Ep #363: Emotional Outsourcing: What It Is, Why It Formed, and Why It’s So Hard to Change

#363: In this episode, I’m revisiting one of the most shared conversations on the show because it explains something so many people feel but can’t quite name: emotional outsourcing. Emotional outsourcing forms in early relationships, gets reinforced by family systems and culture, and persists even when you intellectually understand it. This pattern lives in the body, not just the mind, which is why insight alone doesn’t create change. Listen in this week as I share a compassionate path toward healing emotional outsourcing by rebuilding safety within your nervous system. You’ll learn how emotional outsourcing shows up somatically, how it disconnects you from your own needs and desires, and the real costs it takes on your health, relationships, and sense of self. Most importantly, this is about coming home to yourself gently, reclaiming agency, and learning to trust your internal guidance again without shame, force, or rushing. Click here to check out Anchored: https://beatrizalbina.com/anchored/ Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/363 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Join Anchored!If you’re ready to break away from anxiety and codependent relationships so you can live a life of joy and confidence, Anchored is for you. This is my 6-month high-touch, high-results coaching program, and we’re currently enrolling. Click here to find out more: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/anchored Join Anchored

Tenderoni Hotline #17: Hello, my love, and welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline. Today, I’m joined by the brilliant and multi-passionate Busayo Ayodele, a lawyer, mother, writer, and radiant force of nature. Busayo is a graduate of the Anchored program, and in this deeply inspiring conversation, she shares her journey from emotional overwhelm, perfectionism, and constant overfunctioning... to self-trust, nervous system safety, and true inner freedom. We talk about what it means to stop living on autopilot and start showing up for yourself in real time. Not as a performance, but as an act of radical self-love. Busayo opens up about breaking the cycle of always putting others first, learning to regulate through life’s hardest moments, and how she’s now modeling emotional resilience and self-trust for her young daughter. Together, we explore healing from functional freeze, the power of being seen in community, and the deep transformation that happens when we stop masking and start investing in ourselves. Not out of emergency, but out of devotion. If you’ve ever wondered whether it’s really possible to shift lifelong habits of people-pleasing or perfectionism, let this episode be your evidence that it is. So get cozy, press play, and come listen to this gorgeous story of freedom, healing, and returning to your own center with Busayo. Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Learn more about Anchored and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/anchored Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en

#362: Have you ever thought, “I should be able to figure this out on my own”? Maybe it's about healing old patterns, setting boundaries, or finally stopping the people-pleasing that's exhausting you. Here's what I've learned after years of doing this work: That voice telling you to go it alone? It's not wisdom talking. It's the same pattern that taught you your needs were too much in the first place. Join me this week to learn why nervous system healing isn’t meant to be done alone, and how witnessing others with completely different lives describe the same tight chest, the same looping thoughts, and the same fear of being too much or not enough can crack something open in your nervous system. Most importantly, you'll hear why going it alone isn't noble but is actually recreating the conditions that hurt you in the first place.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/362 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en Join Anchored here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/anchored Register for the Nervous System Healing workshop here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/nervoussystemwebinarMentioned in this episode:Join Nervous System Healing to End Codependency!Nervous System Healing to End Codependency is my free, 90-minute workshop where you’ll learn my 3-part somatic framework to free yourself from codependency and live a fully embodied life. Join me live on January 27th, 2026, at 3pm ET or January 28th, 2026, at 12pm ET. Click here to register for free: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/nervoussystemwebinarNS Healing WorkshopJoin Anchored!If you’re ready to break away from anxiety and codependent relationships so you can live a life of joy and confidence, Anchored is for you. This is my 6-month high-touch, high-results coaching program, and we’re currently enrolling. Click here to find out more: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/anchored Join Anchored

Tenderoni Hotline #16: Hello my love, and welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline, our soft and spacious corner of the Feminist Wellness Podcast where we explore your most tender questions about healing, nervous system care, and returning home to yourself.In today’s episode, we’re exploring questions that sit at the heart of healing work, especially for those of us socialized to over-function, people-please, and emotionally outsource our sense of worth.First: Why does healing emotional outsourcing matter when the world feels like it’s falling apart? We’ll unpack how constantly looking outside ourselves for safety, belonging, and validation isn’t just personally draining. It actually fuels the very systems of oppression we’re trying to survive. You’ll learn how reclaiming your self-trust isn’t selfish. It is a radical, nervous-system-based intervention that creates space for grounded action and collective care.We also dive into: How do I actually make space for rest when I’m already exhausted, overwhelmed, and in survival mode? Together, we’ll explore why rest isn’t just about stopping. It's about shifting the internal conditions that keep us bracing, proving, and pushing. You’ll hear why “just rest” advice rarely works for nervous systems that don’t feel safe, and what to do instead.You’ll walk away with a clearer understanding of how emotional outsourcing keeps us stuck, why rest is both sacred and necessary, and what small, doable steps you can take to come back to yourself with compassion and care. So go ahead and grab your softest blanket, pour something warm and grounding, and settle in. I’m so glad you’re here.Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] more about Anchored and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/anchoredFollow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en

Nervous System Healing to End Codependency is my free, 90-minute workshop where you’ll learn my 3-part somatic framework to free yourself from codependency and live a fully embodied life. Join me live on January 27th, 2026, at 3pm ET or January 28th, 2026, at 12pm ET. Click here to register for free: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/nervoussystemwebinar

#361: Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “I don't have any real trauma, so why do I still struggle with people-pleasing?”Many people hear about emotional outsourcing and immediately disqualify themselves from the conversation because they didn't have what they consider a "bad enough" childhood. In this episode, I want to speak directly to those folks who recognize codependent, perfectionist, and people-pleasing behaviors in themselves but struggle to claim this truth because there was no obvious trauma, no catastrophe, no singular story that explains it all.Join me this week to learn why you don’t need to have experienced trauma to have codependent, perfectionist, or people-pleasing habits, and why cognitive insight alone rarely resolves these patterns. If you're tired of feeling like your struggles aren't "valid enough" for help, this episode is your permission slip.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/361 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Join Nervous System Healing to End Codependency!Nervous System Healing to End Codependency is my free, 90-minute workshop where you’ll learn my 3-part somatic framework to free yourself from codependency and live a fully embodied life. Join me live on January 27th, 2026, at 3pm ET or January 28th, 2026, at 12pm ET. Click here to register for free: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/nervoussystemwebinarNS Healing WorkshopJoin Anchored!If you’re ready to break away from anxiety and codependent relationships so you can live a life of joy and confidence, Anchored is for you. This is my 6-month high-touch, high-results coaching program, and we’re currently enrolling. Click here to find out more: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/anchored Join Anchored

Tenderoni Hotline #15: Hello, my love, and welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline. Today’s episode is tender, powerful, and so deeply human. It is a conversation about breaking free from people pleasing, perfectionism, and codependent habits, and what it truly means to come home to yourself. I’m joined by the radiant Monica Silva, a nurse, artist, parent, and graduate of the Anchored program. In this heartfelt conversation, Monica shares what led them to Anchored after years of chronic stress, overfunctioning, and trying to earn their worth through caretaking and doing it all. Their story is a beautiful example of what becomes possible when we start building safety within. Together, we explore what it means to listen to your body, access somatic self-trust, and let go of survival patterns that no longer serve you, all without rejecting the parts of you that helped you get this far. Monica offers gorgeous reflections on nervous system healing, conscious parenting, community care, and learning to make aligned decisions without needing a pros and cons list or anyone else’s approval. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, emotionally outsourced, or unsure how to trust your gut again, this conversation is a warm and affirming invitation back to your own center. It’s about honoring your capacity, reclaiming your worth, and becoming your own North Star, without guilt. So get cozy, pour a cup of something soothing, and come listen in on this beautiful exchange. Check out Monica’s art and support her work: https://www.irisengine.art Learn more about Anchored and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/anchored Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en Mentioned in this episode:Join Anchored!If you’re ready to break away from anxiety and codependent relationships so you can live a life of joy and confidence, Anchored is for you. This is my 6-month high-touch, high-results coaching program, and we’re currently enrolling. Click here to find out more: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/anchored Join Anchored

#360: This week, I'm diving into something that came up with a client recently who said, “Listen, I want to stop emotional outsourcing, but there is a part of me that feels really scared. Because I've been doing this my whole life and I'm realizing I don't really know who I am without these habits.” And wow, does that make so much sense.Join me on this episode as I paint you a picture of what's actually on the other side of emotional outsourcing (let me tell you, it is so freaking rad over here).Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/360 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Join Anchored!If you’re ready to break away from anxiety and codependent relationships so you can live a life of joy and confidence, Anchored is for you. This is my 6-month high-touch, high-results coaching program, and we’re currently enrolling. Click here to find out more: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/anchored Join AnchoredJoin Nervous System Healing to End Codependency!Nervous System Healing to End Codependency is my free, 90-minute workshop where you’ll learn my 3-part somatic framework to free yourself from codependency and live a fully embodied life. Join me live on January 27th, 2026, at 3pm ET or January 28th, 2026, at 12pm ET. Click here to register for free: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/nervoussystemwebinarNS Healing Workshop

Somatics to Reclaim Your Authentic Self is my newest free live webinar where you’ll learn how to connect to your authentic self through somatics and thought work. Join me live on January 12th, 2026, at 8pm ET or January 14th, 2026, at 12pm ET. Click here to register for free: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/authenticity

Hello my love, and welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline, our soft and spacious corner of the Feminist Wellness Podcast where we explore your most tender questions about healing, nervous system care, and returning home to yourself. In today’s episode, we’re diving into three powerful questions that illuminate just how deeply our nervous systems are wired to protect us, even when those protections feel confusing or frustrating. First, why do I feel anxious and disoriented after talking to my mom, even when the conversation seemed “fine”? We’ll explore how old relational patterns, emotional labor, and unspoken survival strategies can leave your body braced and buzzing long after you hang up. Next, we unpack what’s really going on when you pull your hair without realizing it. If you’ve ever felt ashamed about this, please know you are not broken. You’ll learn how body-focused behaviors like hair pulling can be unconscious attempts to regulate or ground when your system doesn’t have other tools. Finally, we explore what it means to be physically present, but mentally checked out. If you’ve felt like you’re watching your life from a distance or constantly lagging behind real time, this conversation on dissociation and functional freeze will help you understand why, and what you can do about it. You’ll walk away with insight, compassion, and nervous-system-centered practices to support your healing from the inside out. So grab your coziest blanket, pour a warm drink, and come settle into the tenderness with me. Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Join Anchored!If you’re ready to break away from anxiety and codependent relationships so you can live a life of joy and confidence, Anchored is for you. This is my 6-month high-touch, high-results coaching program, and we’re currently enrolling. Click here to find out more: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/anchored Join Anchored