Why You're The Least Valuable Friend

Dr. K joins Ludwig and Squeex in the middle of an intense Dark Souls marathon to unpack a growing tension that goes beyond the game. What starts as frustration over skill differences quickly turns into a deeper conversation about resentment, competition, validation, and what happens when collaboration turns into comparison. As the conversation unfolds, Dr. K walks them through real relationship dynamics in real time. They explore how cycles of blame form, why arguing over who is “right” often makes things worse, and how resentment quietly builds when people feel unheard or undervalued. The episode becomes a live breakdown of how to move from winning arguments to actually repairing trust. Topics include: Why focusing on “the truth” can damage relationships How resentment builds between teammates and collaborators Competition vs cooperation in close partnerships Feeling respected versus feeling understood Why validation matters more than being right Breaking cycles of blame and escalation How to repair tension without keeping score HG Coaching : https://bit.ly/46bIkdo Dr. K's Guide to Mental Health: https://bit.ly/44z3Szt HG Memberships : https://bit.ly/3TNoMVf Products & Services : https://bit.ly/44kz7x0 HealthyGamer.GG: https://bit.ly/3ZOopgQ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. K unpacks what it means to feel like “the goober” in your friend group. The person who gets invited, but it doesn’t really matter if you show up. Starting from a brutal birthday story where nobody came, he shows how overgiving, bribing people with effort, and constantly trying to be “worth inviting” actually keep you stuck on the edge of every group. Being on the periphery isn’t a diagnosis, but it can wreck your self-esteem and make you feel forgettable even when you technically have friends. He then breaks down the science of social networks and what actually moves you toward the center of a group. Instead of clinging to one friend circle and making yourself small with self-deprecating humor, he explains how to build more connections, become the “in between” person who links groups, and stop hiding your strengths. Dr. K gives both big-picture strategies and small behavior changes so you can be respected, remembered, and valued instead of feeling like the tagalong. Topics include: What it really means to feel like a “goober” in social groups Clinging behaviors that keep you stuck on the edge of friend circles Why overinvesting in one group rarely gets you more respect Eigenvector centrality and how “social gravity” actually works Forming weak ties and turning them into strong, meaningful connections Becoming the bridge between different groups to raise your status How self-deprecating humor and playing small lower your social value Why showing your real skills and expertise changes how people treat you HG Coaching : https://bit.ly/46bIkdo Dr. K's Guide to Mental Health: https://bit.ly/44z3Szt HG Memberships : https://bit.ly/3TNoMVf Products & Services : https://bit.ly/44kz7x0 HealthyGamer.GG: https://bit.ly/3ZOopgQ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. K breaks down why so many people struggle with self-love and why the usual advice to “just love yourself” never works. He explains how early attachment, people pleasing, and constant self-negotiation slowly disconnect you from your own wants until you can’t tell who you are or what you deserve. Instead of treating self-love like a mindset hack, he shows how your environment and relationships quietly shape your sense of worth. He also lays out what actually moves the needle. That includes changing the way you talk to yourself, breaking the habit of appeasing your own anxiety, letting others reflect your value, and using meditation to stop fusing with every negative thought. Dr. K reframes self-love as something you grow into through awareness and experience, not something you magically “decide” to have. Topics include:- How childhood conditioning shapes adult self-worth- Why anxious and avoidant patterns make self-love harder- The trap of self-appeasement and over-negotiating with yourself- How self-loathing builds when you stay stuck in your own head- Using real relationships to rebuild a sense of value- Meditation as a way to observe thoughts instead of believing them- Small habits that slowly create authentic self-respect HG Coaching : https://bit.ly/46bIkdo Dr. K's Guide to Mental Health: https://bit.ly/44z3Szt HG Memberships : https://bit.ly/3TNoMVf Products & Services : https://bit.ly/44kz7x0 HealthyGamer.GG: https://bit.ly/3ZOopgQ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode Dr. K breaks down why most people cannot “fall in love with the grind” no matter how hard they try. The real problem is exhaustion. Not the good kind of tired you feel after a full day on the lake, but the worn-out, stretched-thin kind that builds up from emotional avoidance, poor focus, and physical deconditioning. Weekends and vacations only mask the issue instead of fixing it, and modern habits like using devices before bed or relying on substances wreck the REM sleep needed for recovery. He explains that loving the grind only becomes possible after rebuilding your capacity. That means emotional conditioning, better focus, strengthening the body, and viewing your current work as a stepping stone to the life you want. The first weeks are harder and more tiring, but over a few months your baseline energy rises, your work becomes more manageable, and the grind starts to feel rewarding instead of draining. Topics include: Why most exhaustion comes from emotional suppression, not workload How poor focus and constant distraction drain more energy than the work itself The impact of physical weakness, posture issues, and poor sleep on daily fatigue Why REM sleep is essential for emotional processing and daily reset Reconditioning yourself through emotional awareness, focus training, and basic movement How to frame your current job as a stepping stone so your brain stops giving up HG Coaching : https://bit.ly/46bIkdo Dr. K's Guide to Mental Health: https://bit.ly/44z3Szt HG Memberships : https://bit.ly/3TNoMVf Products & Services : https://bit.ly/44kz7x0 HealthyGamer.GG: https://bit.ly/3ZOopgQ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. K talks about what it really means to “have no personality” and why so many people feel like NPCs in their own life. He explains that a lot of people who say this aren’t clinically depressed or totally isolated, but feel like life is just a series of side quests with no main quest, no clear sense of who they are, and no strong preferences of their own. He breaks down three big patterns he sees in these people: living by “what’s right” instead of what they actually want, being extremely risk averse, and constantly chasing identity through groups and labels. From goths to gamers to political identities, he shows how over-identifying with a group can become a mask that blocks you from discovering your real self. He also defines personality in a concrete way: how you interpret situations, how you feel inside, and how you behave in response. Using examples from his practice and his own life, Dr. K talks about cultural conditioning (especially in immigrant and Asian families), the pressure to maximize your advantages, and how suppressing desire leads to a flat, “empty” existence. He then lays out what actually helps: noticing how comfort, efficiency, and fear shape your choices, allowing yourself to do things that aren’t perfectly “optimal,” taking meaningful risks, and stretching your capacities instead of always staying where you’re safe and competent. Over time, those choices are how you actually build a personality. Topics include:Feeling like an NPC, side quests without a main questThe trap of always doing the “right” or efficient thingComfort and risk aversion as personality killersIdentity vs identification (goth, gamer, trad wife, politics, etc.)How family expectations and culture suppress desireWhat personality really is: perception, internal reaction, behaviorWhy you fantasize about disaster forcing you to “prove yourself”Noticing your mental rulebook and changing itStretching your competence instead of “smurfing” through life HG Coaching : https://bit.ly/46bIkdo Dr. K's Guide to Mental Health: https://bit.ly/44z3Szt HG Memberships : https://bit.ly/3TNoMVf Products & Services : https://bit.ly/44kz7x0 HealthyGamer.GG: https://bit.ly/3ZOopgQ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. K digs into the emerging research on “AI-induced psychosis” and why he changed his mind from thinking it was media fearmongering to seeing real psychiatric risk. He explains how chatbots can act like a technological folie à deux (shared delusion), where empathic, sycophantic AI slowly amplifies your paranoia, isolates you from other people, and erodes your reality testing. Drawing from recent papers, he walks through how different models compare in delusion confirmation, harm enablement, and safety interventions, and then gives a practical checklist so you can tell if your own AI use is drifting into dangerous territory. Topics include: What “technological folie à deux” is and how shared delusions can form with a chatbot Bidirectional belief amplification: you vent, AI validates, your paranoia escalates Anthropomorphizing AI and why “I know it’s just a tool” doesn’t protect your emotional brain How sycophantic design (always trying to please the user) directly opposes healthy psychotherapy Epistemic drift: slowly moving from normal thinking into increasingly delusional narratives Case example of harmful, unsafe advice (e.g., “healthy” bromine alternative leading to toxicity) Research comparing models on delusion confirmation, harm enablement, and safety response The ways AI can weaken reality testing, reinforce suicidal or paranoid ideas, and increase isolation Self-assessment questions: frequency of use, emotional attachment, replacing friends, following AI advice Guidelines for using AI more safely and when elevated risk means you should talk to a professional HG Coaching : https://bit.ly/46bIkdo Dr. K's Guide to Mental Health: https://bit.ly/44z3Szt HG Memberships : https://bit.ly/3TNoMVf Products & Services : https://bit.ly/44kz7x0 HealthyGamer.GG: https://bit.ly/3ZOopgQ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this conversation, Dr. K sits down with creator JasonTheWeen to talk about the pressure of growing up, managing online relationships, and the complicated emotions that come with watching your parents get older. What starts as a light catch-up quickly turns into a deeper look at loneliness, responsibility, and the fear of losing the people you love. Jason opens up about feeling torn between his own life and his parents’ wishes, especially his dad’s plan to eventually return to Vietnam. Dr. K helps him explore the difference between what he feels he owes his parents and what he actually wants, while also unpacking how cultural expectations and emotional suppression shape the relationship. They also discuss the challenges of balancing streaming with real life, how hard it is to communicate honest feelings with family, and why unspoken emotions often turn into sadness or anger. It’s a heartfelt and very human conversation about trying to grow while holding onto the people who matter. HG Coaching : https://bit.ly/46bIkdo Dr. K's Guide to Mental Health: https://bit.ly/44z3Szt HG Memberships : https://bit.ly/3TNoMVf Products & Services : https://bit.ly/44kz7x0 HealthyGamer.GG: https://bit.ly/3ZOopgQ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode Dr. K explains why modern feeds are not trying to entertain you, they are trying to keep you bored. He breaks down boredom as a dopamine craving and withdrawal state, how short form platforms train your brain into tolerance, and why normal activities stop feeling fun. Then he shows how to reverse it by allowing boredom so your receptors upregulate, your sensitivity returns, and everyday life becomes enjoyable again. He also covers the temporary spike in stored anxiety and low mood that can surface during this reset and how to handle it safely. Topics include: What boredom is in the brain, dopamine craving and withdrawal How feeds create tolerance and downregulate dopamine receptors Why multitasking with phone plus TV feels empty The paradox: more boredom today, less boredom tomorrow Receptor upregulation and regaining pleasure from simple activities Dopaminergic flexibility, enjoying a wider range of things again Expecting rebound emotions when you unplug and why they taper When to seek clinical support if symptoms persist HG Coaching : https://bit.ly/46bIkdo Dr. K's Guide to Mental Health: https://bit.ly/44z3Szt HG Memberships : https://bit.ly/3TNoMVf Products & Services : https://bit.ly/44kz7x0 HealthyGamer.GG: https://bit.ly/3ZOopgQ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. K breaks down why so many people feel like they “peaked” in their 20s and quietly stall out in their late 20s and 30s. He explains how early life is driven by external expectations, achievement checklists, and making other people proud, and why that motivational system collapses once you are out of school, into a job, or stuck in a life that looks fine on paper but feels empty inside. Instead of more productivity hacks, Dr. K walks through how identity actually forms, why some people get trapped in paths they never truly chose, and how to rebuild real internal drive using evidence based principles. This episode is a practical roadmap for anyone who feels lost, plateaued, or terrified they already lived the “best” part of their life. Topics include: Feeling like you peaked in your 20s and why motivation fades in your 30s External validation, people pleasing, and the “noiseless” identity crisis Exploration vs commitment and how foreclosure keeps you stuck Letting go of sunk costs and the fear of starting over Self determination theory: autonomy, competence, and relatedness How to choose for yourself instead of chasing “right” and “wrong” paths Building competence by stretching your limits, not just performing well Why your relationships feel hollow when you do not know who you are Using feedback from others to solidify a more authentic identity Why the solution is not optimization supplements but discovering who you are HG Coaching : ⁠https://bit.ly/46bIkdo⁠ Dr. K's Guide to Mental Health: ⁠https://bit.ly/44z3Szt⁠ HG Memberships : ⁠https://bit.ly/3TNoMVf⁠ Products & Services : ⁠https://bit.ly/44kz7x0⁠ HealthyGamer.GG: ⁠https://bit.ly/3ZOopgQ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. K sits down with Dr. Zac Seidler for an unfiltered discussion about the modern male crisis like how societal expectations around strength, success, and emotional restraint are leaving men isolated, angry, and quietly collapsing inside. Together they unpack how men are taught to earn love through performance, how shame hides under humor and burnout, and why mental health systems often fail to reach them. In the second half, Dr. K explores deeper layers of male identity: how purpose collapses when external validation fades, the spiritual hunger behind modern depression, and how men can rebuild meaning through discipline, vulnerability, and connection. This is one of the most nuanced conversations yet about what’s really happening beneath the “men’s mental health” crisis. Topics include: The hidden link between masculinity, depression, and social isolation How humor, anger, and overwork mask emotional pain Why traditional therapy often misses how men communicate distress The collapse of meaning and identity in modern male life Dr. K’s framework for purpose and inner alignment Building connection without losing strength or autonomy What real progress for men’s mental health should look like today HG Coaching : https://bit.ly/46bIkdo Dr. K's Guide to Mental Health: https://bit.ly/44z3Szt HG Memberships : https://bit.ly/3TNoMVf Products & Services : https://bit.ly/44kz7x0 HealthyGamer.GG: https://bit.ly/3ZOopgQ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices