Help He Violated My Toothbrush

BIG NEWS. William is thinking of getting a hat. Yes, he does have one already. No, the Fedora doesn't count. After Jordan recounts the highs and lows from the team day out at Burnley away to Queens Park Rangers the boys get down to solving your dilemmas regarding how to choose which mates birthday you should attend when they fall on the same day and how to get over being told you look like you're old enough to be your best friend's father.

It's the moment we've all have been waiting for... Producer Ben's travel diaries! Strap in for some wild* tales from Ben's travels across South America last year. Not to be outdone, William has brought in his scrapbook from when he was five and it turns out to be the most 'William' thing ever. The boys also receive a piece of correspondence which has huge ramifications for International Cock or Ball fans.*the term 'wild' is used here sarcastically.

Jordan’s rocking a “trendy” new haircut, and it’s safe to say William is not impressed. Last week after William’s Jolly Joke, Jordan tries his hand at an Etiquettemology on a completely unexpected topic. Plus, one G&Diva faces a creepy dilemma when they discover their face on someone else’s walls.

With Burnley back in the Premier League next season, Jordan's keen to celebrate, and somehow William is also in the mood to probe the promotion. The boys also explore what the podcast might sound like if they were identical twins and there's unfortunate news on the horizon for the podcast's Crossed Wires show as giant rats have been spotted around Sheffield.

William attempts a Jolly Joke of the Week, though some censorship may have taken the edge off. Jordan brings not one, but two unwanted bathroom updates (that honestly, we wish he hadn’t). G&Diva dilemmas come in thick and fast, including a communal shower tinkler on the loose, and a cautionary tale about why you should always read the fine print on your lube.

Jordan’s love for spotless garments is thrown into question when a listener reveals some killer information about his beloved Shout Wipes. Meanwhile, William brings in some beautifully handwritten letters that gets Jordan unexpectedly emotional. And the boys do their best to help a G&Diva shooting his shot at 30,000 feet.

Jordan’s nursing a hangover this week, but William’s on hand to keep things lively with a hotly requested calendars etiquettemology. The Sexted mums get a shoutout as Jordan gears up for his trip to Casa El Norte, and Sarah’s in need of a little clarity when it comes to “Bed Chem”. Plus, the G&Divas bring in some truly grim dilemmas, featuring a smearing of dog poo and a rogue toenail.

Jordan shares some shocking details about his conception, and in the spirit of definitely not being a sex podcast, he also opens up about his brief foray into continental adult films. Meanwhile, William’s been accused of having a ‘common’ birthday (outrageous!), and the boys hear from a G&Diva whose superstitions changed the course of her labour.

There’s some Freaky Friday energy in the studio as William, feeling tender after a martini-fueled bender, starts talking football, while Jordan steps in with some sage wisdom. Despite the role reversal, the boys help a G&Diva with a banger of a bad luck charm, and hear about an explosive way to end a dinner party.

The boys are still reeling from the team’s prank, and are already plotting their revenge. William has the latest scoop on the Vatican’s hot priests calendar, we check in with the G&Diva who recorded a Spice Girls classic for their birthday, and Jordan’s latest “food swings” bring out his snobbiest opinions yet.