3 Things That Get Confused for Forgiveness with Tim Tedder | Episode 288

A dad is foundational in every person’s life, but not everyone has a solid, stable father figure to rely on. When Mark and I work with couples and individuals in our coaching sessions, we are often able to trace a person’s current challenges back to father wounds. So many people are still being negatively affected by the difficult relationship they had with their father growing up—many of them without even realizing it.As we help these people unpack the past, we can’t undo their experiences. But we can point to our Heavenly Father and remind them that there is incredible healing to be found in the unfailing, unconditional love that only God can provide.My guest today sees the effect of father wounds in her everyday ministry work. Rachelle Starr is the founder of Scarlet Hope and Freedom Signa, a ministry that reaches and disciples exploited women. She’s the author of the book Outrageous Obedience, and is passionate about reaching women with hope wherever they are.In this episode, you’ll hear:How God used a home-cooked meal to start an entire ministryWhy it’s so important to understand that true healing takes time and patienceHow the love of the Heavenly Father can heal wounds we receive from our earthly fatherAnd more!I appreciated Rachelle’s story of how God led her to show up in the lives of these precious women, and the healing that has come to so many as a result.Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: https://jillsavage.org/rachelle-starr-289/Check out our other resources: Mark and Jill’s Marriage Story Marriage Coaching Marriage 2.0 Intensives Speaking Schedule Book Mark and Jill to Speak Online Courses Books Marriage Resources: Infidelity Recovery For Happy Marriages For Hurting Marriages For Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources: New/Preschool Moms Moms with Gradeschoolers Moms with Teens and Tweens Moms with Kids Who Are Launching Empty Nest...

Forgiveness.It’s one of the most powerful tools God gives us in marriage. Yet, when infidelity shatters trust, the path forward can feel confusing. What does real forgiveness actually look like? And how do you know if you’re doing it in a healthy way?My guest today, Tim Tedder, is a licensed counselor and coach who has spent more than 20 years helping individuals and couples recover after infidelity. Tim’s work is shaped not only by professional training, but also by personal experience. After walking through the devastation of infidelity in his own life, God eventually led him into a calling of helping others find healing and hope.In this conversation, Tim shares the freedom that comes from genuine forgiveness. He also explains three common ways people try to forgive that actually keep them stuck, along with two forms of forgiveness that truly help people move forward.In this episode, you’ll hear:Three common substitutes people mistake for forgivenessThe difference between decisional forgiveness and emotional forgivenessWhy forgiveness does not automatically restore trustHow genuine forgiveness can bring freedom, even if a relationship is not restoredAnd more!I was moved by Tim’s honesty about his story and the healing journey that brought him here. I hope you find this conversation as encouraging and clarifying as I did!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/tim-tedder-288Check out our other resources: Mark and Jill’s Marriage Story Marriage Coaching Marriage 2.0 Intensives Speaking Schedule Book Mark and Jill to Speak Online Courses Books Marriage Resources: Infidelity Recovery For Happy Marriages For Hurting Marriages For Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources: New/Preschool Moms Moms with Gradeschoolers Moms with Teens and Tweens Moms with Kids Who Are Launching Empty Nest...

The chaos that betrayal can cause in a marriage is unlike almost anything else we experience as humans. When trust is shattered, everything feels unstable. Questions swirl. Emotions run high. And the path forward can feel confusing and painfully slow.Mark and I know what that broken place feels like. And so does the couple joining us today.Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith—known as The Raabsmith Team—are co-authors of Building True Intimacy. Together, they have developed practical tools to help couples rebuild trust and create lasting connection. Matthew is a Professional Certified Coach and Restoration Coach with more than 15 years of experience in addiction recovery, betrayal trauma, and leadership development. Joanna is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in trauma, betrayal trauma, and relationship healing.In this honest and hope-filled conversation, we talk about how God brought each of us to the other side of betrayal. We share some of the insights we wish we had known when we were in the middle of our own messy healing journeys. There were setbacks. There was deep pain. But there were also small moments where hope began to rise again.In this episode, you’ll hear:Why healing begins with the individuals, not just the coupleHow family upbringing shapes the way we show up in marriageWhy a betrayed spouse may still feel unsafe, even after behavior changesAnd more!If you’re trying to find your footing after betrayal, you may want to lean in and take notes. Our prayer is that this conversation brings understanding and a renewed sense of hope!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/matthew-joanna-raabsmith-287Check out our other resources: Mark and Jill’s Marriage Story Marriage Coaching Marriage 2.0 Intensives Speaking Schedule Book Mark and Jill to Speak Online Courses Books Marriage Resources: Infidelity Recovery For Happy Marriages For Hurting Marriages For Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources: New/Preschool Moms Moms with Gradeschoolers Moms with Teens and Tweens Moms with Kids Who Are Launching Empty Nest...

In a culture that is obsessed with perfection, it’s easy to believe that hospitality requires a spotless home, a carefully planned menu, and a seamless itinerary. But the truth is, connection has never required perfection.Sometimes, the most meaningful moments in life happen with dishes in the sink and pillows on the floor. Deep down, most of us already know this to be true. And yet, inviting people into our space can still feel overwhelming.That’s why, today, we’re asking the question:What if hospitality isn’t about impressing others, but about making space for them to feel seen and loved?My guest today is Abby Kuykendall, author of Let the Biscuits Burn. Abby has spent years exploring what it means to build God-centered community around the table. Through her own journey of singleness, growth, and opening her home in different seasons, she has discovered that hospitality is less about performance and more about presence.In this episode, you’ll hear:The difference between entertaining and true hospitalityWhy it’s important to gather with people who are different from usThree simple qualities that can help you practice hospitality right where you areAnd more!I loved this conversation with Abby! It was such a freeing reminder that we don’t have to do hospitality perfectly to do it faithfully.Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/abby-kuykendall-286Check out our other resources: Mark and Jill’s Marriage Story Marriage Coaching Marriage 2.0 Intensives Speaking Schedule Book Mark and Jill to Speak Online Courses Books Marriage Resources: Infidelity Recovery For Happy Marriages For Hurting Marriages For Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources: New/Preschool Moms Moms with Gradeschoolers Moms with Teens and Tweens Moms with Kids Who Are Launching Empty Nest...

Vulnerability can feel like a high-stakes poker game where your only option is to go “all in” and either win big or lose everything. Many of us carry the painful memories of when opening up has gone wrong in the past, and these can keep us from opening up again.However, when we dare to be vulnerable in spite of our fears, we can find intimacy, connection, and safety on the other side.While it may feel intimidating to open up to your spouse, we can tell you from experience that this decision can be the key to finally experiencing true connection and building a relationship where you can share your true self.In this episode, you’ll hear:The reasons why we resist vulnerabilityCommon roots of rejection or fearSteps you can take to start practicing vulnerabilityThe importance of believing the best about your spouseAnd more!Vulnerability is something we all struggle with, not just a certain attachment style or personality type. We hope these tips can help you take the first step to opening up to your spouse.Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/fear-of-vulnerability-285Check out our other resources: Mark and Jill’s Marriage Story Marriage Coaching Marriage 2.0 Intensives Speaking Schedule Book Mark and Jill to Speak Online Courses Books Marriage Resources: Infidelity Recovery For Happy Marriages For Hurting Marriages For Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources: New/Preschool Moms Moms with Gradeschoolers Moms with Teens and Tweens Moms with Kids Who Are Launching Empty Nest...

Letting go is hard. It goes against our natural human urge to cling on tightly to the things we care about so we can maintain a sense of control. This internal game of tug-of-war is something we all struggle with. Even if you aren’t a self-proclaimed “control freak,” you can probably think of at least one area of your life in which you are being called to release control.Surrender is an invitation to entrust each hope, worry, and pressing concern in our hearts to the one whose love for us goes beyond measure. To surrender means to relinquish control and recognize that God alone can meet our deepest need.My guest for this conversation understands both the struggle of letting go and the power that comes when we stop trying to micromanage the outcome. Mary DeMuth is the author of The Freedom of Surrender, a journey through 40 days of entrusting specific areas of your life to God. She is an international speaker, podcaster, and author of over forty books, both fiction and nonfiction.In this episode, you’ll hear:Why you should stop trying to control outcomesThe power that lies in letting goHow we can practice giving our hopes to GodAnd more!It’s always a delight to have Mary on the podcast, and I greatly enjoyed our conversation about surrender.Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/mary-demuth-284Check out our other resources: Mark and Jill’s Marriage Story Marriage Coaching Marriage 2.0 Intensives Speaking Schedule Book Mark and Jill to Speak Online Courses Books Marriage Resources: Infidelity Recovery For Happy Marriages For Hurting Marriages For Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources: New/Preschool Moms Moms with Gradeschoolers Moms with Teens and Tweens Moms with Kids Who Are Launching Empty Nest...

*Note from Mark and Jill: We’re so glad to share that the No More Perfect Podcast is now available on YouTube! Experiencing infidelity or broken trust in your marriage is one of the hardest challenges a couple can face, but that doesn’t mean it has to be the end your relationship. In this conversation, we are wrapping up our series on what it looks like to heal from betrayal in marriage, and this time, we are talking about the final step—how to move forward.The road to restoration and reconciliation is not an easy path to take, but if both spouses are committed, all the hard work is so worth it. From personal experience, we can say that it is absolutely possible to transform your marriage into something that’s even better and healthier than it was before. We call this achieving a “2.0 marriage.”To get there, you have to go through the four phases of affair recovery: rupture, repentance, reconciliation, and finally rebuilding trust. The fourth one is typically the longest phase of the journey, and that’s the chapter we’re focusing on today.In this episode, you’ll hear:The elements of a healthy apologyWhat it means to “push accountability”Why personal growth is an important part of rebuilding your marriageAnd more!We hope that hearing our personal story of crisis, repair, and recovery has been helpful to you! If you’ve been walking through infidelity or broken trust, our goal with this series was to provide a valuable resource on your road to rebuilding your marriage.No More Perfect Marriages: https://amzn.to/4bLuwZZMy Heart is Broken: https://amzn.to/3YQZA32I Really Messed Up: https://amzn.to/4sJ81LgFind resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/recovering-from-infidelity-283Check out our other resources: Mark and Jill’s Marriage Story Marriage Coaching Marriage 2.0 Intensives Speaking Schedule Book Mark and Jill to Speak Online Courses Books Marriage Resources: Infidelity Recovery For Happy Marriages For Hurting Marriages For Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources: New/Preschool Moms Moms with Gradeschoolers Moms with Teens and Tweens Moms with Kids Who Are Launching Empty Nest...

*Note from Mark and Jill: We’re so glad to share that the No More Perfect Podcast is now available on YouTube! “Mom, don’t be foolish. He’s just going to do this again.”Broken trust affects more than just your spouse. There’s a ripple effect that goes out and changes every relationship, from your children to your relatives, close friendships, and even neighbors.We know that, when recovering from infidelity and broken trust, it can be difficult to know how to start mending the fractures that the betrayal has caused within your social circle. That’s why, in this conversation, we will be giving you a structure you can follow to start repairing those relationships that have been damaged. This is part three in our four-part series, Recovering from Infidelity and Broken Trust. If you haven’t already done so, we encourage you to go back and listen to parts one and two here.As you pursue reconciliation, it doesn’t happen all at once. It may take weeks, months, or even years to fully restore all the relationships that have been damaged. However, it’s imperative that you start with your spouse, then your children, and then move out to the “outer circles.”In this episode, you’ll hear:A blueprint for where reconciliation should beginWhat it means to have a “safe conversation”Advice for the spouse who still thinks about their affair partnerAnd more!As we continue in this series, we hope it is an encouragement and resource for anyone who is navigating reconciliation!No More Perfect Marriages: https://amzn.to/4bLuwZZMy Heart is Broken: https://amzn.to/3YQZA32I Really Messed Up: https://amzn.to/4sJ81LgFind resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/recovering-from-infidelity-282Check out our other resources: Mark and Jill’s Marriage Story Marriage Coaching Marriage 2.0 Intensives Speaking Schedule Book Mark and Jill to Speak Online Courses Books Marriage Resources: Infidelity Recovery For Happy Marriages For Hurting Marriages For Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources: New/Preschool Moms Moms with Gradeschoolers Moms with Teens and Tweens Moms with Kids Who Are Launching Empty Nest...

*Note from Mark and Jill: We’re so glad to share that the No More Perfect Podcast is now available on YouTube! We love finding new ways to connect with you, and we hope you enjoy the added experience of watching along as you listen.Have you ever thought:I don’t love my spouse anymore. Marriage should be easier than this. My spouse doesn’t care about me.If so, you are not alone. When relationships become rocky, it’s easy for lies like these to consume our minds.Before someone seriously considers leaving their marriage or cheating on their spouse, there is first a battle in their mind. In our own marriage crisis, Mark thought and believed similar things, which eventually led to him stepping out and leaving our marriage.What we see every day as marriage coaches is that the same thoughts that nearly destroyed our marriage are destroying marriages all over the world. That’s why, in this conversation, we are continuing our Recovering from Infidelity and Broken Trust series. In case you missed it, you can head back and listen to part one here.In this episode, you’ll hear:Some of the lies that drive people to consider leaving their marriageWhy our issues will always follow us to a new relationshipThe essentials of breaking off an affairOur personal story navigating infidelityAnd more!If this topic hit home and you want something practical to dig into, we’ve written three books we want to share with you:No More Perfect Marriages: https://amzn.to/4bLuwZZMy Heart is Broken: https://amzn.to/3YQZA32I Really Messed Up: https://amzn.to/4sJ81LgFind resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/recovering-from-infidelity-281Check out our other resources: Mark and Jill’s Marriage Story Marriage Coaching Marriage 2.0 Intensives Speaking Schedule Book Mark and Jill to Speak Online Courses Books Marriage Resources: Infidelity Recovery For Happy Marriages For Hurting Marriages For Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources: New/Preschool Moms Moms with Gradeschoolers Moms with Teens and Tweens Moms with Kids Who Are Launching Empty Nest...

*Note from Mark and Jill: We’re so glad to share that the No More Perfect Podcast is now available on YouTube! We love finding new ways to connect with you, and we hope you enjoy the added experience of watching along as you listen.“Yes, I’m having an affair, and I’m not going to stop.”Hearing these words would be absolutely heartbreaking for anyone. But if you’ve ever navigated infidelity, you’re certainly not alone.The numbers are staggering, really. Statistics indicate that 65% of men and 55% of women cheat before they turn 40, and that both Christians and non-Christians are prone to similar levels of infidelity.Infidelity and broken trust have been a significant part of our story, as well as the stories of the couples we coach on a regular basis. After 14 years on this journey of recovery and repair, our marriage has come out stronger on the other side. Now, we want to share what we’ve learned in the hopes that it helps others who are going through the same thing.This is part one of a four-episode series on recovering from infidelity and broken trust. Even if this doesn’t directly apply to you and your relationship, our hope is that it may help you help someone else.In this episode, you’ll hear:The four phases of infidelityOur personal journey navigating broken trustSome factors that contribute to infidelityAnd more!We hope that this series will be a blessing and encouragement to every couple, regardless of what stage your marriage is in.If this topic hit home and you want something practical to dig into, we’ve written three books we want to share with you:No More Perfect Marriages: https://amzn.to/4bLuwZZMy Heart is Broken: https://amzn.to/3YQZA32I Really Messed Up: https://amzn.to/4sJ81LgFind resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/recovering-from-infidelity-280Check out our other resources: Mark and Jill’s Marriage Story Marriage Coaching Marriage 2.0 Intensives Speaking Schedule Book Mark and Jill to Speak Online Courses Books Marriage Resources: Infidelity Recovery For Happy Marriages For Hurting Marriages For Marriages Where You’re the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources: New/Preschool Moms Moms with Gradeschoolers Moms with Teens and Tweens Moms with Kids Who Are Launching Empty Nest...