Curing Comparisonitis — Melissa Ambrosini

There are a lot of things wrong with the way we live our lives. While the average American spends 90 percent of their day indoors, we continue to feel completely disconnected from our food sources, and are lonelier than ever, especially in light of this pandemic. My guest Becca Piastrelli, author of a new book Root & Ritual, believes we can offset some of this modern angst by “rewilding” and reclaiming the natural part of ourselves. Becca is a friend, writer, speaker, ancestral folk medicine keeper, and women’s group facilitator. I’m thrilled to share her journey and work with you!In this episode, Becca describes how she grew up with an ache of unbelonging, and an inner knowledge that there had to be more to life than what she was taught by her family and the patriarchal, convenience-driven society within which she was raised. Acknowledging that change is very difficult, she shares her thoughts on connecting with our ancestry, navigating the pandemic, and handling grief. Her book Root & Ritual which I highly recommend offers practical wisdom, processes, and recipes for reconnecting with land, lineage, and community. Tune in today to learn more about her work that embracing old ways can make our modern lives feel significantly better.• Becca shares the anxiety she experienced growing up, and why she developed impostor syndrome at a young age.• The four parts which make up Becca’s book, Root and Ritual.• How Becca’s relationship with nature has evolved over time.• Different meanings that rewilding can hold.• Obstacles to rewilding that exist in our society. • The value that Becca believes lies in embracing ancestral ways of living. • Everyday experiences which highlight how disconnected we are from nature.• What Becca’s life currently looks like, and how she plans to change it.• The importance of human connection, which we are losing.• Becca shares her thoughts on navigating different opinions about the COVID-19 vaccine. • Our “great severing” from our ancestors.• A process Becca went through to rebuild lost ties to her ancestry.• Personal challenges that Becca has gone through, and her method of dealing with them.• Becca’s relationship with shame.• The long journey that is rewilding.• What Becca is currently reclaiming. ReferencesBecca Piastrelli - https://beccapiastrelli.com/Root and Ritual - https://beccapiastrelli.com/book/Break the Good Girl Myth - https://majomolfino.com/bookHEROINE (Podcast) - https://majomolfino.com/podcast

Writing a debut novel that becomes a New York Times bestseller is an impressive feat. Doing it over 10 years while raising children and working a full-time job is simply awe-inspiring. Angeline Boulley is the author of Firekeeper's Daughter, a layered Native American thriller. She is an enrolled member of the Sault Ste. Marie Tribe of Chippewa Indians and writes about her Ojibwe community. In today's episode, we learn more about Daunis Fountaine, the book's main character, and her distinctive character traits. While there are similarities between Angeline and Daunis, the teen character blossomed into something unique and fierce. We hear some moving excerpts from the book, and Angeline talks about the gravity of the regalia and elder scenes in the work. Our conversation also touches on the complexity of strong women, why the book is not a trauma story, and we also find out more about what Angeline's fascinating writing process was like. This moving dialogue around the power of women creators and the role they play in shaping their cultural stories will lift your spirits and potentially change your life. • Hear about what Angeline was like as a little girl. • Where Angeline grew up and insights into her cultural background. • Hear about what Firekeeper's Daughter's main character, Daunis Fountaine, is like. • How similar and different Daunis is from Angeline. • What Daunis's greatest virtue and greatest flaw are. • The tension that Daunis feels struggling with different aspects of her identity. • Why it was so important for Angeline to convey the significance of Daunis's regalia. • The role that elders play in the book and how Angeline views elders in all of our lives. • Why it was so important for Angeline to include the complex Aunty character in her book. • We do strong women an injustice when we place them on pedestals. • How the word "resilient” is often misused to justify suffering. • The balance Angeline had to find between telling the truth and overloading Daunis with tragedy. • How Angeline found time to write the book while raising children and having a job. • What Angeline has learned about being kinder to herself from having children. • The impact that having teenagers had on Angeline's ability to write a teen character. • Why Angeline decided to make her first book the epic work it is. • How Angeline learned the craft of fiction, given that she did not study creative writing. • The support that Angeline had during her writing journey. • Angeline's tips for aspiring writers: find what works for you. • What Angeline, as a heroine, feels she is reclaiming for herself.ReferencesAngeline Boulley - https://angelineboulley.com/Angeline Boulley on Twitter - https://twitter.com/FineAngeline?ref_src=twsrc%255Egoogle%257Ctwcamp%255Eserp%257Ctwgr%255EauthorFirekeeper's Daughter - https://www.amazon.com/Firekeepers-Daughter-Angeline-Boulley/dp/1250766567We Need Diverse Books - https://diversebooks.org/Break the Good Girl Myth - https://majomolfino.com/bookMajo Molfino - https://majomolfino.com/HEROINE (Podcast) - https://majomolfino.com/podcast

How do you relate to the country of your birth, if it’s a place you’ve never visited? And when does nostalgia go from being something beautiful to an illness that keeps you from living in the present moment? Our guest today, Safia Elhillo is a Sudanese American poet whose strikingly beautiful debut novel Home Is Not a Country is deeply informed by these questions of belonging, nostalgia, and identity. Her book is written entirely in poetic verse and follows the story of Nima, a 15-year-old girl who longs to escape the racism and bullying she experiences daily in America and become someone else. Safia shares how she was first drawn to poetry because of the sense of community she saw amongst poets at open mic night and how she steadily honed her craft. We discuss the challenges immigrant parents face in imparting their culture to their children and how nostalgia can deprive you of appreciating the richness of your present circumstances. Join us today for an insightful and meaningful conversation on what it means to straddle two worlds and the power of community.• Introducing today’s guest Safia Elhillo• Safia shares what she was like as a child and how she discovered her talent for poetry. • Safia’s experiences moving around a lot as a child and insights into her cultural background. • How Safia was first drawn to the sense of community among the poets she saw.• Hear about Home Is Not a Country’s main character Nima and how Safia created her.• How nostalgia and its effects inform the topic of Safia’s book.• How Nima is driven by a desire to return to the country her parents came from.• Nima’s experiences of racism, rejection, and loneliness in the US.• The extent to which Home Is Not a Country is autobiographical.• How Home Is Not a Country explores the confusion of growing up in America while straddling two cultures.• Safia shares her experiences of belonging and how her perspective has changed.• The significance of a chosen community.• Safia explains the concept of nostalgia as an illness.• The challenges that immigrant parents face in raising their children to care about a culture they are not immersed in.• The use of magical realism and Islamic mythology in Home Is Not a Country.• The logistical challenges Safia faced in using time travel in her novel.• How Safia chose to write the entire novel in poetic verse.• Why it’s important to allow yourself to write a bad first draft.• The value of community and outside input for revising your work.ReferencesSafia Elhillo on Twitter - https://twitter.com/mafiasafiaSafia Elhillo on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/safiamafia/Home Is Not a Country - https://www.amazon.com/Home-Not-Country-Safia-Elhillo/dp/0593177053Break the Good Girl Myth - https://majomolfino.com/bookMajo Molfino - https://majomolfino.com/HEROINE (Podcast) - https://majomolfino.com/podcast

Continuing with our series on women in the literary arts, today’s guest is Mary H.K. Choi, a Korean-American New York Times best-selling author. Mary has written three young adult novels and has been published in The Atlantic, New York Times, and GQ. Her latest book, Yolk, is the story of two estranged sisters who slowly heal their relationship after one of them is diagnosed with cancer. In our wide-ranging conversation today, we talk about Mary’s journey to becoming a writer and some of the beliefs she had to let go of to get to where she is. We then dive into Yolk, where Mary talks about the similarities between her and one of the main characters, Jane. Mary unpacks why it was important for her to write about an eating disorder and having a fraught relationship with your body. Not only does this reflect Mary’s personal experience, but it also comments on the broader pressures within east Asian communities regarding physical appearance. We also touch on intergenerational trauma and why Mary thinks it’s an inevitable outcome of the immigrant experience, race, and the power of sibling hood as an immigrant. To hear all this and more, tune in today!• Hear what Mary was like as a little girl and her naturally inquisitive, scrappy nature. • When Mary realized that she wanted to be a writer and the pain that came with this realization. • The difficulty Mary faced trying to break into mainstream media. • For many years, Mary waited for permission, or for a break based on her merit. • A synopsis of Mary’s latest book, Yolk, and the similarities between her and the main character, Jane. • The struggles Mary has had with eating disorders throughout her life. • Why it was so important for Mary to talk about bulimia in her book. • How Jane’s low self-worth and insecurity reflect what happens to many women of color. • The different yolk signifiers and why Mary chose this as the name of the book. • Why Mary chose to explore sisterhood in Yolk, despite not having sisters herself. • Mary’s fraught relationship with America and how she thinks about her identity. • Having a brother gave Mary someone to talk to about their unique immigrant experience. • Representations of East Asian men in the media and how this differs from representations of East Asian women. • How Mary chose to bring up the issue of race in a non-prescriptive way. • What Mary has learned from her characters about what it means to break free.ReferencesMary H.K. Choi - http://www.choitotheworld.com/Mary H.K. Choi on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/choitotheworld/?hl=enMary H.K. Choi on Twitter - https://twitter.com/choitotheworld?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5EauthorYolk - https://www.amazon.com/Yolk-Mary-H-K-Choi/dp/1534446001Emergency Contact - https://www.amazon.com/Emergency-Contact-Mary-H-Choi/dp/1534408967Permanent Record - https://www.amazon.com/Permanent-Record-Mary-H-Choi/dp/1534445978‎Hey, Cool Life! - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hey-cool-life/id1448378735‎Hey, Cool Job! - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hey-cool-job/id984365487Break the Good Girl Myth - https://majomolfino.com/bookMajo Molfino - https://majomolfino.com/HEROINE (Podcast) - https://majomolfino.com/podcast

The conversation around identity has evolved greatly in recent years, and this progress has been so important for many people. However there is still a long way to go to a more inclusive and accepting world, and we are joined today by someone who is adding a beautiful and complex voice to the discussion! Meredith Talusan is a transgendered woman, born with albinism in the Philippines, and who later immigrated to the US. Her relationship to acceptance and belonging has always been a complex one, a relationship she explores in her book, Fairest, and in today's episode! We get to dive deep into her journey, talking about external perceptions and inner realities, her writing for many prominent publications, and her current role as contributing editor at Them, Conde Nast's LGBTQ online platform. We look closely at her move to the US and time at Harvard, and how this influenced her life's trajectory and her professional and personal decisions. Meredith also talks about the art and literature that played a huge role for her, and how she tries to avoid too many comparisons and stark binaries. This is a beautiful and nuanced conversation from someone with an amazing story and the ability to unpack it honestly and insightfully, so make sure to join us!• Meredith's curious early years, growing up in the cultural melting pot of the Philippines. • How being born with albinism impacted Meredith's feeling of never fully belonging.• Meredith's work on a sitcom and soap opera, and the dynamic this created with her mother. • Feelings around being treated a certain way due to appearance; Meredith's mixed emotions.• Meredith's experiences and reflections on leaving the Philippines as a teenager. • The constant process of learning and growing; navigating life with fewer examples to follow. • Literature and stories that impacted Meredith and how these aided her on her journey.• The evolution of the academic approach to 'minority literature' over the last few decades.• How Meredith came to terms with and appreciated her particular experiences. • The influence that Meredith's life story had on her success and publication as a writer.• Uncertainty and complexity within the transgender experience; adding nuance to the discourse. • Meredith's gender identity and her hope for a different world. • Considering the possibility of a space beyond identity and Meredith's perspectives on spirituality.ReferencesIgnite Leadership Program - https://majo-molfino.mykajabi.com/igniteMeredith Talusan - http://mtalusan.com/Fairest - https://www.amazon.com/Fairest-Memoir-Meredith-Talusan/dp/0525561307Meredith Talusan on Twitter - https://twitter.com/1demerithThem - https://www.them.us/Jane Austen - https://www.britannica.com/biography/Jane-AustenGeorge Eliot - https://www.britannica.com/biography/George-EliotVirginia Woolf - https://www.britannica.com/biography/Virginia-WoolfJames Baldwin - https://www.britannica.com/biography/James-BaldwinLangston Hughes - https://poets.org/poet/langston-hughesJennifer Finney Boylan - https://www.nytimes.com/column/jennifer-finney-boylanSophia Amoruso - https://www.girlboss.com/Break the Good Girl Myth - https://majomolfino.com/book

The heroine’s journey has historically been ignored, cast aside, and devalued, which has lead most of us to idolize and play out the hero’s journey in our own lives. On today’s episode, Gail Carriger, author of The Heroine’s Journey: For Writers, Readers, and Fans of Pop Fiction, breaks down why and how we can begin to reclaim the heroine’s journey for ourselves. You’ll hear about the biggest differences in motivation between the hero’s journey and heroine’s journey, as well as the best and worst parts of being a writer and how her writing genre facilitates a greater feeling of connection with readers. We explore the impact of culture on storytelling and narrative, how the hero narrative can feed into the development of toxic masculinity, and the history of how romance writing is critiqued and defined. If you’re a heroine on the journey who wants to have more self-trust and confidence, this episode is for you.• What Gail was like as a child: a bossy, self-motivated old soul who knew her own mind. • How Gail realized she was a storyteller; rewriting the end of stories her mom read to her.• The kind of stories Gail tells about heroine’s stories, connection, and happy endings.• Her primary motivation as a writer: found family and how that has played out in her life.• What she considers the best part of being a writer: providing comfort and connection.• Why the hardest part of being a writer is the illusion of extreme intimacy and being known. • How the genre of fiction Gail writes leads the audience to feel connected to her.• Why it is important for young people to have adult perspectives outside of their parents.• The distinction between the motivations of the hero’s journey and heroine’s journey. • The Wonder Woman journey as an example of the hero’s journey.• The heroine’s motivation to reconnect and her position of strength in asking for help.• Why a hero operates in isolation, but a heroine is most powerful in community.• The impact of culture on storytelling and narrative and their core mythos.• How the hero narrative can feed into the development of toxic masculinity.• What Break of the Good Girl Myth is about.• The history of romance writing and how it is defined and critiqued.• The harmful trope of “Pussy Salvation” in romance writing. •The prevailing American myth is that you have to do everything by yourself.•TJ Klune’s book on connection and found family, The House in the Cerulean Sea.•Gail’s realization that she is a communal writer and writes best around people.•How Gail’s confidence in herself and trust in her audience has grown over time. •How authors are driven to write non-fiction when they have identified a problem.•Break of the Good Girl Myth by Majo Molfino and where to get it.ReferencesGail Carriger - https://gailcarriger.com/Gail Carriger on Twitter - https://twitter.com/gailcarrigerThe Heroine’s Journey - https://www.amazon.com/Heroines-Journey-Writers-Readers-Culture-ebook/dp/B08D5ZSNRB/The House in the Cerulean Sea - https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/45047384-the-house-in-the-cerulean-seaBreak the Good Girl Myth - https://majomolfino.com/bookHEROINE (Podcast) - https://majomolfino.com/podcast

Alongside raising three children, working as an editor, and practicing as a spiritual psychologist, Anita Kopacz spent seven years creating the magnificent work of art that is Shallow Waters, her debut novel. Part historical fiction and part parable, Shallow Waters deals with deep ancestral trauma through ritual storytelling. The heroine of the book is a Black mermaid, Yemaya, and you’ll hear Anita’s reasoning for centering her story around this mythical deity, and what she thinks is the most valuable lesson that readers can learn from her. In today’s episode, we cover how Anita heals her own generational wounds by writing this story, a gift which she hopes it will also give to others. • Anita shares the quirks that make her describe her younger self as strange.• Where Anita’s family is from.• A description of the deity, Yemaya, that is the protagonist of Anita’s book, Shallow Waters, andwhat the story is about.• The connection that Anita feels to Yemaya. • How the process of writing Shallow Waters was healing for Anita.• Unexpected feedback that Anita has received from readers of her book.• Why Anita chose to write a work of fiction. • A novel that Anita read in high school which had a profound impact on her.• How the Yemaya in Anita’s book differs from the mythical deity that she is based on.• Reasons that Anita decided not to include any sexual trauma in the book.• The target audience that the book was originally intended for, and why that changed.• An important lesson that readers can learn from Yemaya.• Anita’s love for ritual storytelling and her plans for the future in this realm.• Advice from Anita on transitioning from non-fiction to fiction writing.• Fears that Anita has managed to overcome.• The process Anita went through to get Shallow Waters out into the world.• A valuable lesson Anita learned about how to deal with writer’s block.• Anita’s request to buy the book from independent outlets. ReferencesAnita Kopacz on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/anitakopacz/?hl=enShallow Waters - https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/56180285-shallow-watersHEROINE (Podcast) - https://majomolfino.com/podcast

Hi heroine,We are starting the new HEROINE season on Thursday, August 12th. Today I’m releasing the teaser and announcing the line-up of a badass guests. We are going to be focusing on the heroines at the center of these women’s books. As you can see, it’s going to get very literary and very nerdy!The questions we get to explore: Can we learn from these heroines? Are they mirrors for ourselves? How can we apply the learnings from these characters into our own lives? See the full-line up below, along with the books (and the heroines) we will be talking about.Anita Kopacz, author of adult “fairytale”/historical fiction novel Shallow Waters Gail Carriger, author of The Heroine’s Journey: For Writers, Readers, and Fans of Pop Culture Mary H.K. Choi, author of novel Yolk Meredith Talusan, author of memoir FairestSafia Elhillo, author of novel-in-verse Home is Not a CountryAngeline Boulley, author of the YA thriller Firekeeper’s DaughterI don’t say this lightly, when I say I have one of the most interesting and creative HEROINE seasons in store for you.These are deep, authentic, meaningful conversations here to help you make connections in your brain about your own creative work and the heroine’s journey. Get ready to be inspired. Interviews will begin airing on August 12th and will run until mid-September. It’ll be a short and sweet season of about 6-8 episodes so please devour them all, re-listen to them, and share them widely as they are all gifts for creative women everywhere. Can’t wait to share these amazing interviews with you,Talk soon!

In her new book, Comparisonitis, Melissa Ambrosini talks to Majo about the very commondisease of comparisonitis and offers actionable tips and strategies to heal yourself from it. • What Melissa was like as a little girl; she was outgoing, bubbly, and confident. • Melissa’s experience of being 12, losing her self-assurance, and comparing herself to other girls. • Why Melissa loved competitive dancing and the freedom it gave her. • How being involved in dance fed into Melissa’s self-doubt and “inner mean girl.” • The story of how Melissa emerged from her substance abuse and an eating disorder. • The catalytic moment in Melissa’s life that caused her to re-evaluate everything. • Where comparison stems from, according to Melissa. • Distinguishing between healthy comparison and toxic comparison. • Why it is so important that we heal our relationship with comparison now. • The difference between the way men and women compare themselves. • How our childhoods and caregivers shape the way we view ourselves. • Melissa’s ACES technique that you can use if you are in a comparison spiral. • Dealing with the powerful emotion of envy and how we can transform it into inspiration. • Melissa’s relationship with social media and how time blocking helps her.• You have to find what works for you when it comes to developing a healthy relationship with social media. • The amount of time the average person will spend on their phone and social media. • Strategies Melissa shares in her book to help you rethink your relationship with social media and your phone. • The value of having physical boundaries around where to use your phone.• You have to remember that social media is just showing the best aspects of everyone’s life. • Why Melissa is reclaiming presence for herself. ReferencesMelissa Ambrosini - https://melissaambrosini.com/Melissa Ambrosini - https://www.instagram.com/melissaambrosini/?hl=enMelissa Ambrosini on YouTube -https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoUydVMx0tYz4NU5bx8ifXQMelissa Ambrosini on Twitter - https://twitter.com/mel_ambrosini?lang=enThe Melissa Ambrosini Show - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-melissa-ambrosini-show/id1196106699Comparisonitis - https://www.amazon.com/Comparisonitis-Comparing-Yourself-Others-Genuinely/dp/1950665860Ignite - https://majo-molfino.mykajabi.com/igniteTony Robbins - https://www.tonyrobbins.com/The Social Dilemma - https://www.netflix.com/title/81254224Tristan Harris - https://www.tristanharris.com/Gretchen Rubin - https://gretchenrubin.com/Break the Good Girl Myth - https://majomolfino.com/bookMajo Molfino - https://majomolfino.com/HEROINE (Podcast) - https://majomolfino.com/podcast

If you have ever disappointed a loved one by following your truth, you will know just how painful it is. And although it hurts, not living in alignment with your life’s purpose will ultimately cause you much more pain. Sahara Rose has been there, let down her parents, and now wants to help you overcome the fear of judgment and criticism in her new book, Discover Your Dharma. In this episode, Sahara opens up about her background and the expectations placed on her as the child of Iranian immigrants. We hear about the fight she had with them and why this resulted in her finally feeling free. Then, we get into what the meaning of dharma is and how we can think of it as the mission statement of our lives. It might seem like getting closer to your dharma is a journey of seeking, but, in fact, it is about remembering who you were always born to be. Sahara also walks us through the three ways we can discover our dharma along with the nine dharma archetypes. Although we will have three to five dominant dharmas, we need them all, which is why it is necessary to see how they can work together and enhance one another. The conversation wraps up with talking about embodiment, and the work Sahara is doing to get a place of less exertion for greater reward. If you feel stuck in any way or disconnected from a purpose you know is within you, this conversation is sure to spark some questions to get you on a journey of discovery and remembrance.- Hear more about what Sahara was like as a little girl and her innate drive to help people.- Sahara’s ethnic and cultural background; her Iranian and Indian roots.- The fight that Sahara had with her parents when she was following her dharma.- How not having her parents’ approval finally set Sahara free.- What dharma means; the overall mission statement of your life and the essence of your soul.- The core dharma we all share to raise consciousness, so we don’t have to compete with one another.- Why finding your dharma is more about remembrance than seeking.- Sahara’s journey of unfolding and getting closer to her dharma.- The link between dharma and career; how they can become more closely aligned.- The three pathways to get to your dharma Sahara outlines in her book.- A question to ask yourself about the dharma finding pathway that’s best for you.- Hear about the nine dharma archetypes and the ones Majo got when she took the quiz.- Our archetypes, particularly the artist, can get suppressed because of societal expectations.- You need all nine archetypes but you will resonate with them in different strengths.- The archetypes which are naturally more embodied- How discovering ecstatic dance led Sahara to deeper embodiment and closer to her dharma.- The ongoing process Sahara is going through to reclaim the way she works.ReferencesSahara Rose - iamsahararose.comSahara Rose on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/iamsahararose/?hl=enSahara Rose on Twitter - https://twitter.com/IAmSaharaRoseHighest Self Podcast Sahara Rose - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/highest-self-podcast/id1244644906Discover Your Dharma - https://iamsahararose.com/dharmaDharma Archetype Quiz - https://www.dharmaarchetypequiz.com/Highest Self Podcast: 310: Breaking the Good Girl Myth - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/310-breaking-the-good-girl-myth-with-majo-molfino/id1244644906?i=1000488839779Ayurveda - https://www.ayurveda.com/resources/articles/ayurveda-a-brief-introduction-and-guideAyurveda (Idiot's Guides) - https://www.amazon.com/Ayurveda-Idiots-Guides-Sahara-Ketabi/dp/1465462767Ecstatic Dance - https://switchonnow.com/magazine/benefits-ecstatic-dance-5-rhythms-biodanza-ways-finding-bliss-movement-meditation/Break the Good Girl Myth - https://majomolfino.com/bookMajo Molfino - https://majomolfino.com/HEROINE (Podcast) - https://majomolfino.com/podcast