The Simple Parenting Habit That Makes Kids Feel Loved

Ask Rachel anythingThree years ago we were asked by a listener to discuss how we can talk to boys about influential online figures like Andrew Tate, who act both as an inspiration to achieve great things, and a lightning rod for disgruntled men who blame feminism for their ills and cheer on his particular form of aggressive misogyny.Now that Louis Theroux has shone a light on the Manosphere in his latest Netflix documentary I thought it important to dust off this old episode because the information is far more detailed, and useful for parents of tweens and teens. Whether the words Red Pill, Matrix, and Manosphere have any particular meaning for you, they are having an increasing impact on the environment our boys are growing up in. It's up to us as parents to help our boys unpack what they're hearing and sift the diamonds from the dirt. My research into the topic has highlighted an urgent need to be talking with our sons about their dreams, and how we can support them in discovering role models who show what it is to be a successful man, without needing to humiliate and destroy other people.   Click here for tips and advice from the episode:Avoid silencing your teen, even if you disagree with what they say. It's vital that they are given the chance to talk about what they're thinking so that you can have proper discussions about it. Telling them they are wrong won't help them think about the issues.Focus the discussion on what is really attractive to them about the messages they are hearing, and help them to differentiate between the positive and the dangerously negative.Unpick the words the boys use and be clear about anything that is sexist, racist, etc and why that's an issue. Remember, they are building their identity and they're allowed to make mistakes along the way.  Don't shame them.Arm yourself with real facts. If they tell you something that they've heard online help them to go to real sources, rather than simply listening to someone who has an agenda and wants to get lots of clicks.Don't just focus on Tate, he's only one of the people espousing this thinking.Potential role models: Look for men in your own community firstGreg James Mark Lewis: https://www.marklewis.co.uk/Novak Djokovic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=867mtHTsaDoStephen Bartlett - Diary of a CEO (Business) His podcast has lots of successful men being interviewed.KSI, Beta Squad, Sidemen, Mr Beast, Chris MD. Bear Grylls - ChieSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingListen to past Big Hug Cafe Community Catch-Ups: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.comSend me your questions:[email protected] the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingIf you’ve ever lain awake at night wondering whether you’re getting this parenting thing horribly wrong, you need to hear this conversation with surgeon and author Gabriel Weston.Gabriel is a mother of four – including tween twins – a prize‑winning writer and a working surgeon. She talks with disarming honesty about:How she parents without pretending to be endlessly patient or perfectWhy it’s okay to have limits to how much joy you get from parentingThe very real ways she sometimes gets it wrong, and how her kids now call her outWhat her son’s life‑threatening brain condition and her own health scares have taught her about seeing all of us – including our teens – as “beautifully broken” humansHow she and her husband navigate very different parenting styles, from strict boundaries to snacks and softnessWhat I love about Gabriel is that she says the quiet things out loud – the thoughts so many parents have but feel too guilty to admit. She’s funny, wise, and completely unpretentious, and by the end you may feel surprisingly lighter about your own “failings” as a parent.If you’ve ever worried that you’re too controlling, not present enough, not soft enough, or simply not “motherly” in the way you think you’re supposed to be, this episode will help you see that you are probably doing far better than you think. Find Gabriel here:https://www.instagram.com/gabrielwestonalive/Buy her books:https://www.waterstones.com/author/gabriel-weston/6579https://amzn.eu/d/0cGm5jnKSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingThank you, thank you, thank you, Wirohugo for your incredible donation. You are so kind! Here’s the question posed by one of our community using the Ask Rachel Anything button:My fifteen year old boy seems to show no curiousity about the world. Does not know countries, capitals, does not read (except when incentived). Today, he didn't recognise the neighbouring village which we drive through many times. He is middling at school but good at some subjects. So, not a dunce! Is it digital distraction? Is it common? I searched your shows and could not find any record of this being discussed. Episode About:Concentration and Choices:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/concentration-and-the-troubling-effect-of-too-many-choices/The Disengaged Teen:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/122-how-to-get-our-teens-to-love-learning-and-why-parents-are-the-missing-piece-of-the-puzzle/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits. My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingThere's been a dramatic increase in reports of grooming, sextortion and AI generated child sexual abuse material in recent years, and most parents believe politicans and technology companies aren't doing enough to protect kids.The UK government recently announced that makers of AI chatbots that put children at risk will face massive fines or even see their services blocked in the UK under law changes.And the French offices of Elon Musk's X were recently raided by the Paris prosecutor's cyber-crime unit, as part of an investigation into suspected offences including complicity in the possession of child sexual abuse material (CSAM). Four in five EU citizens support requiring online service providers to detect, report and remove child sexual abuse material, but while governments and technology companies wrangle over a fast-developing issue, we parents need accurate information and support on how best to keep our kids safe if they are online. The Internet Watch Foundation has been around for 30 years and works alongside the UK charity Childline to protect children who have been affected, by offering emotional support and a means of tagging and removing images that predators use to extort and make money online.THE BEST PROTECTION:Keep devices out of bedrooms and bathrooms.Read my devices guide, with links to all of the relevant episodes, hereTop tips from this episodeKEY RESOURCES:TALK resource Report Remove tool  Create a Family AgreementUK Safer Internet Centre