Lisa Bilyeu - Staying Authentic In A Relationship

Talking points: masculinity, culture, relationships What is it men are actually looking for? We know how media tends to define "masculinity", but what is it men are wanting to define? I sat down with MELD founder and fellow coach Owen Marcus to dig into some of this, because we've both found that what men really want and what mainstream narratives say they want are often two different things. Dig in, team. (00:00:00) - Why do you think “masculinity” gets so much attention in our culture? (00:05:44) - When are where do men feel most aligned, and why getting out of your head is important (00:12:07) - Where did mature masculinity go, and the balance of biology and culture  (00:19:25) - What happens when men miss moments of maturation (00:27:03) - The value of being able to share what you’re going through with others, and what gets in the way (00:33:27) - What is emotional physiology? (00:39:24) - Tools to get back into the body, and what about men who avoid the work for fear it’ll make things worse? Owen Marcus resisted getting into men's work, and it was only because his pain exceeded his fear that he started his first men’s group in 1995 in his clinic in Scottsdale, AZ. The conventional approach to men’s groups began to feel inadequate for Owen and the deep, transformative work he sought. After completing his straw bale home in the forests of Idaho, he decided to take everything he had developed in his practice and worked to create a new model. By the middle of 2005, he had a thriving men's group group. What began as the Sandpoint Men’s Group (SMG) grew beyond Marcus's wildest expectations. Nineteen years later, it boasts over 400 alumni and more than 50 active members. This journey led to the birth of EVRYMAN and now MELD, each step an evolution of his initial vision. Connect with Owen -Website: https://meld.community/ -Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/meld.men/ -LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/owenmarcus/ *** Men, the next Men's Weekend is VERY soon. Join us in California for a transformative journey of reclamation. Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: business, mindset I've been asked this for a long time now, and finally decided to press the button. I don't work in this industry to show off lambos, cohibas, and designer suits. It's to help other men be what they know they're capable of being. So if you're someone who's teaching, coaching, or making something for men, listen in, because here's what I've learned. (00:00:00) - Intro, why I’m making this, and the problems to solve when working with men  (00:10:25) - What I’ve discovered works well. Number: get clear on the problem you’re solving (00:12:33) - Speak to men directly. Not ABOUT men  (00:15:08) - Use multiple platforms, but have one in the lead, and pay for training (00:21:04) - Leverage other people’s mastery and credibility by paying for partnership (00:25:55) - Give value every step of the way (00:29:47) - Develop a very deep level of competency (00:33:51) - Build really strong relationships (00:40:16) - Repetition, time, and consistency  *** Men, the next Men's Weekend is VERY soon. Join us in California for a transformative journey of reclamation. Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: purpose, archetypes, trauma, perfectionism, abandonment This week, a shadow work session with an anonymous guest. If you've ever wondered what this kind of work is like, now's your chance to check it out. My guest today has already done some great work and has found drive and purpose, but something has kept him from taking action. As we work to find out what's going on, we learn about past events that laid a foundation of resistance. Note: there's some heavy stuff in here. You've been warned. This episode has also been edited for clarity and anonymity. (00:00:00) - Intro, what brought my guest in today, and the Guardian of the Threshold (00:07:09) - What's contributing to the overwhelm, and the guest's mother (00:14:30) - Going deeper and connecting with the somatic experience (00:21:57) - The connection between resistance and two events in the past (00:34:17) - We don't always need the full story in order to heal, and homework *** Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: mindset, the shadow I've been fascinated by the power of a good question for as long as I can remember. These are five simple (but not easy) ones that have radically altered my life for the better. I still use them today when I'm feeling stuck or unsure in my health, business, and relationships. Listen in! (00:00:00) - Intro and the importance of good questions (00:04:00) - Your mind has a LOT of unconscious content, and it’s actually useful (00:06:43) - The benefit of framing questions as “sentence stems” (00:08:45) - “The one thing I don’t like people to know about me is…” (00:10:25) - “The one thing I could take action on that would make a difference is…” (00:12:58) - “Is this something I can influence, or is it out of my control?” (00:16:10) - “What really hard thing can I do that will make my life better?” (00:18:35) - “What am I missing by choosing to worry?” *** Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: relationships, authenticity, mindset How do you truly live life for yourself while navigating a relationship? What does it take to navigate what both of you want without creating resentment? How do you break free from what you're "supposed" to be—but remain authentic? These are all questions Lisa Bilyeu has had to answer in order to create an incredible life, and she's answered them powerfully. A privilege to sit down with her and dig into the intensity that can be modern relationships! Definitely going to be a part two! (00:00:00) - Intro and Lisa’s defining moment (00:07:25) - How Lisa held onto her authenticity and broke free from external validation (00:12:49) - Lisa’s take on modern relationships, and the nuances of what women want (00:27:19) - What women really want men to understand (00:37:55) - How Lisa and her husband navigate who leads in the relationship Lisa Bilyeu is cofounder of the billion-dollar company Quest Nutrition and cofounder and President of Impact Theory. She is the host of Women of Impact, a show featuring women who have overcome incredible hardship to achieve massive success. Her mission is to empower all women to become the heroes of their own lives. Connect with Lisa -Book: Radical Confidence: https://bit.ly/49Yx3f1 -Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lisabilyeu/ -YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WomenofImpact -Podcast: Women Of Impact: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/women-of-impact/id1435217865 *** Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: psychology, shame, mindset Trying so hard not to reference the bell ringing lady in Game of Thrones right now. Seriously though, a lot of us let shame run our lives. There are legitimate reasons why, but it doesn't have to stay that way. Listen in for how it starts, why it's so hard to clear, and ten (yes, ten!) thing you can do to break free. (00:00:00) - Intro and how to better define shame (00:03:30) - Why shame is so hard to get rid of: it’s natural, and its has a somatic component (00:08:16) - It also can reinforce trauma. Here’s how they get connected (00:13:52) - Shame as a source of safety (00:18:36) - Understanding the physical side of shame (00:23:21) - What does NOT help (00:25:51) - When to seek professional help (00:26:59) - Ten ways to move through shame. First one? Use curiosity to challenge it (00:30:32) - Mindfulness skills, reframing, and separating personhood from behaviour (00:35:00) - Putting the same in context, treating as a belief vs identity, and putting blame where it belongs (00:40:01) - Finding an alternative story, and practicing expressing boundaries and assertiveness *** Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: masculinity, culture, mindset We've had a lot of new listeners recently, and this interview deserves a ton of attention. Jason's words and work are powerful examples of how important men's work can be. This is a re-release of one of my favorite interviews, one of the most impactful stories, and worth every minute. Dig in for thoughts on comprehensive masculinity, the dangers of "grindset", and so much more. (00:00:00) - Intro and Jason’s defining moment (00:07:45) - The video that got Jason global attention (00:13:22) - Defining “emotional incarceration” and its devastating effect on men (00:18:58) - Why do some men have such an aversion to rest and replenishment? (00:24:52) - How Jason got into martial arts, and how he uses it to support young men (00:33:54) - On the importance and teaching of defeat Jason Wilson is the founder and CEO of the Yunion (pronounced union), a non-profit youth development organization in Detroit Michigan. Since 2003, the Yunion has effectively reached more than 15,000 youth and young adults through innovative prevention programming, trauma-informed care, parental engagement, and counseling. In 2008, Mr. Wilson’s heart for fatherless and misguided black boys inspired him to create and direct the Cave of Adullam Transformational Training Academy (CATTA). As an expert in Emotional Stability Training®, Wilson’s leadership has garnered the CATTA numerous acknowledgments and awards for his work teaching males how to introspectively confront and conquer their negative emotions with composure. In 2016, one of the CATTA’s videos went viral with over 80 million views worldwide. As a result, Mr. Wilson was invited to be a guest on the Dr. Oz Show and to present the CATTA at President Obama’s ‘My Brother’s Keeper’ Showcase at the White House. Later that year, NBC’s hit TV show ‘This Is Us’ was so inspired by Wilson’s work, that they featured the CATTA’s initiation ceremony in one of their most viewed and award winning episodes. In 2018, Mr. Wilson signed with actor/producer Laurence Fishburne’s film company Cinema Gypsy to produce a documentary film on Jason’s work with the CATTA. It is scheduled to be released in 2021. Mr. Wilson has over 25 years of martial arts experience, in addition to over 16 years of training and developing young black males. Mr. Wilson is a man of the Most High, a faithful husband of over 22 years and a proud father of two beautiful children. Connect with Jason -Website: https://mrjasonwilson.com/ -Book, "Battle Cry": https://www.amazon.com/dp/1400226996 -The Yunion: https://theyunion.org/ -The Cave of Adullam Transformational Academy: https://mrjasonwilson.com/catta/ -Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mrjasonowilson/ -Twitter: https://twitter.com/mrjasonowilson -Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mrjasonowilson -Book, "Cry Like A Man": https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07G1YJ7DZ/ *** Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: attachment, relationships Got a LOT of requests for this one! Relationships between anxious attachment and avoidant attachment folks are actually quite common. They can also be extremely tough. Listen in for what they're like, why the patterns are hard to break, and how to move towards a secure, grounded partnership. (00:00:00) - Intro, what characterizes the anxious-avoidant dance, and why there’s no “villain” (00:04:08) - Why that dance is so strong (00:08:28) - Examples of the anxious-avoidant dynamic (00:12:58) - Can anxious-avoidant relationships actually work, how to know if it won’t, and how to END the dance (00:16:56) - The “protest and punishment” behaviors, and how to self-identify if you’re the anxious partner (00:21:23) - How to self-identify if you’re the avoidant one (00:27:05) - So what do you to? Tips for the anxious (00:33:05) - Tips for the avoidant (00:38:19) - What to do together *** Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: relationships, culture, sex, security, family I'm lucky to be interviewing experts in all kinds of fields, but it is consistently enjoyable to dig deep into relationships. What keeps the spark, how couples navigate conflict, and how people can with together to create secure and thriving partnership. Trevor's been at it for a long while, and his gentle yet firm approach is something to be respected. If you're with someone, pull this up and have a listen! (00:00:00) - Intro, and what is the “secret formula” for a successful love life, and what causes good sex in a bad relationship? (00:07:42) - How do you move out of attracting insecure relationships?  (00:12:57) - What can a secure person or couple do to combat potential boredom with a relationship? How can security be sexy? (00:18:43) - The importance of spontaneity for relational satisfaction (00:21:54) - How do you support a partner through fears and insecurities around relationships deepening? (00:27:35) - Navigating criticism, because you can’t criticize your way to a better relationship (00:37:44) - Why Trevor chose to have kids (00:42:43) - Why self-compassion is important, and what it really looks like in action (00:54:33) - Trevor’s thoughts on how to figure out who you really are (00:59:49) - On sharing your relationship and family events online, and why Trevor and his wife kiss in the rain (01:05:38) - What Trevor does to maintain spark in his marriage Trevor Hanson is a licensed marital and family therapist specializing in EFT, or emotionally focused therapy. Combining the depth of a therapist with the pratical guidance of a coach, Trevor works to bring empathy, acceptance, fun and gentle accountability to therapy. You can find more of him on his podcast "The Art of Healing." Connect with Trevor -Website: https://theartofhealingbytrevor.com/ -Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theartofhealingbytrevor/ *** Henson Shaving brought this episode to you! No more nicks, no more cuts—and best of all, no more subscriptions. Go to https://hensonshaving.com and enter MANTALKS at checkout to get 100 free blades with your purchase. (Note: you must add both the 100-blade pack and the razor for the discount to apply.) Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: leadership, accountability, group settings, masculinity If you're thinking about starting a men's group, or just want to know what to look out for, this one's for you. With everything going on in the world, I want to dig a little into creating your own men’s group—or what to look out for if you’re thinking of joining one. Because the truth is there are legions of men who would benefit from belonging to something focused on the mutual benefit of everyone involved. Seriously. (00:00:00) - Intro, and five traits to look for in the men you want for your group (00:07:58) - Where most guys go wrong: lack of leadership, clear roles, and overstructure (00:09:42) - The right amount of structure, and consequences of too much victimhood and not enough accountability (00:12:31) - What are some of the core ingredients of a powerful men’s group? Number 1: some like-mindedness (00:13:54) - A clear purpose, and clear rules of engagement (00:17:04) - A culture of calling one another forward, and strong moderation (00:19:48) - Willingness to say (and hear) hard stuff, transparency, and confronting the uncomfortable (00:22:02) - An example meeting structure that works (00:26:42) - The Hot Seat and how to use it, and a closing ritual (00:30:14) - Be flexible to red alerts, and final thoughts on structure *** Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices