Maya Jama’s final text, Lana Del Ray’s alligators and Scraphump Challenge

Maya Jama has got a text for the last time and has left the Love Island villa forever, bringing 9 series and 3 years of her hosting the show to an end. An incredible tenure, we can all agree. But what is she up to next? Raven texts her to get the scoop… and she replies! Maybe it’s another dating show, where somehow everyone is naked? That sounds completely new and never been done before. And who do we think is in the running to be the next host? It’s big (and very high) shoes to fill. Thank you for your service, Maya. If access were no object, who would the next celeb TV reality show centre around? Raven and Joel ponder this as a lovely listener email suggests Lana Del Rey and her croc-wielding husband Jeremy Dufrene. Cue him getting into the bath for the very first time. You’re welcome! And has Black Doves broken the curse of the difficult second season? Kiera Knightley has served her time in period dramas and returns to the show as a double-life assassin baddie, but does season 2 hit the spot for plot lady Raven? Plus there’s gaming, Red Dwarf, Widows Bay for Joel (FINALLY!), and will we ever make it through an episode of this podcast without talking about Olivia Colman!? (spoiler: no) Raven and Joel are back next Thursday.Welcome to the kennel of the algorithm bloodhounds, bred to sniff out the hottest takes for the chronically online. Columnist Raven Smith, and author Joel Golby, are here to provide you with their cheat sheet for what to think about culture right now. They’ll tell you what they love - but, more importantly, they’ll tell you what's a Please Don’t.Got a hot take? Or even a hot take on Raven and Joel’s hot takes? Email [email protected] Don’t is a Reduced Listening production for BBC Sounds.https://www.reducedlistening.co.uk/Producer: Christian Dametto Digital Producer: Christian Dametto Assistant Producer: Annie Keates Thorpe Executive Producer: Lily Ames & Ami Bennett Head of Production: Dan Jackson

This episode of Please Don’t contains references to gambling and addiction. If you’re needing to speak to someone about these issues, support can be found at the BBC Action Line. Olivia Colman and Alexander Skarsgård’s latest folk fantasy film, Wicker, has landed in cinemas with a crash and a bang - emphasis on the bang. It’s got everything one may need in a film - goats, fish guts, cuckolding, and wicker penises.But Raven and Joel have found something more to it all, beneath the shagging and excellent casting. Hear their take on why this film actually matters, what it says about men, and why Olivia Colman is a forever please do.Talking of forever please do’s, Bradley Walsh has been in the spotlight this week with his new quiz show, Million Pound Shot, which wasn’t exactly what it seemed… (Spoilers, it was a hoax, designed to get us thinking about gambling) Despite containing acting akin to a GCSE drama exam, Joel thinks shows like this might just have a place for discussing serious subjects over documentaries or very serious current affairs programmes. Listen to find out why, and how former Tomorrow’s World presenter Philippa Forrester has made an enemy of Raven.90s heartthrob Ryan Phillipe has either had 50p put in him, or has been listening to this podcast, because he’s published his own take of a Please Don’t list. Hear Raven and Joel’s take on it - brace yourselves.Plus, Raven has some 10/10 book recommendations for listener Eliza, and Joel’s found someone who had a dream about getting off with Wallace off of And Gromit fame. Naturally.Raven and Joel are back next Thursday.Welcome to the kennel of the algorithm bloodhounds, bred to sniff out the hottest takes for the chronically online. Columnist Raven Smith, and author Joel Golby, are here to provide you with their cheat sheet for what to think about culture right now. They’ll tell you what they love - but, more importantly, they’ll tell you what's a Please Don’t.Got a hot take? Or even a hot take on Raven and Joel’s hot takes? Email [email protected] Don’t is a Reduced Listening production for BBC Sounds. https://www.reducedlistening.co.uk/Producer: David Chipakupaku Digital Producer: Christian Dametto Assistant Producer: Annie Keates Thorpe Executive Producer: Lily Ames Head of Production: Dan JacksonAudio Credits: 17:01 - Wicker trailer - Topic Studios, Tango Entertainment, Votiv, Yoki, Inc., South of the River Pictures, Black Bear Pictures, Roadshow Films

Can we please stop low-effort Halloween costumes? Do you hear that? Something wicked this way comes… and by that, Raven and Joel mean a man who’s wearing a rubbish Halloween costume, carrying a blue bag of booze. The boys think it’s time everyone stepped it up a gear. Hear their fundamental Halloween outfit rules, and please do adapt accordingly. Plus, horror-lover Raven has some hauntingly good films you should watch this weekend. But remember, horror isn’t just for Halloween - it’s for life. And death.Is It Gets Worse a Gen Z Girls? Last week brought us the news about Girls returning - and it’s apt timing, given the release of new show It Gets Worse by friend of Lena Dunham, comedian Leo Reich. It follows three friends - deeply un-self-aware Ethan, people-pleaser Abi, and the slightly uptight Sam - as they traverse the trials and tribulations of London in their mid-20s. It’s already had a very sexy viral moment featuring Andrew Scott, and actual Zadie Smith serves as the show’s narrator - but which acclaimed British comedian blew Raven and Joel away with her moments? And is it time UK comedy got used to “Fleabagging it”? Who might be up to play Bond? There’s all sorts of rumours flying around about who could be the next 007. Apparently, there are four names who could end up being the nation’s favourite spy; King Charles lookalike Josh O’Connor; Mr Dua Lipa, Callum Turner; and the man who already loves being a spy, Slow Horses’ Jack Lowden. But who’s the fourth? Raven and Joel have their theories - including one incredibly close to home.Plus; is turning a wine bottle upside down rude; hear how Joel has freaked out the entire nation, including iPad Jane, with his plane pant pursuits; why Amelia Dimoldenberg has caught heat from the boys for dressing like Paris Hilton; and Raven and Joel pour one out for the latest murdered Faithfuls in the Traitors. Raven and Joel are back next Thursday.Welcome to the kennel of the algorithm bloodhounds, bred to sniff out the hottest takes for the chronically online. Columnist Raven Smith, and author Joel Golby, are here to provide you with their cheat sheet for what to think about culture right now. They’ll tell you what they love - but, more importantly, they’ll tell you what's a Please Don’t.Got a hot take? Or even a hot take on Raven and Joel’s hot takes? Email [email protected] Don’t is a Reduced Listening production for BBC Sounds. https://www.reducedlistening.co.uk/Producer: David Chipakupaku Digital Producer: Christian Dametto Assistant Producer: Annie Keates Thorpe Executive Producer: Lily Ames Head of Production: Dan JacksonAudio Credits: 17:01 - It Gets Worse trailer - A24, Channel 4, Crave 53:15 - Dara O’Brien gets stabbed in the eye - Tommy Grubb / @grubb_dc With thanks to Alasdair Gibbs for The Bust’s Lisa Rinna wig

Girls is returning - what do we want from it? Hear ye, hear ye! Lena Dunham is bringing back Girls! Hannah, Marnie, Shoshanna, Jessa, and Elijah will be back for a limited run, exploring life in their 40s in New York. The original run is, according to Raven and Joel, perfect television. A hard act to follow, so what will Lena give us this time? Raven wants Lena to avoid pulling an And Just Like That; Joel has real cautious optimism; and most importantly, will we get to see Charlie’s beautiful face ever again?Why is Ali G back? Somehow, Sacha Baron Cohen’s notorious character has been given another film, this time taking himself and a pregnant (Me) Julie to America. Exactly why it’s been filmed, let alone released, Raven and Joel are unsure. Does character comedy have a place still, or does it just have supremely divorced energy? Hear their reaction to the trailer, a big conversation about what it means to examine comedy of the past, and the ultimate question - did anyone seriously ask for this? Where’s the maverick in Celebrity Traitors? Raven And Joel’s Celebrity Traitors Power Rankings returns - but the bigger question remains is everyone being way too nice? Raven and Joel think there needs to be someone in there with a ruthless streak - could we see that come out before the final Round Table? Find out who’s on top, and who could pull their weight.Plus; listener Sophie gets in touch with a very real concern about museums using the same picture of Kate Moss to signify they have something 90s-themed on; Joel is fascinated by big dick energy (BDE); and Raven has a very normal reaction to his husband not having seen The Wizard Of Oz. If anyone can lend him a copy, do get in touch.Raven and Joel are back next Thursday.Welcome to the kennel of the algorithm bloodhounds, bred to sniff out the hottest takes for the chronically online. Columnist Raven Smith, and author Joel Golby, are here to provide you with their cheat sheet for what to think about culture right now. They’ll tell you what they love - but, more importantly, they’ll tell you what's a Please Don’t.Got a hot take? Or even a hot take on Raven and Joel’s hot takes? Email [email protected] Don’t is a Reduced Listening production for BBC Sounds. https://www.reducedlistening.co.uk/Producer: David Chipakupaku Digital Producer: Christian Dametto Assistant Producer: Annie Keates Thorpe Executive Producer: Lily Ames Head of Production: Dan Jackson

What’s Kelly Clarkson’s beef with a toy store? It involves a mechanical bird, a Brooklyn shop and a very public fallout. It’s all he said, she said. Kelly seems to think, staff wouldn't sell her a $15,000 mechanical bird because they thought she couldn't afford it. The shop says the bird isn't for sale. The bird, by the way, is called Molly...and now she’s the most talked about toy in the world. Joel and Raven are just as baffled as you are! Is there a modern apology that’s satisfactory for the modern people? Have we come round on Harry Styles? Harry Styles sat down with Thom Yorke of Radiohead for Rolling Stone to talk about their creative process, songwriting secrets and imposter syndrome. Joel and Raven were both shocked at how much they found them both utterly charming. Have you seen Julianne Moore’s lush penthouse? When you didn’t think Julianne Moore could get anymore perfect, wait until you see her house tour. She traded a Manhattan Town House for a rooftop duplex in Greenwich Village. The 1920 duplex is filled with a wax baby sculpture, vintage Parisian chairs and lots of impeccable art. Why are we still enthralled by a celeb house tour? Plus…our Celebrity Traitors power rankings. The dynamics in the castle are changing week by week, and Joel and Raven are all over it. Raven has some very big feelings about who he thinks is ruling the roost, and Joel thinks charisma and quick thinking are the keys to survival.So, who will come out on top in this week’s Celebrity Traitors power rankings?Raven and Joel are back next Thursday.Welcome to the kennel of the algorithm bloodhounds, bred to sniff out the hottest takes for the chronically online. Columnist Raven Smith, and author Joel Golby, are here to provide you with their cheat sheet for what to think about culture right now. They’ll tell you what they love - but, more importantly, they’ll tell you what's a Please Don’t.Got a hot take? Or even a hot take on Raven and Joel’s hot takes? Email [email protected] Don’t is a Reduced Listening production for BBC Sounds. https://www.reducedlistening.co.uk/Producer: Ann Carter Digital Producer: Christian Dametto Assistant Producer: Annie Keates Thorpe Executive Producer: Lily Ames Head of Production: Dan Jackson

Welcome to the kennel of the algorithm bloodhounds, bred to sniff out the hottest takes for the chronically online. Columnist Raven Smith, and author Joel Golby, are here to provide you with their cheat sheet for what to think about culture right now. They’ll tell you what they love - but, more importantly, they’ll tell you what's a Please Don’t.Got a hot take? Or even a hot take on Raven and Joel’s hot takes? Email [email protected]— Has Ross Kemp jumped off the Celebrity Traitors deep end? Ross, if you’re reading this, you okay hun? Raven and Joel would just like to check in, because Britain’s favourite hard-man has become possibly the most paranoid Faithful ever on this year’s Celebrity Traitors. The castle seems to have made him frightened of *checks notes* hats put on him by Bella Ramsey, and Leigh-Anne Pinnock needing a jumper. Raven and Joel think it’s an incredible booking, are fascinated by whatever the hell Richard E. Grant is up to, and have a pitch for the big bosses - is it time for Traitors All Stars? P.S. Traitor Paul, if you’re reading this, call us. Specifically Raven.Is Florence Pugh’s new big Steinbeck drama a return to form for Netflix? It’s official - the Mr Beast-ification of TV is here. Between his show on Amazon Prime Video, and that new Willy Wonka-themed game show featuring the AI-generated voice of Gene Wilder from beyond the grave, it’s a little bleak. Enter stage left Netflix’s new adaptation of John Steinbeck’s East Of Eden, featuring The Pugh. A multi-part series, where Florence acts the hell out of some very dirty sets - it’s gritty and provocative. But is it a Please Do? Raven loves how morally grey it is, Joel uses the word “grime” a lot, and is it all a big sign for the big streamers to make more TV that makes us feel things?Plus, we’ve had an email confirming how Jacob Elordi smells, and you’ll not be disappointed; does Olivia Colman just live in our heads rent-free (yes, what of it); and are phones ruining Glastonbury? Raven’s got some very big feelings about everyone’s favourite visit to Worthy Farm, and Joel thinks he should just clear out his Instagram followsRaven and Joel are back next Thursday.Please Don’t is a Reduced Listening production for BBC Sounds.Producer: David Chipakupaku Digital Producer: Christian Dametto Assistant Producer: Annie Keates Thorpe Executive Producer: Lily Ames Head of Production: Dan JacksonAudio credits: 36:30 - "East Of Eden" trailer - Netflix, Collab Productions, Anonymous Content, Fifth Season

Are Coleen and Wayne real enough for The Real Rooneys? Coleen and Wayne Rooney are having a bit of a moment. She’s taken the world by storm, following her court case with Rebekah Vardy, and coming second on I’m A Celebrity. He’s proven himself as a darn good pundit in the men’s World Cup. But are they real enough, or even interesting enough, for their own documentary? Apparently so, according to Disney, who have given them ten episodes to let us into their world - but is it anything other than good PR? Raven thinks that everyone’s trying to keep up with the Beckhams; Joel thinks we don’t need to hear or see how rich they are; and who, ultimately, do we actually want to see a documentary about? Here’s a clue - fire up the engines to Crinkley Bottom…Can Jacob Elordi turn his aura into an Oscar? Jacob Elordi has been out and about with his little purse and very nice hair at Milan Fashion Week. In between being the tallest man alive, he’s been hi-fiving his mini-me Owen Cooper, and taking pics of his girlfriend, Kendall Jenner. He’s been running up his face card so much recently, you might have forgotten he actually has an acting career. So what do his most recent acting choices say about him? Joel thinks the career trajectories of the Big Four of Euphoria - Jacob Elordi, Zendaya, Sydney Sweeney, and Hunter Schafer - could be different points of a compass. Raven thinks he needs to lead the next big heist film. And the biggest question of them all - is he actually cool?Plus, listener Becky is the first to email Raven and Joel with a bone to pick about Raven’s dismissal of Pedro Pascal; hear what the director of Call Me By Your Name is doing making furniture with a high street store, and what it says about our collective taste; and Joel thinks it’s time to put respect on the name of The Avalanches.Raven and Joel are back next Thursday. ---Welcome to the kennel of the algorithm bloodhounds, bred to sniff out the hottest takes for the chronically online. Columnist Raven Smith, and author Joel Golby, are here to provide you with their cheat sheet for what to think about culture right now. They’ll tell you what they love - but, more importantly, they’ll tell you what's a Please Don’t.Got a hot take? Or even a hot take on Raven and Joel’s hot takes? Email [email protected] Don’t is a Reduced Listening production for BBC Sounds.Producer: David Chipakupaku Digital Producer: Christian Dametto Assistant Producer: Annie Keates Thorpe Executive Producer: Lily Ames Head of Production: Dan JacksonAudio credits: 09:28 - “The Real Rooneys” trailer - Disney+, Blast Films

Why is Tom Cruise so extra? Is Big Brother here forever? Is it ever okay to ask for a selfie? Plus SNL UK, and justice for Stacey SolomonWelcome to the kennel of the algorithm bloodhounds, bred to sniff out the hottest takes for the chronically online. Columnist Raven Smith, and author Joel Golby, are here to provide you with their cheat sheet for what to think about culture right now. They’ll tell you what they love - but, more importantly, they’ll tell you what's a Please Don’t.Got a hot take? Or even a hot take on Raven and Joel’s hot takes? Email [email protected]— Why is Tom Cruise so extra? Hollywood’s biggest action hero and eternal enigma, Tom Cruise, has been out and about a lot recently, ahead of his new film Digger. With one or two exceptions, it’s his first non-action film since 2000. His press tour has included his first magazine cover in 20 years, and the reception has been…interesting. Raven thinks he lost his cool-factor when he jumped on Oprah’s sofa. Joel completely disagrees and will tell you why. And should we be calling him Thomas Cruisington?Who are the dark horses of SNL UK? Can you hear that? It’s a phrase being bellowed from the capital to the world - “live, from London, it’s Saturday night”... SNL UK is in the full swing of its second series, after a stonking debut. There’ve been big hits (British Pork, Princess Diana, The X Factor sketch), and some swings that haven’t quite landed (someone please check on Jeff Goldblum?). But who are the show’s MVPs? Joel bigs up new boy on the block Freddie Meredith, Raven tells us how he got too shy to say hello to Celeste Dring in the shops, and there’s a collective wow and bow at the altar of George Fouracres.Is Big Brother here forever? AJ Odudu and Will Best are back on the box with Big Brother, and this year’s Housemates are already proving spicy. Big Brother has been watching us since 2000, and has the rare badge of being one of the only shows to have aired on BBC, ITV, Channel 4, and Channel 5 - but why do we love it so much? And why would you want to go in the House now? Raven thinks it gives you the perfect level of fame; for some reason, Joel has the knives out for The People’s Prince, AngryGinge; and he’s also demanding justice for Kinga from Big Brother 6.Plus, hear why some in Chelmsford are wrongly angry at Stacey Solomon of all people, and Raven’s asking why anyone would want a pic with Kim Kardashian.Raven and Joel are back next Thursday.Please Don’t is a Reduced Listening production for BBC Sounds.Producer: David Chipakupaku Digital Producer: Mick Abela Assistant Producer: Annie Keates Thorpe Executive Producer: Lily Ames Head of Production: Dan JacksonAudio credits:09:15 - "Digger" trailer - Legendary Pictures, TC Productions, Warner Bros. Pictures

Welcome to the kennel of the algorithm bloodhounds, bred to sniff out the hottest takes for the chronically online. Columnist Raven Smith, and author Joel Golby are here to provide you with their cheat sheet for what to think about culture right now. They’ll tell you what they love - but, more importantly, they’ll tell you what's a Please Don’t.Got a hot take? Or even a hot take on Raven and Joel’s hot takes? Email [email protected]—Is this Olivia Wilde’s renaissance? The director-actor has three films out this year. Raven asks if it’s proof we can all move on from the media storm of Don’t Worry Darling and agree that she’s a cultural powerhouse. And Joel argues that not only has she won in cultural cache, but she’s won her divorce with Jason Sudeikis. Also, what’s Amelia Dimoldenberg going to do next? After twelve years of tormenting celebrities with overhead fluorescent lighting and crispy drumsticks, Amelia Dimoldenberg has announced she’s closing the doors to Chicken Shop Date. Raven and Joel have some ideas. Plus, is Autumn Spring for culture? Raven and Joel have many thoughts on who’s entering The Celebrity Traitors castle. Nathan Fielder’s new Elizabeth Holmes documentary is on the way this October - is it arguably the most terrifying A24 film in some time? And if that isn’t enough, we need to talk about The B-Tap. What’s The B-Tap, you ask? The Bayeux Tapestry, obviously. Will it spark romance? Should we be doing more textile-based art? And, no pressure on a piece of cloth from about a thousand years ago, but can The B-Tap heal the nations? Raven and Joel are back next Thursday.Please Don’t is a Reduced Listening production for BBC Sounds.Producer: David Chipakupaku Digital Producer: Christian Dametto Assistant Producer: Annie Keates Thorpe Executive Producer: Lily Ames Executive Producer: Dan JacksonAudio credits: 05:59 - "The Invite" trailer - A24, Invite Production, Annapurna Pictures, FilmNation Entertainment, Permut Presentations 24:18 - Instagram / @rosskemptv 25:25 - "You Can See Everything" trailer - A24, To Be Formed, Blow Out Productions

Kings of the hot take, Raven Smith and Joel Golby are the algorithm bloodhounds sniffing out the correct cultural opinions.From the red carpet moment flooding your feed; to the TV show you can’t get enough of; via that book your mate’s weird ex-boyfriend suggested to you.Want to share your takes in the group chat? Email [email protected]