What's a Good Parent? A Bonus Episode in Which I Ask My Own Teenager

Ask Rachel anythingExam stress — are your teen’s exams quietly overwhelming them (and you)?In this episode of Teenagers Untangled I spoke with Katherine Radice, author of The Parent’s Guide to Exam Stress, to explore:* Why teens withdraw and how parental questions can shut down conversations about school* What makes exams uniquely stressful (risk, public outcomes, long timelines)* How parents can build calm, constructive conversations and listen so teens feel safe to share* Practical strategies: establishing effective work habits, rewarding effort vs. outcomes, scaffolding responsibility, and iterative trial-and-review methods for study* Handling struggles: when to improve school support vs. when to build strengths outside school (hobbies, status, resilience)* The “burden of praise” and how to praise in ways that empower rather than create anxiety* Managing parental anxiety: how to consult teens, stay reflective, and help them learn to cope with uncertainty and setbacksWhy it’s vital to listen:Exams affect more than grades — they shape teens’ confidence, relationships, and long-term coping skills.This episode gives us evidence-based, compassionate tools to support teens without becoming the “revision police,” reduce household stress, and help young people develop resilience that lasts beyond exam results.Contact Katharine:https://katharineradice.co.uk/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingWho's teaching our teens how to be good citizens; someone who feels a part of society and enagages meaningfully in creating a world we all want to live in rather than someone who just buys stuff?In this episode I talked with Lindsey Cormick, political scientist and author of How to Raise a Citizen, about why we parents must see it as our job to raise capable, engaged citizens. With civics instruction waning in schools, Lindsey shares actionable strategies to turn everyday moments into lessons about government, community impact, and problem-solving. We discuss how to engage disinterested teens, navigate polarizing topics calmly, model curiosity over certainty, and making local politics tangible for the younger amongst us. The great thing about Lindsey's message is we don't need to know all about politics to get our kids involved, we just need to be prepared to discuss whats happening around us. Perfect for parents who want to boost critical thinking, civic responsibility, and respectful dialogue at home. Resources and printable prompts available at teenagersuntangled.subtack.com.Lindsey Cormack:https://howtoraiseacitizen.com/https://constitutioncenter.org/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingIn this bonus episode Amelia and I discussed how hard it is to get parenting right, focusing on the misconceptions of gentle parenting and the importance of setting high expectations with support. The full listen to the full episode and read all of my thoughts on it by clicking here. It doesn't cost you anything, it's just a better place for me to store it.We thought it would be really useful for you to hear us talking so that you can get ideas for how you can open up your own conversations at home. Amelia emphasizes the need for clear communication, boundaries, and understanding the root causes of a child's behavior. The conversation highlighted the significance of maintaining a healthy relationship, avoiding emotional responses, and fostering independence. Amelia suggests using reminders and sit-down conversations to address issues without punishment. Amelia also stressed the importance of addressing mental health concerns and being open to feedback to improve parenting skills.Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingWhat are we really telling boys about how to be a man? And why do so many teens seem to be struggling with how to be in the world, from masculinity to friendship, and mental health?In this conversation with Professor Niobe Way (NYU developmental psychologist, author of Deep Secrets and Rebels with a Cause), we dug into 40 years of research with adolescents. Her work is extraordinary because she has done something deceptively simple and radically powerful:She listened to teenagers carefully, over time, and took what they said seriously.What emerges is a completely different story about boys, friendship, and mental health than the one most of us have absorbed from culture, headlines, and even psychology textbooks.Professor Niobe WayProf Niobe Way: LinkedInMy early episode in which I referenced Niobe's workIdeas covered in this episodeSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingThere's been an alarming rise of teen gambling, according to Commonsense Media, with half of 16-17-year-old boys reporting gambling in the past year; surpassing alcohol, nicotine, and marijuana use.Commonsense media says 'we're at a pivotal moment for boys' well-being. We can either let gambling become normalized during a critical period of their development, or we can act now—with education, safeguards, and real accountability.'In this episode Dr. Chung highlights the role of gaming, particularly loot boxes and mystery boxes, in priming teen brains for gambling. She emphasizes the ease of access through mobile devices and the influence of social media and celebrity endorsements. For my full notes on the episode click this linkDr. Chung advises parents to set boundaries, engage in media literacy discussions and stay curious. She also stresses the importance of recognizing signs of addiction, such as secretive behavior and mood shifts, and the need for companies to be more accountable in protecting minors.Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingIf you’ve ever looked at your teen glued to a screen, living on junk food, or melting down over “nothing” and thought, What am I doing wrong? — this episode will change how you see everything.In today’s fast-paced, often overwhelming world, understanding how to foster resilience, well-being, and cognitive development is key to raising thriving childrenToday's guest, Dr Katy Granville-Chapman, author of Growing Minds: The Science of Raising Thriving Teens”, gives us the evidence-based information we parents need to support our children's brain health. She explains:How big tech and junk food companies are hijacking your teen’s dopamine systemWhy your child actually wants to do well (and what keeps derailing them)Simple, science-backed ways to:Get buy-in on screen limits (without endless battles)Use identity-based habits so teens choose healthy behavior themselvesTeach emotional regulation as a skill, not a personality traitCheck your teen’s “body budget” (sleep, movement, food, connection) before assuming there’s a crisisWhy kindness and contribution are secret superpowers for teen resilienceAnd the one message every guilty, overwhelmed parent needs to hear: it’s never too late, and you’re doing better than you think.Listen now and learn how to move from nagging and panic… to mentoring your teen so they can truly flourish.Find the top tips hereDISCOUNT CODE ON PRE-ORDERS OF KATY'S NEW BOOK: Click this link and use the code UNTANGLED25Katy Granville-Chapman:Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingParenting tweens and teens is challenging enough, but when someone in the family becomes seriously ill or dies, it can feel overwhelmingly difficult. In all honesty, we Westerners are terrible at talking about death, often avoiding it, so when it comes to talking with teenagers about the subject most of us don't feel equipped.Many who have suffered a loss, or are suffering a serious illness will tell you that friends often fall away just at the time when they are most valued, because they're embarrassed or uncomfortable about the situation.In this episode we draw on research, personal experience - and some incredible listener feedback - to discuss how to deal with a serious illness or death when you're raising a teen. We pass on some amazing tips that have made all the difference, and also some awful 'what not to do's'.The episode is dedicated to the wonderful mum, Sophie Baker and her loving husband and boys, who did an amazing job in very difficult circumstances.Get the ToolKit Top Tips from this episode hereBOOKS:When Breath Becomes Air by Paul KalanithiThe Bright Hour by Nina RiggsYou Can Stop Humming Now by Daniela LamasBeing Mortal by Atul GawandeSmoke gets in your Eyes by Caitlin DoughtyThe Choice by Edith Eger Support for kids and young people who are bereaved:https://winstonswish.org/https://hospiceofnorthidaho.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Supporting-a-Teen-When-Someone-is-Seriously-Ill.pdfhttps://www.hospiscare.co.uk/how-we-help/advice-support/children-and-young-people/how-to-talk-about-death-with-children-and-teenagers/https://thegoodgriefproject.co.uk/https://yourteenmag.com/health/teenager-mental-health/how-to-talk-about-deathhttps://whatsyourgrief.com/helping-a-teenager-deal-with-grief-2/https://elunanetwork.org/resources/talking-to-teens-and-children-about-illness-and-deathhttps://www.strong4life.com/en/emotional-wellness/emotional-expression/talking-to-kids-and-teens-about-deathhttps://www.todaysparent.com/family/talking-about-death-with-kids/https://www.winstonswish.org/support-a-grieving-teenager/https://www.childbereavementuk.org/information-understanding-grieving-teenagershttps://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/two-takes-depression/201612/the-dos-and-donts-talking-child-about-death?amphttps://audioboom.com/posts/6858679-talking-to-young-people-about-death-and-dyingSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingClick here for my blog post and summary of the core skillsOur teenagers are growing up in a world saturated with information, outrage, and algorithms designed to keep them scrolling. As parents, it can feel overwhelming: How do we help our kids navigate AI, social media, fake news, and online manipulation—without either over-controlling them or throwing up our hands?In this episode, I talk to Dr Maree Davies, senior lecturer at the University of Auckland and author of Teaching Critical Thinking to Teenagers: How kids can be street smart about AI, algorithms, fake news and social media.Her work