It's Smart to Stop Trying to Please a Narcissist

This audio was recorded in 2006, long before Hijackals became Dr. Shaler's focus. Rethinking Selfishness: "What if I told you that I now value selfishness? Would that be shocking? Not only do I value it, but I encourage others to value it and practice it."In this first of our upcoming Legacy Files, Dr. Shaler explores the often misunderstood concept of selfishness and redefines it as a positive force. Throughout our lives, many of us have been taught that being selfish is wrong. However, Dr. Shaler encourages us to reconsider this notion, advocating for a type of selfishness that empowers us to better care for ourselves and, in turn, more genuinely care for others.She delves into how practicing what she terms "positive selfishness" can actually increase our self-esteem, improve our personal freedom, and enhance our abilities to contribute to the world. In this discussion, we'll unpack the differences between detrimental selfishness and beneficial self-focus, explore the importance of setting boundaries, and debunk the myth that loving oneself is an act of neglect towards others. Join us as we lean into learning how to be positively selfish, and why it is crucial not just for personal happiness, but also for fostering healthier relationships.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~We are deeply saddened to share that Dr. Shaler passed away unexpectedly on April 3, 2024.She left peacefully and without any further discomfort, full of grace. Rhoberta worked hard to maintain her energy to continue offering time and wisdom to clients, members, and strangers alike, who found her voice and demeanor comforting and strengthening as you each faced difficult and overwhelming experiences. We know it was very hard for her to let go enough to leave her clients and fans behind, and that serving you all was her greatest joy. If you need some time with her, please visit her youtube channel (youtube.com/@forrelationshiphelp) or listen to other episodes in this podcast. There is a wealth more information among all her body of work, that has not yet made it into the world. We will continue to surface this additional material and content from her deep archive to allow her voice and strength to continue helping you all. Finding value in this content? Support us on Patreon.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Whether you're looking for a new friend or a potential new relationship, you don't want to be trauma dumping. When you let your whole story fly, someone else is likely to get crushed by it.Out of the gate, with someone new, it's smart to establish a relationship dynamic based on balance, mutual sharing, and emotional maturity. Oversharing personal traumas can burden the budding relationship and skew its potential for growth.Whether you're single, dating, or looking to improve your emotional connections, this episode of #saveyoursanitypodcast share strategies and practices you need, to proceed with care and confidence.HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:New Relationships and Emotional BaggageUnderstanding Drama Dumping and Trauma DumpingEmotional Health and Relationship DynamicsBuilding Emotional MaturityDating After a Toxic RelationshipI'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaFOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp-------------------------------------------------------------I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Emerging Empowered Community now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 3 group Ask Me Anything calls AND online Emerging Empowered Workbooks with prompts!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community#dramadumping #traumadumping #narcissistsbehaveliketoddlers #traumadumpingredflag #dramadumpingattractcshijackals#narcissistsbreakpromises #canttrustanarcissist #emergingempowered #relationshipincrisis #personalitydisorders #hijackals #narcissist #anri-social#hijackals #emotionalabuse #narcissists #toxicrelationships #breakingthebonds #verbalabuse Finding value in this content? Support us on Patreon.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SOOO frustrating! You hoped for a partner, parent, sibling, or adult child with whom you could communicate, collaborate, and co-operate, but no. You live most of the time with q tiresome toddler or miserable middle schooler, right?Learn more about recognizing the patterns and altering your expectations now.HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:#Hijackals are emotionally immature.Check your expectations when you approach a narcissist. Expecting equality? Oops!Often feel you're talking to a tiresome toddler or demanding teenager when you try to reason with a Hijackal?Why you need to do your own work to make good decisions about what to do about the HijackalI'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaFOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp-------------------------------------------------------------I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Emerging Empowered Community now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 3 group Ask Me Anything calls AND online Emerging Empowered Workbooks with prompts!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community#narcicisstsareemotionallyimmature #emotionallyimmature #hijjackalsareemotionallyimmature #narcissistsbehaveliketoddlers #narcissistsbreakpromises #canrustanarcissist #emergingempowered #relationshipincrisis #personalitydisorders #hijackals #narcissist #anri-social#hijackals #emotionalabuse #narcissists #toxicrelationships #breakingthebonds #verbalabuse Finding value in this content? Support us on Patreon.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Narcissists ask for too much...and they expect to get it. It's essential to hear that a question is outrageous so you can respond differently. If you've been with a Hijackal for too long, you may have stopped hearing their questions as outrageous; This episode will sharpen your listening skills and increase your sensitivity to questions that are intrusive, violating, and need a solid NO answer.HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Listen for outrageous questions. You may have become used to them,Narcissists want power over you.Meaning of 'coercive control"Learn to diffuse the outrageous question,I'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaFOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp-------------------------------------------------------------I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Emerging Empowered Community now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 3 group Ask Me Anything calls AND online Emerging Empowered Workbooks with prompts!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community#learntosayno #saynotosadsm #saynotomysogyny #saynotoqhmakesmeuncomfotable#narcissistsbreakpromises #canrustanarcissist #emergingempowered #relationshipincrisis #personalitydisorders #hijackals #narcissist #anri-social#hijackals #emotionalabuse #narcissists #toxicrelationships #breakingthebonds #verbalabuse Finding value in this content? Support us on Patreon.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Being with a narcissistic person is scary, right? You are usually wrong...even when you're right!. You never know what mood they'll be in. They lie, gaslight, rage, and fall silent. They are intimidating! They keep you on edge! What can you do to reduce the intimidation? Listen to this episode. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Narcissistic people are likely to engage in several kinds of abuse: verbal, physical, sexual, financial, emotional or spiritual Hijackals use intimidation as a quick way to win, or silence someoneChange your perspective and stop allowing yourself to be les than equal.Use the Personal Weather Report to your advantage I'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaFOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp-------------------------------------------------------------I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Emerging Empowered Community now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 3 group Ask Me Anything calls AND online Emerging Empowered Workbooks with prompts!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community#narcissstiintimitation #respondingtointimidation #stayingcalmwhennarcissistsareangry#narcissistsbreakpromises #canrustanarcissist #emergingempowered #relationshipincrisis #personalitydisorders #hijackals #narcissist #anri-social#hijackals #emotionalabuse #narcissists #toxicrelationships #breakingthebonds #verbalabuse Finding value in this content? Support us on Patreon.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Can't do anything wrong? Get away with nonsense? Get extra goodies? Attention? Time?Might sound good but it can get old fast and leave you with very poor self-esteem and a lack of identity. Have a sibling who is the Golden Child? You envied them and now you se them differently?VERY IMPORTANT EPISODE to straighten your thinking about yourself and others who were treated as Golden Children growing up.HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Why being the Golden Child is not a great rolehelp to understand the downsides of being raised by a narcissistic parentRecognize the lasting effects of being the Golden Child or Scapegoat child in a narcissistic familyGiving up the "overachiever" role given to you by your family dynamicI'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaFOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp-------------------------------------------------------------I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Emerging Empowered Community now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 3 group Ask Me Anything calls AND online Emerging Empowered Workbooks with prompts!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community#goldenchilldinfamily #goldenchildonlychild #goldenchildrepresentsfamily #goldenchildscapgoatlostchild#narcissistsbreakpromises #canrustanarcissist #emergingempowered #relationshipincrisis #personalitydisorders #hijackals #narcissist #anri-social#hijackals #emotionalabuse #narcissists #toxicrelationships #breakingthebonds #verbalabuse Finding value in this content? Support us on Patreon.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Narcissists love it when you run after their approval. You hope to explain yourself and be heard; they hope to explain you away. In this episode are five iron-clad reasons to not even try to please a Hijackal - save your energy, save your time, save your self-esteem.Listen in.HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Hijackals want you to please themThey make it very difficult to doWhy narcissists always need to be rightRefusing to remember the truth makes things impossibleI'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaFOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp-------------------------------------------------------------I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Emerging Empowered Community now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 3 group Ask Me Anything calls AND online Emerging Empowered Workbooks with prompts!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community#narcissistisalwaysright #hijackalalwaysright #narcissistslie #hijackalslie #narcissistsmustwin#narcissistsbreakpromises #canrustanarcissist #emergingempowered #relationshipincrisis #personalitydisorders #hijackals #narcissist #anri-social#hijackals #emotionalabuse #narcissists #toxicrelationships #breakingthebonds #verbalabuse Finding value in this content? Support us on Patreon.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You want someone--at least one someone--to hear you, see you, believe you. So you share. Sadly, that often turns into oversharing, leaving you a little red-faced. if you fully embarrassed a little later, right? "Why did I do that?" There are good reasons you overshare. Don't beat yourself up for it. Listen in to understand the "whys" and stick around for the "why nots!" so you can make positive changes in what you share and with whom. You can stop oversharing, and still be heard when you talk with the right people. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:The longing to be knownThe desire to have an allyTrusting the wrong person for the right reasonsDisappointed and betrayed while looking for a friendTaking care of yourself in ways you didn't know you'd need to I'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaFOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp-------------------------------------------------------------I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Emerging Empowered Community now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 3 group Ask Me Anything calls AND online Emerging Empowered Workbooks with prompts!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community#oversharing #feelinginvisible #wantingtobeheard #flyingmonkeys #givinggossip #falseintimacy#narcissistsbreakpromises #canrustanarcissist #emergingempowered #relationshipincrisis #personalitydisorders #hijackals #narcissist #anri-social#hijackals #emotionalabuse #narcissists #toxicrelationships #breakingthebonds #verbalabuse Finding value in this content? Support us on Patreon.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Steps to emotional freedom require knowing where the path starts. These five "must-do's" are fundamental to saving your sanity, self-esteem, and self-confidence. When you're in a toxic relationship with a narcissistic Hijackal, it's even MORE critlcal.Know the importance of each of these and how to keep them top of mind. Develop enough strength to follow the "healthier human" path to avoid being sucked down the "Hijackal human" one. YOU CAN!! HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:How to not get sucked into Hijackal dramaGaining perspective about how the narcissist's mind worksCreating emotional distance when the narcissist is accusing youDr. Shaler's most important mantra for saving your sanityI'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaFOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp-------------------------------------------------------------I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Emerging Empowered Community now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 3 group Ask Me Anything calls AND online Emerging Empowered Workbooks with prompts!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community#narcississticprojection #observenarcissisticbehavior #emotionaldistance #safefromanarcissist#narcissistsbreakpromises #canrustanarcissist #emergingempowered #relationshipincrisis #personalitydisorders #hijackals #narcissist #anri-social#hijackals #emotionalabuse #narcissists #toxicrelationships #breakingthebonds #verbalabuse Finding value in this content? Support us on Patreon.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, how Hijackals love to poke, prod, and provoke you into losing it and reacting, right? And then they like to wind you up further so you'll yell, blame, complain, and meltdown. Crazy-making?Yes, INTENTIONALLY CRAZY-MAKING!Learn ways to not go there, to not react, to not behave like the Hijackal...or the way the Hijackal wants to manipulate you into behaving, How to choose control and calm instead. Yay!HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Nasty, manipulate way to make you out to be the abuser - Don't let it happen.Be careful: Hijackals and other narcissists attempt "reactive abuse" to keep you feeling wrong, thoughtless, confused, and small. DoNT't let them!Hijackals like to push you to reactive abuse when you are out with other people. Some do it to make a reason to call the police and make a scene. Don't let them. I'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaFOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp-------------------------------------------------------------I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Emerging Empowered Community now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 3 group Ask Me Anything calls AND online Emerging Empowered Workbooks with prompts!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community#reactiveabuse @coercivecontrol #avoidreactiveabuse #narciccistprojectionnarcissistsbreakpromises #canrustanarcissist #emergingempowered #relationshipincrisis #personalitydisorders #hijackals #narcissist #anri-social#hijackals #emotionalabuse #narcissists #toxicrelationships #breakingthebonds #verbalabuse Finding value in this content? Support us on Patreon.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.