Filter Your Stress Bucket: How to Know What Actually Belongs (Part 3)

In the final episode of this stress management series, Amanda steps back from frameworks and talks about the gap between understanding what needs to change and actually changing it. She revisits the nervous system ladder as a way to help listeners locate themselves after five episodes of honest reflection, reads from her book Healing Through the Vagus Nerve on the four-phase healing process and her strategic healing philosophy, and closes with a direct look at what personalized, whole-human support actually looks like inside RESTORE.3 Takeaways:Know the phase or season of healing you’re in and try to match you expectations and support to your actual capacity.Healing has a general sequence. Education & awareness, regulation, rewiring, and resourcing.J umping ahead of the foundation, trying to do deep rewiring work before your nervous system has the capacity to hold it, is where people get stuck or sometimes get worse.Knowing different is not the same as living different. The gap between understanding what needs to change and actually changing it is real — and it's not a willpower problem. It's a capacity and support problem. Strategic, personalized, whole-human support is what bridges that gap. And if you’re looking for that kind of support, we’re here.Book a RESTORE Discovery Call — pressure-free conversation to explore if RESTORE is the right fit—Looking for more personalized support? 1:1 Coaching (RESTORE):  Learn more or book a free discovery call (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork) Regulated Living Membership:  A mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available). Join here.Order my book: Healing Through the Vagus Nerve*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.—Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

In part four of this stress series, Amanda moves from filtering into action — introducing the 3 D's framework for actually editing your stress bucket. She opens by distinguishing between poking holes (reactive regulation) and real editing, then walks through Delete, Delegate, and Do Differently with honest personal examples from her own life. She also introduces Add as the fourth move on the supporter side of the see-saw, and closes with an important reminder that editing isn't just a thinking exercise — letting things go has a felt sense, and that response is normal.3 Takeaways:Poking holes — reactive regulation tools — matters, but it's not the same as editing. Editing is about changing what goes in your bucket, not just managing the overflow. That's a fundamentally different kind of work.The 3 D's — delete, delegate, do differently — plus add on the supporter side give you a concrete framework for acting on what your filter revealed. They apply most directly to your daily stressors. Editing baseline stressors often requires deeper, more sustained support.Move slow. Editing is a continuous pruning, not a one-time overhaul. Choose one thing, do it until it's your new normal, then choose one more. And when grief, guilt, or discomfort shows up in the process — that's not a sign you're doing it wrong. It means you're doing something real.—Looking for more personalized support? 1:1 Coaching (RESTORE):  Learn more or book a free discovery call (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork) Regulated Living Membership:  A mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available). Join here.Order my book: Healing Through the Vagus Nerve*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

In part three of this stress series, Amanda introduces the important step that comes before editing your stress bucket — filtering it. She shares two practical filters to help you get clear on what actually belongs in your life: the rubber vs glass ball distinction and your personal core values. This episode is honest about the fact that this process is often countercultural and sometimes relational, and Amanda shares her own experience of what it cost — and ultimately gave — when she first started doing things differently.3 Takeaways:Before you edit your stress bucket you need a filter. Random subtraction — just throwing things out — leads to dropping what matters while holding onto what doesn't. Clarity about what belongs comes first.The rubber vs glass filter asks: what in your bucket actually shatters if dropped, and what bounces? Most of us are treating everything like glass — which means your nervous system never gets to rest, even when rest is available.Your core values are the deeper filter underneath rubber vs glass. They reveal what's actually worth carrying and what's been in your bucket out of habit, obligation, or an unconscious contract you never agreed to. Get clear on your values first — the editing gets so much easier from there.Resources mentioned: Brené Brown Core Values Exercise—Looking for more personalized support? 1:1 Coaching (RESTORE):  Learn more or book a free discovery call (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork) Regulated Living Membership:  A mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available). Join here.Order my book: Healing Through the Vagus Nerve*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.—Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

In part two of this stress series, Amanda walks you through a practical, honest assessment of your stress by examining both sides of the see-saw—your stressors and your supporters. She breaks stressors into baseline (chronic) and daily (variable) inputs, helping you identify where your load is actually coming from. This episode emphasizes that real change starts with awareness, and gives you a framework to understand whether your reactions are coming from accumulated stress (overflow) or deeper unresolved patterns (triggers). 3 Takeaways: Your stress bucket is filled by both baseline (ongoing) and daily (fluctuating) stressors, and understanding the difference helps you identify where your leverage for change is.  An honest assessment of your supporters—what’s actually present, not what “should” be—reveals the gap that needs to be addressed for your nervous system to feel more supported.  Big reactions to small things are either triggers (linked to past experiences) or overflow (a full bucket), and knowing which is which helps guide whether you need deeper healing work or better stress management.CLICK HERE for the full show notes, resources, and 3 tangible takeaways!—Looking for more personalized support? 1:1 Coaching (RESTORE):  Learn more or book a free discovery call (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork) Regulated Living Membership:  A mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available). Join here.Order my book: Healing Through the Vagus Nerve*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.—Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

In this episode, Amanda introduces a new four-part series on stress by reframing what stress actually is, and why stress itself isn't really the problem. She explains how stress is a natural, necessary nervous system response, but becomes harmful when it remains unresolved and accumulates over time. Using the stress bucket and see-saw metaphors, she offers a more honest and actionable way to understand and work with stress in modern life. 3 Takeaways: Stress isn’t the problem—chronic, unresolved stress is. A healthy stress response activates, completes, and returns to baseline.  Stress is either processed or stored. When the cycle doesn’t complete, it accumulates in the body and shows up as symptoms.  Effective stress management isn’t about eliminating stress—it’s about balancing your stressors with enough consistent support to help your nervous system recover.CLICK HERE for the full show notes, resources, and 3 tangible takeaways!—Looking for more personalized support? 1:1 Coaching (RESTORE):  Learn more or book a free discovery call (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork) Regulated Living Membership:  A mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available). Join here.Order my book: Healing Through the Vagus Nerve*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.—Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

Amanda shares the nervous system framework behind a real family decision — getting a puppy with three kids under five — and why saying yes to something stressful can still be the regulated choice.Using the seesaw model (stress bucket on one side, supporter blocks on the other), she introduces a simple filter for everyday decisions:"Does this give more than it takes?"She walks through two examples, the puppy she said yes to and the ceramics class she said no to, and names the two hardest directions this question cuts.If your season doesn't allow you to reduce stressors, the question becomes: where can you add more supporters? Hit play for a simple decision-making filter for anything you're considering adding (or removing) from your life.3 Takeaways:The goal isn't less stress, it's better balance. Supporters on your seesaw let you carry a heavier load without exceeding your window of tolerance.Run decisions through the filter: Does this give more than it takes? It works for big commitments and small ones alike, and the answer is always season-specific.The filter cuts both ways. Saying no to things you want and saying yes to things that aren't "productive" can both be hard, and both are part of more regulated living.—Looking for more personalized support? 1:1 Coaching (RESTORE):  Learn more  or  book a free discovery call (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork) Regulated Living Membership:  A mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available). Join here.Order my book: Healing Through the Vagus Nerve*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

In this episode, I'm breaking down the song "You'd Never Know" by Blu Eyes—a devastatingly honest look at what depression actually feels like from the inside, and why it so often goes unseen from the outside.We talk about what dorsal vagal shutdown really looks like, why the gap between "you look fine" and "I'm screaming inside" is so dangerous, what happens when a doctor says "everything looks good" and you turn that into self-blame, and why healing isn't a straight line—even when you're functioning again, your body can still be carrying the weight of what you went through.If you've ever asked yourself "what's wrong with me?" —this episode is for you.Hit play for the full song here:Spotify "You'd Never Know" by Blu EyesYoutube "You'd Never Know" by Blu Eyes→ Check out Regulated Health | Functional Labs for Mental Health—Looking for more personalized support? 1:1 Coaching (RESTORE):  Learn more  or  book a free discovery call (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork) Regulated Living Membership:  A mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available). Join here.Order my book: Healing Through the Vagus Nerve*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.—Disclaimer: The Regulate & Rewire podcast and content posted by Amanda Armstrong is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. The use of information from this podcast, materials linked, or content found elsewhere is done so at the user's own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

Our launch week didn't go as planned — the website crashed, emails went out in the wrong order, and it was, well, a dumpster fire. So instead of pretending it didn't happen, we're leaning all the way in.For 48 hours only, join the Regulated Living Membership for $7 for your first month with the code DUMPSTERFIRE.What you get when you join:Course Club — our 5-week guided onboarding experienceRegular Live Q&A Support callsDaily regulation toolsThe full Regulated Living CourseOur private, trauma-informed communityAfter your first month, membership continues at $47/month. Cancel anytime.→ Join for $7Code: DUMPSTERFIREWebsite: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

In this episode, I'm breaking down the song "Dear Anxiety" by Blu Eyes—and why it might be the most accurate description of anxiety and nervous system regulation I've ever heard set to music.We explore why anxiety isn't a disorder or a malfunction but a protective response, what it actually looks like to be in relationship with your anxiety instead of at war with it, and how this one song captures the entire arc of regulation work—from somatic awareness to sending signals of safety to letting emotions move through.This is a song that hits you in the feels while providing such deep validation.Hit play for the full song here:Spotify: "Dear Anxiety" by Blu EyesYoutube: "Dear Anxiety" by Blu Eyes—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

Do you ever finish a conversation and realize you’ve just given a twenty-minute dissertation to justify a simple "no" or a basic need? In this episode, we’re peeling back the layers on chronic over-explaining. It turns out, this isn't just a quirky personality trait—it’s a sophisticated nervous system response. Whether you’re trying to preemptively defend yourself against being "the bad guy" or you learned early on that your needs weren't valid unless you built a legal case for them, this episode offers a roadmap to reclaiming your voice.In this episode, you’ll learn:The "Origin Story" of Over-Explaining: Why we learn to justify our needs to get them met and how misattunement in childhood creates a blueprint for hyper-communication.Over-Explaining as a Survival Tool: The science of how your amygdala flags "emotional risk" and tries to negotiate safety through a flood of information.The High Cost of Justification: How over-explaining leads to emotional exhaustion, self-abandonment, and the weakening of your own self-trust.The "One-Sentence Rule": A practical challenge to state your truth clearly and then—the hardest part—stop talking.Embracing the Pause: Why silence feels like danger to a dysregulated nervous system and how to tolerate the "awkwardness" of letting your words land.3 Takeaways:Over-explaining is a protective nervous system response that served you at some point. If you had to prove your feelings were valid in the past, your brain adapted by explaining itself into safety. You’re not "too much"; you’re practicing a survival skill that you no longer need.The cost of over-explaining is self-abandonment. When you lead with a defense, you’re inadvertently saying your needs aren't legitimate on their own. Trusting your truth means realizing your "no" doesn't require a dissertation.Practice the "One-Sentence Rule" and embrace the pause. Challenge yourself to say what you need in one clear sentence, then stop. Let the silence be there. People who truly see you don't need an essay to respect your boundaries.—Looking for more personalized support? 1:1 Coaching (RESTORE):  Learn more  or  book a free discovery call (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork) Regulated Living Membership:  A mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available). Join here.Order my book: Healing Through the Vagus Nerve*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.—Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise