261. How to Stop People-Pleasing Without Becoming Rigid ft. Dr. Paula Freedman-Diamond

TW: This episode includes discussion of grief, loss, and suicide. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out. You can call or text 988 to connect with the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline — they're available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and it's free and confidential.This week, Ali is joined by a listener who opens up about grieving the loss of a partner and navigating life (and dating) while healing from deep trauma. She shares what helped her through the hardest years, how healing unfolded in non-linear ways, and what it’s been like to build a full life on the other side of grief. They explore what it really means to seek connection while carrying grief, the tension between moving forward and honoring loss, and how dating can feel especially complicated after partner loss.Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqsIf you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight .Thanks to this week’s partners:Armoire: Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMHBilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmhHomeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode!Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMH* Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Matchmaker Jackie Dorman joins Ali to break down the latest season of Love Is Blind through the lens of someone who has helped over 1,600 people get engaged or married. They dig into why the pod format rewards anxious attachment, what emotional over-functioning really looks like on screen, and how to tell the difference between genuine chemistry and chaos. Plus, couple-by-couple predictions on who actually makes it to the altar!In Updates, Ali had some very exciting shopping adventures with Skyline plus a fun triple date. And, we hear from Katy & Tony for one last Dating Diaries update with some serendipitous timing.This week’s Media Mention (aside from Love is Blind!) is a Youtube video on Patriarchal Bargaining by the Gender Equality Network, found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C82QxH4hWwM&t=19sWhere to find Jackie: On Instagram @jackiedormanofficial, on TikTok @jackiedormanofficial, at www.jackiedorman.com.Pre-Order Jackie's book "Modern Dating Sucks: A Matchmaker's Guide to Finding Love in a Swipe-Left World" here: https://jackiedorman.com/mdsbookTimestamps: Jackie joins us at around minute 27.Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqsIf you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight .Thanks to this week’s partners:Armoire: Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMHBilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmhHomeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode!Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMH* Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Dr. Paula Freedman-Diamond joins Ali to discuss people-pleasing and how it relates to control in dating and relationships. Paula, a therapist and author of Toxic Striving, breaks down how people-pleasing and rigid boundary-setting are two sides of the same coin: both are attempts to control outcomes and avoid uncomfortable feelings. The conversation explores how to identify when you're prioritizing external validation over your own values and what the middle ground looks like between being overly accommodating and overly rigid. Paula also shares insights on acceptance and commitment therapy, learning to hold your desires lightly while staying grounded in your values.In Updates, Ali shares a vulnerable conversation that originally aired on the Patreon about societal expectations around women's appearance.This week's Media Mention is: "The New Rules of Dating for Ambitious Women" from the Ambition 2.0 podcast (by Girlboss), featuring breakup expert and friend of the pod Amy Chan.Where to find Dr. Paula: On Instagram @mindfuldrpaula, on TikTok @mindfuldrpaula, at www.paulafreedmandiamond.com and www.humankindpsych.com.Grab Dr. Paula's Book "Toxic Striving" here: www.paulafreedmandiamond.comTimestamps: Dr. Paula joins us at around minute 33.Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqsIf you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight .Thanks to this week’s partners:Armoire: Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMHBilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmhHomeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode!Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMH* Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Ali is back with another Hot Topics episode, starting with listener updates and reflections sparked by a recent listener storytime and a past Hot Topics question. She then dives into your submitted questions, covering losing interest once the chase ends, making sense of mixed signals when someone’s words and actions don’t align, receiving vague “executive presence” feedback at work, and navigating early dating when planning and consistency feel off.In Updates, she is back from Mexico City and recapping her trip - including some brutal PMS symptoms that she’s still digging into and a very exciting plan made on the plane ride home.This week’s Media Mention is about letting your partner “fail” vs carrying the mental load and how to handle small misses without building resentment. The TikTok we discuss is on Tiktok, from @thisisapaigeturner here: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8HGQsxu/Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqsIf you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight .Thanks to this week’s partners:Armoire: Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMHBilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmhHomeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode!Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMH* Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

This week, Ali hosts Anna Lecat for a conversation that reframes conflict as a powerful tool for connection rather than something to avoid. Together, the two unpack why so many of us fear uncomfortable conversations (especially in dating) and how that fear can quietly sabotage intimacy.Throughout the episode, they’re exploring how to recognize meaningful early dating conflicts, communicate needs without blowing things up, and tell the difference between discomfort that leads to growth and misalignment that won’t work long-term. If you’ve ever worried that bringing something up might “ruin” a connection, this episode offers practical, grounding ways to approach conflict with more confidence, presence, and care.In Updates, Ali chats about the recent NYC snowstorm, a fun concert outing with friends (plus a successful concert presale for later this year!), plus looks forward to a trip to Mexico City with Skyline this week. She also updates on podcast planning for this year and how she’s thinking about various segments as the pod evolves.This week’s Media Mention is the podcast Good Hang with Amy Poehler, especially her January 20th episode with Jennifer Lawrence.We’re celebrating five years of the pod next month!! Join Ali on Saturday, February 28th, 8pm at The Folly NYC. RSVP at https://tinyurl.com/fmh5years for free entry and access to Ali’s first come-first serve bar tab. And Patrons - check out the Patreon for early entry info! Can’t wait to see you there.Where to find Anna: On Instagram @anna_lecat, on TikTok @anna.lecat, at www.annalecat.com.Timestamps: Anna joins us at around minute 28.Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqsIf you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight .Thanks to this week’s partners:Armoire: Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMHBilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmhHomeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode!Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMH* Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

This week, Ali sits down with veteran matchmaker April Beyer (who has 25+ years in the industry!) to unpack why dating feels harder than ever and how to make it more human again. They talk about letting go of attachment to outcomes, loosening rigid “criteria,” and why going on more dates can actually lead to love faster than waiting for the perfect match.April breaks down her idea of “relatability” as the real driver of chemistry, and shares practical ways to create connection on a first date without overperforming. Plus, tips for avoiding burnout and showing up as your full self from the very beginning.In Updates, Ali is coming off of January’s surprise date night, which was also Skyline’s birthday! She also chats about an upcoming vacation plus an exciting shopping trip in the near future.We’re celebrating five years of the pod next month!! Join Ali on Saturday, February 28th, 8pm at The Folly NYC. RSVP at https://tinyurl.com/fmh5years for free entry and access to Ali’s first come-first serve bar tab. And Patrons - check out the Patreon for early entry info! Can’t wait to see you there.Where to find April: On Instagram @levelconnections and at www.levelconnections.com.Timestamps: April joins us at around minute 23.Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqsIf you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight .Thanks to this week’s partners:Armoire: Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMHHomeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode!Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMH* Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Ali sits down with FMH listener Allison for a storytime episode all about building a relationship that works for you, even if it breaks societal norms. Allison shares what it was like feeling like a late bloomer as she navigated finding her now-partner in her late 30’s. From dating a divorced dad with two kids to navigating mismatched timelines around moving in, engagement, and merging lives, Allison walks through how they used curiosity, therapy, and a lot of real conversations to get on the same page without defaulting to what relationships are “supposed” to look like.It’s a refreshing reminder that commitment can be real, secure, and deeply intentional even when your relationship doesn’t look traditional.In Updates, we’re celebrating five years of the pod next month!! Join Ali on Saturday, February 28th, 8pm at The Folly NYC. RSVP at https://tinyurl.com/fmh5years for free entry and access to Ali’s first come-first serve bar tab. And Patrons - check out the Patreon for early entry info! Can’t wait to see you there.Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqsIf you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight .Thanks to this week’s partners:Armoire: Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMHHomeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode!  Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMH* Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Did you ever think that improv could apply to dating? Repeat guest Miriam Katz is back this week, a fun, hands-on conversation about how to feel lighter, more confident, and more authentic on dates…using improv! They talk about tone and enthusiasm, how to practice presence in low-pressure everyday moments, and why “being good” is not the goal if you’re trying to connect like a real human. Ali flips the usual script and lets Miriam run a few playful prompts to demonstrate how loosening up and staying curious can pull you out of performance mode and into actual connection - especially when nerves start to spike. This interactive episode features tools you can use before dates, interviews, and any situation that triggers self-consciousness. And ps: FMH The Pod is now on Youtube so you can see these exercises in action!But first, we hear from Tony and Katy in Dating Diaries as Tony navigates an energy shift with someone new and Katie shares a promising update ahead of a fourth (!) date.Where to find Miriam: On Instagram @theexappealpodcast, on TikTok @exappeal, at www.miriamkatz.com.Timestamps: Miriam joins us at around minute 22.Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqsIf you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight .Thanks to this week’s partners:Homeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode!Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMH* Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this New Year episode, Ali shares her word for the year, foundation, and the theme guiding how she’s setting up the year ahead: less chaos, more intention.She explains her process for reflecting on the past year and talks through the unglamorous but powerful changes she’s focusing on in her daily life, including routines, work structure, habits, and health.Ali also answers listener questions about building routines without burning out, staying consistent when motivation fades, and how to pursue stability without slipping into stagnation.At the end, she teases last week’s Patreon episode with Skyline, where they talk about building a future intentionally and a big event coming this year.If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else extra content every week, join The Search Party on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . And, if you want to ask a question, submit a Storytime idea, or have general feedback, you can do it all at www.findingmrheight.com/podcastThanks to this week’s partners:Homeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode!Dawn of Chaos and Fury: Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comBilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmhOur Sponsors:* Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMH* Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this episode, Ali is joined by Skyline for a continuation of last week’s year in review episode, this time focused on their relationship. Using a framework from her friend Talia, host of the Dating Intentionally podcast, they reflect on the past year as a couple. It’s an honest, conversational look at what stood out, what worked, what surprised them, and what the year actually felt like when you zoom out and look at it together.They talk through big-picture moments, favorite memories, travel, routines, energy, and what quality time really means in day-to-day life, before looking ahead to the year to come. Plus, a little recap on life at home with Mama J and a preview of deeper conversations on the Patreon.Timestamps: Topic talk begins at around minute 4.If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as other exclusive content, join The Search Party on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . And, if you want to ask a question, submit a Storytime idea, or have general feedback, you can do it all at www.findingmrheight.com/podcastThanks to this week’s partners:Homeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode!Dawn of Chaos and Fury: Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comOur Sponsors:* Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMH* Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy