Are You Hinting and Hoping? | Episode 253

If you’re listening on the day this releases, then tomorrow (6/25/2025) is our 42nd wedding anniversary! We can’t believe that it’s already been more than four decades since we walked down the aisle to say our “I do’s”. Would you believe that our first big argument occurred on our honeymoon? We had a lot of good times in those early years, but they were also the beginning of some recurring conflicts and struggles for us. As we reflect back on 42 years of marriage, one of the things that has made a big difference in the health of our relationship is learning how to make requests instead of hoping, wishing, or hinting at what we wanted or needed. In today’s conversation, we are discussing why this was a game-changer and how you can incorporate this practice into your own marriage. In this episode, you’ll learn about:The importance of discovering your needsHow hinting and hoping can damage your marriageHow unexpressed expectations build resentmentAnd more!We hope this skill is as beneficial for your relationship as it has been in our marriage!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/hint-hope-253Check out our other resources: Mark and Jill’s Marriage Story Marriage Coaching Marriage 2.0 Intensives Speaking Schedule Book Mark and Jill to Speak Online Courses Books Marriage Resources: Infidelity Recovery For Happy Marriages For Hurting Marriages For Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources: New/Preschool Moms Moms with Gradeschoolers Moms with Teens and Tweens Moms with Kids Who Are Launching Empty Nest...

An estimated 100 million people in the United States have some sort of “step” relationship. This could be a stepchild, a stepparent, or even a stepsibling. These relationships are often part of what’s known as a “blended” family, where individuals come together from previous relationships to form a new, unique family unit.Blended families face many challenges and difficulties that other families don’t necessarily have to navigate. They have to build new relationships within the parent-child and sibling dynamics that have already been established. It can feel awkward at times, and kids may even struggle with feeling like their stepparent is trying to replace or force a bond.While we don’t have personal experience on this topic, our guests do—and they are here to share their wisdom with us. Paul and Jeannette Savage are a Colorado-based couple with a blended family of five adult children and five grandchildren. Together, they authored Blended: Navigating the Challenges and Joys of a Stepfamily.In this episode, you’ll hear:Common challenges blended families faceThe importance of avoiding defensivenessHow to preserve the original parent-child bondAnd more!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/paul-jeannette-savage-252Check out our other resources: Mark and Jill’s Marriage Story Marriage Coaching Marriage 2.0 Intensives Speaking Schedule Book Mark and Jill to Speak Online Courses Books Marriage Resources: Infidelity Recovery For Happy Marriages For Hurting Marriages For Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources: New/Preschool Moms Moms with Gradeschoolers Moms with Teens and Tweens Moms with Kids Who Are Launching Empty Nest...

We are doing another episode to answer your questions! Last time we did this, a listener asked to hear more about “Jill 1.0”. For this conversation, we have received a question for Mark! Here’s the message that came in via email:Dear Mark, I listen to every episode that you and Jill put out there. In one of the episodes, you described a “chaos” going on inside your brain and how you’ve experienced healing from it. I want that more than anything.The chaos in my brain seems insurmountable. I can’t believe it could ever change because it has been a part of me for my entire life. You did an episode about how Jill moved from the 1.0 version of herself to the 2.0 version, but I need to hear how Mark went from 1.0 to 2.0. Thank you so much for submitting this question! We know how overwhelming it can feel to struggle with inner turmoil, and we’re so happy that you reached out for guidance. Over the years, as we’ve been publicly sharing our story, we’ve taken a lot of time to consider the core elements that helped us move from the old 1.0 versions of ourselves to the new 2.0 versions—and we’re here to share some of our insights with you. In this episode, you’ll learn about:The acronym Mark uses to describe the chaosHow to retrain your thoughtsThe importance of making requestsAnd more!We hope this conversation is helpful for anyone struggling to understand their brain or who needs to hear that there is hope.Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/old-version-mark-251Check out our other resources: Mark and Jill’s Marriage Story Marriage Coaching Marriage 2.0 Intensives Speaking Schedule Book Mark and Jill to Speak Online Courses Books Marriage Resources: Infidelity Recovery For Happy Marriages For Hurting Marriages For Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources: New/Preschool Moms Moms with Gradeschoolers Moms with Teens and Tweens Moms with Kids Who Are Launching Empty Nest...

