263. Practicing Good Grief with s.e. smith

"It's not about perfection, but it's about being in the practice of paying attention."What if the life you're trying to get back to isn't actually the life you're meant to return to?Grief changes us. It changes our capacity, our priorities, our relationships, and sometimes even our understanding of who we are. The challenge is not always learning how to move forward. Sometimes it's learning how to pay attention to the life that's here now.In this conversation, I'm joined by Bethaney Wilkinson, author of A More Beautiful Way to Live: Nine Practices to Unlearn Habits of Anxiety, Fear, and Urgency. Together, we explore what it means to stop letting anxiety drive every decision, how to cultivate awareness without judgment, and why tending our inner terrain can help us build a life that feels more aligned with who we're becoming.If you've ever felt pressure to hurry through uncertainty, fix what's uncomfortable, or return to a version of yourself that no longer fits, this episode is for you.In this episode, we talk about:How grief and change invite us to reconsider the way we're livingPaying attention to overwhelm, anxiety, and soul-level exhaustionHonoring the limits of our humanity without shameWhy anxiety should not be the only voice at the tableThe relationship between agency, choice, and self-awarenessWhat it means to tend our inner terrainLearning from seasons, nature, and the slow work of cultivationReleasing perfectionism in favor of ongoing practiceBuilding a life that fits the person you're becomingLinks + Resources from this episode: Bethaney’s Substack, The Inner TerrainOrder a copy of A More Beautiful Way to LiveConnect with Bethaney on InstagramJoin our Patreon/Get the WorkbookConnect with Mandy & Learn about Coaching

“The goal was never to become our old selves again. The invitation is to build a life that can hold the person we’re becoming.”What if self-care stops working after grief because we’re asking it to do a job it was never designed to do?In this episode of Restorative Grief, we’re exploring why the things that used to help us recharge can feel like one more thing to manage after loss. Grief changes our capacity, our priorities, and our relationship with ourselves, which means the care we need may look different, too.We talk about the difference between self-care and restoration, why practical support can matter more than another wellness routine, and how making room for whimsy can help us reconnect with parts of ourselves that feel harder to access in grief.If you’ve been wondering why the things that used to help don’t seem to work anymore, this episode is for you. You’re not necessarily doing self-care wrong. You might just need a different kind of care for the life you’re living now.In this episode, we talk about:Why grief changes what self-care looks likeThe difference between relief and restorationHow invisible labor and decision fatigue add to our loadAsking for support that actually makes life easierMaking room for curiosity, play, and small moments of delightBuilding a life that supports the person we're becomingLinks + Resources from this episode:Become a Patron!⁠⁠Connect with Mandy on Instagram⁠⁠Learn more about coaching

"We need to live in a culture that supports that instead of running away from it."What happens when we stop treating grief as something to overcome and start treating it as something worthy of our attention, care, and community?In today's episode, I'm joined by journalist, essayist, and author s.e. smith, whose book All My Dead Cats and Other Losses: Practicing Good Grief in a Culture That Fears Mourning invites us into a larger conversation about loss, mourning, and the ways our culture often struggles to make space for grief.Together, we explore why grief is not a problem to solve, how disenfranchised grief leaves so many people feeling unseen, and what becomes possible when we build communities that can tolerate discomfort instead of rushing people toward resolution.This conversation is thoughtful, honest, and deeply compassionate. Whether you're grieving a person, a pet, a relationship, a former version of yourself, or a loss that others don't fully understand, I think you'll find something here that helps you feel a little less alone.In this episode, we talk about:Why pet loss can open the door to larger conversations about griefWhat disenfranchised grief really meansHow our culture teaches us to avoid discomfort and mourningThe importance of being witnessed in griefWhy grief is not something we fix or completeCommunity as a vital part of mourningThe losses we often overlook or minimizeWhat a more grief-literate culture could look likeLinks + Resources from this episode:Snag a copy of All My Dead CatsSubscribe to s.e.'s newsletterLearn more about their workConnect with s.e. smith on BlueskyLearn more about Restorative Grief at MandyCapehart.com/coaching

"The laundry was never the problem. The laundry was a reflection of something else."We often expect grief to break our hearts. We don't expect it to disrupt our routines.In this solo episode, I explore one of the most common and misunderstood experiences of loss: the way grief changes our capacity for everyday life. From forgotten appointments to overflowing laundry baskets, grief has a way of showing up in the ordinary rhythms that once felt automatic.Together, we'll look at what science tells us about grief and executive functioning, why routines can feel so difficult after loss, and the restorative grief question at the center of it all:How do I care for myself when my capacity is not what it used to be, not what I wish it were, and not what the world expects it to be?In this episode, we talk about:Why grief affects more than our emotionsThe connection between grief, brain fog, and executive functioningWhat routines can teach us about capacityWhy ordinary tasks become harder after lossTaking morality out of self-care and daily responsibilitiesThe difference between returning to normal and practicing restorationBuilding supportive rhythms for the life you're living nowLinks + Resources from this episode:Restorative Grief: Embracing Our Losses Without Losing Ourselves by Mandy CapehartMary-Frances O'Connor's The Grieving BrainRestorative Grief Coaching & Resources at MandyCapehart.com

"You can't solve uncertainty, but you can empower people with tools and information to navigate it."What happens when grief, illness, caregiving, or unexpected change disrupt the life you thought you'd have?Dr. Lucy McBride, physician, patient advocate, and author of Beyond the Prescription, joins me for a conversation about health, uncertainty, and the difference between agency and control. We explore how grief reshapes our relationship with our bodies, why health is about more than symptoms and lab results, and what it means to care for ourselves when certainty isn't available.Lucy also shares how the sudden loss of her brother Harry influenced her understanding of impermanence and helped shape the framework at the heart of her work.In this episode, we talk about:Grief and uncertainty as part of the human experienceThe Five-Step Framework from Beyond the PrescriptionThe Four I's model and understanding health in contextGrieving the loss of former identities, abilities, and futuresPatient personalities and our search for certaintyThe difference between agency and controlAsking for help without losing yourselfAcceptance, resilience, and living forward after lossLinks + Resources from this episode:Beyond the Prescription by Dr. Lucy McBrideDr. Lucy McBride's websiteLucy's Substack, Are You Okay?Follow Dr. Lucy McBride on social media

"Grief does not require us to become less independent. It gives us an opportunity to become less alone."If you grew up a little feral and learned early how to take care of yourself, grief can create an unexpected challenge: learning how to receive care without feeling like you've lost yourself.In this solo episode, I explore the tension between self-reliance and connection, why grief often changes our relationships, and how restorative grief invites us to build a life that reflects who we are becoming, not who we were before loss.If you've ever struggled to ask for help, felt uncomfortable receiving support, or wondered how grief is reshaping what matters to you, this conversation is for you.In this episode, we talk about:Self-reliance, resilience, and their limitsThe difference between independence and isolationHow grief changes relationships and capacityReceiving care without betraying yourselfBuilding a life that fits who you are nowLinks + Resources from this episode:Become a Patron/Get the WorkbookConnect with Mandy about coachingFollow Mandy on Instagram/Threads

"When I began to recognize that one step forward, two steps back was part of the work, it was part of the process." What if the moments that feel like setbacks aren't signs you're grieving wrong?In today's conversation, I'm joined by Dr. Jennifer Dall, a grief-informed neurodivergence specialist, educator, ADHD coach, and founder of ADHD Holistically.Together, we explore the intersection of grief, widowhood, ADHD, identity shifts, and the everyday realities of carrying loss while still trying to function. We talk about grief brain, changing capacity, masking, self-compassion, and why so many people mistake overwhelm for personal failure. If you've ever wondered why simple tasks feel harder after loss, this conversation will help you feel a little less alone.In this episode, we talk about:Grief brain and everyday overwhelmThe overlap between grief and neurodivergenceWidowhood and identity shiftsMasking and feeling unseenThe hidden labor that comes with lossChanging capacity and self-compassionWhy setbacks are part of the processWhat restoration can look like after lossLinks + Resources from this episode:Dr. Jennifer Dall, ADHD HolisticallyCurveball Press & Space to GrieveFollow Mandy⁠ on Instagram⁠Become a Patron!

“We accidentally communicate that their feelings are something to be argued with instead of something to be witnessed.”What do you do when someone you love says something that makes you wonder if they might be suicidal?Most of us were never taught how to have this conversation. We’re afraid of saying the wrong thing, making things worse, or asking too directly.In this episode, we talk about how to stay present, why asking directly about suicide matters, how to listen without trying to fix, and what a safety plan can offer when things feel overwhelming.You don’t need perfect words. You need a willingness to stay.In this episode, we talk about:How to ask directly about suicideWhat to say when someone is strugglingWhy connection matters more than fixingSafety planning and creating space for supportLetting go of shame around suicidal thoughtsLinks + Resources from this episode:Get Lisa Sugarman's book, Surviving: Finding Hope After Suicide LossDownload the free companion conversation guideBecome a Patron/Get the WorkbookLearn more about Restorative Grief and Enneagram CoachingConnect on Instagram/Threads

"No one is actually grading you on your grief."What if the pressure to be "strong" is keeping you from being honest about what grief actually feels like?Today's conversation is with Leslie Harter-Berg, author of You're So Strong: On Grief and Letting Go of My Favorite Compliment. After the sudden death of her husband, Ryan, Leslie found herself trying to live up to everyone's expectations of what a grieving person should look like, until she realized there was no right way to carry loss.If you've ever wondered whether you're grieving "correctly," I hope this conversation offers you permission to let that question go.In this episode, we talk about:Why "you're so strong" can become an impossible expectationLetting go of the idea that grief follows a predictable timelineHow grief shows up in ordinary moments instead of dramatic onesRedefining strength after profound lossWhy failure isn't the opposite of healingThe importance of simply showing up for grieving peopleFood, hospitality, and caring for one another through everyday ritualsLeslie's collaboration with her sister Natalie and The Modern Proper on supporting grieving familiesLinks + Resources from this episode:You're So Strong: On Grief and Letting Go of My Favorite Compliment by Leslie Harter-BergLeslie Harter-Berg: https://www.leslieharterberg.com/Leslie's Substack: https://leslieharterberg.substack.com/Casserole Core with Natalie Mortimer and The Modern ProperVids for Wids: https://vidsforwids.com/Join the Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/mandycapehart

"Maybe that is what these seasonal transitions are really offering us. Not a chance to get back to normal, but a chance to become more honest about what is changing."What if some of the grief in your life is coming from a transition you actually wanted?In this episode, we are talking about the grief that can show up when life changes, even when the change is exciting or necessary. Sending a kid to college, moving, changing jobs, leaving a community, or simply becoming someone new can bring a surprising amount of grief with it.We look at Francis Weller's idea of the descent, what our bodies can tell us during seasons of change, and why we do not have to rush ourselves into whatever comes next. I also share two simple rituals for marking transitions and making a little more room for what we are feeling.In this episode, we talk about:Transitional grief and why we often miss itWhy wanted changes can still hurtFrancis Weller's idea of the descentListening to your body during changeWhy we need other people when life is shiftingTwo simple rituals for marking a transitionMaking room for the in-betweenLinks + Resources from this episode:Become a Patron!Connect with Mandy on InstagramLearn more about coachingGet a copy of Apprenticeship with Sorrow by Francis Weller