Secret Sauce

How do you maintain a vibrant sex life when tired and in pain all the time? This week Billy interviews Kate about her chronic illness, and the ways she’s used kink to manage it and feel better about it.   Fainting & POTS | Caretaking & Bottoming | Kneeling | Adaptive Products | Chronic Pain | Weed | Flexibility & Muscle Strength | Queening Chairs | Risk vs. Reward | Laundry | Energy Budgeting | Self-Blame | Fatigue & Sleepy Sex | Broken & Lucky | Dominance | Princess Treatment | Hell on Wheels & Kneeling in Spirit | Resentment & Guilt | Service | Chastity & Denial | Bondage & Pressure | Sadomasochism | Good Pain vs. Bad Pain | Disclosing | Intoxication Concerns | Excessive Caution Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

Why are we so drawn to sexuality as a discussion topic and field of study, and how are people in our industry treated differently than those with more “vanilla” jobs? This week, we examine the intersections of sex and professionalism! Why Sex? | Self-Discovery & Freedom | Frivolity & Familiarity | Projection | Professionalism | Beacon of Permission | What Do You Want? | Traits | Poker Face | SAR (Sexual Attitude Reassessment) | Know Thyself Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

What is “competence kink,” and why is someone being good at things such a common turn-on? This week, we discuss our favorite competencies in others and in ourselves, and what makes them so hot.   Is It a Kink? | Confidence | Our Favorite Competencies | Passion | Quickness & Focus | Planning | Our Competencies | Emotional Intelligence | Soft Skills & Bottoming | Bravery of Vulnerability | Transferrable to Sex? | Listening & Paying Attention | Being Bad at Things | Kink Scenes | Distraction Play | Confident Headspace | Competency Wishlist | Dancing Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

Is real-life romance anything like a Hollywood romantic comedy? This week we’re discussing portrayals of love and relationships in fiction, and what makes a love story feel real and grounded, versus hollow and schmaltzy.   The Invite (2026) | I Want Your Sex (2026) | Relationship Movies | High Fidelity (2000) | When Harry Met Sally… (1989) | Barriers to Union | Love Triangles | The F Word/What If (2013) | Threesome (1994) | Sanctuary (2022) | Skylight (2024) | Friends-to-Lovers | Plus One (2019) | Romantic Comedies vs. Romantic Dramas | What Feels Romantic? | Sleeping with Other People (2015) | A Lot Like Love (2005) | Matt and Mara (2024) | I Love You, Man (2009) | Fantasy vs. Reality | A Perfect Pair | Say Anything… (1989) | Not Frivolous | Pillion (2025) | Underrepresented Aspects of Love | Non-Monogamy | Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice (1969) | Healthy Conflict | Caretaking | Queer Relationships | The Birdcage (1996) | Fire Island (2022) | Heated Rivalry | Expectations | Instant Attraction | Sexual Difficulties Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

How do you maintain a friendship with someone who lives far away? We’ve done it for over a decade now, so this week we’re sharing our best advice on long-distance friendships!   Romantic vs. Platonic | Where We’ve Met Them | Two Cities | Prepping to Leave | A Reason to Talk | “Thought of You!” | Frequency & Consistency | “Let’s Be Friends!” | Group Hangs | Real-Time Communication | Unfiltered Reactions | PowerPoint Party | Activities | Intentionality | ADHD & Chronic Illness | Lateness | Energy Limitations | Note-Taking | Benefits | Outside Perspective | Travel Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

“Meeting the parents” can be stressful for everyone involved, so this week we’re giving our best advice on it, including from a queer and polyamorous perspective!   Introducing the BF/Metamour | Grokking Polyamory | “Ohh, That’s Why You’re Like This” | When To Do It | Gender Competency | Jumping the Gun | What to Pre-Seed | Going Bad vs. Going Good | Escape Plan | When to Stand Down | Etiquette | Respect | Coming Out As Poly | Parents Dislike Them Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

We’re answering more questions about lube this week, including which ones are best for travel, which drugstore lubes are actually decent, whether you should bring your own lube to a sex party, and more!   Dill Pickle Lube | Travel-Friendly Lubes | Uberlube Good to Go | Good Clean Love Almost Naked | Astroglide Silicone | Astroglide Spray ’n Glide | Good Clean Love Hint of Mint | Judging Someone’s Lube | Better Than Baseline | Non-Standard Usages | Condom | Sex Party | Playing Without Lube | Food or Drink | Gender Affirmation | Lube Accessories | Automatic Lube Dispenser | Dame Grip | Warming It Up | Lube Shooters Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

This week, Kate and her wife mb interview Jessie Nelson, inventor of the SoleHole, a new foot fetish toy for couples that Kate recently reviewed. Jessie told us all about how he designed, prototyped and launched this innovative toy!   Mobility Issues | Artistic & Electrical Background | “Aha” Moment | Prototypes | Stretchy Band | Tightness | The Name | Balldo | Claustrophobic Mask | Launch & Reception | Surprising Reactions | Sizing | Non-Fetishists | Lube | FuckWater | Grinder | Approaching Manufacturers | Purple | Vibration | Other Ideas | Plug of War | Other Foot Toys | Social Media | Shame | Cultural Shift | Business Partner Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

Lubricant is a basic part of sex for many people, but there are actually a lot of considerations that go into choosing a good one. This week, we discuss our experiences with lube, and give advice on using it!   Our First Lubes | System JO | Bottle Design | Initial Apprehensions | Blossom Organics | Must-Have Accessory | Spit as Lube | Textural Differences | Sliquid Silk | Sliquid Organics Gel | Sliquid Sassy | Sutil Rich | Uberlube | Alternate Uses | Monistat Chafing Relief Gel | Her Highness THC Oil | Warming & Cooling | A Shortcut | Beginner Tips | Oil-Based Lubes | Flavored Lubes | Sliquid Swirl | LubeLife Dill Pickle Lube | Numbing Lubes | Promescent Delay Spray | THC/CBD Lubes Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

Hope your Pride month has been lovely so far! We’re celebrating by discussing some of our favorite queer media and what makes it feel authentically queer.   Queer Friends | Sex Representation | Sexual Communication | Talking About Being Queer | Homophobia & Coming Out | The Tragedy of Heterosexuality by Jane Ward | Leviticus (2026) | I Saw the TV Glow (2024) | Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma (2026) | Blue Moon (2025) | Present Laughter (2019) | Handsome Devil (2016) | No Ordinary Man (2020) | Rope (1948) | The Favourite (2018) | The Handmaiden (2016) | Kissing Jessica Stein (2001) | Forbidden Love (1992) | Cloudburst (2011) | D.E.B.S. (2004) | Angels in America miniseries | Fellow Travelers | Myra Breckinridge (1970) | Funeral Parade of Roses (1969) | Queens At Heart (1967) | Some Like It Hot (1959) | Sylvia Scarlett (1935) | Boy! What a Girl! (1947) | Red, White & Royal Blue | One Last Stop | I Kissed Shara Wheeler | The Pairing | I Hope We Choose Love | Detransition, Baby | Ace | TAZ: Petals to the Metal | 99 Erics | Love in a F*cked-Up World | The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo | On the Move | The Wolf Suit | This Is How You Lose the Time War | In Universes | Wayfarer series | The F*ggots and Their Friends Between Revolutions | Sondheim & Magnetic Fields Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.