227. The Co-Regulating One

We’re bringing back Am I The Asshole discussion episodes, this time featuring Skyline going back and forth with Ali on 5 different AITA submissions! The submissions include: red flags in early dating app conversations, boundaries within a relationship, dealing with a friend’s partner whom you don’t like, losing a friend to their relationship, and navigating childcare disagreements.But first, we’re chatting about our very eventful week - from getting caught in a thunderstorm on a lake during surprise date to adopting a kitten! And doing a name reveal…Timestamps: AITA begins at around minute 15.If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as other exclusive content, join The Search Party on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . And, if you want to ask a question, submit a Storytime idea, or have general feedback, you can do it all at www.findingmrheight.com/podcastThanks to this week’s partners:Happy Mammoth: Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code FMH for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comBilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmhHomeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode!Our Sponsors:* Check out Homeaglow: https://homeaglow.com/mrheightAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

We’re talking about co-regulating this week: where two people help each other navigate their emotions. It’s a solo episode with Ali featuring a deep dive into her week away with Skyline that ended with a cancelation of the music festival they were at and a lot of stress surrounding the logistics. She shares a few stressful situations from the weekend, strategies that work for them when navigating conflicting opinions or tough situations, and a moment where she struggled to self-regulate herself. Plus, a listener sent in a question about how anxious attachment might tie into craving structure in relationships, and it’s super relevant to this discussion.This week’s Media Mention is an article from Psychology Today titled, “The Secret to Resolving Relationship Conflict: Co-Regulating.” It goes into an example from a couples therapist about co-regulating and shifting perspective to prioritizing each other’s needs vs just your own.If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as other exclusive content, join The Search Party on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . And, if you want to ask a question, submit a Storytime idea, or have general feedback, you can do it all at www.findingmrheight.com/podcastThanks to this week’s partners:Sunset Lake CBD: For 20% off all products, go to sunsetlakecbd.com/FMH and use code FMH20.Happy Mammoth: Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code FMH for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comBilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmhHomeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode!Our Sponsors:* Check out Homeaglow: https://homeaglow.com/mrheightAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Our two Diary Daters are officially meeting for the first time! In this week’s Dating Diaries episode, Ali brings Caeli & Elyse together to share updates plus swipe together on each of their dating apps. The three discuss how each dater approaches swiping and some best practices to address patterns they’re discovering. Plus, we chat dealbreakers, initial messages, first impressions, and more. And we end up with one potential match for each dater!In Updates, Ali is meeting Skyline’s family for the first time at his aunt and uncle’s in the South. She reflects on family meetings past and how this feels compared to those. Plus looks forward to leaving for Bonaroo!This week’s Media Mention is from The Atlantic and titled, “Dear James: I Miss Being On Dating Apps.” You can read it here: https://www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2025/03/dear-james-dating-app-fomo/682071/Timestamps: Caeli & Elyse join around minute 25.If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as other exclusive content, join The Search Party on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . And, if you want to ask a question, submit a Storytime idea, or have general feedback, you can do it all at www.findingmrheight.com/podcastThanks to this week’s partners:Happy Mammoth: Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code FMH for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comHomeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode!Bilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmhOur Sponsors:* Check out Homeaglow: https://homeaglow.com/mrheightAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

TW: Grief/Death discussion from around minute 4 to 16.Have you heard of Human Design, a framework that can help you navigate your unique, innate way of operating in the world? After this week’s conversation with Erin Claire Jones, you’re going to want to look it up ASAP. Ali first learned about Human Design years ago, but it’s only recently that she’s been realizing how much she can apply it in her every day life. Jone’s book, “How Do You Choose?” is the perfect place for anyone to start - it spans romantic relationships, work style, friendships, self care and so much more. Tune into their conversation this week for a sneak peek into how you yourself can apply Human Design to your relationships and discover a more aligned way of moving through the world.Plus, visit humandesignblueprint.com to look up your Human Design and you can use code FMH for a discount on a detailed guide to your chart at https://humandesignblueprint.com/guide or a discount on studying human design at https://humandesignblueprint.com/product/course/In Updates, Ali has an emotional moment reflecting on her dad’s