Shadow, projection, and transference: demystifying coaching psychology

We explore a deceptively subtle but powerful distinction: the difference between reflective practice and reflexive practice in coaching.Most coaches are trained to reflect. Fewer develop the capacity to be reflexive.This conversation unpacks why that matters - and how reflexivity represents a deeper layer of professional and personal maturity.If this episode sparked reflection (or reflexivity), we’d love to hear your thoughts.And if you found it valuable, please review and share!

We explore why even highly capable, motivated clients can stay stuck despite knowing what they want to change. We introduce Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey’s Immunity to Change model, which reveals how unconscious competing commitments can quietly block progress - not through resistance, but through self-protection.The model is brought to life through a live example, as Sarah works through the four-column process and uncovers the hidden assumptions shaping her behaviour. The conversation shows how these protective patterns develop for good reasons, and how the model connects with Transactional Analysis ideas such as drivers, script beliefs, and discounting.We offer practical guidance for coaches: work collaboratively, normalise competing commitments, and move slowly and carefully. It’s a thoughtful exploration for coaches who want to move beyond action planning and support deeper, more sustainable change.Resources:"The Real Reason People Won't Change" by Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey (Harvard Business Review, 2001) – The original article that introduces the Immunity to Change framework.The Immunity to Change Map – You can find versions of the four-column template online to use with your clients.Transactional Analysis – For those interested in the connections we discuss between TA and this model, explore our previous episodes on psychological drivers, script beliefs, and discounting.

We explore why taking your time at the start of a coaching session is one of the most powerful, and most frequently overlooked, skills in coaching. We unpack the common tendency for coaches, especially those under pressure or early in their practice, to leap toward solutions the moment a client states a goal. Through rich metaphors like the tandem bicycle, the pencil sharpener, and the Bake Off proving drawer, we show how deeper exploration at the outset creates clarity, focus, and stronger outcomes.We link this slow, spacious beginning to the ICF competencies, highlighting why establishing and maintaining agreements requires more than simply naming a topic. The conversation also touches on the psychological drivers behind the rush to “get going,” including the TA hurry-up driver and the unconscious desire to appear helpful. We share our three practical tips, as well as personal practices that help us stay grounded and intentional, from mindfulness to checking our internal drivers. It’s a thoughtful, encouraging conversation for any coach wanting to strengthen presence, clarity, and quality in their sessions.Resources:Nancy Kline, “Time to Think” & “More Time to Think” (especially helpful for more experienced coaches)Claire Pedrick / 3D Coaching, Metaphors and practices for sharpening focus and staying client-ledEmma Donaldson-Feilder & Liz Hall, Relational Mindfulness ProgrammePaul Heardman, Article on supervision from a constellationist perspective in Coaching at Work

In this episode we explore how coaches can support clients who are dealing with a narcissistic boss. We unpack what narcissism truly means - beyond social media clichés - and discuss the difference between narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic tendencies that may still create toxic dynamics at work.We highlight common signs that a client might be working for a narcissist, such as self-doubt, confusion, or feeling “never good enough,” and examine the systemic factors that can keep such leaders in place. We emphasise the importance of reflective practice and supervision to help coaches avoid collusion and remain grounded, especially when personal triggers or family histories come into play.We offer practical strategies for helping clients manage these complex relationships, from strengthening boundaries and self-care to finding support outside the organisation. We also discuss when a more directive coaching style may be needed, and how compassion - for both client and boss - can bring balance and perspective to this challenging dynamic.

In this episode we unpack contracting as a living, multi-layered practice rather than a one-time formality.We explore three distinct levels of contracting:Administrative – The essentials: when and where sessions happen, confidentiality agreements, cancellation terms, fees, and note-taking.Professional – Clarifying goals, purpose, scope, and whether to involve other parties such as a line manager or HR.Psychological – The unspoken relational agreements, unconscious patterns, and “felt sense” of the coaching space.Drawing on real-world examples, we show how unconscious dynamics - such as parent-child patterns - can affect the work, and why Always Be Contracting (ABC) is such a useful mantra. We discuss practical ways to keep contracts alive, including naming ruptures in the relationship and agreeing upfront how to address them.We also delve into psychological distance between coach, coachee, and organisational stakeholders, using the concept of the three cornered contract from Julie Hay. Rarely an equal-sided triangle, the shape reflects engagement levels and potential for collusion.We discuss multi-stakeholder contracting: bringing all key parties (coach, coachee, sponsor/HR) together at the start and ideally again mid-way and at the end, to align on purpose, roles, confidentiality, and progress. If you’ve only seen contracting as a tick-box exercise, this episode might change your view, and your practice.Resources: Three levels of contracting Contracting in team coaching

In this episode we discuss how clients can inadvertently keep themselves stuck by ignoring aspects of themselves, others or the situation. Discounting is a classic topic that emerges in coaching sessions. We share how using Julie Hay’s “Steps to Success” model can help to shed a light on a client’s discounting beliefs and create more enabling ones. This approach is versatile in its application, but can be practically applied in-person through using physical cards on the floor and walking side-by-side with a client, helping them to embody each stage in the process.We offer useful coaching tips focused on how, as a coach, we might tune into what clients are discounting, reflecting on one’s own biases as a coach, and fostering genuine partnership. This is the article we reference - thanks to Spark for this. This includes the diagram for steps to success:https://www.sparkcoachingandtraining.co.uk/blog/transactional-analysis-discount-store-of-coaching#:~:text=Remember%20that%20discounting%20is%20an,done%20something%20about%20this%20earlier. This episode is a valuable listen for coaches looking to deepen their understanding of client resistance and strengthen their coaching conversations.

In this episode we explore how psychodynamic concepts like projection, shadow, and transference show up in coaching. These unconscious patterns can distort the coaching relationship, making reflective practice essential for staying present and effective.We highlight the role of supervision in spotting these dynamics, supporting coaches normatively, formatively, and restoratively. Parallel process - when patterns in coaching mirror the client’s wider context - can offer powerful insights.We share three practical tools to deepen self-awareness and strengthen client work.

In this episode we explore the impact of global turbulence on our coaching practice. With ongoing uncertainty in the world, including recent political events, we discuss how these external challenges affect both coaches and our clients. We dive into key themes such as emotional impact, self-awareness, supervision, and the importance of reflective practice.Sarah reflects on her approach to media consumption, questioning whether avoiding distressing news is self-protection or a way of disconnecting. We discuss how world events shape our clients’ experiences, particularly those facing discrimination or personal struggles, and why coaches must be aware of these influences. Supervision provides a vital space to regulate emotions, stay present, and avoid becoming entangled in clients’ challenges. Although we've already recorded one episode on supervision, there is so much to say on this topic that we've recorded another, We also explore strategies for creating safe, open coaching spaces, setting clear expectations, and developing a “third eye” perspective—stepping back to observe both the client and ourselves. Through thoughtful discussion, we offer insights on resilience, preparedness, and maintaining authenticity in the face of uncertainty.

In this episode, we discuss the often-overlooked topic of endings in coaching relationships. This is an update to a special we did when Gregor’s Coaching At Work article was published but we’ve updated and expanded on our thinking since. So we’ve explored  how endings can impact both coaches and clients, offering practical insights and tips on how to approach this significant stage of the coaching process.Also, we reflect on how clients may struggle with letting go of the coaching relationship and how coaches can approach this phase with care and thoughtfulness. We talk about how integrating measurable outcomes into the coaching process—such as reviewing achievements and impact with clients—can be a valuable part of a coaching practice. Touched upon is the importance of thinking about coaching as a process that impacts not just the individual, but the team, clients, and suppliers. We recommend exploring the broader effects of the coaching work and how those ripple effects can inform future coaching endeavours.We share our 3 top tips on ending coaching engagements.Resources: Rachael Hanley-Browne https://www.rh-b.com/ Article Gregor co-authored in Coaching At Work magazine: https://www.coaching-at-work.com/2022/04/29/finishing-touches/Previous episode on endings if you really want it! https://the-coaching-question.captivate.fm/episode/how-do-we-best-end-coaching-engagements 

In this episode, we dive into the critical distinction between empathy and compassion in coaching, exploring how these concepts influence the effectiveness of coaching sessions. Drawing from our own coaching and supervisory experiences, we discuss the importance of boundaries, self-awareness, and personal responsibility in both coaching and supervision. We touch on how coaches can maintain their energy and emotional resilience in their practice.As usual, we share our 3 top tips.If you found this episode useful, please consider leaving a positive review on Apple Podcasts. Your feedback helps us reach more listeners!Resources:Robin Shohet: This isn’t a direct quote but he encourages coaches to pay exquisite attention to how someone makes you feel.Kristin Neff: Self-compassion expert, with further resources on her website; https://self-compassion.org