How to Negotiate in Relationships with Scott Tillema | Episode 319

When we don’t sleep well, we feel it in our bodies. We are sluggish, fatigued, and cranky.The same is true when we don’t make time to rest our hearts and minds. Before long, our souls will start to feel burnt out and weary.This topic was inspired by a listener-submitted question that asks:How have you practically made sure you have times of rest? Between juggling jobs, kids, and ministry, our schedules are full to the brim. We deeply love people, but know it’s important that we also get time to recharge. Do you have any tips for keeping a Sabbath? How have you practically created rhythms of rest in the midst of the busyness of life?Mark and I are taking some time to answer this question and share some mindfulness strategies that have worked for us. We hope this conversation is helpful as you try to develop your own practice of rest.In this episode, you’ll hear:What counts as rest for your soulWhy we think it’s important to intentionally have blank spaces in your calendarThe freedom we have in practicing Sabbath in the various seasons of lifeAnd more!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/rhythm-of-rest-320Text us or leave a voicemail!Check out our other resources:Mark and Jill’s Marriage StoryMarriage CoachingMarriage 2.0 IntensivesSpeaking ScheduleBook Mark and Jill to SpeakOnline CoursesBooks Marriage Resources:Infidelity RecoveryFor Happy MarriagesFor Hurting MarriagesFor Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources:New/Preschool MomsMoms with GradeschoolersMoms with Teens and TweensMoms with Kids Who Are LaunchingEmpty Nest Moms

When you hear “hostage negotiation,” the first thing to come to mind probably isn’t relationship advice. But you may be surprised to learn that the same skills professionals use to talk someone down in a crisis situation are precisely what a marriage or parenting relationship needs on its hardest days.  While this conversation may be a little different from my usual guests and topics, it was incredibly enlightening—and it just might have a profound impact on the way you approach hard conversations. My guest is not only an FBI-trained hostage negotiator, but he’s also the person TEDx turned to in order to help a divided nation find common ground.Scott Tillema is a global keynote speaker on high-stakes communication and negotiation. He has 20 years of experience in law enforcement and he rose to the role of a lead negotiator on one of the country’s largest SWAT teams. His TEDx talk, The Secrets of Hostage Negotiators, has been viewed over 1.3 million times. Scott now helps ordinary people navigate difficult conversations and lead with greater influence.In this episode, you’ll hear:Rules of effective negotiation to use in your relationshipThe best strategy to deepen connectionFour elements of having good conversationsAnd more!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/scott-tillema-319Text us or leave a voicemail!Check out our other resources:Mark and Jill’s Marriage StoryMarriage CoachingMarriage 2.0 IntensivesSpeaking ScheduleBook Mark and Jill to SpeakOnline CoursesBooks Marriage Resources:Infidelity RecoveryFor Happy MarriagesFor Hurting MarriagesFor Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources:New/Preschool MomsMoms with GradeschoolersMoms with Teens and TweensMoms with Kids Who Are LaunchingEmpty Nest Moms

If you’ve been listening to our show for a while, you probably already know what a crucial role attachment styles played in us becoming our “2.0 selves.” This concept was so transformative for our marriage that we created a complete guide to the different attachment styles and how they play a role in relationships. For this conversation, we are focusing on how to become more securely attached within your own soul. Many of us often feel alone, unseen, or empty inside even if we are surrounded by family or friends. When we struggle with a fear of being hurt or a longing to belong completely, that inner turmoil can cause an ache in our relationships.While our instinct may be to turn to a spouse or close relationship to fill that void and calm our fears, the real solution is to do the work that is needed inside our own soul. Until our inner world becomes grounded and connected, we will always struggle to feel truly secure anywhere else.Joining us to invite each of you on a journey toward a secure soul is Dr. Alison Cook. Alison is a Psychologist of Religion, a Licensed Therapist, and host of the top-ranked podcast, The Best of You. She is known for her work that combines faith, psychology, and spiritual formation. Alison helps people cultivate a secure inner life by healing past wounds, strengthening a grounded sense of self, building healthy relationships, and experiencing God as a steady and loving presence.In this episode, you’ll hear:How our inner self impacts our relationshipsHow our “controller” and “shadow” aspects interact with everyday lifeWho our greatest partner in doing this inner work isAnd more!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/alison-cook-318Text us or leave a voicemail!Check out our other resources:Mark and Jill’s Marriage StoryMarriage CoachingMarriage 2.0 IntensivesSpeaking ScheduleBook Mark and Jill to SpeakOnline CoursesBooks Marriage Resources:Infidelity RecoveryFor Happy MarriagesFor Hurting MarriagesFor Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources:New/Preschool MomsMoms with GradeschoolersMoms with Teens and TweensMoms with Kids Who Are LaunchingEmpty Nest Moms

Bible studies of all kinds are a cornerstone of many Christians’ personal faith practices. Whether you’re walking through a book of the Bible, reflecting on a devotional, or going deeper into Sunday’s sermon, the right study can help you connect with God in meaningful ways beyond your daily prayers.And while there are plenty of ways to study the Bible on your own, there’s something special about learning alongside other believers.However, group Bible studies aren’t ideal for everyone or every situation! Many people find it difficult to open up in larger groups, and it can be challenging for everyone to have a chance to share during a bigger discussion. On top of that, larger group Bible studies don’t always have the capacity to address the nuances of each person’s unique situation and needs.This is exactly why I’m excited to have two special guests joining me for this episode’s conversation.Debby Gossett and Eileen De Sando are here to tell us about what’s known as a One-On-One Bible Study. The personalization, sense of safety, and trust built through this type of study have been invaluable to Debby and Eileen as they’ve grown in both their faith and their individual life journeys.In this episode, you’ll hear:What a One-On-One Bible Study looks likeThe benefits of this form of studyWhat it takes to lead an effective One-On-One StudyAnd more!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/de-sando-gossett-317Text us or leave a voicemail!Check out our other resources:Mark and Jill’s Marriage StoryMarriage CoachingMarriage 2.0 IntensivesSpeaking ScheduleBook Mark and Jill to SpeakOnline CoursesBooks Marriage Resources:Infidelity RecoveryFor Happy MarriagesFor Hurting MarriagesFor Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources:New/Preschool MomsMoms with GradeschoolersMoms with Teens and TweensMoms with Kids Who Are LaunchingEmpty Nest Moms

What just happened? I came into that scenario with the best intentions, and yet somehow they still snapped at me!Doing the right thing is not a guarantee that we will get the right response in return. There are many reasons why we might receive a negative reaction from someone despite our efforts. These can include our own heart attitude, the kind of day the other person had, and even the lens through which our actions are being interpreted.When this happens, we can leave an interaction feeling discouraged, disappointed, ticked off, and wondering if we could have done anything differently. Whether it’s in our marriage, our friendships, or even our work relationships, we’ve all been at a loss for what to do next when somebody doesn’t respond well to us.In this episode, you’ll hear:Some of the causes for a negative responseWhat our strongest motivation should be for doing the right thingEncouragement for when things don’t go the way you expectedAnd more!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/effort-response-316Text us or leave a voicemail!Check out our other resources:Mark and Jill’s Marriage StoryMarriage CoachingMarriage 2.0 IntensivesSpeaking ScheduleBook Mark and Jill to SpeakOnline CoursesBooks Marriage Resources:Infidelity RecoveryFor Happy MarriagesFor Hurting MarriagesFor Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources:New/Preschool MomsMoms with GradeschoolersMoms with Teens and TweensMoms with Kids Who Are LaunchingEmpty Nest Moms

Did you know that grandparents who babysit their grandchildren were found to live 37% longer? As grandparents ourselves, this stat is impressive, but not surprising! We’ve experienced firsthand how investing in the lives of our grandchildren brings so much joy and purpose. Taking on this role has truly been one of our greatest gifts during this season of life.Even so, we know that the shift from “Mom and Dad” to “Grandpa and Grandma” takes some adjusting.It might feel like you’ve just gotten used to the empty nest season, and now you have to adjust to a whole new shift in your family dynamic! You have to be intentional about spending quality time with each grandchild, learning how much help the parents need or even want, and knowing when to hold your two cents until they’re requested. My guest for this important conversation has navigated all of this personally, and she’s here to share some words of wisdom. Lori Wildenberg is a licensed parent and family educator, author, and national speaker who is passionate about helping families build connections that last a lifetime and beyond. She has written seven family life books, including Grandparents Make Grand Partners. Lori is the grandma to soon-to-be six grandchildren.In this episode, you’ll hear:The greatest challenges parents and grandparents encounterHow to discover your unique style of grandparentingThe most important thing you can do when interacting with your grandchildrenAnd more!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes:  jillsavage.org/lori-wildenberg-315Text us or leave a voicemail!Check out our other resources:Mark and Jill’s Marriage StoryMarriage CoachingMarriage 2.0 IntensivesSpeaking ScheduleBook Mark and Jill to SpeakOnline CoursesBooks Marriage Resources:Infidelity RecoveryFor Happy MarriagesFor Hurting MarriagesFor Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources:New/Preschool MomsMoms with GradeschoolersMoms with Teens and TweensMoms with Kids Who Are LaunchingEmpty Nest Moms

With summer coming to an end, many people are thinking back fondly of the time spent on vacation.Whether it’s road-tripping to see a new city, hiking and taking in the natural beauty around us, or sitting on the beach to soak up the sun, we can all benefit from a break from our usual schedules and routines.When we get away, we often experience a sense of peace and even gain new clarity about our lives. That’s why making space to step out of our normal is a powerful tool for growth and healing. Sometimes, when you’re seeking personal growth or positive change in your relationship, the best thing you can do is give yourself the time and space you need to truly reflect on your situation, gain a fresh perspective, and determine the best next step forward.This is why we started hosting our Marriage Intensives. During this dedicated, private 3-day retreat, we help couples break free from unhealthy patterns, work on areas that need attention in their relationship, and regain the intimacy they desire.In this episode, you’ll hear:Why you should take the time to step outside of your normThe value of dedicated time for growthHow an intensive can help change harmful patterns in our livesAnd more!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/stepping-outside-normal-314Text us or leave a voicemail!Check out our other resources:Mark and Jill’s Marriage StoryMarriage CoachingMarriage 2.0 IntensivesSpeaking ScheduleBook Mark and Jill to SpeakOnline CoursesBooks Marriage Resources:Infidelity RecoveryFor Happy MarriagesFor Hurting MarriagesFor Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources:New/Preschool MomsMoms with GradeschoolersMoms with Teens and TweensMoms with Kids Who Are LaunchingEmpty Nest Moms

Have you ever walked through a season of life when finding the time to open your Bible seemed impossible? When the busyness of life—or perhaps struggles with your mental health—become overwhelming, it can be hard to slow down, quiet your mind, and spend meaningful time with God.Through many dark seasons of my own life, I’ve struggled to read Scripture and pray. Perhaps you, like me, have longed for a way to connect with God that meets you where you are and ministers to your soul in a different way.What if there were gentle faith practices that offered the hope and help you need when life makes you weary—without demanding that you follow a strict structure? My guest discovered these practices herself during a season of grief and anxiety.Becky McCoy is a writer, retreat leader, and spiritual director trained at Adelynrood Retreat Center. As a young widow who has processed her grief and learned to live with anxiety and depression, Becky uses her experiences to guide women in discovering gentle, trauma-informed ways of being and believing.In this episode, you’ll hear:Alternative spiritual practices for dark seasons of lifeThe beauty found in observing creationHow to practice stillnessAnd more!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/becky-mccoy-313Text us or leave a voicemail!Check out our other resources:Mark and Jill’s Marriage StoryMarriage CoachingMarriage 2.0 IntensivesSpeaking ScheduleBook Mark and Jill to SpeakOnline CoursesBooks Marriage Resources:Infidelity RecoveryFor Happy MarriagesFor Hurting MarriagesFor Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources:New/Preschool MomsMoms with GradeschoolersMoms with Teens and TweensMoms with Kids Who Are LaunchingEmpty Nest Moms

Most parents hope to maintain a close, loving relationship with their children as they grow into adulthood. Unfortunately, the relationship they imagined doesn’t always become reality. When that happens, the disappointment can run deep, leaving parents wondering what went wrong and how to bridge the growing distance.Many of these relationships are marked by complex emotions like tension, grief, hurt, and even anger. Honestly, that’s one of the reasons I dedicated the first half of my book, Empty Nest, Full Life, to guiding parents on how to navigate the tricky process of developing new relationship dynamics with their children as they launch into the adult world.My latest guest on the podcast has done the same with her latest book. Dr. Kathy Koch is the founder of Celebrate Kids, and is known as a trusted guide for parents raising kids of all ages. She offers steady encouragement for parents in seasons that often feel uncertain. With a PhD in educational psychology and reading, Dr. Koch helps parents understand their children more clearly.In this episode, you’ll hear:The importance of waiting for our advice to be invitedHow parents can utilize the empty nest season to establish new routinesThe importance of being a safe person for our adult children to approachAnd more!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/kathy-koch-312Text us or leave a voicemail!Check out our other resources:Mark and Jill’s Marriage StoryMarriage CoachingMarriage 2.0 IntensivesSpeaking ScheduleBook Mark and Jill to SpeakOnline CoursesBooks Marriage Resources:Infidelity RecoveryFor Happy MarriagesFor Hurting MarriagesFor Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources:New/Preschool MomsMoms with GradeschoolersMoms with Teens and TweensMoms with Kids Who Are LaunchingEmpty Nest Moms

My mom, Patsy Fleener, showed me what it looks like to have a beautiful, full life. I’ve always strived to be more like her, and I can only hope to have a life as full as hers when I’m her age!Mom came to town recently to see one of her grandchildren in a show, and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to record a conversation with her while she was around.It’s always a treat to get to spend quality time with my mom, and I hope you’ll enjoy this conversation as we talk about some of the most important life lessons she’s picked up over the years, how she met my dad, Duane, and why I was inspired to dedicate one of my books to her.In this episode, you’ll hear:Lessons learned along the way in a marriage that spanned over five decadesWhat it looks like to have a full lifeStories about me from childhood (including a near-death experience with a spider!)And more!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes:  jillsavage.org/patsy-fleener-311Text us or leave a voicemail!Check out our other resources:Mark and Jill’s Marriage StoryMarriage CoachingMarriage 2.0 IntensivesSpeaking ScheduleBook Mark and Jill to SpeakOnline CoursesBooks Marriage Resources:Infidelity RecoveryFor Happy MarriagesFor Hurting MarriagesFor Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources:New/Preschool MomsMoms with GradeschoolersMoms with Teens and TweensMoms with Kids Who Are LaunchingEmpty Nest Moms