birthday and how her recent mental health struggles remind her of how she was feeling when he passed.This week’s Media Mention is the May 28th episode of Victoria Garrick Browne’s (@victoriagarrickbrowne on IG) podcast, Real Pod. It’s titled, “28th Birthday Reflections: Healing My Hustle Era, Ditching People Pleasing, & Learning to Trust Myself Again.”Where to find Erin Claire Jones: On Instagram @erinclairejones and @humandesignblueprint, at www.humandesignblueprint.com.You can find Erin's Book "How Do You Choose?" here: https://humandesignblueprint.com/order-book/Timestamps: Erin joins us at around minute 23.If you'd like to hear our personal updates before everyone else as well as other exclusive content, join The Search Party on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . And, if you want to ask a question, submit a Storytime idea, or have general feedback, you can do it all at www.findingmrheight.com/podcastThanks to this week’s partners:Sunset Lake CBD: For 20% off all products, go to sunsetlakecbd.com/FMH and use code FMH20.Happy Mammoth: Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code FMH for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comArmorie: Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMHHomeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode!Our Sponsors:* Check out Homeaglow: https://homeaglow.com/mrheightAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Our Diary Dater Caeli re-joins us on the pod after a whirlwind couple of weeks in her life, from a big interview to a new job. Ali & Caeli revisit a first date that never materialized into a second and debate Caeli’s potential next steps. Then, the two dive into Caeli’s Bumble and chat opening lines, messaging approach, and how to avoid getting overwhelmed by too many matches. Through it all, we may have identified a pattern that Caeli would like to work on as she moves forward!In Updates, Ali is back from a baby shower trip to San Diego and a last-minute volleyball trip to Denver. She reflects on conversations about the decision to have kids or remain child free and bonding across generations.This week’s Media Mention comes from the Gottman Institute’s newsletter, titled “Finding a Culturally-Relevant TherapistTimestamps: Caeli joins us at around minute 20.If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as other exclusive content, join The Search Party on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . And, if you want to ask a question, submit a Storytime idea, or have general feedback, you can do it all at www.findingmrheight.com/podcastThanks to this week’s partners:Happy Mammoth: Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code FMH for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comArmorie: Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMHHomeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode!Our Sponsors:* Check out Homeaglow: https://homeaglow.com/mrheightAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Elyse, one of our Diary Daters, is back on the pod and full of updates to share! First, she goes on a first date that hits a snag when the dude won’t stop looking at his phone. Then, we go back in time to hear some history about a guy who may be entering the picture. But she wonders: should she move forward with getting to know him given some new information she learns?On Ali’s end, she’s taking Skyline’s advice to heart and approaching her mental health journey with baby steps. She chats about some concrete moves she’s made this past week plus ones she’s looking to put into place moving forward.This week we have two Media Mentions, both from one of Ali’s favorite podcasts, The Daily. First, from The Daily’s interview with Whitney Wolfe Herd (founder of Bumble) about her take on the future of dating apps. Then, a Modern Love episode revisiting the 36 Questions To Fall In Love, which has Ali reminiscing about when she first knew she was falling in love with Skyline.Timestamps: Elyse joins us at around minute 34.If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as other exclusive content, join The Search Party on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . And, if you want to ask a question, submit a Storytime idea, or have general feedback, you can do it all at www.findingmrheight.com/podcastThanks to this week’s partners:Sunset Lake CBD: For 20% off all products, go to sunsetlakecbd.com/FMH and use code FMH20.Happy Mammoth: Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code FMH for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comSelfup: Check out Selfup and use my code PODCAST20 for a great deal: https://selfup.comHomeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode!Armorie: Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMHRoss: Check out Ross: https://www.ross.comOur Sponsors:* Check out Homeaglow: https://homeaglow.com/mrheightAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Skyline joins Ali on the pod this week to chat about relationship “rules” (aka agreements) coming out of the Vacation Rules ep a few weeks ago. The two talk about rules they’ve come up with in their relationship, both communicated and otherwise - for example, Ali realizes in real time that they have a rule when they order take out. Then, it’s time to hear from the experts as three friends of the pod chime in on agreements they have in their own relationships. Thanks to Talia Koren, Sabrina Zohar, and Charisse Cooke for their input! They close out the show with input from the listeners - including rules surrounding bedtime smooches, gift giving, conflict resolution, and more.In Updates, Ali shares some mental health struggles she’s been facing lately and Skyline opens up about why he relates to her feelings - plus offers some advice!Timestamps: Topic talk begins at around minute 19.If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as other exclusive content, join The Search Party on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . And, if you want to ask a question, submit a Storytime idea, or have general feedback, you can do it all at www.findingmrheight.com/podcastThanks to this week’s partners:Sunset Lake CBD: For 20% off all products, go to sunsetlakecbd.com/FMH and use code FMH20.Happy Mammoth: Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code FMH for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comRoss: Check out Ross: https://www.ross.comBilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmhCheck out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMHOur Sponsors:* Check out Homeaglow: https://homeaglow.com/mrheightAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Ali is answering listener questions in a dedicated Hot Topics episode this week! First, a listener receives a no ghosting script after a fourth date and wonders if she should ask for more clarity. Then, we talk about sarcastic/negative answers on dating app profiles - are they a dealbreaker? Our third listener has an old hook-up come back into the picture, and she’s struggling to see it objectively. Then, a listener worries that her partner isn’t aligned with her five-year plan. And finally, we chat about proactive communication in early dating - what to do if you haven’t heard from someone after a great second date?In updates, Ali is back from Morocco and enjoying being home for a while. She chats highlights like surprise date night and makeup lessons, and lowlights like a triggering moment that has her reflecting on past experiences (TW: SA).This week’s media mention is from The New Yorker article, “The New Business of Breakups.” (for Apple pods, link here: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2024/12/09/the-new-business-of-breakups)Timestamps: Hot Topics begins at around minute 30.If you'd like to hear my personal updates before everyone else as well as other exclusive content, join The Search Party on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . And, if you want to ask a question, submit a Storytime idea, or have general feedback, you can do it all at www.findingmrheight.com/podcastThanks to this week’s partners:Happy Mammoth: Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code FMH for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comBuilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmhSelfup: Check out Selfup and use my code PODCAST20 for a great deal: https://selfup.comRoss: Check out Ross: https://www.ross.comOur Sponsors:* Check out Homeaglow: https://homeaglow.com/mrheightAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

We’re hearing from both of our Dating Diaries ladies this week!! First, Caeli joins to update Ali & the listeners on Executive Chef, plus a new (gentle)man enters the picture. Then, Elyse has been busy with two first dates in one night last week. Plus the main reason we’re here: reviewing her Hinge profile! Ali goes through her photos and prompts, providing insight along the way on brevity, calls to action, and incorporating more of Elyse’s hobbies. Check out the Patreon for full video if you’d like to see Elyse’s profile for yourself!Timestamps: Caeli joins around minute 7 and Elyse at around minute 30.If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as other exclusive content, join The Search Party on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . And, if you want to ask a question, submit a Storytime idea, or have general feedback, you can do it all at www.findingmrheight.com/podcastThanks to this week’s partners:Happy Mammoth: Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code FMH for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comCheck out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMHOur Sponsors:* Check out Homeaglow: https://homeaglow.com/mrheightAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Ali is fresh off her one-year anniversary trip with Skyline and dishing about her favorite parts (and not so favorite parts) of the trip. She shares the “vacation rules” that she and Skyline have come up with to help them best enjoy their trips and how some of those “rules” have expanded into every day life. Plus, a stressful moment provides an opportunity to reflect on managing low-level conflict and responding vs reacting in relationships. Ali also answers two listeners questions: one about a friend who consistently brings down the vibe at events and one from a listener who’s debating if she should reach out to a former situationship.This week’s Media Mention comes from the IMO Podcast with Michelle Obama & Craig Robinson - it’s their episode about joyful dating with Tracee Eliss Ross from April 16th.If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as other exclusive content, join The Search Party on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . And, if you want to ask a question, submit a Storytime idea, or have general feedback, you can do it all at www.findingmrheight.com/podcastThanks to this week’s partners:Sunset Lake CBD: For 20% off all products, go to sunsetlakecbd.com/FMH and use code FMH20.Greenleaf Book Group Press: Get your hands on Heirs & Spares: Betwixt the Sheets Edition out now—because royal duty has never been this delicious.Happy Mammoth: Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code FMH for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAvocado Green Mattress: Check out Avocado Green Mattress: https://www.avocadogreenmattress.comRoss: Check out Ross: https://www.ross.comOur Sponsors:* Check out Homeaglow: https://homeaglow.com/mrheightAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy