156: What Couples Actually Need After Kids with Eli Weinstein

On today’s episode, I’m joined by therapist, speaker, and host of The Dude Therapist Podcast, Eli Weinstein. Eli works extensively with couples and families, and his upcoming book From I Do to We Do explores what really happens to relationships once kids enter the picture.Because here’s the truth: most couples start parenting believing that love will carry them through. And while love absolutely matters, it’s not always enough to navigate the stress, exhaustion, invisible labor, and shifting roles that come with raising kids.In this episode, we talk honestly about what happens to marriages during the parenting years, including the quiet resentment that can build when expectations go unspoken, the invisible mental load many parents carry, and why couples often feel like they’re both doing “120%.”Eli shares practical ways couples can reconnect as teammates instead of adversaries, and why repair, not perfection, is what actually sustains long-term relationships.In this episode, we talk about:Why love alone doesn’t guide couples through the parenting yearsHow unmet expectations quietly turn into resentmentThe mental load many parents carry, and how couples can share it more intentionallyThe power of repair after rupture, and why genuine apologies matter more than perfect onesWhy successful marriages require choosing your partner again and again as life changesMy hope is that this conversation helps couples step out of scorekeeping and back into partnership. Parenting can easily pull partners into opposite corners. But when couples learn how to communicate, repair, and reconnect, they can remember that they’re actually on the same team.Connect with EliFollow Eli on social media: @eliweinstein_lcswGet his book: From I Do to We DoIf you loved this episodeShare it with a parent who’s in the thick of it right nowSupport the podcast with a rating or reviewSubscribe to my Substack, A Little Space, Please, for the post that goes with this episodeLearn more about Dr. Cassidy and Co's therapy practice at www.drcassidymft.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

On today’s episode, I’m joined by mindfulness mentor, meditation teacher, and host of the Mindful Mama Podcast, Hunter Clarke-Fields. Hunter is the author of Raising Good Humans and Raising Good Humans Every Day, and for years she’s been supporting parents in moving out of reactivity and into more present, connected relationships with their kids.As a therapist and parent, I know how easy it is to feel like we’re “messing it all up,” especially in the early years when we’re exhausted, triggered, and trying to break cycles in real time. In this conversation, Hunter reflects on parenting her oldest, now 18, and shares what only time can teach: repair matters more than perfection, and it’s never too late to shift a relationship.In this episode, we talk about:Why parenting is a long game, and why you don’t always get immediate feedback that it’s “working”How repair builds safety and connection, even after reactivityThe power of delighting in your child, and practicing real listeningWhy boundaries and self-care are essential, not selfishHunter’s message for parents in the thick of the toddler yearsMy hope is that this episode offers you a deep exhale: you don’t have to be perfect to be a safe, steady parent. What matters is your willingness to keep coming back.Connect with HunterListen to her podcast: Mindful Mama PodcastGet her books: Raising Good Humans and Raising Good Humans Every DayFind her online: mindfulmamamentor.comIf you loved this episodeShare it with a parent who’s in the thick of it right nowSupport the podcast with a rating or reviewSubscribe to my Substack, A Little Space, Please, for the post that goes with this episodeLearn more about Dr. Cassidy and Co's therapy practice at www.drcassidymft.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this episode of Holding Space, Dr. Cassidy is joined by Dr. Sumi Raghavan for a grounded, human conversation about parenting during a moment of real fear and moral injury.ICE violence in Minnesota and across the country has left many parents feeling dysregulated, overwhelmed, and unsure how to show up for their kids while their own nervous systems are on high alert. This conversation isn’t happening from a distance. We're two moms, two therapists, sitting inside the same world you are, trying to figure out how to keep showing up without collapsing.Together, we explore what’s happening in parents’ nervous systems right now, why overwhelm is a reasonable response to real threat, and how regulation is not disengagement, but the foundation for sustained action and care.We aim to offer concrete guidance for how to talk to kids across different ages, from young children to teens, while protecting their sense of safety without pretending nothing is happening.This episode is meant to be a place of containment, not more flooding.Resources & Next StepsA written companion to this episode, with key takeaways and language you can return to, is available on Substack here.Links to grounding tools, community resources, and organizations supporting immigrant families are included there as well.To connect with Dr. Sumi Raghavan and learn more about her New York-based private practice, you can find her on instagram @drsumiphd and her private practice website here!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