If you’re familiar with the journey Mark and I have walked together, then you know that I spent a year “standing for my marriage” while Mark had an affair and separated. (You can explore more about our story here.) It was the darkest season of my life—and also the season that produced the most personal, emotional, and spiritual growth I’ve ever experienced.My guest for this conversation has a similar story. Jason Carver is a pastor and the founder of Standing Supernaturally For Marriage Restoration Ministry. He has served in various pastoral roles in the church for over 35 years and is also a Certified Christian Counselor through the National Association of Christian Counselors.Whether you are currently separated, in the midst of a divorce, or praying for restoration after divorce, we want you to know that God can do an amazing work in your personal life and relationship.In this episode, you’ll hear:How God can resurrect dead thingsThe importance of maintaining hopePractical steps to stand for your marriageAnd more!I am so grateful to bring you even more stories of marriages that have been restored.Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/jason-carver-250Check out our other resources: Mark and Jill’s Marriage Story Marriage Coaching Marriage 2.0 Intensives Speaking Schedule Book Mark and Jill to Speak Online Courses Books Marriage Resources: Infidelity Recovery For Happy Marriages For Hurting Marriages For Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources: New/Preschool Moms Moms with Gradeschoolers Moms with Teens and Tweens Moms with Kids Who Are Launching Empty Nest...

Over the years, we’ve had our fair share of expectations that ended in disappointment—sometimes around big moments like birthdays, and other times over something as simple as how we spend a Saturday.It’s taken us a while to discover that what caused many of these conflicts was a lack of proactive communication, or as we like to say, a failure to “push information.” Pushing information is simply taking the time to communicate in advance your current hopes and desires (or even how you are used to doing things in the past).Pushing information to your spouse may take some time and effort upfront, but we know from experience what a valuable tool this strategy can be in avoiding unnecessary arguments and hurt.In this episode, you’ll learn about:The importance of comparing your “normals”Why proactive communication is key for healthy relationshipsPractical tips for being clear with your expectationsAnd more!This has been such a helpful tool that we’ve used in coaching and in our marriage! We hope it helps you turn confusion and disappointment into clarity and contentment.Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/proactive-communication-249Check out our other resources: Mark and Jill’s Marriage Story Marriage Coaching Marriage 2.0 Intensives Speaking Schedule Book Mark and Jill to Speak Online Courses Books Marriage Resources: Infidelity Recovery For Happy Marriages For Hurting Marriages For Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources: New/Preschool Moms Moms with Gradeschoolers Moms with Teens and Tweens Moms with Kids Who Are Launching Empty Nest...

Every marriage is an ongoing story with its own highs and lows, joys and difficulties. Depending on which season we are in, we may start to see marriage as the best thing that has ever happened to us or the source of our angst. If you’ve been following our journey for a while, you know that my husband Mark and I share openly about the struggles as well as the victories in our marriage. God has used every obstacle we’ve encountered to grow us in so many ways.The truth we hope you walk away with today is that marriage is actually our ultimate invitation to grow.  If we allow it, God will use our marriage to shape us into someone who is deeper, healthier, and more rooted in Christ. Our guest believes wholeheartedly that if we are willing to examine the stories of our past that are influencing the present, we can write a new story for the future.Dr. Dan Allender has a long history in the therapy world. As the author of over two dozen books and the founder of The Allender Center, he believes that true healing and restoration occur when we courageously step into our stories of pain.In this episode, you’ll hear:The value of vulnerably stepping into each other’s pastsWhy it’s important to disrupt destructive patternsOne of the key factors to resolve any conflictAnd more!These principles have proven so beneficial in our marriage. We hope this conversation helps you write a new story for your own relationships.Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/dan-allender-248Check out our other resources: Mark and Jill’s Marriage Story Marriage Coaching Marriage 2.0 Intensives Speaking Schedule Book Mark and Jill to Speak Online Courses Books Marriage Resources: Infidelity Recovery For Happy Marriages For Hurting Marriages For Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources: New/Preschool Moms Moms with Gradeschoolers Moms with Teens and Tweens Moms with Kids Who Are Launching Empty Nest...

©2025 FamilyLife. All Rights Reserved. Used with permission.If we’re being completely honest, many of us enter into marriage with stars in our eyes and the hope that our spouse will live up to our every expectation. Isn’t it funny how we can spend months preparing every last detail for our marriage ceremony—yet we spend little, if any, time preparing our mindsets for what our marriage will actually look like in practice?That reality often shows up fast—like the moment you realize the person you just vowed forever to puts the toilet paper on the roll backward! No matter how big or small they may be, unmet expectations can cause conflict, disappointment, and frustrations to develop in your marriage and other relationships.Today, we have the honor of sharing a special episode with you. Earlier this year, Mark and I did a workshop on managing expectations in marriage for the FamilyLife Love Like You Mean It Cruise (which we highly recommend!). With their permission, we wanted to share it with you as well.While this message was created for married couples, the reality is that all of us need to manage our expectations better. After all, they can impact all areas of our lives—from our kids, to our extended family, and even our friendships.In this episode, you’ll learn about:Four types of expectationsWhere unrealistic expectations come fromHow we use cats and dogs to describe attachment stylesAnd more!Understanding how expectations may be showing up in your relationships can help you avoid dynamics that contribute to discontentment, disappointment, and more. We hope you enjoy this special episode—recorded in front of a live audience!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/managing-expectations-247Check out our other resources: Mark and Jill’s Marriage Story Marriage Coaching Marriage 2.0 Intensives Speaking Schedule Book Mark and Jill to Speak Online Courses Books Marriage Resources: Infidelity Recovery For Happy Marriages For Hurting Marriages For Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources: New/Preschool Moms Moms with Gradeschoolers Moms with Teens and Tweens Moms with Kids Who Are Launching Empty Nest...

Have you heard some variation of this before? “Marriage is hard. It’s unfair. One of you will always pull more weight. Marriage doesn’t make you happy; it makes you miserable.” I'd like to push back against that pessimistic mindset. Yes, it’s true that marriage can be challenging—but it can also be one of the greatest relationships you will experience!Marriage is certainly not easy, but it can be easier if we approach it the right way. Joining us to share her insights on doing just this is my friend, Arlene Pellicane. Arlene is a speaker, host of the Happy Home podcast, and author of several books including Parents Rising, Screen Kids, and Making Marriage Easier. Arlene has been featured on the Today Show, Fox & Friends, the Wall Street Journal, and Focus on the Family.In this episode, you’ll hear:The four decisions that deeply impacted Arlene’s marriageWhy you should silence your phone while spending time with your spouseThe benefits of trying something new togetherAnd more!I thoroughly enjoyed my time with Arlene, and she has so many great tips on how to make marriage easier.Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/arlene-pellicane-246Check out our other resources: Mark and Jill’s Marriage Story Marriage Coaching Marriage 2.0 Intensives Speaking Schedule Book Mark and Jill to Speak Online Courses Books Marriage Resources: Infidelity Recovery For Happy Marriages For Hurting Marriages For Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources: New/Preschool Moms Moms with Gradeschoolers Moms with Teens and Tweens Moms with Kids Who Are Launching Empty Nest...

When a loved one hurts, it can be hard to know how to respond and support them through the crisis or pain they feel.Our first response is often to jump straight into “fix it” mode or lighten the mood by offering platitudes. However, the key to true comfort lies in a few key areas that Mark and I are going to talk about in this conversation. In our story, we’ve had quite the journey of learning how to best support one another—whether we are experiencing physical pain, emotional hurt, or just a difficult season of life.In this episode, you’ll learn about:Some examples of crises and pain a loved one may be experiencingThe importance of sitting in the pain with someone elseA few ways to practically support someone going through a crisisAnd more!Through my cancer journey and our marriage crisis, we received so much help and comfort from our friends, our family, and each other. We hope you will feel more equipped to offer support to a loved one after listening to this candid conversation.Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/hurting-loved-one-245Check out our other resources: Mark and Jill’s Marriage Story Marriage Coaching Marriage 2.0 Intensives Speaking Schedule Book Mark and Jill to Speak Online Courses Books Marriage Resources: Infidelity Recovery For Happy Marriages For Hurting Marriages For Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources: New/Preschool Moms Moms with Gradeschoolers Moms with Teens and Tweens Moms with Kids Who Are Launching Empty Nest...

If you know my husband Mark and I, then you know we are passionate about moving people from a 1.0 version of themselves to a new-and-improved 2.0 version. We’ve taken this journey ourselves and know the difference it can make in your relationships, as well as how you view yourself.We want you to know that whether you are navigating a life transition, experiencing a relationship crisis, trying to rediscover your purpose, or looking for direction on how to move forward, you are always just one choice away from making a change.Today, we have two incredible guests joining us to explore this topic. Justin and Trish Davis are pastors, speakers, coaches, and the founders of Refine Us Ministries. Through their powerful story of failure, loss, and transformation, they help others find renewed hope and purpose. Justin and Trish have co-authored and individually authored several books, the latest being One Choice Away from Change: Break the Cycles That Hurt Your Relationships and Hold You Back.In this episode, you’ll hear:How God restored their relationship after an affairCommon barriers that hold us back in lifePractical steps to take when you feel stuckAnd more!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/justin-trish-davis-244Check out our other resources: Mark and Jill’s Marriage Story Marriage Coaching Marriage 2.0 Intensives Speaking Schedule Book Mark and Jill to Speak Online Courses Books Marriage Resources: Infidelity Recovery For Happy Marriages For Hurting Marriages For Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources: New/Preschool Moms Moms with Gradeschoolers Moms with Teens and Tweens Moms with Kids Who Are Launching Empty Nest...