website - https://saferinternet.org.uk/Internet Matters website https://www.internetmatters.org/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingMy kids went through a series of friendship bust-ups when they were young teens; it's inevitable. It's an amazing time of learning about themselves, discovering where their values lie, and learning that everyone makes mistakes. My kids have told me that one of the best things I've done is to show them my own mistakes, and apologise wholeheartedly when I do mess up. They say it's made them feel much better about their struggles because it's allowed them to have a vision of being a human who doesn't have to be perfect. My substack:https://teenagersuntangled.substack.comMy two top takeways are:Help your kids see the difference between the 'doing' and the 'doer'. Our kids are learning how cope in a very complicated world so they are definitely going to make some really dumb mistakes and do what seem to be terrible things. Those things don't mean they are a bad person, they mean they are a human who is still learning. We can help them by being careful with our own language at home. Don't call them lazy, say you don't like that they didn't do the thing they said they'd  do. Show your kids that nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes; it's what we do about them that defines us. Apologising when we do mess up is one of the greatest superpowers we can develop.The episode about friendships with Megan Saxelby:https://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/friendship-struggles?r=2u24i0&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=webSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits. My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingMattering is a deep human need to feel valued beyond achievements. It's something we all need, but are we getting it?The new book by Jennifer Breheney-Wallace focuses on "Mattering," discussing how societal pressures, particularly on teenagers, exacerbate this need. She emphasizes the importance of adults feeling valued at work to better support their children. Wallace suggests practical strategies like minimizing criticism, prioritizing affection, and fostering interdependent relationships. She also highlights the impact of social media on extrinsic values and stresses the need for parents to focus on intrinsic values to raise resilient, well-rounded children.FIND JENNIFER HERE:https://www.jenniferbwallace.com/BUY MATTERING HERE:https://amzn.eu/d/0fX3Q4KdFIND RACHEL'S SUBSTACK ARTICLE TO ACCOMPANY THIS INTERVIEW HERE:https://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/you-matter-no-matter-what?r=2u24i0&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=webMattering is a fundamental human need that drives behavior.The adolescent years are particularly fragile for developing a sense of mattering.Adults also struggle with feelings of not mattering, impacting their ability to support teens.Building connections and support systems is essential for both parents and children.Minimizing criticism and prioritizing affection helps children feel valued.Surrounding oneself with supportive families can reinforce shared values.Focusing on intrinsic values over extrinsic ones promotes better mental health.Social media exacerbates feelings of inadequacy and should be monitored.Parents can counter achievement pressures by communicating unconditional love.Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingCamilla asked if I could do a short recap of the things we’ve talked about on the podcast that will help us help our kids most. So here it is! Now, tell me what you want for next week.Click this link for a list of the top tips:https://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/helping-our-kids-with-their-exam?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=webSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingWhen Brooklyn Beckham publicly announced he didn't want to reconcile with his parents he was joining a painful catalogue of family stories that have gone wrong. Estrangement is reportedly on the rise in Western societies but what's behind it? Dr Joshua Coleman spends his life working with estranged parents so he sees, first hand, the main factors that can lead to it. He highlights that while emotional abuse is often cited as a cause, it's often a matter of unmet expectations and generational differences. Some of the core drivers are divorce, children marrying someone who doesn't get on with your family, social media ideals, therapy culture and individualism. Given that estrangement can be emotionally devastating for parents, leading to feelings of isolation and loss, he advises parents to take their children's complaints seriously and to be open to therapy and family discussions.  Dr Joshua Coleman:Family Troubles: https://joshuacolemanphd.substack.com/https://joshuacolemanphd.substack.com/p/how-to-not-become-estrangedhttps://www.drjoshuacoleman.com/Teenagers Untangled Community Substack:https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingFor all of the tips click here:https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/p/how-to-talk-to-your-teen-about-bodyhttps://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/how-to-get-your-kids-to-do-their?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=post%20viewerA healthy body image: Feeling happy and satisfied with your body and what it can do. An unhealthy body image: Highly self-critical, comparing their body to others and obsessing about some aspect of it. Beauty and body image are universal triggers for shame. Shame is a deeply painful sensation from the belief that we’re not good enough and will not be accepted by a group.Only 5% of American women have the body type that advertising depicts as ideal. People magazine poll found that 80% of women respondents felt insecure when they viewed images of women in TV and films. There’s an entire industry fueling our negative feelings regarding body image.Resources:https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/healthy-lifestyle/body-image/body-image-teensThe Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor I Thought it was just me by Brené BrownPrevious episode:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/104-teen-weight-and-body-image-a-mother-and-daughter-explore-the-issues/Chores: Household duties develop a sense of purpose. Lack of purpose is one of the most reported problems in suicidal people. Teens are capable of doing practically any household duty and gives them a sense of belonging to the family team.The Gift of Failure Jessica Lahey: Children prefer parents who hold them responsible for not meeting expectations over those who monitor their children. Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk