Daddy Saturn & inadequacy

Neptune is in Aries. I have every right to be absolutely delusional. It’s actually my right. I just have to do it!

Idk what hormones are flowing through me right now that’s got me so excited and high energy but we must ride the wave while we can. This is to keep my damn self accountable on taking all these big feelings I have and turning it into something I can look back and be proud of. Something to comfort me in my time of need. Something to validate myself because I’m tired of craving the external validation of others and it’s gotten me nowhere but a prescription for the big sads I feel. And a big ass chip on my shoulder. It’s not all my fault but we have to take responsibility for the chip and create a delicious dip that fuels our bodies. What am I even talking about? Guess what? it doesn’t matter! Because no one may ever see this!!! How freeing! Did I ever talk about perception in a podcast? I’m sure I have. Maybe we should revisit that topic. Anyway, I love you so much. Talk to you later, bye. 💕

We jump from late 2024 to early 2026. Once again loneliness and longing has brought me to ramble with no point really but to get it out and comfort myself and maybe you.

This is current me about to post this episode. So now that I talked to my therapist I understand why my brain behaves this way. And why I’m so emotional and feel so strongly and all the feels. And I must say I always knew this but I think I needed an outside person to tell me what it is. Chaos, adrenaline, a drug. Abandonment issues. Anywho I might talk about all that on the next episode. Okay past me starts here: I’m crying again! Sorry for the sniffles. Also sorry for the noise in the 2nd part. I got a mic but then proceeded to play with the mic while I was talking because I need to do something with my hands. Nervous tick I guess. Anywho. In this episode I talk about love and connection during war, accepting crumbs, and a 6 year tumblr post that brings me full circle it seems.

Guess what? Still angry. HAHA! Yo the south node in Libra is really bringing out the villian in me. Or maybe just me growing a fucking spine. Point is. Sometimes you just gotta be like fuck you and fuck everyone because how fucking dare you?? Now please excuse me while I go break generational curses and talk my shit. I’m busy.

2 years ago I decided to unpack some childhood trauma and record it. I never released it because well it was more than I could handle at the time. I’m still on the fence if this will stay up but we’ll see what happens.

Okay so I just wanted to say hello. Do a little catch up. I honestly didn’t know what to talk about but I didn’t want to talk about anything intense or sad or how fcking tired I am! So I talked about some stuff I’ve been into lately: hp fan fiction, budgeting my monies, working out, I’m in therapy (thank you, thank you, hold your applause) I’ll be back again when I figure out what to say or maybe even if I don’t. Byeeee.

I’m gonna feel my feelings. And right now I feel BAD. I’m very tired and very not okay. And that’s okay. Shout out one of my favorite k-dramas It’s Okay To Not Be Okay. Honestly that’s on my shelf of “I don’t know who I wanna be more.” bisexual media. They are both very fine. Also just a general good story to enjoy with wonderful acting to me. What was I saying? Oh yes…IM NOT OKAY

Listen to me talk about how Tiktok helped me realize I am in fact not a straight woman. Fuuun.