On today’s episode I’m joined by holistic decluttering expert and host of the top-rated podcast The Maximized Minimalist, Katy Joy Wells.As a therapist and parent, I know how often our homes can feel like one more place we’re “falling behind.” In this conversation, we explore how clutter impacts our nervous systems, our relationships, and our sense of enoughness. Katy offers a shame-free, deeply human approach that looks at the emotions, beliefs, and habits under the piles.In this episode, we talk about:Why clutter isn’t neutral...how visual chaos pulls on our time, energy, and attentionThe difference between clutter and expected mess...and why that distinction can instantly lower your shameKaty’s idea of a “good enough home” and how it connects to good enough parentingWhy traditional decluttering methods (bins, labels, marathon purges, “spark joy”) often backfire for busy, emotionally-connected humansHow we can model softening, self-compassion, and boundaries with stuff for our kidsMy hope is that this episode offers you something Katy and I kept coming back to: hope for a lighter, calmer home that supports presence with the people you love...without having to become a different person or maintain a Pinterest-perfect house.Connect with KatyListen to Katy’s podcast: The Maximized MinimalistGet her book: Making Home Your Happy Place: A Real-Life Guide to Decluttering Without the OverwhelmFind her on Instagram: @katyjoywellsIf you loved this episodeShare it with a friend whose home feels “loud” right nowSupport the podcast and leave a rating or review!Subscribe to my Substack, A Little Space, Please, and check out the post that goes with this episode!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Have you ever noticed how much harder parenting feels when things are tense between you and your partner? Maybe you start off trying to calm your kids in the back seat… and somehow end up arguing about the volume of the music. Or one of you sets a boundary with your child, the other undermines it, and suddenly you’re in a standoff that feels way bigger than it should.In this episode, Dr. Cassidy explores how the stress of parenting can shake the foundation of even the strongest relationships, and what you can do to reconnect when the patience runs thin and the reactions run hot.In this episode you’ll learn how to:Recognize why parenting amplifies relational stressUse “reserves check-ins” to communicate needs and prevent resentmentShift from “me vs. you” to “us vs. the cycle”Bring repair, rest, and appreciation back into your partnershipYou’ll also hear simple ways to rebuild connection that don’t require date nights, fancy plans, or extra childcare - just small, intentional moments that help you remember you’re on the same team.Would you love to have this episode written out for you? Check out this substack post!Interested in learning more about my therapy practice? Click here!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this conversation, I’m joined by my dear friend and fellow therapist Dr. Tracy Dalgleish to explore the tender, complex space between partnership and extended family...where love, loyalty, and old patterns can collide.We talk about why these dynamics feel especially charged for so many of us right now, what it means to navigate guilt and control in family systems, and how we can stay connected to our partners (and ourselves) when generational patterns start to resurface.Dr. Tracy shares insights from her new book You, Your Husband, and His Mother - a compassionate guide to understanding in-law dynamics, communicating as a united front, and finding your footing as a couple when family expectations run high.We also talk about:The cultural shifts that are reshaping how couples and families relate across generationsCommon patterns like guilt-tripping, control, and codependencyWhy boundaries rooted in core needs (not blame) lead to deeper connectionHow aging, identity, and relevance show up in these transitionsAnd the hope in becoming the kind of mother-in-law or grandparent we want to be somedayThis episode is for anyone standing in that middle place...between the family you came from and the one you’re creating while trying to honor both love and autonomy along the way.Learn more about Tracy’s work and her book at drtracyd.com.Connect with Tracy on Instagram @drtracyd.Connect with me on Instagram @drcassidy and learn more about my private practice at www.drcassidymft.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