is all about making critical thinking accessible to all teenagers, not just the academically gifted. And crucially, she shows how these skills can actually reduce anxiety by giving teens a sense of control over the flood of information they face every day.We explore:What critical thinking really is (beyond the academic buzzword) and why the tween and early teen years (11–15) are such a powerful window for learning itHow cognitive bias, schemas, and teenage brain development affect the way young people react to information—especially on social mediaMarie’s Street Smarts model for teaching critical thinking at home and in school, starting from a teen’s own story and perspectiveHow to talk to teens about algorithms, AI, fake news, and influencers in a way that feels respectful, engaging, and non-preachyThe role of relationships, respect, and status in adolescent life—and how we can use these realities to open up richer conversationsWhy modelling our own struggles (with phones, news, time management, etc.) is far more powerful than lecturingPractical question types and conversation prompts that help teens move from emotional reactions to thoughtful, reasoned viewsThis is one of my favourite recent conversations and I’d love as many people as possible to hear it. These skills matter because our teenagers are being shaped—every day—by forces they often don’t fully understand. Critical thinking isn’t about turning them into cynics; it’s about giving them tools, language, and confidence to question, to evaluate, and, when necessary, to change their minds.It’s also about strengthening our own connection with them, so that they feel heard, respected, and equipped to take their place in the world as thoughtful, compassionate adults.Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything“My husband is highly critical of the teenagers, gets angry over little things and yells, so I’m having to make up for his behavior, and I often avoid involving him in parenting decisions."This message came into my Substack. It was a plaintiff request for support and a plea to know how others deal with the problem. When I posted it (with her permission), a flood of parents said, “This is my life too.”If you're dealing with high conflict in your home, whether with your teens or your partner, then this is the episode for you. Conflict navigation specialist, mediator, and divorce coach Masha Rusanov helps us to unpack what really sits behind high‑conflict dynamics at home—especially when one parent is emotionally dysregulated, highly critical, or reactive.She says: 'We don’t choose our conflicts.We repeat them.Until we change the pattern."Link to my write-up on the topicIn our conversation we explore:Why we repeat the same painful conflict patterns (and how to start changing them)Masha’s simple but powerful Exhale–Explore–Engage framework you can use in the heat of the momentPractical scripts and tools (EAR and BIFF) for navigating a high‑conflict partnerHow to protect your children emotionally, set boundaries, and avoid parentifying themWays to talk to your kids honestly about what’s happening—without overburdening themIf you’ve ever found yourself “making up” for a partner’s behaviour, or trying to keep things calm so your teens feel safe, this conversation is for you.Masha RusanovRepatterned BookREMINDER: Please don't stay in a situation that is potentially dangerous. This is the national domestic abuse helpline for the UK, but you will likely have one in your country if you're listening somewhere else.Spotting the signsIs your partner jealous and possessive?Is he charming one minute and abusive the next?Does he tell you what to wear, where to go, who to see?Does he constantly put you down?Does he play mind games and make you doubt your judgment?Does he control your money, or make sure you are dependent on him for everyday things?Does he pressure you to have sex when you don’t want to?Are you starting to walk on eggshells to avoid making him angry?Does he control your access to medicine, devices or care that you need?Does he monitor or track your movements or messages?Does he use anger and intimidation to frighten and control you?Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything“Is my son secretly being taught to hate women?”If you’ve ever heard your boy casually repeat a line from Andrew Tate… seen him disappear into his room with his phone… or wondered what on earth he’s absorbing on TikTok and YouTube, this episode is for you. The manosphere is grooming boys to believe women are the enemy—and most parents don’t even realise it’s happening. In this conversation, I’m joined by teacher and author of Unmasking the Manosphere, Matt Pinkett to unpack how these ideas hook our sons, how they show up at home and in school, and—most importantly—how you can respond without shutting your boy down or pushing him further into that world.Toolkit: Checklist of How to Talk to Your BoysMatt PinkettConflict resolution skillsLooksmaxxingOriginal Manosphere episodeTalking to your teen about pornographyThe expert on talking about pornographySupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk