When You're the Only One Doing the Work in Marriage | Episode 300

Everything in life requires repair: homes, cars, computers, and most importantly, relationships. When we don’t appropriately repair our relationships from a rupture, big or small, then those hurts begin to pile up and create resentment.At our marriage intensives, we often help couples clean up accumulated hurt that never got repaired simply because they didn’t have the tools to do so.This is an important skill not only for relationships with a romantic partner, but also with our children and in friendships.True repair goes beyond saying “I’m sorry,” and in this conversation, we share practical ways to approach conflict and hurts. In this episode, you’ll hear:What happens when you allow hurts to accumulateHow justifying actions minimizes the other person’s feelingsThe steps to take in order to fully clean up hurtsAnd more!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/repair-relationships-304Looking for Empty Nest resources after launching your kids? Grab the Empty Nest, Full Life book, and check out the companion Empty Nest Full Life Course.Check out our other resources:Mark and Jill’s Marriage StoryMarriage CoachingMarriage 2.0 IntensivesSpeaking ScheduleBook Mark and Jill to SpeakOnline CoursesBooks Marriage Resources:Infidelity RecoveryFor Happy MarriagesFor Hurting MarriagesFor Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources:New/Preschool MomsMoms with GradeschoolersMoms with Teens and TweensMoms with Kids Who Are LaunchingEmpty Nest Moms

Are you chronically stressed? Do you often scroll on your phone to “numb out?” At the end of each day, do you feel wired and tired, just barely getting by?In a survey of over 2,000 Christian women, 91% admitted that they were tired of pushing through every day. 87% said they regularly felt overwhelmed, but only 11% reported having any way to reset in real time.My latest guest says that the data she gathered in that survey confirmed the nightmare she was already living. Alli Worthington is the author of five books, including The Year of Living Happy and Breaking Busy. She is also a speaker, author, podcaster, and business coach who helps women thrive.In this episode, you’ll hear:What happens to our bodies when we scroll to relaxStrategies to close the “stress cycle”Simple ways you can restore peace in your lifeAnd more!I loved Alli’s fresh perspective on why we experience burnout and her helpful tips to find peace!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/alli-worthington-303/Looking for Empty Nest resources after launching your kids? Grab the Empty Nest, Full Life book, and check out the companion Empty Nest Full Life Course.Check out our other resources:Mark and Jill’s Marriage StoryMarriage CoachingMarriage 2.0 IntensivesSpeaking ScheduleBook Mark and Jill to SpeakOnline CoursesBooks Marriage Resources:Infidelity RecoveryFor Happy MarriagesFor Hurting MarriagesFor Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources:New/Preschool MomsMoms with GradeschoolersMoms with Teens and TweensMoms with Kids Who Are LaunchingEmpty Nest Moms

When we adopted our fifth child, Nicolai, at the age of nine, we never imagined we would end up battling circumstances that would lead to over 100 hospital visits.Today, as an adult, Nicolai has several issues that prevent him from having a normal life. Before we go any further, we do want to let you know that Nicolai gave his permission to share his story. He struggles to manage money and lives primarily in homeless camps. When we do get to see him, our visits are short and typically away from the rest of our adult children.As parents, we’ve struggled to know how to help him and have learned the hard way that we shouldn’t always rescue him from his circumstances. If you or a loved one has an adult child with life-controlling problems like mental illness, addiction, homelessness, or another similar struggle, we hope this deeply honest and vulnerable conversation can be a helpful resource.In this episode, you’ll hear:Why you can’t make your child’s problems go awayHow to lovingly detachHow your child’s struggles impact everyone in your familyAnd more!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/life-controlling-issues-302Looking for Empty Nest resources after launching your kids? Grab the Empty Nest, Full Life book, and check out the companion Empty Nest Full Life Course.Check out our other resources:Mark and Jill’s Marriage StoryMarriage CoachingMarriage 2.0 IntensivesSpeaking ScheduleBook Mark and Jill to SpeakOnline CoursesBooks Marriage Resources:Infidelity RecoveryFor Happy MarriagesFor Hurting MarriagesFor Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources:New/Preschool MomsMoms with GradeschoolersMoms with Teens and TweensMoms with Kids Who Are LaunchingEmpty Nest Moms

