Chapter Nine: Forgiveness for Others Part Two

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"We are all in a forgiveness predicament together." "Grace finds us in Christ. Then we grace ourselves." "Perhaps the first thing we need to forgive ourselves for is not being gods." "Forgiveness requires a sure foundation."  In order to forgive ourselves, several prerequisites must be in place. We must NOT: 1. ignore our conscience and continue doing what we know we shouldn't 2. justify our wrongs; give excuses as to why we did something, or tell yourself, "It isn't that wrong." 3. Blame others for your actions/behavior; project our hurt and behaviors as being their fault Rather, we MUST: 1. Accept responsibility for our actions 2. recognize our guilt 3. address both the wrong and the attitude leading to the wrong 4.repent of the wrongdoing 5. makes amends unless it requires the perpetuation of the wrong 6.show respect for the victim 7. accept God's forgiveness "Love the enemy within yourself." "We sin not because we love ourselves too much, but because we do not love ourselves enough." "We move from self-absorption to other-centeredness. We lose ourselves in caring for others."

"We naturally resent anyone who harms us or harms those we love. We seethe. Resentment demands ransom of revenge. We live to "pay them back." With our words or with our deeds- maybe both- we will get them. We think, Just you wait!" "The power to forgive comes from God and is available through prayer." "We may forget when we forgive. However, the two should not be equated." "Memory makes forgiveness possible" You must go back and remember the hurt before you can remove the pain and forgive.  "Before we can forgive, we must suffer a hurt." "In our hurt, courageous, loving confrontation can open the door to transformation." Once hurt, through courage and love you can confront the person and the door to transforming the relationship to a deeper state is opened.

"When the night is the darkest, when evil is the strongest, when hope is the dimmest- God is present, not absent, working to bring about resurrected life!" "Some things we may never understand. Still questions are good." "Grace is also good." "Silence is God's first language- everything else is poor translation."

"Confession differs from acknowledgement." "Gilt is not grace. Remorse is not repentance. To continue committing the sin, is to withhold forgiveness to you." "To repent of our sins means to turn around and go in a different direction...genuinely confess with the intent of forsaking them. We turn around and go home. We come home." "Two roads diverged in the wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." Robert Frost "The path taken, which makes all the difference is marked by consciousness of sin, plus confessing of sin, which leads to cleansing of sin. This road leads to life. This is the way to forgiveness." "either we can try to pay for our sins, or we can let Christ pay for them." "Every sin we commit must be paid for."

"We must be careful neither to criticize nor condemn the person with whom we wish to restore a relationship." Sometimes saying, "I forgive you," is misheard and perceived as "I blame you." "A better approach would be, "I want you to know how much our relationship means to me. Our estrangement hurts me deeply. I wonder how we might work together to make things right. I'm here because I care." "We must let go of our pain and hatred." "The 'As If" principle states that we must act "as if" the desired reconciliation has already happened."  "We may not be able to will forgiveness, but we certainly can will steps that lead to forgiveness." "Warm actions melt hearts." The General Irene, "It's hard to hate someone you're praying for." 

"Why must we forgive? Because forgiveness is the only way to be fair to ourselves." "Forgiveness sets us free from those dark, evil forces that can storm our minds, seize our souls, and hold us hostage until the ransom of revenge is paid, then paid again and again, until at last we are morally and spiritually bankrupt." "We pardon to the degree we love....to refuse to forgive is to choose to hate."  "We are being cruel and unfair when we bind ourselves to a torturous past. Not to forgive is to choose to live backward rather than forward."  "Unless we break with the evil past deeds, our present and future are hopelessly overwhelmed and drained of hope." "Maybe in a moment of reflex response we find retaliation the easiest way to live. However, in the long run, retaliation will kill you." "We do not always have a voice or a vote in the painful events that befall us in life. Yet, we have everything to say about the kind of person we become as a result of those events." "God does not offer the gift of forgiveness without giving the power to forgive." "For many of us, the hardest person to forgive is ourselves." 

"Revenge chains us to the whole painful event. Both feuding parties get stuck on a merry-go-round, taking turns hurting the other. The get even proverb is a lie! Revenge is not sweet." "The pain you give is never the same as the pain you get (if you don't forgive)." "You get stuck in a painful past like houseflies on a glue strip. But the other option is forgiveness." "Forgiveness is not about the past, it is about the future." "Only forgiveness gives us peace." "Because forgiveness returns love to the heart- the very place from where it has leaked out. Forgiveness restores the soul. Forgiveness heals relationships."

"Danger lurks wherever we find animosity, resentment, and estrangement." "Forgiveness is the removal of personal barriers within a relationship caused by wrongdoing, real or imagined." "Forgiveness rids relationships of bitter personal barriers." There are four stages to the process of forgiveness: Hurt, Alienation, release, and reunion

Set Free by Forgiveness By: j. Randall O'Brien "Guilt inevitably produces fear." "You have two basic choices when we recognize our guilt: denial or confession." The blame game: :Ignoring our conscience, justifying our actions, or blaming others for our wrongdoing are a;; responses to guilt which lead to self-destruction." ""Projection is when we project our badness onto to others." "How do we get rid of guilt and shame? First, we "own" it or confess it. Next, we remove ourselves from the source of wrongdoing." Jesus tells "If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you...If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell (Matt. 5:29-30)" "We should acknowledge the problem and take drastic action to correct it."