351: If You Keep Having the Same Fight, Listen to This

Today, we’re talking all things motherhood, mindset, and youth sports with Chandler Ashcraft, the creator behind @chanwiththeboys and founder of Moms Away. Chandler brings her background in education and her experience raising four boys to the conversation, sharing why perspective can help us take the pressure off, how to set developmentally appropriate expectations for our kids, and why confidence often comes from being willing to do hard things. We also get into the reality of youth sports, from the pressure to do more to the mental load that comes with keeping everyone’s schedules moving, and how to make choices that actually fit your family.Key Topics CoveredHow exposure to hard moments builds confidence and resilienceTeaching kids to take ownership of their attitude, effort, and responseWhy confidence, especially for women, is built through failure and trying againHow to evaluate the tradeoffs that come with youth sportsKeeping the long game in mind when making decisions for your familyCONNECT WITH CHANDLER:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chanwiththeboysTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@chanwiththeboysLearn more about Moms Away:Website: https://www.momsaway.co/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/moms.away LINKS AND RESOURCES:LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF SITKA SEAFOOD: Visit https://sitkaseafoodmarket.com/pages/herself for $35 Off + free salmon burgers for a year with a continuous subscription. The code HERSELF25 should auto-apply when using this linkLet’s connect!HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastHERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreenThis episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Since it’s Labor Day here in the U.S., we’re bringing back one of our favorite conversations on shifting jealousy and comparison into inspiration and possibility. It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to other women and feeling jealous, intimidated, or like you’re somehow behind. But what if you could shift that mindset and instead feel genuinely inspired by the success around you? In this episode, we share a recent real-life experience from a mastermind we attended with highly successful business owners and how it challenged us to see comparison differently. Instead of letting the “small fish in a big sea” feeling discourage us, we used it as proof of what’s possible. We talk about the mindset shift that helped us move from comparison to inspiration, why personal growth plays a huge role in that process, and how surrounding yourself with the right people can change the way you view your own potential.In this episode, we discuss:What it felt like walking into a room full of highly successful entrepreneurs.The surprising common habits we noticed among women operating at a high level.Why taking care of your physical health often supports long-term success.The “highlight reel vs. inner life” trap and why it distorts how we see other people’s journeys.Questions to ask yourself when someone else's success triggers comparison.The hidden sacrifices and personal work that often sit behind visible success.Practical ways to shift from jealousy to curiosity and inspiration.Why your mindset about others’ success can either hold you back or move you forward.How getting support, such as a mindset coach, can help you break out of negative thought patterns.The powerful question to ask when a negative thought about someone else pops up.LINKS AND RESOURCES:BETTERHELP: 10% off first month at: http://betterhelp.com/herselfLet’s connect!HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastHERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreenThis episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Have you ever found yourself taking your child’s behavior personally, getting defensive, or reacting in a way you wish you could take back? Today, we’re talking about how the Gottman Institute’s Four Horsemen of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling can show up in our parenting, why our kids’ emotional development means we have to take the lead when it comes to navigating conflict, and how much they learn from the way we handle hard moments. We’re not going to get it right every time, but becoming more aware of our patterns can help us model healthier communication, repair, and relationships for our kids.Key Topics CoveredWhy criticism can feel like an attack or humiliation to a childHow to tell the difference between taking a break and stonewallingWhy self-regulation has to come before trying to coach your child through a conflictHow to soften the start-up and communicate your feelings more clearlyThe importance of taking responsibility and modeling a genuine apologyLINKS AND RESOURCES:AMAZON STOREFRONT: https://amzlink.to/az0BrkLl5pX9uMOMCOZY: 20% off with code HERSELF https://momcozy.com/ Let’s connect!HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastHERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreenThis episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

We’re so excited to welcome Dr. Marisa Franco back to the podcast for the third time to talk about something so many of us struggle with: feeling worthy. We’re diving into why simply telling ourselves to “love ourselves” doesn’t always work, how our past experiences continue to shape the way we see ourselves today, and what it can look like to meet ourselves with more understanding instead of trying to force ourselves to feel differently. We also talk about how our own self-worth impacts the way we show up for our kids and how we can help the next generation build a healthier relationship with themselves.Key Topics CoveredWhy insecurity can actually be an adaptive responseHow attachment theory can become another form of perfectionismWhy some people struggle to receive complimentsThe connection between self-worth, memories, and our emotional responsesHow to recognize, regulate, and respond to difficult emotionsCONNECT WITH DR. MARISA FRANCO:Follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmarisagfranco Check out her website: https://drmarisagfranco.com/ Pre-order Marisa’s new book, Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment here: https://amzlink.to/az0RRIqPA4gxbListen to her past episodes on HERself: 59. The Challenge and Triumphs of Adult Friendships https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/herself/id1489878793?i=1000505703230 314. Attachment Styles in Adult Friendships https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/herself/id1489878793?i=1000739104904 LINKS AND RESOURCES:LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF SITKA SEAFOOD: Visit https://sitkaseafoodmarket.com/pages/herself for $35 Off + free salmon burgers for a year with a continuous subscription. The code HERSELF25 should auto-apply when using this linkLet’s connect!HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastHERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreenThis episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

What do you do when you and your partner keep having the same fight over and over again? Learning how to navigate those gridlocked arguments can help you stop spinning your wheels and start finding a way forward, even when you don’t see eye to eye. Today, we’re breaking down practical ways to approach these recurring disagreements, including how to look beneath the surface of the argument, stay connected when you don’t agree, and find a livable solution together. Because sometimes the goal isn’t to finally agree, but to learn how to handle the disagreement in a healthier way.Key Topics Covered:Why some relationship conflicts are unsolvableHow childhood experiences can shape the way we handle conflictWhy vulnerability can help you break out of a cycle of defensivenessHow to find common ground when you disagreeWhat to do when pushing for a solution isn’t workingLINKS AND RESOURCES:HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastLMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF Let’s connect!HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastHERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreenThis episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Money is one of the biggest sources of conflict in relationships, but it's rarely about the money itself. This week, we unpack why couples get stuck in the same financial arguments, how our childhood experiences and money beliefs shape the way we spend and save, and what it really takes to get on the same page with your partner. We also share practical ways to have healthier money conversations, better understand each other's financial habits, and build a stronger partnership instead of keeping score.Key Topics Covered:The four common money personalities and how they influence financial decisionsWhy regular money check-ins help couples stay connected and avoid resentmentHow financial anxiety can show up as overspending, oversaving, or avoiding money altogetherThe impact of lifestyle creep, comparison, and keeping score in a relationshipFour simple questions to uncover your own money beliefs and start better conversations with your partnerLINKS AND RESOURCES:LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF MOMCOZY: 20% off with code HERSELF https://momcozy.com/ GOTTMAN INSTITUTE ARTICLES ABOUT MONEY: https://www.gottman.com/blog/money-bankrupting-marriage/“MONEY MAPS” FROM THE GOTTMAN INSTITUTE: https://www.gottman.com/blog/arguments-money-arent-money/ Let’s connect!HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastHERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreenThis episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Resetting a tough day doesn't always require a complete restart. Sometimes it's about catching an unhelpful thought, asking for what you need, or making one small change that shifts your momentum. Today we're sharing five simple ways we turn our own days around when we're feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, or stuck, along with real examples from our lives that have helped us respond differently. If you've ever felt like a bad morning means the whole day is ruined, this conversation is for you.Key Topics Covered:How to identify and reframe unhelpful thought patterns before they spiralWhy taking one small action today is more powerful than waiting for tomorrowHow clearly communicating your needs can reduce resentment at homeSimple ways to build momentum by changing your environment or routineHow gratitude and remembering you're on the same team can shift your perspectiveLINKS AND RESOURCES:BETTERHELP: 10% off first month at: http://betterhelp.com/herselfHERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastLet’s connect!HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastHERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreenThis episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Feeling like yourself again often starts with zooming out instead of chasing the latest wellness trend. In this conversation, we sit down with Nurse Practitioner Carmen Stansberry to explore the bigger picture of women's health that focuses on the  idea of longevity vs a quick fix. We cover everything, from finding the right healthcare provider to understanding hormones, inflammation, sleep, and the daily habits that have the biggest impact over time. If you've been wondering where to start when you don't feel your best, this conversation offers practical guidance to help you make informed decisions and focus on what truly moves the needle.Key Topics Covered:How to find a qualified healthcare provider who looks at the full picture instead of offering quick fixesWhat heart rate variability (HRV) can reveal about stress, hormones, and overall healthThe truth about peptides, GLP-1s, and why personalized care mattersHow inflammation affects aging and simple ways to reduce it through everyday habitsWhat to know about hormone therapy, hair health, collagen, and protein as you get olderThe best longevity tips for womenCONNECT WITH CARMEN:Follow Carmen on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carmen.stansberry.np LINKS AND RESOURCES:LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELFMARY RUTH HAIR SUPPLEMENT: https://amzlink.to/az0kELnE6fNiV Check out episode 342: Our Unfiltered Thoughts About Turning 40, where we talk about aging and our thoughts on it: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/herself/id1489878793?i=1000772765470 Let’s connect!HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastHERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreenThis episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Summer can be one of the most fun seasons of the year, but it can also leave us feeling stretched thin. Today we're talking through the biggest sources of overwhelm our community is experiencing right now, from changing routines and packed schedules to messy houses and the pressure to make summer feel magical. We share simple mindset shifts and practical strategies that can help us adjust our expectations, focus on what matters most, and create a summer that actually works for our families.Key Topics Covered:How to create consistent routines even when every week looks differentCreative ways to make summer logistics easier, including carpools and sharing responsibilities with other familiesWhy boredom can be a gift and how to encourage kids to solve it on their ownHow to find a balance between planning enough and overscheduling your familyLetting go of guilt and remembering that kids often treasure the simplest moments mostLINKS AND RESOURCES:BETTERHELP: 10% off first month at: http://betterhelp.com/herselfAMAZON STOREFRONT: https://amzlink.to/az0BrkLl5pX9uLet’s connect!HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastHERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreenThis episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Marriage doesn't just bring two people together. It also brings together different families, expectations, traditions, and experiences. Today we're talking honestly about some of the most common challenges that come with in-law relationships, from feeling the weight of comparison to navigating boundaries and unmet expectations. While we can't solve every complicated family dynamic, we hope this conversation reminds you that your feelings are valid, you're not alone, and you and your partner can work together to build the family culture you want.Key Topics Covered:Why comparison between grandparents is natural and how to appreciate different ways of showing loveHow healthy boundaries protect relationships instead of damaging themWays couples can stay united when navigating difficult family dynamicsPractical ideas for handling extended visits, grandparent favoritism, and differing expectationsWhy speaking up gives family members the opportunity to make positive changesLINKS AND RESOURCES:LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF Join us at Tricky Foods in Madison, WI on Thursday, July 30th for Moms’ Night Out! Learn more and get your ticket here: https://www.herselfpodcast.com/shop/p/herself-moms-night-out-1 Let’s connect!HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastHERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreenThis episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.