I don’t have time for rest! My schedule is too full. I’m too stressed out. I will fall too far behind if I take a break.Do any of these sound familiar to you? Rest is essential for our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. It’s so important that God gave us an example of rest in the creation story at the beginning of the Bible. Yet, it’s so easy to let this basic human need fall by the wayside when life gets busy.We’ve been wanting to touch on the topic of rest for a while, and we can’t think of a more fitting pair of guests for this conversation than our good friends, Scott and Myndee Anderson. Scott’s father, James, was the author of a book called For God’s Sake, Rest!, and growing up, Scott’s household tried to prioritize those very concepts his father wrote about.In this episode, you’ll hear:Why we find it difficult to restThe #1 sign that you are actually experiencing restScott and Myndee’s reflections on visiting Uganda with usAnd more!We are delighted to have such dear friends on the show to talk about such an important topic!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/scott-myndee-anderson-301Check out our other resources:Mark and Jill’s Marriage StoryMarriage CoachingMarriage 2.0 IntensivesSpeaking ScheduleBook Mark and Jill to SpeakOnline CoursesBooks Marriage Resources:Infidelity RecoveryFor Happy MarriagesFor Hurting MarriagesFor Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources:New/Preschool MomsMoms with GradeschoolersMoms with Teens and TweensMoms with Kids Who Are LaunchingEmpty Nest Moms

Are you feeling worn out from doing all the heavy lifting in your marriage? You are the only spouse who is putting in the effort to listen to podcasts, read the books, and initiate thoughtful conversations—or at least it feels that way.Resentment is slowly starting to build as you think to yourself over and over, “Why am I the only one doing the work to improve our marriage?”The topic for this conversation was inspired by a listener-submitted question that asks:“Is the woman in the marriage the one who does most of the heavy lifting to promote emotional growth?”This is such an important question, and in this episode, we’re here to answer it. Listen in to hear our thoughts, as well as some tips to help you not only encourage growth in your spouse, but to shift your perspective on the effort they are already putting in.In this episode, you’ll hear:How your attachment style affects the way you pursue depth in a relationshipHow you can invite connection in your marriageHow to know when you are being called to accept your partner where they areAnd more!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/marriage-work-300Check out our other resources:Mark and Jill’s Marriage StoryMarriage CoachingMarriage 2.0 IntensivesSpeaking ScheduleBook Mark and Jill to SpeakOnline CoursesBooks Marriage Resources:Infidelity RecoveryFor Happy MarriagesFor Hurting MarriagesFor Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources:New/Preschool MomsMoms with GradeschoolersMoms with Teens and TweensMoms with Kids Who Are LaunchingEmpty Nest Moms

Real connection happens when you master the personal, powerful way your partner uniquely receives love. That’s when love moves from routine to remarkable.If you are one of the 20 million readers of Dr. Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages®, you already know that love isn’t one-size-fits-all. This framework provides us with a great place to start, but many couples have found there’s still more to learn about how to fill up each other’s love tank.Our guests for this episode are experts on this topic who have teamed up with Dr. Chapman to bring us the long-awaited sequel to his renowned original guide. Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott are psychologists, speakers, and #1 New York Times best-selling authors of numerous books, including Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts. This married couple not only share the same name, but also a passion for helping others build healthy relationships.In this episode, you’ll hear:How to go beyond your spouse’s Love Language™A rundown of the dialects your partner may be “speaking”The one question that will transform your relationshipAnd more!For Mark and I, understanding our Love Languages™ has been instrumental in transforming how we express our love for one another. We hope this conversation is a helpful resource as you seek to understand and connect with your spouse on a deeper level!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/les-leslie-parrott-299Check out our other resources:Mark and Jill’s Marriage StoryMarriage CoachingMarriage 2.0 IntensivesSpeaking ScheduleBook Mark and Jill to SpeakOnline CoursesBooks Marriage Resources:Infidelity RecoveryFor Happy MarriagesFor Hurting MarriagesFor Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources:New/Preschool MomsMoms with GradeschoolersMoms with Teens and TweensMoms with Kids Who Are LaunchingEmpty Nest Moms

Have you ever noticed a tendency in yourself to put your own wants before the needs of others?If we’re honest, that’s not an easy thing to admit. Most people don’t naturally think of themselves as selfish. And yet, when we slow down and truly examine our hearts, selfishness is something we all wrestle with at times.Recently, Mark has felt God directing his attention to this area in his own life. What we’ve discovered is that selfishness can be sneaky—which makes it difficult to identify. It can show up as that desire to stay on the couch rather than fold the load of laundry sitting in the dryer. It could look like neglecting to show up at a friend’s party because you didn’t feel like going, even though you know it would mean a lot to them.Selfishness takes many forms, but no matter how it shows up, it affects the state of our hearts in a very real way. That’s why we wanted to take some time to talk about how addressing selfishness is having an impact in our life, as well as offer some tips that everyone can use to tackle selfishness.In this episode, you’ll hear:How avoiding sacrifice can cause us to miss blessingsFour steps to address selfishnessHow self-care is different from selfishnessAnd more!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/tackling-selfishness-298Check out our other resources:Mark and Jill’s Marriage StoryMarriage CoachingMarriage 2.0 IntensivesSpeaking ScheduleBook Mark and Jill to SpeakOnline CoursesBooks Marriage Resources:Infidelity RecoveryFor Happy MarriagesFor Hurting MarriagesFor Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources:New/Preschool MomsMoms with GradeschoolersMoms with Teens and TweensMoms with Kids Who Are LaunchingEmpty Nest Moms

What emotions are clogging your heart? Is it worry? Panic? Regret? Guilt? Anger? Is there deep pain you don’t talk about because it’s buried under bitterness, worthlessness, or loneliness? Do you long for relief?All of these feelings can keep us “stuck” for far too long. It’s time to unburden your heart and clear out the emotional baggage that has been hindering you from fully living free in Christ. My friend, Laurie Davies, knows what it’s like to feel trapped by the emotions that can build up in our hearts.Laurie is a writer, speaker, and lay counselor who helps women deal with their “emotional accumulation.” She is the author of the new book, Emotional Hoarding: Letting Go of the Stuff That Keeps You Stuck, in which she offers practical help for decluttering our souls of unprocessed feelings.In this episode, you’ll hear:Signs you might be an emotional hoarderPractical steps to address your heartHow to recalibrate our thoughtsAnd more!Addressing our built-up emotions is hard work, but it’s so worth it when we’re able to heal wounds and experience wholeness.Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/laurie-davies-297Check out our other resources:Mark and Jill’s Marriage StoryMarriage CoachingMarriage 2.0 IntensivesSpeaking ScheduleBook Mark and Jill to SpeakOnline CoursesBooks Marriage Resources:Infidelity RecoveryFor Happy MarriagesFor Hurting MarriagesFor Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources:New/Preschool MomsMoms with GradeschoolersMoms with Teens and TweensMoms with Kids Who Are LaunchingEmpty Nest Moms

Many couples believe in the power of prayer, but they struggle to practice it consistently—us included! In fact, 95% of Christian couples do not pray together.There are times when we struggle to make prayer a priority like it needs to be. Whether it’s because of busy schedules, not knowing how to begin, or feeling uncomfortable praying with another person, there are so many factors that can keep husbands and wives from sharing a regular practice of prayer.However, prayer is one of God’s most powerful tools for strengthening your marriage. Our guests for this conversation understand this well, and they are here to share practical tools that will help you and your spouse kickstart your prayer journey together.Brad and Heidi Mitchell are the co-founders of Build Your Marriage, a ministry dedicated to helping couples create Christ-centered marriages. Out of a season of deep brokenness and God’s powerful restoration, their marriage was rebuilt. That experience became the heart of their ministry. Brad and Heidi have been married for 42 years, and they bring honest, hard-earned wisdom to the journey of developing a lasting marriage.In this episode, you’ll hear:Some of the factors that break down marriagesObstacles that prevent people from praying togetherHow to practice “popcorn” prayerAnd more!If you’ve never prayed with your spouse before, we hope this conversation has provided some useful tools that will help you start!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/brad-heidi-mitchell-296Check out our other resources:Mark and Jill’s Marriage StoryMarriage CoachingMarriage 2.0 IntensivesSpeaking ScheduleBook Mark and Jill to SpeakOnline CoursesBooks Marriage Resources:Infidelity RecoveryFor Happy MarriagesFor Hurting MarriagesFor Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources:New/Preschool MomsMoms with GradeschoolersMoms with Teens and TweensMoms with Kids Who Are LaunchingEmpty Nest Moms

Vulnerability is very important to us. We share the dirt and the difficulties of our own marriage openly when telling our story.So when we had the opportunity to read the book, Still Here, by Steven Curtis Chapman and Mary Beth Chapman, we resonated with their honesty about the challenges of marriage. This intimate memoir takes you inside the Chapmans’ real-life marriage, spanning four decades of beautiful, broken, and restored moments.This book means so much to us, and we are thrilled to share the heart behind it with you as the Chapmans join us for this conversation.Steven Curtis Chapman is the most awarded artist in Christian music history with 60 Dove Awards, five GRAMMY® Awards, 10 certified Gold or Platinum albums, and an unprecedented 50 No. 1 singles. His wife, Mary Beth Chapman, is the co-founder and chairman of the board of Show Hope, a nonprofit organization dedicated to reducing barriers to adoption.In this episode, you’ll hear:Some of the what-not-to-dos of marriageWhere true happiness can be foundWhat it takes to be Still Here through every hurdle of marriageAnd more!We thoroughly enjoyed having the Chapmans share their wisdom with us!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/steven-curtis-chapman-295Check out our other resources:Mark and Jill’s Marriage StoryMarriage CoachingMarriage 2.0 IntensivesSpeaking ScheduleBook Mark and Jill to SpeakOnline CoursesBooks Marriage Resources:Infidelity RecoveryFor Happy MarriagesFor Hurting MarriagesFor Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources:New/Preschool MomsMoms with GradeschoolersMoms with Teens and TweensMoms with Kids Who Are LaunchingEmpty Nest Moms