Andrea Owen: Building Shame Resilience for Burnout Recovery

“I’m in recovery from recovery,” explains Colleen Kachmann, Certified Master Life and Recovery Coach who joins the podcast to share her story of dealing with alcohol and burnout, and give new insight into the current understanding of and attitude toward addiction. For years, while playing the role of perfect mother, wife, career woman and volunteer, Colleen was also a self-described heavy day drinker. After joining Alcoholics Anonymous she found herself “indoctrinated” into believing that she was powerless over alcohol. An incident at a family dinner led to the realization that actually, we are all in control of ourselves and our lives. Through self-directed neuroplasticity and nervous system regulation, we can change the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. She has since founded “Recover with Colleen” where she teaches women who are “lost in the weeds” with alcohol to pursue mental health, happiness and a connection with their power and purpose rather than sobriety. On today’s episode of FRIED, she’ll describe what she calls “emotional sobriety.” She’ll explain how to develop a growth mindset, break out of victim mentality and learn to stop leading with “I can’t.” She’ll reveal what we’re really afraid of when we start to think of the worst-case scenario in the face of making change and what happens when we deal with “what is” instead of “what if.” It’s not about the alcohol, Colleen explains. Join today’s discussion to take the first step toward standing in your power. Quotes“I raised my children, I taught hot yoga, I taught aerobics, I was a health coach, I was all the things—I volunteered, I worked, I was a good ex-wife and a good new wife and all the things to all the people. So, you can see burnout coming there because I was very perfectionistic about my life. And I had this idea that I was getting away with my drinking.” (4:36 | Colleen Kachmann) “I became a perfect sober person. I was still playing the alcohol game. My life revolved around the topic of alcohol, but I had to switch teams. Now I’m team sober.” (7:09 | Colleen Kachmann)“I believe that when we realize that everything we do is actually a choice, now we can choose from a place of power.” (16:57 | Colleen Kachmann) “We don’t have to make our kids [lives] better. I think the truth underneath that story is we’ve lost ourselves in our kids, it’s been easier to just do the things for everybody else because we can hold our breath longer, and, ‘Oh, look, here’s a bottle of wine. So, I’ll just exchange my needs for some drink tickets, and shut the hell up. I can do that, just give me another drink.’” (28:08 | Colleen Kachmann)“We think we’re scared of having to live in an apartment after we get the divorce from the big house, or that we can’t do things. But actually you’re afraid of the story you’re going to tell yourself, that you’re starting over, that you failed, that you just lost your whole life or everything was meaningless behind you and you’ve wasted your time. It’s those stories that we’re afraid of.” (31:08 | Colleen Kachmann) LinksConnect with Colleen Kachmann:https://recoverwithcolleen.com/ https://www.instagram.com/recoverwithcolleen/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/colleenkachmann/ https://recoverwithcolleen.com/accelerated-recovery-masterclass/6Connect with Cait:Initial Call with Cait: bit.ly/callcaitInitial Call with Sarah: bit.ly/callsarahvPodcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“Why is it that two people can be in the same exact environment, at the same job, and one person burns out and another person doesn’t?” And not only does that other person not burn out, they thrive?” Well, as it turns out, just like everyone needs a certain amount of sun protection factor (SPF) to protect them from the harmful effects of the sun, so does everyone have their own BPF—burnout protection factor. On today’s solo episode of FRIED, Cait explains how we can build up our own BPFs within the six burnout factors— Work, Self, Health, Family, Overall Culture and Environment. For example, a BPF in the category of work would be feeling like you are well-sourced and well-supported. She’ll share why being in nature, having a regular sleep schedule, and fixing those little things around the house that you put off all do wonders for building up your protection factors. She’ll also explain the importance of sincere communication between family members and why what we think are our protection factors are very often our risk factors. By building your protection factor against burnout, you will find you have more to offer the world. By lifting yourself up, you also lift up those around you, and, ultimately, your community. Quotes“Why is it that two people can be in the same exact environment, at the same job, and one person burns out and another person doesn’t? And not only does that other person not burn out, they thrive.” (2:09 | Caitlin Donovan) “For some reason, those of us who need more burnout protection factors, seem to think we don’t need any protection from anything ever at all and we can do everything ourselves and if we’re just perfect then we’ll be fine. We think that perfectionism and people-pleasing are our burnout protection factors, but in fact, they are burnout risk factors. They create more vulnerability for us.” (6:02 | Caitlin Donovan) “There is zero judgment involved in this. It’s the same as SPF: some people need 4, some people need 50. It’s just your build. It’s fine.” (7:49 | Caitlin Donovan)“During those times when you are sacrificing for something or putting up with something that you are not willing to change, you need to up your BPFs to balance it out.” (17:55 | Caitlin Donovan)Linkshttps://www.friedtheburnoutpodcast.com/post/julie-menanno-secure-love-attachment-needs-burnout-and-your-relationships-with-everythinghttps://www.friedtheburnoutpodcast.com/post/straightfromcait-burnout-risk-factors-a-holistic-viewhttps://www.friedtheburnoutpodcast.com/post/straightfromcait-start-your-burnout-recovery-by-taking-the-good-plateConnect with Cait:Initial Call with Cait: bit.ly/callcaitInitial Call with Sarah: bit.ly/callsarahvPodcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“How you take command of the narrative is what’s going to see you through when you begin to determine what parts, if any, of the story you want to tell.” John Neral, executive and career transition coach, and host of the Mid-Career GPS podcast, joins FRIED to discuss how best to address gaps that burnout leaves in your resume when interviewing with a potential new employer. The first step is removing any shame and recognizing your own power in the process—you are evaluating the company just as much as they’re evaluating you. Using the Four Fs—Fit, Function, Finance, Forward—John advises the questions to ask to determine your values and whether they match the company’s, how to negotiate your best compensation package, and why you should be thinking two steps ahead. He’ll tell you when to take the conversation deeper and as well as how to avoid wasting both parties’ time. How do those with rejection sensitivity dysmorphia, or those who are still recovering from burnout create the best outcome for both the short term and the long term? Listen as John tells a story about the rude comment one HR executive made that determined his decision of whether to work with the company and his very New Jersey response in return. Quotes“We grew up thinking, ‘Oh, my gosh. They’re going to bless me with an interview. I have to be good and I can’t offend them and I can’t—we don’t want to offend anyway—but I can’t upset them and if I ask this question, what are they going to think?’ Some of the best compliments, Cait, when I was interviewing for jobs, that I ever got, were when somebody on the interview panel would look at someone and say, ‘I feel like I’m the one being interviewed,’ and I would say, ‘Well, you are.’” (8:17 | John Neral) “Oftentimes we think, ‘Oh, gosh. Now, we’re going to talk about money.’ Now battle lines are drawn, it’s them versus us —no, it’s not. Round the edges off. It’s a conversation. ‘This is what I want. Can we make this up here? What about this?’ If anything, it’s an opportunity for you to get really curious, to know what you want but get really curious because how the company negotiates with you at that point is also going to tell you a lot about their culture.” (27:59 | John Neral)“Oftentimes, job seekers will look at going for a job as an immediate solution or quick fix of getting them out of a situation they’ve been in. ‘I work for a toxic employer. I haven’t had a job, I just have to accept something and move on.’ When people aren’t thinking forward about forward, what happens is this decision becomes very isolative. ‘I’ve checked the box, so now what?’” (32:06 | John Neral)“Career gaps and break are not as stigmatized or biased as what they were pre-pandemic.”(39:56 | John Neral)“This is what I needed, this is what I did, here’s what I learned, here’s what I gained, here’s why this is of value to you. Take that gap and turn it back to, ‘Here’s why I’m a better leader, a better employer, here’s what it is that I’ve done.” (43:00 | John Neral) LinksConnect with John Neral:Website: https://johnneral.comInstagram: https://instagram.com/johnneralcoachingLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/johnneral/Checklist: https://www.johnneral.com/signupConnect with Cait:Initial Call with Cait: bit.ly/callcaitInitial Call with Sarah: bit.ly/callsarahvPodcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

On a recent trip to Thailand, Sarah experienced jet lag that was comparable only to the exhaustion she experienced while deep in the midst of burnout. She highlights that while jet lag might need just a few days of rest to overcome, recovering from burnout—a state of deep energy depletion—requires more time and patience. Sarah offers practical advice that could potentially reduce the recovery time from burnout by up to 80%, emphasizing the importance of setting realistic expectations and how this approach also helps in alleviating fear and uncertainty.Throughout the episode, Sarah explores the principles of Chinese medicine, focusing on the most energizing foods and their preparation to maximize energy recovery. She delves into the Chinese concept of having two internal "batteries" and their locations, ways to enhance the quality of your blood and chi (vital energy), and explains why the heart is considered the central element of one's being. Additionally, Sarah talks about the significance of self-reflection on energy use, the benefits of maintaining a resentment journal, and the crucial step of releasing guilt associated with reaching a state of burnout. She encourages listeners to embrace self-compassion and recognize the potential for improvement, marking the beginning of a journey towards better energy management and self-care. Quotes“Unfortunately, burnout exhaustion is not the kind of exhaustion that a few nights of good sleep or a vacation will make better.” (2:18 | Sarah Vosen)“The Chinese call the heart “the emperor” because they see it as the organ in charge, not the brain.” (7:54 | Sarah Vosen)“Stop for a second and recognize all the times you’ve spent more energy than you woke up with, thanks to caffeine or sheer willpower to keep pushing and going and doing. And then realize that every time you did that and went to bed beyond exhausted, that you actually dug that hole of depletion deeper. Ugh, I know.” (10:53 | Sarah Vosen) “Once I got into the habit of pushing the things that weren’t priority from my schedule, I started to see how those things weren’t priority at all. A lot of them weren’t even necessary for me to do, and a lot of them I never did again.” (11:56 | Sarah Vosen) “Stop and give yourself a hug and acknowledge how much this sucks. And please, borrow my trust that it’s temporary and tell yourself that you will get better, slowly but surely.” (14:41 | Sarah Vosen) LinksThe Resentment Journal: https://www.caitdonovan.com/resentment-journalSleep episode with Cait and Sarah: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sfc-s-burnout-and-sleep-a-chinese-medicine-perspective/id1469939920?i=1000641567682Scheduling acupuncture with Sarah near Minneapolis, MN: https://acusimple.com/access/7008/#/appointments/8888/list/42506/2024-03-14/Connect with Cait:Initial Call with Cait: bit.ly/callcaitInitial Call with Sarah: bit.ly/callsarahvPodcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“Insecure attachment—period—whatever category you’re in, is 100 percent nurture. One hundred percent. It’s a relationally driven disorder.” Dr. Julie Menanno, author of “The Secure Relationship,” joins the FRIED podcast to talk about relationships and attachment theory. For many of us, our parents or caretakers, failed to meet our needs. To control the resulting anxiety, we form insecure attachment, the variety of which Dr. Julie further explains here. These childhood attachment styles then take a toll on our current relationships as we continue to struggle to get our needs met—or even to understand our needs in the first place—engage in non-nourishing coping strategies, and give of ourselves in a way that leaves us depleted rather than replenished. To be understood is one of our most deep-seated needs. Some of us think we are practicing empathy when actually we have just learned to be hyper-vigilant of others emotions, in order to form our reaction ahead of time. When we make decisions for ourselves and others based on our assumptions of how they feel, we further dysregulate the relationship. Dr. Julie explains a two-fold process for breaking this cycle.On this episode of FRIED, Dr. Julie will share how to create space for pause and why resentment and anger are useful while blame is not.Quotes“The first bit of grace I want you to give yourself today is, if you are a parent or a caregiver and you can be present and secure and balanced 50 percent of the time, you are killing it.” (8:17 | Caitlin Donovan)“It leaves [you] not knowing how to help yourself, never learning how to help yourself in those places. And [when] we don’t know how to help ourselves, we’re going to go into all sorts of ways, junk food ways, to help ourselves that really don’t help us get [our needs met]. Like I said, junk food meaning, yeah, you’re getting the food, but you’re not getting the nourishment. You’re overfed, undernourished.” (11:00 | Julie Menanno) “Everybody’s going around trying to feel safe, trying to not feel alone, trying to not feel rejected, and that’s the vehicle to feeling accepted is understanding, and validation and acceptance. I’m breaking them apart, but they’re all the same glob. It’s de-shaming.” (22:26 | Julie Menanno) “Empathy comes from a regulated place. A balance of head and heart. Empathy does not come from dysregulation and it does not come from emotional cutoff.” (25:29 | Julie Menanno) “No matter what, this work is about a gift to yourself. It’s about you being your best self for you. And it’s hard because we associate self-work and all these ways of showing up as our best self in the relationship with giving to another in this exhausting way.” (39:24 | Julie Menanno)LinksConnect with Julie Menanno:Website: https://thesecurerelationship.comInstagram: https://instagram.com/thesecurerelationshipConnect with Cait:Initial Call with Cait: bit.ly/callcaitInitial Call with Sarah: bit.ly/callsarahvPodcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Hey, FRIED fam! On today’s episode of The Burnout Podcast, Cait is answering written questions from bosses and leaders, asking how to deal with burnout while balancing all of the other concerns of their company and employees. How can you maintain a healthy workplace culture while recovering from burnout? How do you deal with employees who punch up out of frustration? What if restructuring the business to promote a healthier workplace results in layoffs? First, Cait makes the distinction between what is and is not a leader’s responsibility. It is their responsibility to implement, enforce and model a healthy and productive workplace culture. It is not their job however, to fix it individually. Hiring an outside party is essential regardless of cost. She reveals one of the biggest drivers of employee burnout, its actual physical effects, and the point at which leaders may just need to get over themselves. As a boss, you’ll learn #straightfromcait how to positively influence company culture so that everyone wins. Quotes“We have to understand that if your workplace culture was healthy, it’s more likely that you wouldn’t have ended up here.” (1:39 | Caitlin Donovan)“You don’t do it alone. You get support. This is something you have to invest in. It might not have been in your budget. And guess what? You have to do it anyway.” (4:21 | Caitlin Donovan) “If you are someone who typically burns out, and you’re a people pleaser and a perfectionist, as a business owner, you’ve likely hired other people who are people pleasers and perfectionists. So, you might have employees who are holding on just to help you out and really they’ve wanted to go for two years.” (5:08 | Caitlin Donovan) “I’m not actually sure that we can challenge the assumption that the burden of setting and resetting the culture rests in the leader, because it does. Leaders have to be the drivers of change and employees can contribute to that but not before the leader sets the tone and the direction. That is literally the job.” (12:25 | Caitlin Donovan) “One of the things during burnout—and this is fascinating—is you lose some of your peripheral vision, actually, physically, lose peripheral vision. This kind of also works in a brain way. You also can’t see solutions that are not right in front of you. So, when you’re burnt out you kind of tunnel vision yourself and it’s really hard for you to see the bigger picture and how everything is interacting.” (14:45 | Caitlin Donovan) Linkshttps://www.friedtheburnoutpodcast.com/post/karina-schneider-how-to-prepare-for-your-return-to-work-after-burnout-or-mental-health-leavehttps://www.friedtheburnoutpodcast.com/post/straightfromcait-what-can-companies-do-to-reduce-burnout-riskhttps://www.friedtheburnoutpodcast.com/post/straightfromcait-how-companies-can-use-burnout-to-heal-culture-issuesConnect with Cait:Initial Call with Cait: bit.ly/callcaitInitial Call with Sarah: bit.ly/callsarahvPodcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“Shame is driving the bus of our lives,” says life coach, keynote speaker, author and “hell-raiser” Andrea Owen, who joins the FRIED podcast. In this episode, Andrea shares a four-step process toward building shame resilience, which she learned while studying under author and professor Brene Brown. Many of the behaviors that we engage in–perfectionism, people pleasing, control– are what Brene Brown calls “the armor”. These tactics are means of avoiding shame. One initial helpful step to building resilience is to become aware of how our shame manifests. Another major step toward building shame resilience is reaching out to others whom you can trust and who have earned the right to hear your story. Andrea and Cait have advice for those who feel they have no one to whom they can reach out. For those who have always been the “shower-upper” in the relationship, they get into the specifics of how to set the groundwork to allow people to show up for you. There is no escaping the feeling of shame. It is a human emotion, like joy or sadness. We all experience it and pretty regularly. Instead, we can build resilience to it, and talking about it, as we are on this episode of FRIED, is also a major part of building that resilience.Quotes“Shame likes to hide. Shame is a solo-preneur It likes to be behind the scenes. It’s like a ghostwriter, almost. It doesn’t like to be named.” (12:04 | Caitlin Donovan and Andrea Owen)“Largely, shame is an unconscious feeling and experience that we have because when it is that way, it’s able to do its job better. Its job is to keep us small; its job is to keep us from connecting with other humans; its job is to keep us in line.” (20:23 | Andrea Owen)“That was sort of the eye-opener for me in my training of, ‘Oh, all of these behaviors that the women in my audience engage with—me, too, by the way— we’re doing that in an effort to avoid shame. Therefore, shame is driving the bus of our lives.” (22:53 | Andrea Owen)“Get very, very familiar, get in bed with those [physical] symptoms so you know when it is happening. One of the goals is that you know when you’re in it, you can become resilient to it.” (31:24 | Andrea Owen)“Like we can talk about joy, like we can talk about gratitude, shame is just another human emotion and experience.” (45:37 | Andrea Owen) Linkshttps://www.friedtheburnoutpodcast.com/post/dr-kristin-neff-self-compassion-being-human-and-living-with-an-open-heartConnect with Andrea Owen:Website: https://andreaowen.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heyandreaowen/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/heyandreaowen/Book: https://andreaowen.com/free Connect with Cait:https://friedtheburnoutpodcast.comhttps://caitdonovan.comBook an Initial Session with Cait: bit.ly/callcaitBook a free 1:1 call with Sarah: bit.ly/callsarahvGet info on FRIED's group program for burnout recovery: https://caitdonovan.com/unfried Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Dr. James Gordon, Harvard educated psychiatrist, founder and CEO of the Center for Mind Body Medicine, is recognized throughout the world for his use of self-awareness, self-care and group support to heal population-wide psychological trauma. He joins us on this episode of FRIED to discuss techniques featured in his new book “Transforming Trauma: The Path to Hope and Healing.” He begins by dispelling two prominent myths. Trauma is not relegated only to those who have extreme experiences. We all have dealt with or will deal with trauma sooner or later. Divorce, death of loved ones, facing immortality, major career setbacks or disappointments, all have traumatic impacts. What’s more, contrary to popular belief, we are not doomed to carry our trauma with us for the rest of our lives. We can not only heal ourselves but in doing so come through the other side as better human beings—wiser, kinder and more thoughtful. One highly effective component of Dr. Gordon’s recovery program as described in “Transforming Trauma” is the method of shaking. For those stuck in a freeze response, shaking our bodies, often to music, brings us back into the present. He tells a beautiful story of his time spent working in Haiti with a group of female nursing students who were barely out of their teens. They had recently lost 90 of their classmates and friends to the 2010 earthquake. Dr. Gordon led them through a shaking exercise and the results were both life affirming and hilarious. Another element that keeps us frozen is our judgment—of ourselves and others– a vicious cycle that prevents us from feeling joy and spontaneity. Dr. Gordon explains how we can free ourselves from this rigid, dogmatic state. Any trauma recovery program should be comprehensive, and requires experimentation and mindfulness of our own needs. When we free ourselves from our frozen state we open our minds to infinite possibilities.Quotes“If trauma doesn’t come early in life because, in fact, you have been abused or neglected or you have a congenital deformity of some kind or because you live in a community of violence or poverty, it will likely come in young adulthood or midlife, when we have terrible disappointments, when relationships break up.” (4:31 | Dr. James Gordon)“Change is possible and you can create that change yourself.” (11:04 | Dr. James Gordon)“[Shaking] is the body’s natural way of dealing with certain kinds of overwhelming stress. This is a method that is native to vertebrates, in general. You can see it if you have a dog who’s been in a fight with another dog. After that fight, you pull the dog away on the leash, and the dog is going to shake. It’s shaking off that high level of stress that’s come about from that confrontation. So, it’s part of us, biologically.”(16:00 | Dr. James Gordon)“It’s a vicious cycle, in which you’re judging others and you’re looking for their judgment, it just goes on and on. It’s what inhibits change and it’s what inhibits joy, and certainly inhibits spontaneity.” (16:00 | Dr. James Gordon)“That mind, which can be so useful, needs to be a tool. It shouldn’t be running us.” (40:24 | Dr. James Gordon)Linkshttps://www.friedtheburnoutpodcast.com/home/search/traumaConnect with Dr. James Gordon:Website: cmbm.orgLinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jamesgordonmd Connect with Cait:https://friedtheburnoutpodcast.comhttps://caitdonovan.comBook an Initial Session with Cait: bit.ly/callcaitBook a free 1:1 call with Sarah: bit.ly/callsarahvGet info on FRIED's group program for burnout recovery: https://caitdonovan.com/unfried Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Hey FRIED Fam,Welcome to a very special sponsored episode where we dive into the transformative journey of Lee Dryburgh, a longevity and biomarker industry expert whose personal and professional experiences offer invaluable insights into wellness, burnout recovery, and the revolutionary impact of accessible health data.Key Highlights & Timestamps:The Catalyst of Change [00:01:13-00:07:23]: Lee shares his early burnout story, starting from his high-pressure career at Cisco, leading to a pivotal moment of physical and emotional collapse at an airport. This experience forced him to reconsider his lifestyle and embark on a decade-long sabbatical in Ljubljana, Slovenia.Post-Burnout Growth & Self-Discovery [00:07:23-00:18:26]: Lee discusses the profound personal growth following his initial burnout. He speaks about the importance of slowing down, embracing the present, and how a series of unfortunate events, including tumultuous relationships and familial losses, led him to therapy and a significant mental shift towards "beingness."Journey Into Functional Medicine [00:19:36-00:28:00]: A chance encounter with a blood lab revealed Lee was pre-diabetic, sparking his interest in functional medicine, biomarker optimization, and the role of diet in health. His exploration into supplements and continuous health monitoring transformed his well-being.Introduction to SiPhox Health [00:28:00-00:42:39]: Lee explains his collaboration with SiPhox Health, a company aiming to democratize access to health data through at-home blood testing. He highlights how understanding biomarkers can aid in managing stress, inflammation, and overall health, emphasizing the kit's role in proactive health management and burnout recovery.This episode not only sheds light on the physical and emotional facets of burnout but also introduces groundbreaking tools for health optimization. Lee's story is a testament to the power of introspection, the value of health data, and the potential of technology to enhance our well-being.For more details on SiPhox Health and to take advantage of a special discount for FRIED listeners, visit siphoxhealth.com/fried.

Hey listeners! I'm Sarah Vosen, and I am delighted to be with you today. In this episode, I will discuss the importance of tuning into your body's signals for guidance, decision-making, and prioritizing self-care practices during burnout recovery. Follow me as we do an exercise to identify what physical sensations signify yes or no answers to better understand your body’s needs. Tune in to boost your intuition and make choices aligned with your needs during burnout recovery! Episode Highlights:Learning to recognize and differentiate between yes and no feelings in the body through sensory exploration of scenarios. Sarah guides listeners in an exercise to tune into their body's physical sensations when imagining saying yes or no to different scenarios. This helps them recognize what a yes and no feel like nonverbally so they can better understand their body's signals.Prioritize self-care practices based on your body’s signal. Rather than overloading your plan with various self-care practices, Sarah encourages you to list options and check in with your body. This helps you prioritize based on current needs indicated by your body's response, whether a clear yes or no.When dealing with tough decisions that require steps you're hesitant about but are necessary for your goal, Sarah suggests paying attention to that resistance. This helps you determine what kind of support you need to take those initial steps, adding depth to your decision-making process. The process of listening and trusting will get easier as you continue practicing..Connect with Cait:https://friedtheburnoutpodcast.comBook an Initial Session with Cait: bit.ly/callcaitBook a free 1:1 call with Sarah: bit.ly/callsarahvGet info on FRIED's group program for burnout recovery: https://caitdonovan.com/unfried