LOVE YOURSELF. OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

I Haven't Had Many Dates In My Life. But I've Had Plenty Of Women And I'm Not Entirely Sure How. Where Should One Go On A Date And How Much Money Should One Expect To Spend. I Didn't Go To Prom Thereby Ruining Myself Altogether As Far As My Future Romantic Endeavors. My High School Career Was Unsettling. Chinese Food Is Difficult To Identify. Why Can't You Take A Woman To Chick Fil A On A Date. Is It A Tom Arnold Or An Arnold Palmer? What Exactly Is A Nice Shirt For A Man? Tucked In Or Not? What Are Slacks For That Matter? Don't Get Me Started On Shoes. I Love Stationary Shops. Frisbee Golf.

Don't Give Me Cardinal Directions. I Don't Know What It Means. Everyone Now Has Friends They've Never Met. Which Is Nonsensical. The People Whom You Haven't Yet Met Are Strangers. They Are Not Friends. Life On Other Planets? Who Cares. I Tried Calculating Something Having To Do With The Speed Of Light. Please Ignore. What Are Life Forms Exactly? Nothing Remotely Resembling Life Has Been Discovered In Space. Zero. Driverless Cars? No Thanks. Everything You Use Was Invented In The 20th Century. Technological Complexity Is Annoying Plus We're Making Ourselves Obsolete. Which Doesn't Seem So Smart. Modern Plumbing Is Spectacular But The Japanese Toilet Goes A Bit Too Far. Mountain Dew Murder.

I Want My Wife And I To Stay Together, She Doesn't. I Don't Quite Know Why. She's Very Neat Though. Is It Wholly Unreasonable To Want A Few Words Of Encouragement Every Now And Again. The Acceptance Of Men Expressing Their Feelings Has Yet To Become A Thing. Feeling Good About Oneself Is A Superpower. Why Are Men Required To Be Ok Without Being Acknowledged As Human Beings. Things I Think Are Better Than Sex. Do Clubs Work Anymore. There Seems To Be Three Genres Of Music Left. What Happened To Rock.

Okay So It Wasn't Actually A Date Date. But We Did Have A Pretty Good Time Doing Our Scene Together In Her Record Breaking Film "The Idea Of You". She Was Smart, Warm, Personable, And Very Very Pretty. She Has Great Teeth Too. I'm Pretty Sure We Eye Kissed. So What Do I Do Now. Or Next. Or Ever.

Hip Hop Beef Used To Be Cool I Guess But I Can't Get Into Beef Of Any Kind Any More. Even With My Wife. Are We In A Time Machine. 30 Years Ago Seems Like It Was Just A Few Years Ago. What Is Friendship. Unless You Somehow Forget About Your Friends' Existence You Should Contact Them Otherwise They Obviously Don't Mean Much To You. All Anyone Really Wants Is A Little Giggly Bubbly. Which Of Course Is Direct The Opposite Of Biggly Gubbly.

I Can't Figure Out How To Make Either Myself Or My Wife HAPPY. I'm Not Sure If I'm Lonely, But To Show And Share Your Emotions And Feelings Is An Act Of BRAVERY. Give Away All Your S.P.L.E.E.N.s. (Sparkling Pristine Love Emotion Energy Nuggets) Kindergarteners Are Pretty Cool Actually Mostly Because They Know That They Don't Know Anything. NY VS LA VS TOKYO.

Spiders Are Benign. Mostly. Roaches Are Something Else Altogether. Don't Feel 'Bad'. What Exactly Does Bad Mean Anyway. Packaging Gives Me Fits. I Wish She Were More Curious About Me And My Stuff. Dark Chocolate Over Milk Chocolate Every Day. Codependence Is Your Ruination.

Have You Ever Tried Silence. What Are Dreams. English Muffins Or Bagels. Cold Showers Work.

In This Episode I Discuss The Competition Between MJ AND PRINCE During The 80's. I Also Talk A Little About Monkeys. I Don't Think I Like Monkeys. A Lot Of It Has To Do With Their Posture. A Little About Dhamma, Teachings Of The Buddha. Oh And Sardines Are Wonderful.

What Exactly Constitutes Art. Is It Sneakers? Foil? Bricks? Crawling? Dirt? Made A List Of Stuff I Like. I Know Why We're All Traumatized. It's Mother Goose. Upon Further Inspection They're Replete With Death, Destruction, Gore, Murder, Sadism, Animal Cruelty, Ageism, Pain, Perversion, Poverty, And Absolute Pathos. Is It Too Late To Charge Mother Goose With The Downfall Of Western Civilization?