at it's worst, people would try to convince me that it was all in my head; that no one was thinking about me as much as I thought they were. And for a while I thought this would help. I tried to convince myself that no one was looking, staring or judging. But this never made me feel any better because I was always worried about the "what ifs." "But what if they are looking at me, then what do I do?" The reality is we cannot overcome a fear by convincing ourselves the thing we are afraid of is impossible, because it never is. When we are thinking like this, we are still thinking from a state of fear. We want to eventually get to a point where we accept that judgment is possible, but we can be ok with that.Other relevant episodes: How To Actually Not Care What People Think: https://spotifycreators-web.app.link/e/pq9mOJLL35bHow To Actually Be Yourself: https://spotifycreators-web.app.link/e/dJu0THLL35bInterested in going deeper into understanding social anxiety and how to start taking your life back? Check out my full 3 hour length social anxiety course here: https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-courseWant To Work With Me? Check out my services here: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

In today’s episode we explore how our mind convinces us that avoidance is a good thing. When we are really anxious we start to truly believe that social interactions are inherently dangerous, weird or awkward. The truth is they just FEEL that way. We need to teach our brain that we can handle more than we think, and it’s time we stop justifying our fears.Interested in working with me?https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSocial Anxiety Course (50% Off with the Code: August):https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-courseSocial Anxiety Mini Workbook (FREE):https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/digital_downloads/minibook

"Just Be Yourself." The worst advice known to man for social anxiety. Despite knowing how unhelpful this is, we can often find ourselves trying to be more "ourself." However, this desire often leads to more obsessiveness, rumination and perfectionism. It is performance rather than being. Instead we need to lower our standards. We need to understand what we can and cannot do at this given time with our anxiety, and give ourselves flexible expectations so we can see progress. Your "true" self may emerge once you stop fixating on it, or maybe it won't. But maybe it doesn't matter. Other relevant episodes: How To Actually Be Yourself: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7qxdc1vSia5PXnvrnlTasQ?si=2ADoYuFOQXWlCq3--jBzwAHow To Like Yourself: https://open.spotify.com/episode/67AfJBOLvae9n6hENlbiDx?si=GWeNKg5oSuKbcVZwlpR1MQAre You Faking It? https://open.spotify.com/episode/6QgK3oPAOXg8RFWvggrUxB?si=qE-Yv5wxToSYygftIJTfKgInterested in going deeper into understanding social anxiety and how to start taking your life back? Check out my full 3 hour length social anxiety course here: https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-courseWant To Work With Me? Check out my services here: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

In today's episode I talk about overcoming the fear of public speaking with Mona, who also goes by Babystepstothemic on TikTok and Instagram. Mona has amassed over 170K followers on Instagram and over 60K on TikTok over the past 6 months, by sharing videos of her journey to overcoming her fear of public speaking.In this episode we explore what sparked this journey and what she has learned along the way about her self and overcoming her fear.She has also developed a 14 day "Off The Cuff Challenge" for anyone interested in challenging themselves to face their fears. She has created a website that creates a random topic automatically so you can build your skills to speaking off the cuff about anything!Interested in joining the challenge? Sign up here:https://www.offthecuffspeech.com/#try-itYou can also follow Mona on instagram and Tiktok:Insta: https://www.instagram.com/babystepstothemic?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@babystepstothemic?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc

What if rejection isn't actually rejection? In this episode, we break down why it feels like getting rejected is often just incompatibility that we've learned to take personally. When you wear a mask to avoid disapproval, you're not protecting yourself, you're just working harder to be liked by people who were never going to be your people anyway. We talk about why being authentic feels so risky, what actually happens when someone doesn't like the real you, and why fitting in is never the solution. If you've every shrunk or edited yourself to avoid being rejected, this episode is for you.Related episodes:Why You Can't Make Friends: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5xfQVrwWpaydjdDJXSD6qf?si=qKBWqPqrT8O-BW6ypW82XwHow To Like Yourself:https://open.spotify.com/episode/67AfJBOLvae9n6hENlbiDx?si=GWeNKg5oSuKbcVZwlpR1MQHow To Actually Be Yourself:https://open.spotify.com/episode/7qxdc1vSia5PXnvrnlTasQ?si=hGW6EOsXTRWXbVzivazvawInterested in going deeper into understanding social anxiety and how to start taking your life back? Check out my full 3 hour length social anxiety course here: https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-courseWant To Work With Me? Check out my services here: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

One of our biggest fears with social anxiety is that people will find out we have boring lives. We don't go out, don't have many friends and don't do much outside of the house and we worry people will judge us for this. Some might, but we have to accept them. Trying to hide this very really problem only makes us more insecure and self-conscious. Instead, we will learn to shift focu onto others. Get curious about them. Allow our brains to give us things to say, instead of trying to "find it." It's equally important we start building a life of our own so we can have more at our disposal, as well as give us a more fulfilling life. Interested in going deeper into understanding social anxiety and how to start taking your life back? Check out my full 3 hour length social anxiety course here: https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-courseWant To Work With Me? Check out my services here: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence