Ep #342: Why I Don’t Use the Term “Codependency"

Do you find yourself constantly dispensing kindness and helpfulness in exchange for validation and approval?This "good girl chokehold" is a survival strategy that rewires the brain, making you a professional people pleaser and preventing true intimacy. It's like being trapped in the world's most exhausting improv show where the only rule is "yes, and," except you never get to be anything but the supporting character in everyone else's story.In End Emotional Outsourcing, you'll learn how to break free from the exhausting cycle of earning love through depletion, plus practical tools for reclaiming your inherent worth. Pre-order the book now at https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ and get beautiful bonuses to begin this work today.

#343: I receive beautiful messages from listeners telling me that being called "my angel" or "mi amor" transformed their entire week, maybe even the whole way they relate to themselves. Yet others write to express their discomfort. The language feels too familiar, unprofessional, even anti-feminist. This divide illuminates a crucial truth about healing: when genuine tenderness makes your skin crawl, your nervous system is telling you something important.Tune in this week to discover the neuroscience of how gentle language literally rewires our neural pathways, and why some of us recoil from warmth like it's sensory overload. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/343Mentioned in this episode:End Emotional Outsourcing Pre-Sale Has Begun!For years, we've been gathering here on Feminist Wellness, unpacking the tangled thought habits that come from living through the lens of codependent, perfectionist, and people-pleasing conditioning. You've shared your stories, your wins, your heartbreaks, and your breakthroughs with me, and I have held each and every one close to my heart. Well, all of those conversations, all that healing, all that nerdy science, it's come together in my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing: How to Overcome Your Codependent, Perfectionist, and People-Pleasing Habits. This book is your practical, science-backed, loving guide to finally stop handing your emotional life over to other people and stop taking theirs on for them. Pre-order yours today: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/bookEEO Pre-Sale End Emotional Outsourcing Pre-Sale Has Begun!For years, we've been gathering here on Feminist Wellness, unpacking the tangled thought habits that come from living through the lens of codependent, perfectionist, and people-pleasing conditioning. You've shared your stories, your wins, your heartbreaks, and your breakthroughs with me, and I have held each and every one close to my heart. Well, all of those conversations, all that healing, all that nerdy science, it's come together in my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing: How to Overcome Your Codependent, Perfectionist, and People-Pleasing Habits. This book is your practical, science-backed, loving guide to finally stop handing your emotional life over to other people and stop taking theirs on for them. Pre-order yours today: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/bookEEO Pre-Sale

You're lying in bed at 2 a.m., replaying that conversation from earlier where your joke fell flat or someone looked uncomfortable after you shared a story. Your brain grabs onto that moment like a dog with a bone, analyzing every word, every facial expression, every micro reaction like you're CSI social interaction. The mental hamster wheel spins: Did I say something wrong? Are they mad at me? Do they think I'm weird now?This is exactly the exhausting cycle I help you break in End Emotional Outsourcing. Start quieting that mental chatter today by pre-ordering.Pre-order the book now at https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ and get beautiful bonuses to begin this work today.

#342: The word "codependent" is everywhere - on book covers (even mine), in therapy sessions, in conversations about relationships. But there's something fundamentally wrong with how we use this label. If you recognize yourself in patterns of people-pleasing, emotional caretaking, or losing yourself in other people's chaos, I want you to know something important: You're not broken. You're not diseased. And you're definitely not codependent. What you are is brilliantly adaptive.Join me this week as I share why I'm moving away from the term "codependent" and offer a new framework that honors your nervous system's intelligence while creating space for growth. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/342Mentioned in this episode:End Emotional Outsourcing Pre-Sale Has Begun!For years, we've been gathering here on Feminist Wellness, unpacking the tangled thought habits that come from living through the lens of codependent, perfectionist, and people-pleasing conditioning. You've shared your stories, your wins, your heartbreaks, and your breakthroughs with me, and I have held each and every one close to my heart. Well, all of those conversations, all that healing, all that nerdy science, it's come together in my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing: How to Overcome Your Codependent, Perfectionist, and People-Pleasing Habits. This book is your practical, science-backed, loving guide to finally stop handing your emotional life over to other people and stop taking theirs on for them. Pre-order yours today: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/bookEEO Pre-Sale EEO Pre-Sale

Pre-order your copy of Emotional Outsourcing from Barnes & Noble between September 3rd and September 5th, and you'll get 25% off! Just use the code PREORDER25 at checkout. This special online-only offer is the perfect opportunity to snag the book at a great price before it’s officially released.Even better, if you're a Barnes & Noble Premium Member, you'll receive an additional 10% discount automatically applied at checkout, making this an amazing deal you don't want to miss. Secure your copy today and be one of the first to read this highly anticipated book: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/end-emotional-outsourcing-beatriz-victoria-albina-np-mph-sep/1147732180?ean=9781538766439

You can spot when someone's being lousy to other people from 3 miles away. You're like an emotional bloodhound who knows when your friend is lying, when your coworker is stressed, when your mom is about to lose it. But when someone hurts you, you suddenly need a jury of 12 of your peers to confirm that what just happened was actually messed up and maybe it's okay for you to be hurt.This habit of emotional outsourcing at its most painful means you're literally giving away your right to trust your own experience and handing it over to the person who hurt you, random friends, or the internet.This is such a crucial part of what I teach in my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing. In the book, you'll learn about the nervous system science behind why you doubt yourself, plus, of course, somatic body-based practices to help you reconnect with your body's wisdom.Pre-order the book now at https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ and get beautiful bonuses to begin this work today.

#341: If you've ever found yourself constantly scanning other people's faces for approval, shapeshifting to keep the peace, or feeling completely disconnected from what you actually want, this episode is for you. You might call this people-pleasing or being too sensitive, but something much more profound is going on here: you’re living with emotional outsourcing.Tune in this week as I explain how emotional outsourcing gets stored in your body as a procedural memory - not just a thought you can talk yourself out of. You'll learn how this adaptation develops early, gets reinforced by cultural systems, and shows up in your body.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/341Mentioned in this episode:EEO Pre-Sale End Emotional Outsourcing Pre-Sale Has Begun!For years, we've been gathering here on Feminist Wellness, unpacking the tangled thought habits that come from living through the lens of codependent, perfectionist, and people-pleasing conditioning. You've shared your stories, your wins, your heartbreaks, and your breakthroughs with me, and I have held each and every one close to my heart. Well, all of those conversations, all that healing, all that nerdy science, it's come together in my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing: How to Overcome Your Codependent, Perfectionist, and People-Pleasing Habits. This book is your practical, science-backed, loving guide to finally stop handing your emotional life over to other people and stop taking theirs on for them. Pre-order yours today: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/bookEEO Pre-Sale

Your value isn't in your productivity. That uncomfortable feeling when you stop moving, stop doing, stop managing everyone else's life? That's not laziness talking. It's the voice of a nervous system that learned early on that being needed equals being safe. Your actual people want you to rest. They want you to have needs, wants, preferences. They want to take care of you sometimes too. And all of this is exactly what I break down in my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing.Pre-order the book now at https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ and get beautiful bonuses to begin this work today.

#340: Have you ever caught yourself saying, “I'm fine,’’ when you're actually anything but fine? Maybe you're getting everything done - crushing it at work, maintaining relationships, keeping up appearances - but feeling disconnected from it all. Like you're watching your life play out from behind a glass wall. This isn't just you being "too in your head" or "not trying hard enough to feel." This is your nervous system's brilliant (but outdated) protection mechanism called functional freeze. Join me today as I revisit functional freeze: the nervous system state I see most often in people living with emotional outsourcing patterns. We’ll explore what functional freeze really is and why it's not your fault, how to recognize when you're in it, and why understanding this pattern is the first step to breaking free.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/340Mentioned in this episode:End Emotional Outsourcing Pre-Sale Has Begun!For years, we've been gathering here on Feminist Wellness, unpacking the tangled thought habits that come from living through the lens of codependent, perfectionist, and people-pleasing conditioning. You've shared your stories, your wins, your heartbreaks, and your breakthroughs with me, and I have held each and every one close to my heart. Well, all of those conversations, all that healing, all that nerdy science, it's come together in my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing: How to Overcome Your Codependent, Perfectionist, and People-Pleasing Habits. This book is your practical, science-backed, loving guide to finally stop handing your emotional life over to other people and stop taking theirs on for them. Pre-order yours today: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/bookEEO Pre-Sale EEO Pre-Sale

This bonus episode explores how childhood messages about being "too much" create lifelong patterns of self-shrinking that affect every area of your life. When you spend years making yourself smaller to fit other people's comfort levels, you lose track of where you end and their expectations begin.But what if I told you that's a lie? What if I told you that the right people are starving for your realness? What if I told you that your "too much" is actually someone else's "just right?" What if you're not too much at all? What if you've just been around people who are too small for your bigness?This is exactly why I wrote End Emotional Outsourcing, to help you stop apologizing for who you are and start celebrating your fullest self.Pre-order the book now at https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ and get beautiful bonuses to begin this work today.