When our teen's worry sets off our own, it can feel like two nervous systems locked in the same storm. In this heartfelt conversation, I sit down with my friend and colleague Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart to unpack what’s really happening beneath those moments of reactivity and how parents can shift from fear-based reacting to compassionate, grounded responding.We talk about:Why our teens’ anxiety activates our own nervous systemPractical tools to create space between trigger and response (hello, rage walks!)How repair and connection help rebuild trust after we come in hotLoving (and respecting) the teen you have, while holding boundaries, even when it’s hardDr. Ann-Louise Lockhart is a pediatric psychologist, parent coach, and author of Love the Teen You Have: A Practical Guide to Transforming Conflict into Connection (out October 28). Find her at https://drannlouiselockhart.com and on Instagram @dr.annlouise.lockhart.Links + Resources:Love the Teen You Have Learn more about my private practice for California and New York parents at www.drcassidymft.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this episode we're exploring the relationship between breastfeeding and a new mom's mental health. To help us really go deep (and practical) on this topic, I had the absolute joy of sitting down with Dawnita Wicks, a registered nurse, public health nurse, and internationally board-certified lactation consultant.I first connected with Dawnita because I had clients who were struggling not just with feeding, but also with their mental health. When they worked with her, they came back to me saying: “She really saw all of me - the feeding goals AND my mental health.” I knew I had to meet this unicorn of a provider.In our conversation, we talk about what it’s like to sit at the intersection of infant feeding and maternal mental health. We share our own postpartum stories (including my first experience of birth trauma, breastfeeding challenges, and postpartum anxiety), the shame that so often convinces us to stay silent, and the power of support that honors both our goals and our needs.We also unpack the cultural messages around feeding, why sleep is a critical piece of the puzzle, and how there are so many more options than the “all or nothing” plans we often think we have to follow.If you’ve ever felt torn between wanting to meet your feeding goals and also desperately needing rest, connection, and mental health support...you are not alone. This episode is for you.In This Episode, We Talk About:Why feeding goals and maternal mental health don’t have to competeMy own story of postpartum anxiety, shame, and perfectionism after a traumatic birthThe pressure to “do it all right” and how it keeps us from asking for helpWhy even a 4–6 hour block of sleep can change everythingHow to navigate shame and cultural messages like “breast is best”The importance of individualized, compassionate feeding plansResources and Links:Connect with Dawnita at www.womantwowoman.netFollow Dawnita on social: @dawnitawicksLearn more about my practice at www.drcassidymft.comFind notes from this episode on SubstackIf this episode resonates with you:Share it with a friend who might need this conversation, subscribe to Holding Space, and leave a review - it helps other parents find their way here!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In today’s solo episode, I open up about how I’m preparing for perimenopause at 40, and why I don’t want to walk into this transition as unprepared as I felt during postpartum.We’ll talk about:What perimenopause and menopause actually meanThe commonly known symptoms and the less-discussed symptoms that can feel really destabilizing tooHow perimenopause intersects with mental health, parenting, and relationshipsThe protective practices I’m layering in now (yep, increasing protein is in there).My goal is to help you feel less blindsided and more resourced, so you can move through this season informed, intentional, and supported!Resources MentionedThe New Menopause by Dr. Mary Claire Haver (plus her provider directory)Melissa Wood Health for strength and functional movementBased in CA or NY and ready to start therapy? Learn more about my group practice at www.drcassidymft.comFor written takeaways, resource links, and updates on my journey, subscribe to my Substack: A Little Space, PleaseIf today’s episode resonated, share it with a friend who might need it too!Subscribe to Holding Space wherever you listen to podcasts so you don’t miss upcoming episodes.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

If you’re in the postpartum season, you already know...sleep deprivation is A BEAST. It affects everything: your mood, your relationships, your health, and your ability to feel present with your baby.In this episode I’m breaking down why protecting your rest matters, how to get restorative sleep (even if your baby is waking frequently), and how to navigate sleep conversations with your partner without spiraling into resentment.We’ll cover:Why your sleep mattersHow to get consolidated rest when your baby’s not sleeping through the nightSupport strategies for breastfeeding parentsHow to share the load with your partnerA framework/scripts for bringing up tough sleep conversationsPractical ideas for splitting shifts, activating support, and improving sleep hygieneWhat to do when anxiety or hypervigilance keeps you awakeIf you’re ready to start valuing your own rest without guilt, this episode will give you permission, strategies, and a plan to start tonight.Links & Resources Mentioned in This Episode:Read the written version of this episode on Substack hereFind a therapist or learn more about my practice hereIf you found this episode helpful:💌 Subscribe to my Substack for written tools and strategies from new episodes.🎧 Share this episode with a friend in the postpartum season.⭐ Leave a review to help other parents find this resource!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy