Don't F**k With Cats

Alanna has a boyfriend. Unfortunately, this means she now has access to hope, vulnerability, and a massage therapist's penis at close range. This week, she discusses her new relationship, being grazed by a penis, and the deeply humiliating experience of genuinely liking someone. Romance is alive, dignity is dead, and everyone should remain concerned. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

After Alanna went viral for packing lunch for her boyfriend, the relationship behind the videos unraveled publicly. He called her crazy. Then he posted a photo with another woman with a caption detailing Alanna's weight and snack of choice.Now that woman is here.In Part One, Alanna and Stephanie compare timelines, from what he told Stephanie about Alanna to the Bachelor stories, their first date and the moment Stephanie started wondering if the “crazy ex” story was missing a few details."Every Man Is Gay" by Alanna Noelhttps://open.spotify.com/track/1mEoVvhEcebdbLSzXrR1GK?si=10fb5724f70b4a29 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Alanna examines the early experiences that shaped her understanding of love, rejection, and self-worth. Moving through childhood crushes and high school heartbreak, she begins an unflinching investigation into the personal and cultural forces that turn ordinary pain into a label women know all too well. Part memoir, part investigation, part emotional autopsy, this episode sets the stage for a story that is funny, unsettling, and painfully honest.What makes a woman crazy, and who gets to decide?This is where the story begins.Send me a text!Support the show Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

After disappearing for a year, Alanna returns with updates no one asked for and opinions nobody deserves.We cover dating, accidental self-branding (alarming), and the  collapse of a legacy franchise.This week, we cover two national emergencies. Alanna's alleged reputation as the tightest woman in town, and ABC pulling what may have been the most chaotic Bachelor season in recent history.Send me a text!Support the show Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Alanna throws caution to the wind after reading Deadline's article, "Inside The “Toxic” Culture Of ‘The Bachelor’ Franchise As Crew Deals With Fallout Of ‘Bachelorette’ Pause; Extent Of EP Exits Revealed"Send me a text!Support the show Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Alanna reveals her deepest darkest fantasy, talks about the adverse effects of magic, people who claim to have dated crazy and/or narcissistic people, and the downside of a man discovering your g spot all in what is arguably the most honest episode yet.  Send me a text!Support the show Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Two part episode where Alanna talks childhood stories, the truth about cats and dogs, why men cannot read, and animals Alanna may or may not have murdered. Send me a text!Support the show Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Take a deep breath (because Alanna certainly doesn’t in this extended episode). She unpacks how a seemingly innocent night led her straight into the underbelly of the Palm Beach sugar baby scene, a scheme that didn’t go in her favor, delivers some wildly unfiltered takes on Bachelor Nation’s latest breakup, Rachel Kirkconnell feeling “crazy”, and dives into the unexpectedly chaotic rumors surrounding Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds. Buckle up.🔗Recipe for Crazy VlogThe YouTube video(trip to see my dad) “The Power of Now”Link to Eckhart Tolle’s book discussed in the episode Send me a text!Support the show Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Alanna starts the episode in full tears hot off her breakup with the Italian. No detail is spared (well, maybe a couple) as she unpacks how he ruined her birthday. Tune in for a deep dive into what it feels like to end relationships while still in love, she reads old love letters, and reflects on the ones she has loved before.Send me a text!Support the show Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Alanna has gone full crazy. Listen as she takes you through every human emotion in this jam packed episode filled with sex, love, loss, and so many tears.Alanna celebrates her birthday by ranting into her microphone to catch you up on the Italian man in her life, reveal a secret about her sex life that would send every ex to his grave, celebrate the anniversary of her discovery of Blake Horstmen on Raya, get intimate about her sex life, talk about a man who attempted a comeback into her life, tell you what she is grateful for this Thanksgiving, answer your burning questions, and cause her podcast equipment water damage from all her tears. Settle in, we are about to GET INTO IT. Send me a text!Support the show Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.